One word compliments: accept or ask for more?

MuttonDressedAsGoose · 2022-01-29T16:13:26+00:00

I'm having a fantasy of you sincerely thanking him for helping you to improve and level up, because you've just met a guy who thinks you're gorgeous and you couldn't have ever achieved such a fantastic man without his tutelage.

Seriously, though, he's negging you. He would absolutely shit himself if a man came along and said that you were gorgeous.

I know this from experience. I had a guy criticise and treat me like a pity project and when I met his old college roommate and we immediately fell in love, he literally threw himself on the ground and cried.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2022-01-29T15:22:37+00:00

My dear... does he make you feel loved and appreciated at all? For who you are, I mean. Not only when you change to fit his ideals.

babygirl2602 · 2022-01-29T15:51:19+00:00

You absolutely deserve more! After you go to all that effort to look good for him, he shows no appreciation and actually has the audacity to insult you?

He’s telling you to “have a high standard for yourself”… girl, have high standards for the men you date! My bf calls me very beautiful when I have no makeup on, and he has never insulted my appearance.

adambrukirer · 2022-01-29T16:05:19+00:00

The real title to this post is, “I don’t feel appreciated for all that I do”. And he does not appreciate you. To ask to be appreciated makes it so even if he does, it will never feel genuine. If he knows you feel unappreciated, it’s a bad sign. If he doesn’t know, tell him how you feel. Feeling unappreciated in a relationship will certainly drive it to the ground, awful feeling to have because it’s constantly there in the background of your heart and mind

lookylolo · 2022-01-29T18:59:27+00:00

Oh yes I had a boyfriend Ike this around your age. It wasn’t until I had a couple other boyfriends when I realized how awful that first bf was.

Not a lot of people can make the massive improvements you’ve made. And there are a TON of men out there that deserve a woman like you. My advice is to go enjoy the compliments from those men while you search for your prince.

ETA: I almost never advise an internet stranger to leave a relationship. You just deserve so much more sweetheart

anothergoodbook · 2022-01-29T18:24:09+00:00

Have you tried Laura Doyle’s “ouch”. Like maybe when he replies negatively, respond with “ouch”.

I think the best way however to view things like this when dating is to imagine it long term: if you have children will be be constantly negative toward your parenting style? What will he say if you’re body changes during the aging process or pregnancy? How many years will you cry and be upset because he picks out all the negative things?

Some of it may be unintentional and he thinks he’s doing a good thing (which saying “ouch” will root out, IMO). If he’s intentional being cruel (because that’s what that is if he’s being intentional - cruel), then it’s time to move one. Say “thanks for helping me become a better woman. But I refuse to be treated like this”

BumbleBitny · 2022-01-29T15:28:04+00:00

Are you asking for his opinion on the "negative" photos or is he giving unsolicited criticism? I'm more concerned about this part than that he gives short compliments.

Gold_Bodybuilder_219 · 2022-01-29T18:03:47+00:00

He honestly doesn’t sound very attracted to you. I’d cut my losses before he does. You deserves someone who understands your love language and does not pry at your insecurities. He is absolutely negging you every chance he gets.

janensea · 2022-01-29T18:43:47+00:00

You are not doomed to be “cute” forever. You are already someone’s goddess. Your bf will kick himself one day.

Also here to say that you can be very proud of all this work you’ve done on yourself! I hope that even in the absence of heartfelt verbal praise from your bf, that the new feelings you have about yourself tide you over and propel you further on your self-improvement journey. Your “doing your best” sounds pretty darn great to me.

88scarlet88 · 2022-01-30T01:10:32+00:00

You’re being a good woman and making all the effort for your man, yet he doesn’t appreciate it and lowers yourself esteem. This isn’t healthy as it isn’t happy. You are doing everything Right and she still doesn’t appreciate it.

If you make an effort to please your man in all the ways that he wants and he makes you feel less of a woman, you need to leave. You want a man that appreciates all your effort and makes you feel beautiful.

iMakeGreatDeals · 2022-01-29T19:58:39+00:00

the question "what do you like best about it?" is a pretty good way of getting people out of negative thinking habits. don't ask "do you like it" because that offers a negative as a response possibility. what do you like best about it demands positive elaboration.

eg if you ask someone "what did you think about the film?" they will list negatives half the time. "what did you like best about it?" is a whole different energy. hope this helps

TheEndTrend · 2022-01-30T01:37:19+00:00

Let me preface my comment here by saying (I'm a man and) I almost ALWAYS side with the man after reading things like this, or at the very least see his side of it. I also hate the obligatory "just break up" advice that is handed out like candy daily on Reddit.

With that said: OP, honestly this dude sounds like he just sucks, sorry. I'm 100% for self-improvement, but this sounds hypercritical and negative. The two of you are quite young and hopefully he'll learn...but still, he should know better.

DeathBecomesHerrrrrr · 2022-01-30T03:44:57+00:00

It sounds like you’re doing a lot just to appease your partner. He is putting you down constantly and that doesn’t balance out with a “cute” or “super cute”. You should approach this situation by dumping him and finding someone who appreciates you the way you want to be appreciated.

mbniceguy · 2022-01-30T11:51:58+00:00

He sounds extremely toxic ngl

psychicbike · 2022-01-31T15:12:45+00:00

I heard a line from a show recently that you might consider using the next time he goes on a long negative explanation of your behavior: “Are you trying to hurt me? Because what you are doing is hurtful.”

Don’t say it in a sassy way - just a neutral tone. People need to have things pointed out in the moment sometimes. Also, if you can afford it, maybe you should take adult “cotillion” classes to learn manners, how to sit (and the value of sitting like a lady), or whatever you want to learn in order to level up. That way, you’re still working on being your best self, but he isn’t the one gatekeeping what is considered “leveled up” behavior. My wife is about to graduate and enter the professional world and I suggested some “manners” classes for her. She is socially savvy, and I pointed that out to her, but I also explained that the classes will polish her and help her avoid any embarrassing situations. She will feel like she owns her space in a professional setting instead of ever having to feel insecure or unsure in her mannerisms. My suggestion to her was made from a point of love and she could feel that and was very open to my suggestion because of that!

Maybe your partner struggles to express why he is behaving like this in a way that is loving? Let him know that in the same way you leveled up how feminine you were, he needs to level up in his ability to give compliments. This will help him In his personal and professional life. Specific praise is very important, especially when someone is putting effort into improving themselves in ways you specifically pointed out. He needs to be giving you specific positive feedback with the same gusto that he gives you specific negative feedback. If he isn’t open to this, you really need to ask yourself “why?” And maybe ask him why while you’re at it.

wanttounbreak · 2022-02-10T02:25:14+00:00

Male point of view. No, your insecurities are valid. A man cannot command you on how your feminity should be. And honestly, these type of women and men are exhausting. The ones who see the glass half empty. As someone wise pointed here, he will be scared out of his wirs if some man compliments you. When you love someone, you make them feel beautiful. Not to make them into a perfect Barbie doll. If you ask me personally, Id say be honest to him about this. Relationships are best, when you can communicate freely and the most awkward things. Be shamless always in this regard. A man and a woman should be absolutely shamless with each other regarding their emotions when they are intimately connected.

The way he responds, that will guide you to thw right place.

Title	One word compliments: accept or ask for more?
Author	sneeuwkapelletje
Upvotes	44
Comments	28
Date	January 29, 2022 3:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/sfjzhw/one_word_compliments_accept_or_ask_for_more/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/one-word-compliments-accept-or-ask-for-more.1099086 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099086

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