Can I deprogram my redpill boyfriend?

Academic_Type624 · 2022-06-03T10:25:34+00:00

You can challenge some of those beliefs, but your partner will only deprogramme if he chooses to.

But it is possible to challenge views.

My partner grew up believing women were either fragile princesses to be protected or had it easy getting pregnant at 16 for a council house.

When we met he told me he wanted to treat me like a princess and I said what unable to make decisions for myself? He was genuinely shocked that was the implications of his belief. The thing that he was attracted to in me was that I stood on my own two feet. Later that year his sister got married and listening to his dad going on about how his duty was done and now her husband was responsible for her just really hit him that his sister was being talked about like a dog. Since then he's done a lot to learn about women's experience and open his eyes.

I will say though he was willing to learn and not fully redpilled

sabiinvesting · 2022-06-03T10:27:32+00:00

Approach it like a discussion, not a debate. Listen to him while he listens to you. Be openminded so that he too could be openminded. However, you need to realize you may not be able to see eye to eye on some matters even with your boyfriend you really seem to like. You need to decide what you would do then.

I grew up with a dad who voted for the left, and my mom who votes for the right. It worked for them, and they loved each other very dearly until death did them part.

madoka_borealis · 2022-06-03T11:48:04+00:00

By the time you are in your 30s the man you see is the man you get. It doesn’t matter if he “deprograms” or not because you don’t know if he will, and the whole while he doesn’t, you’ll constantly want something that he’s not. And we should all be in relationships with people we like as they are, not another version of themselves that’s in your head. It’s not fair to him or you. Not to mention it’s a bit codependent to want/need to change someone to that degree.

imhereforthemeta · 2022-06-03T13:44:21+00:00

I feel like I was with you on working through differences until you got to “replacement theory”, which is literally a nazi ideology that taught to the Germans. If he’s buying into that crap he’s pretty far gone and even if you can help him develop some empathy towards women, you are dating a racist. At this point it’s sort of a moral question- how much are you willing to walk back your beliefs and be with someone who is a racist?

PearlieSweetcake · 2022-06-03T13:58:10+00:00

You're obviously a smart woman. Why put yourself through this? He needs to find communities that aren't filled with conservative edgelords so he can exit his echo chamber.

I'd also be open to the idea that these discussions you have with him that you think are successful, might just be him placating you. If he "hides away a whole persona" from you then you don't really know who you're dating.

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2022-06-03T08:54:16+00:00

Please don't ever try and change a man. You are worth more than this.

bdcarlitosway · 2022-06-03T13:58:10+00:00

What started the deprograming for me from the redpill was listening to a "History on Fire" podcast episode called "Sex in Rome" by Daniele Bolelli.

Something about that episode clicked with me as it made me realize that all these conservative talking points about traditional gender roles being challenged, feminine men and masculine women, de masculinization of men, masculinization of women etc. are nothing new and have been spewed by the people at the very top to explain why their society is deteriorating and collapsing while ignoring the real causes of why an empire declines over time (bloated military budget, cannibalization of state funds to favor the ruling elite, accumulation of wealth in fewer and fewer hands, unsustainable inequality, lack of welfare for poor people etc.)

By the time I found the redpill I was already politically left leaning and it never sat well with me that all these redpill content creators I watched always seemed to lean far right/libertarian whenever the topic of politics came up (terms like big daddy government/welfare bad, grind/hustle mindset etc.). And seeing that redpill uses pseudoscience/junk science, cherry picked data, misinterpretation of data/science I was under the impression that this had a scientific basis. And if that was the case, why were no legitimate scientists or left wing content creators not picking up on this?

Slowly I came to the realization that the redpill is just pseudoscientific misogyny used very much in the same way that white supremacists/nationalists/racists use scientific racism to justify their racism (see Charles Murray).

The best way to deprogram him is to plant seeds of doubt, question his beliefs to make him realize on his own that his belief system does not hold up under scrutiny. Hope this helps.

Naus1987 · 2022-06-03T16:28:38+00:00

You and him could explore ethical philosophy together. Explore what it actually means to be ethical. And not just parroting ideals.

I would warn you that if you get into the fundamentals of ethics, you’ll notice faults and flaws in your own ideologies. Feminism and a lot of liberal ideals aren’t perfect either.

So if you want someone else to change. You may have to risk changing yourself too. And if you find yourself stubborn to change — then it may serve as a base for empathy. You two could agree to disagree, and still maintain a pretty respectful relationship.

n0name1026 · 2022-06-03T16:31:02+00:00

Hes 'red pilled' in the political sense, not the relationship sense from what I can tell.

Explain to him how the non-redpill ideas he held contributed to your interest in him. You can show him how the traits about him you like overlap with your own politics.

From his perspective he probably thinks you're engaging in a type of double speak where you may say you want X but you really want Y.

He may think that if he softens up, then you'll resent this 'beta' version of him and break up with him.

Rhubarb_Fair · 2022-06-04T18:52:53+00:00

My ex husband (woman here) was on a different side of the political spectrum to me. I never set out to change him. But through discussion, through time, he came to adopt a lot of the views that I did. In retrospect, I didn't like it. I felt like he wasnt sure of his own beliefs and could be easily swayed - by me in this instance, but by who else next time? (He was a weak man in the end - he cheated and walked out). I'd say either accept this man as he is, unpalatable views and all - or don't.

Snoo52682 · 2022-06-03T15:08:35+00:00

If he doesn't want to, he won't.

NuggetsPhD · 2022-06-03T12:17:40+00:00

does he actually believe all the stuff he consumes? i mean, obviously, he repeats back what they've said, but does he know what it means?

i ask because i think there are a lot of people who just don't really have an ideology, left or right. instead, they mostly just believe the most recent thing they heard that seemed like a good argument instead of trying to fit ideas and experiences into a cohesive framework. they aren't necessarily stupid but don't have a sort of "critical thinking lens" to view this stuff through.

i'll see people on facebook share political stuff that contradicts other things they shared, and i don't mean like "oh, they posted something pro-choice, but then posted something pro-guns? how can that be?? are you left or right?" i mean much more literally. as specific as posting something pro-voting rights but then anti-voting rights or more abstract like posting something very "all your problems are your own fault" and then "all my problems are because of others."

they just don't seem to really understand what things mean and how they connect. it's all gut reaction, limbic system shit. and it kind of sounds like your boyfriend is along this line? maybe not completely, but the fact that you can have discussions with him and he listens tells me he at least isn't as all-in as he could be. you used the word "impressionable" and i think that is the right word in this context.

honestly, i don't feel like i can say whether you should continue down a path of trying to steer him away from this stuff. does he strongly identify with the content he consumes or did he just kind of fall into it because that's what youtube pushed on him? how does he feel about your beliefs? does he know how his beliefs make you feel and how they impact you and those you (and maybe he) care about?

maybe try to decide what you think satisfactory progress looks like and decide what to do based on that. some possible outcomes are resenting him because you're putting in a lot of work into something he doesn't want to change, resenting yourself for trying too hard for too long, holding onto hope indefinitely until one day it all backfires massively. to avoid something like that, i think setting some metrics of success will help guide your decision on whether to keep going, and if so, when to stop.

Title	Can I deprogram my redpill boyfriend?
Author	Kaleidoscopefatigue
Upvotes	0
Comments	22
Date	June 3, 2022 8:25 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/v3uqts/can_i_deprogram_my_redpill_boyfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/can-i-deprogram-my-redpill-boyfriend.1117456 https://theredarchive.com/post/1117456

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