Chivalry?

NeoNotNeo · 2023-02-12T14:40:20+00:00

The day I heard feminists talking about chivalry is the day I became actively interested in Mens Rights.

gazzalia · 2023-02-12T15:47:56+00:00

I have actively killed my chivalry -

grew up in the country / very traditional setting. I was constantly taught to put women and their needs ahead of mine - in ways as trivial as offering my seat or carrying her groceries, or as fundamental as boxing my own feelings to make way for her emotional displays in conflict.

coming to the city / entering adulthood was a real eye opener in being used by women taking advantage of this chivalry, and having to evaluate my knee jerk reaction to put a females needs ahead of my own, knowing that it was neither appreciated nor ever reciprocated. On top of this I am a gay man, and I seriously began questioning wtf I was doing playing this game with a gender I give no shits about.

Now I have a rule - Would I offer this courtesy to a man as well? So it goes like this - If they’re a senior citizen I’ll go out of my way regardless of their gender - if they’re young, tough luck girl, welcome to equality.

ApplicationClassic19 · 2023-02-12T08:34:05+00:00

It's just expected that men would pay. Servers by default bring the bill to men.

I once had a FWB who'd invite me over to her place, and then conveniently run out of groceries, so before going to her place we'd shop and she expected me to pay.

So basically I paid for sex in cat food.

UnconventionalXY · 2023-02-12T10:50:28+00:00

It's not chivalry: despite decades of feminism and alleged equality, it's still basically "happy wife, happy life" and fundamentally attempting to bribe more sex. It's why simps still exist, in the hope their good deeds will be rewarded.

peter_venture · 2023-02-12T22:10:24+00:00

Here's my similar experience watching everyday life.

I worked overnights on weekends at a local convenience store to pay off some bills that were piling up, for about five years. The doors weren't automatic. Men always held the door for someone close behind them, or waited for any person going the opposite direction at the same time. Teenagers or young adults usually did as well. This one surprised me at first, but it happened nearly all the time. Adult women, 40s, 50s, 60s, whatever, NEVER held the door for anyone else.

I understand that my experience can't be considered a universal standard, but it was consistent for the slightly more than five years that I worked there, 2005 - 2010.

I_iNero_I · 2023-02-12T11:55:00+00:00

I come from a traditional household so I was raised with the man paying being what I should do. I simply don’t let the women pay even when offered.

I must be wise in who I pick to date because most girls I have went out with offer to pay & have always said thanks. One time a girl bought the cinema tickets online before the date so she could pay because she knew I wouldn’t let it happen, this told me she was worth dating.

I’m also not a simp i don’t need women, she needs to bring some traditional female attributes to.

burlingtonhopper · 2023-02-12T12:50:05+00:00

I’ve always paid when my wife and I go out. Even though we share bank accounts, credit cards, and make approximately the same amount of money, I’m just used to sticking out the credit card when the bill comes. I like doing it and she doesn’t care.

Regardless, we both share/contribute towards the bills when they come in (including all credit cards).

I’m not saying you’re wrong about anything, but things aren’t always so black and white.

claire8520 · 2023-02-12T13:21:04+00:00

Eh I used to expect because it happened a lot but then I got on the flip side and had men not buy anything for me in cafe or elsewhere. To be honest felt better when I paid. Felt more balanced in my relationship to them and sort of felt infantilised when men paid. I think it’s old fashioned now unless your looking to be married and taken care of. In return for submission.

ehWoc · 2023-02-12T17:36:02+00:00

Don't know, I'd say I usually am the one who pays on my dates. Girls who are against paying equally usually have some irrational explanations.

autisticgymbro · 2023-02-12T14:57:41+00:00

Men are exploited by women

praductjr · 2023-02-12T16:18:49+00:00

Chivalry isn’t dead if the men are paying and these are traditional relationships. Chivalry is dead if the men are paying and these not traditional relationships i.e. like you said the women aren’t saying thank, and aren’t fulfilling their womanly duties after receiving a free meal, snack or drink from their male companions by going home and cooking him a hot meal and letting him f*ck her brains out. Yes the equal opportunity act of the 1970s killed chivalry as well as a slew of other things, and all these “strong and independent women that don’t need no man” aka fair weatherwomen underground feminist groups should be paying their own way in this equal rights opportunity society they begged and asked for. They wanted to be part of the working class taxed society, they got it.

eyes_beyond_the_void · 2023-02-13T03:02:26+00:00

I think chivalry was killed by feminism, but that’s probably just me. The idea that we’re supposed to be equal when, in reality, there’s nothing equal about a relationship between a man and a woman. However, there are specific roles they’re supposed to play with deep roots in biology. Men protect and provide. Women nurture and support. Now, the whole system is fucked.

AtikGuide · 2023-02-12T16:23:45+00:00

Chivalry is dead, & what killed it for me were all the double standards in numerous social situations. Many individual women wanted equal treatment -- but only when it was convenient for them, or gave them an advantage. Otherwise, chivalrous or deferential behavior when that was convenient. Their attitude was highly dependent upon the circumstances at the moment. If they want equality, then give them equal treatment when things are bad, or when there's no good solution. As the saying goes, "Equality feels like oppression to those who have always had advantage or privilege."

odoof12 · 2023-02-12T14:20:03+00:00

let chivalry die

I've seen men hold open doors for women but I've never seen one hold open doors for elderly men or an handicapped child.

AllStickNoCarrot · 2023-02-12T18:32:47+00:00

Unless you're going up to each of those couples and asking them whose money is paying for the items, how they normally split costs, how long they've been together, did they spend money on anything else that day, or what their financial and employment situation is, you're missing a lot of important context.

All that aside, if your observation is summarized as "men seem to often be the ones completing a sales transaction" and this doesn't sit well with people, then it's pretty easy to just start asking women to pay their share in these situations. If the woman doesn't like that, then it's easy enough for the man to move on.

There's especially a lot of women who would love to not be pressured by men they're dating to let the man pay for things. In cases where the man insists, it can indeed be out of pure generosity. It can also be a way for men to feel like their fulfilling the role of a provider, or to make the woman feel like she owes the man greater intimacy.

SgtSplacker · 2023-02-12T17:12:08+00:00

It's only in divorce court where suddenly everyone wants to go 50/50

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-02-12T19:37:49+00:00

Maybe they take turns paying. Maybe they share a bank account so it doesn’t matter whose card gets used. Maybe she said thank you when they left. You’re making such huge assumptions with no actual information.

Nice-Neighborhood730 · 2023-02-13T23:49:09+00:00

When men bash anyone, there is no chivalry. You're right. You win! It's all about yourself!

In the end on judgement day! God will win! Jesus Christ is the man!

TaxNegative161 · 2023-02-12T08:33:52+00:00

Any hobbies?

Yeah I sit in coffee shops and intently watch who pays and then ascribe motivations to these people who - and I cannot stress this enough - I do not know.

Cranium_Internum · 2023-02-12T09:28:49+00:00

God, this is sad.

Imagine being so bitter that you stare at other people in restaurants, waiting for them to make a payment, so you could feel like a victim and write essays on MRA forums about how in your opinion, happy couples are living their life wrong.

*shivers*

ApprehensiveMail8 · 2023-02-12T14:18:12+00:00

Chivalry has both never and always existed.

TempoMuse · 2023-02-12T14:52:55+00:00

Hmmm, I can’t imagine why that one partner is now an ex. You seem so level headed and rational. Maybe, just maybe, your antidotal experience in a small cafe is not indicative of the larger truths about society. As to someone not saying “thank you”, so is that a threat to your future partner? “You better make me feel good about doing nice stuff or else I will no longer do nice things”….. you see the issue here right? Don’t do nice things for people (regardless of gender) that if you expect ANYTHING in return. It sounds to me like you need to log off for a couple months and get back in touch with being a human being.

INTERNETCHECKS · 2023-02-12T19:33:32+00:00

This only works if they are moderately attractive, the fat and fuglies will not be receiving these free meals

Terrible_Head_8847 · 2023-02-12T21:05:59+00:00

Chivalry as a historical concept has very little to do with women and a lot to do with protecting the nobility from losing their unearned wealth to rogue knights (as a suit of armour and a warhorse was almost the equivalent of a WMD for the time).

bubbleLoppicus · 2023-02-12T23:09:16+00:00

Chivalry is a great thing if provided with caution. It should only be provided to a lady you intend to date seriously or can see a good future relationship with. Doing this insures you don’t end up like the guys constantly paying for things (by choice) to not even receive a thank you.

DanzigMisfit · 2023-02-13T04:11:36+00:00

When I am out with the wife, I do most of the paying. We have a shared bank account, so it doesn't matter who pays. I just generally take the lead on these sort of things. You are probably seeing a lot of couples in a similar situation to mine.

We know there are scummy women out there, getting all they can for free. But i wouldn't let it sour your view. There are some genuine women out there.

Smdeveryday · 2023-02-13T07:26:55+00:00

I was once chivalrous (okay way more than chivalrous). By paying for 2 women's drinks while at a club. Only because it was in a foreign country and the bartender didn't understand that we wanted separated bills. As soon as I paid they left thinking I paid because I wanted something from them. Not even a thank you.

phoenician_anarchist · 2023-02-13T15:38:13+00:00

I don't think anyone actually knows what chivalry even is anymore...

Title	Chivalry?
Author	PaulFunIn21
Upvotes	121
Comments	75
Date	February 12, 2023 8:29 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/110aul5/chivalry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/chivalry.1151898 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151898

Comments