So... Why DON'T Men Fight Harder For Child Custody?

wtknight · 2022-02-23T13:03:12+00:00

Removed. This is an excessively leading, non-neutral discussion question.

badgersonice · 2022-02-23T12:43:17+00:00

There was a pretty dark post on here ages ago (that I will never be able to find in) claiming that men will only ever actively participate in their kids lives on a day-to-day basis if their mother is basically paying him off to do so with sex. In other words, that most men don’t really care that much about their kids as much as they claim to, and will only ever devote the time and effort if the mother spreads her legs.

I don’t agree in total— there are obviously some single dads who do most or all of the childcare been if the mother is absent or dead, and others who do really put in the effort even if the wife is also involved. But it does seem at least fairly common for men to participate a lot less in his children’s lives once he’s no longer sexually involved with their mother.

I suspect this is because not having kids around makes dating much much easier for a man, and at least some men will strongly prioritize sex over their own children’s well-being. For others, they fully buy into the belief that childcare is supposed to be done by women, and only care to be around for the fun dad stuff.

Kaleidoscopiquant · 2022-02-23T12:08:30+00:00

So I'm in a relationship with a divorced dad, and the truth is that most men just typically don't have the drive to deal with the day to day child rearing shit when they're on their own. Dealing with the school and doctors and ballet class and the dentist and and and... Men want to be around for the fun stuff, but mothers just care more about the minutiae of a child's life than fathers do.

When a man's no longer fucking the mother of his kids, he typically wants to move on with his life.

Barneysparky · 2022-02-23T11:47:45+00:00

It's next to impossible for both parents to have the flexible work hours needed when you have children. With more people working from home I'd bet the numbers of 50/50 co-parenting will grow.

Successfully co-parenting couples work out their schedules based on what works for the child, not based on fighting with each other.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-02-23T11:54:33+00:00

Men aren't usually the primary caregivers of children, because they don't want to be. That's why the courts "favour the mother" - you are not going to give sole custody to someone who has been doing the minority of the caregiving to children thus far. And in both cases, it seems like men don't really want to look after their children all of the time. So they don't fight for it.

BATTERY__AZIZ · 2022-02-23T12:38:08+00:00

If a man hires a competent lawyer and they make a very good case in front of a judge, chances are highly likely they'll get a fair hearing.

The complaint is that this only applies to men generally. The default judgement is for the woman and the man must prove himself where the woman simply has to show up and exist.

KirthWGersen · 2022-02-23T12:22:33+00:00

This question is right up there with "Why don't battered women leave their abusers?"

There is no simple answer to a complicated situation.

GhostofCamus · 2022-02-23T11:54:17+00:00

Took me seven years of driving across the damn state to get custody of my kid from a woman that hadn't seen him in five years. Seven years of missing work, and tens of thousands of miles of wear on my vehicle. That's a undue burden.

chromie96 · 2022-02-23T12:28:41+00:00

I think it's a mixture of things. Men see that the courts favor mothers so they don't want to put their kids through that fight. Women do the primary caretaking of the child in the majority of cases. Young children tend to have stronger bonds with their mother because of them doing the caregiving. Divorce is hard and another battle is just exhausting. There is a whole list of reasons and most aren't that dads don't care about their kids.

I get your feelings on this situation, I really do. My bio dad didn't fight for me and complained about child support all of the time. My mother didn't even make him pay all of the time but I had a bunch of medical issues as a kid and she'd ask him for help with them which he'd throw a fit about. It hurts as that child to see that your dad didn't seem to want you. But that's not the case for the majority.

sub-hunter · 2022-02-23T12:38:01+00:00

I fought hard for it. Made my narcissistic ex take a mental exam through the courts ( she failed- I passed) court gave me 2 weekends and 1 mid week day.

I was their primary care giver - and ran a business bringing in 6 figures in profit.

Courts are sexist as fuck.

pityforthemajority · 2022-02-23T12:34:43+00:00

http://www.wisconsinfathers.org My dad fought for years trying to get 50% placement of me. It was almost an obsession. He never got it.

Sonic_The_Hamster · 2022-02-23T12:03:01+00:00

Jesus you're clueless.

The courts show a massive bias towards women and motherhood making it difficult for fathers to even get custody shpidl they wish to fight.

Then you have family, friends and society itself telling them that the mother is the better parent.

You have laws that will side with the women no matter the evidence until the courts get a look at it and then they will also be biased towards women.

And finally you have social systems, help, and attitudes that favour women more than men.

So many men look at this fight that they need to take on whilst trying to work and provide for his children as well as provide for themselves and see that this is just too much of an uphill struggle.

There are more factors in place including the fact that on average men are hit harder than women by these sorts of break ups since they are trained from a young age to be second to everyone.

As to child payments, whilst the woman gets to live on benefits and child support you have men who's living standards aren't considered when working this out who work and yet have less than the ex wife because of all the money she gets including from.him. It's not realy good for a mans mental and physical health to work 50 plus hours a week and not be able to afford even a few luxuries or to go out

There's way more to this than you can imagine, just ask for genuine help when you're a man and see where it gets you.

Some fathers are deadbeats and we know, but when a system can take children from a father, whilst the cry and beg to stay with him, and give them to a mother that's just left prison what chance to many men have.

RicoGemini · 2022-02-23T11:40:22+00:00

If a man has so little interest in raising his own child that he can't be bothered to even try

Not having custody does not mean a father cannot raise their child. You can still be active in their life and co parent. So many men who are the non-custodial parent still have visitation rights, can see the kids on weekends, and things like that.

Having custody just means the kid lives with you and you are the primary parent that takes care of the child. Society views women as better care takers and thats why there is a bias in courts, men understand this, Some fight for custody, some dont and just choose to negotiate for visitation.

Your post gives the impression that you feel if the father isn't living with the child in the same house hold then hes failed or given up on the child which isnt true.

AquaChip · 2022-02-23T12:46:29+00:00

The truth is a lot of men want custody just to spite the mother. So many of my friends with divorced parents spent 50% of the time with their father and 50% with their mother and even though their fathers fought for them in court the father acting with contempt and resentment toward their child.

They would drag their feet to pick their child up for visitation and try to drop the child off back with the mother a day before his visitation is up. Trying to make the situation as difficult and inconvenient for the mother as possible. When the child was at their house they acted like they weren’t there and thought it was a bother whenever the child would ask what was for Dinner.

bludkraze · 2022-02-23T11:42:35+00:00

Because women earn less and also mostly dont even want to work fulltime with kids. So really whats the alternative? Reject your carreer to have more time with the kids while relying on a mother that most likely wont or cant contribute financially?

Dogecoin_trader · 2022-02-23T11:57:21+00:00

Whenever men try and organise themselves to fight for their rights, feminists and like 5 other groups will do their best to get in the way of those efforts. Of course the media will pick it up and side with the feminists.

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Flightlessbirbz · 2022-02-23T13:21:38+00:00

Not only do men not seek custody, many don’t even show up to court. “Courts favor women” is just an excuse when you’re not even trying. They don’t want to pay child support because they don’t really want to be financially responsible for their kids either and because they see it as giving money to the mother, who they resent. But they’d still rather do that than trade with her.

It’s not that they don’t “love” their kids in a sense, every dad I know whether separated or still with the mom, would be heartbroken if anything ever happened to their children. But they want mom to do all the real parenting and they basically only want to be there for the fun parts. So of course if there is a court case, the primary parent (mom) will be awarded primary custody. I know a single dad who was given custody because a) he pursued it and b) he did most of the the child care before the divorce. His ex wife actually behaved much like a man and preferred playing video games to taking care of her baby. So you can see right there it’s not a gender issue, it’s a behavior issue.

Oh, and those who do fight for custody, it seems that most of the time it’s just to punish the mother and give a sense of control. They don’t even really want to raise the kids.

Complete-Temporary-6 · 2022-02-23T11:50:30+00:00

This is extreme levels of bullshit.

Title	So... Why DON'T Men Fight Harder For Child Custody?
Author	Gravel_Roads
Upvotes	11
Comments	58
Date	February 23, 2022 10:22 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/sze6sg/so_why_dont_men_fight_harder_for_child_custody/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/so-why-dont-men-fight-harder-for-child-custody.1103372 https://theredarchive.com/post/1103372

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