A wound that doesn't seem to want to heal.

sicrm · 2022-03-12T18:00:29+00:00

making another person your everything is never a good idea.

most people will take advantage, push boundaries, get bored, then eventually check out.

look up and stick to grey rock when you do interact with her.

WartimeDad · 2022-03-12T19:05:54+00:00

You’re not in love with her you’re in love with an idea. You need to recognize it for what it is.

Exercise and meditate and learn how to stop letting you learn mind wander into a desire what isn’t even real. You empty your mind of thoughts of her and it leaves a whole bunch of space in there to think about things that bring you happiness and joy.

chefayellen · 2022-03-12T17:48:11+00:00

I'm 2 years in and going through family therapy because of my son failing this semester. It's hard being told you're great co parents when you're trying your hardest to stay away from someone who doesn't want you happy.

Adept-Replacement-78 · 2022-03-12T17:36:17+00:00

I actually just made a similar post the other day if you want to check out the thread. For me I cant stand my ex I Don t text her dont answer her calls i dont respond to her text and dont engage in conversation when I get my kids. Maybe more distance will help you as well. also staying busy helps keep my mind off things. Your going to make it man one day she wont be able to hurt you anymore. And stay active in the sub talking to people on here and hearing thier stories has been a blessing for me.

Gattsama · 2022-03-12T20:28:01+00:00

As mentioned above. You were never in love with her, you were in love with the idea of her. You build a fantasy person. Your fantasy person would never hurt you like this, but the real world woman did.

Consider that the only two things you can control are your thoughts and your choices. Nothing more. Anything outside of yourself is not under your control. As mentioned you might not be able to control your emotions (although you can work on that some) but you can control your reaction and choices.

It's not the event itself that upsets a man, but his reaction to it. And that can be controlled. And you can learn to do it.

Consider looking of stoicism. Enchiridion of Epictetus is free (pdf and audio book on YouTube). Also would recommend David Goggins (YouTube). Goggins on the surface focuses on the physical, but actually is about taking control of your life and choices to achieve whatever you choose.

I am not trying to dismiss your pain. I'm letting you know that the pain will never get better until you make different choices, control your reactions and ultimately that does lead to a change in your emotions/ feelings.

I am sorry you have suffered so much. Unfortunately it is now your responsibility to take care of you. And yeah that's unfair and it sucks. But that's the reality of the world. No one is going to take care of you but you.

Stay safe

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2022-03-12T17:29:35+00:00

Be strong for your kids and your sake.

mrk177 · 2022-03-12T21:19:45+00:00

Hang in there man. It’s been a year for me and I feel the same way. Like someone else mentioned here making her my everything was the mistake. I miss her every day but I’m doing my best to make myself happy. I spent so much time trying to make her happy I didn’t even know how my own happiness looked like. Make YOU, your everything, do all the shit you want to do. I wish you the best. Reach out if you ever want someone to talk to.

SilverknightFL · 2022-03-12T18:22:28+00:00

Watch this video. I don't know if you are religious or spiritual, but it doesn't matter. I mention as the speaker is a preacher. Ignore that. As someone still carrying pain from a divorce in 1995 (yup), my first of two, this helped me a lot. So much so that I burned it from YouTube to always have it on my phone. If it helps, great. If not, it won't be a big waste of time. Past Hurts

BarefootCowboy1 · 2022-03-12T21:49:40+00:00

3 years out for me too, after 35 years together. Not a day goes by without me thinking of her. Fortunately my kids are grown, but starting over at 65 sucks. I doubt that wound will heal in whats left of my years.Her last words as she left were "it is what it is", well I recon so. Good luck bro.

awesomeroy · 2022-03-12T22:41:05+00:00

bro same fucking here. and then the kids started bringing pictures from when we were building our lives, moving out of her parents, to our own apartment to our own house, to ournew car and then

bam nothing. lol

time heals the wounds. apply pressure and alcohol to the wound.

Dizzy-Ad512 · 2022-03-13T01:23:05+00:00

Be strong for your kids . You can’t make someone love you if they want to . Marriage is two way street .

Bipolar_investor · 2022-03-13T02:39:05+00:00

Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging, but : "that sounded bad".

No, you don't need her to lead a healthy lifestyle, it's all the contrary.

Lift yourself up, change your habits, get busy, learn something new... Trust me, it'll get better as soon as you start this process.

doing_my_best_co · 2022-03-13T13:54:22+00:00

Yeah , it is tough. My ex and I were friends and as her friend I want her to be happy. I hold no animosity to her and her happiness would benefit my children. As a former romantic interest I do not want to see that happiness . I have texted my x this and essentially explained that I am happy to coordinate things and change schedules, to accommodate our new lives. I need to minimize the times we see each other and speak as it just exasperates or triggers my grief.

In other words you need to logistically minimize your interactions with your ex .

Mentally and emotionally you need to move on too. For me, this is accepting what my new life is and making the most of whatever gifts this life provides me. The past is gone and my old plan is gone and it will never come to pass. That is ok.

Stoic_Sun_Tzu · 2022-03-13T14:43:04+00:00

There is a great book out there called “Finding Awareness” by Amit Pagedar. He teaches a critical truth that applies to Divorce and life in general.

Attachment creates suffering.

“In holding on I lose. I’m letting go I receive.”

In complete surrender lies the key to effortless control. And peace.

pegleg_legal · 2022-03-14T05:13:07+00:00

It's hard to recapture or, in many cases, find for the first time - your self worth. Nothing she can do or not do will heal you.

Title	A wound that doesn't seem to want to heal.
Author	dnewt316
Upvotes	24
Comments	21
Date	March 12, 2022 4:56 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/tckk3z/a_wound_that_doesnt_seem_to_want_to_heal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/a-wound-that-doesnt-seem-to-want-to-heal.1106594 https://theredarchive.com/post/1106594

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