Something I don’t Understand…

SteelSharpensSteel · 2022-08-01T23:57:51+00:00

We've talked about this before. Check out https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vykau/a_guide_for_beginners_to_mrp/

But to answer your question, something important that I like to do is called the mirror test. When I look at the guy in the mirror, beside the habitual flex, I check with myself - you good bro? Are you congruent? Getting your shit done? Giving your gift to the world? Taken care of the problems? If I smirk back and the guy in the mirror says yeah, I'm good bro, then we're good.

But it sounds like if you looked in the mirror and you asked yourself that, you would not be good. That guy in the mirror would be like, bro, why are you stayin with a cheating ho. Why aren't you acting congruent. Where is the fuckin respect. And then you would DEER to that guy and give excuses, and then realize you're in his frame, and then realize you should go see a shrink and check yourself out for multiple personality disorder, but the other voice in your head would say to you that naaah, bro, you don't need to see a shrink, you got this...

I'll leave you with this. Don't do anything stupid, and go read the half a fuck post by J10.

NoRolexNoSex · 2022-08-02T00:37:50+00:00

Personally, why do you want to continue with a cheating spouse? End your relationship with her and start fucking other women. But you cant do that unless you are an attractive guy. So just do what a real man would do and stop being her little puppy. Time to go nuclear and keep lifting

sicrm · 2022-08-02T03:15:45+00:00

get DNA, STD tests, book a consult with a lawyer before you say or do anything else.

also focus on what’s best for you and getting as much custody of your kids as you can.

who cares how a divorce will impact her? she’s STILL cheating on you. get it together before you get a silver bullet divorce (look it up).

Remington-Holmes · 2022-08-02T10:23:29+00:00

MRP is about the man living the life he wants. There is no plan to save the marriage. I made it extremely clear to my wife before marriage that if she cheated, then she would be unceremoniously cut loose. Nothing has changed my thoughts on that. Having said that, there are plenty of idiots in this world that deal with black and white thinking and will tell you what to do. That is not the point of this sub, which is about the man looking after his own best interests, making and owning his own decisions.

Personally, if I had any indication that my wife had cheated; I would confirm the paternity of my kids and I would fully examine the impact of divorce. No kids? I would just bite the bullet. With kids, if I stayed, the wife would be demoted to plate and logistics. There is no way that I would treat someone that betrayed me like that with special time, attention, validation affection and presence. I would be banging other women. I would also consider the legal and financial implications of the wife getting knocked up by her lover. As husband, are you automatically 'the legal father'. What are the future liabilities that you are creating by staying with this woman? Does she have greater opportunity to fuck you over, the longer you stay? How long until kids leave home? Can you de-risk you financial obligations? What are the opportunities and costs of cutting her loose.

Last of all, don't ever let yourself fall for the manipulation of tears. Like the anger, blame shifting, etc. it's only a manipulative tool. It's either for effect, or it's to absolve herself of her shitty and unforgivable behaviour. You'll only get disdain and disrespect for allowing yourself to be played by the tears. By keeping quiet about your preparations until you serve the wife, you give yourself the opportunity to plan, put yourself in the strongest position and mitigate the wife's powers to screw you over even more.

Speak to a lawyer, and investigate how a divorce will work in the area where you live. Say nothing and act normally. Have the paternity tests done on kids, and gather evidence, if those can serve your benefit. If you decide to divorce, make it your decision and own it. Read the posts concerning divorce, and follow your lawyers advice. Divorce happens on your timetable, and on your terms. Line all the ducks in a row before opening fire.

Regarding the other guy? Do as you will. He will most likely know he's banging a married woman. Unless you already knew him, he has not broken your trust, just acted like a man. Admittedly, he has been selfish, 'unethical' and uncaring of your situation as a husband. Maybe he's a Chad having his cake and eating it? Maybe he's got his own marriage problems with a dead bedroom; and his wife closing her legs pushed him in that direction? In any case, the person that is at fault is your wife. She decided to have an affair and that's all on her. Had it not been with that one guy, it would probably have happened with another.

_RPeed · 2022-08-01T23:53:55+00:00

Having been here for years, there’s a ton of reasons for coming here. Many of which never involve the dude being a cuck.

Actually I’d say it’s in the minority and I’m not aware of any great success stories from that start point.

These cases are really when people start talking about “saving the man not the marriage”.

Gaslighting themselves seems to help some dudes cope. For a period of time at least.

redwall92 · 2022-08-02T11:49:00+00:00

You come across as just wanting to talk more about what she's doing or what she's done.

1 Stop talking to her about any relationship.

2 Start talking to a lawyer about your options.

And lift.

Sounds like you're in a Southern US state where 12 months abandonment is required since there's no such thing as a no-fault divorce. If she's cheating there's grounds for a fault-based divorce. This divorce can typically be done in 90 days in those states.

Talk to a lawyer and stop wasting our time. And stop running your mouth unless it's in the room with your lawyer.

Sepean · 2022-08-02T16:35:27+00:00

SO, with all that in mind. QUESTION: If you have the option to go nuclear early (confronting her infidelity, calling her out) why not do that, it cuts off the infidelity, dread goes through the roof. Then continue on with your MAP.

You got the whole idea wrong. It’s not the threat of leaving that works. It’s being attractive and high value that works. And when you’re that, it just works without you having to threaten anything. The “fuck me or fuck you” isn’t the final step, it’s the desperate last ditch attempt for those that can’t really become alpha.

Threatening to leave while you’re low value just means divorce.

SnooPets7004 · 2022-08-02T00:10:55+00:00

Uh, WTF, dude.

Do you actually think there is an advantage to not blowing this up? If so, I’d love to hear how that benefits you.

-craven-moorehead- · 2022-08-02T00:29:55+00:00

It seems like you know more about your wife and her (likely) lover than you do about yourself. Everything you write is taking into account their perspective.

it cuts off the infidelity,

I wouldn't be so sure of that. She would just be more careful next time. You have a lot of reading to do...

testy68 · 2022-08-02T02:58:59+00:00

As it has been said before, the stay plan is the same as the go plan....but why would you stay?

IMO, many men who take cheating women do it for some sort of validation, showing her regret that she left, validating how much more of a man you have become.

If you have really become that much more of a man, why would you accept someone of that level of quality in your life?

If she had a go at trading up, why shouldn't you?

cre4mpuffmyf4ce · 2022-08-02T13:18:41+00:00

Sometimes we believe cheating partners still care about us.

I have rationalized this in the past by taking blame and responsibility for it: If only I was more attractive. If only I didn’t cheat first and prompt revenge. If only I didn’t fuck up in some way, then she wouldn’t have cheated. I could’ve prevented it. Less of an ego blow than thinking I was just a faggot.

Sometimes it’s legitimately true that they still care about us even though they’re fucking other dudes.

That’s the shred of your relationship that you’re holding on to right now.

You believe you are still #1 in your cheating wife’s heart and so you will overlook it, and find ways to take responsibility, then fix it, because you know she cares.

I’d take a long hard look at your views there. Do you want to ‘hold out’ and believe someone like that cares?

Once you become attractive and live in abundance, you’ll see there are so many fucking great women out there who wouldn’t ever dream of doing shit like this.

I reckon if you were in abundance now you’d think differently about this.

BobbyPeru · 2022-08-02T02:14:06+00:00

Your premise is way off. You don’t need to be a “cuck” while you figure it out.

You should practice STFU because you’ve likely been DEERring for years (whether you know it yet or not)

You should be lifting

You should be reading the sidebar.

You will improve slowly if you do those things. It’s not like you need to reach a certain level with your head in the sand. Not sure what gave you that idea, but you misread it severely.

Tines0 · 2022-08-02T03:18:42+00:00

You need to find your frame and part of that is establishing self respect. I don't see how you can do that while with a woman you know is or has cheated on you. Unless you've explored the situation, accepted it and have formulated a plan which makes sense to stay in the relationship for the short term for a better outcome for yourself. Then I'd say you would probably be disconnecting from the wife anyway and using her for some benefit while you're out working towards spinning plates or a good divorce outcome.

Use the search feature to find the stories of others who have been through this shit and see the outcomes.

World_Renowned_Guy · 2022-08-02T22:57:50+00:00

Lmao she’s cheating on you and you want to save this? Get the damn papers and hand them over and let her hysteria fuck you and still leave. F staying with a hoe like that.

AbeWasHereAgain · 2022-08-02T12:43:49+00:00

Who cares? I never understood this idea of forcing her to leave. If she is not giving you what you want, just move on; and I don’t mean move out, I mean go start hanging with other women while still fucking her when the opportunity presents itself.

Maybe she comes around, and as a result you don’t feel the need to hang with other women, or maybe she doesn’t, in which case, who cares; you were already hanging with other women anyway.

nikfury69 · 2022-08-02T15:40:58+00:00

I read both postings. Sad. Apparently she's helping him fill his post vasectomy sample jar. Nice. But does saliva jack up the sample?

The Go Plan is the Stay Plan. The ONLY thing you control is you. So stfu and go do something.

Title	Something I don’t Understand…
Author	13throwawayz
Upvotes	10
Comments	34
Date	August 1, 2022 10:53 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/wdv2hb/something_i_dont_understand/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/something-i-dont-understand.1126220 https://theredarchive.com/post/1126220

Comments

1 Stop talking to her about any relationship.

2 Start talking to a lawyer about your options.