Meeting boyfriend's toddler son

LoreMaster00 · 2023-02-13T20:07:36+00:00

girl, its been 2 months.

chill.

waaaaaaay too soon for all that vibe.

AssistanceFull2948 · 2023-02-13T23:28:58+00:00

It sounds like you are more interested in meeting his son because his female friend is close to the kid, not because you’re interested in the kid. So this already sounds like a bad idea. Plus, your previous relationship experience doesn’t help.

Dating a single/co-parent daddy is never a good idea, but since you’re already “in love”, you better meet the kid when you’re truly interested in creating a bond with the child, otherwise the kid will feel your vibe and it is gonna be hard to win him over.

aussiedollface2 · 2023-02-13T21:00:43+00:00

I can’t comment on dating a man with children because I have zero experience of that, but I’m wondering if you are suspicious of this platonic friend? Have you met her? Do you feel threatened by her? Just trying to figure out exactly what is going on here xo

sicrm · 2023-02-13T20:43:39+00:00

it’d be a bigger issue if he wanted you to meet his kid already, especially since he has a good co-parenting relationship established.

undothatbutton · 2023-02-13T21:24:47+00:00

Um… people introduce friends to their kids, because the odds of a friendship souring is much lower than a relationship. You have only been dating 2 months. It would be a definite red flag if he introduced his child to you.

CyberTutu · 2023-02-13T21:08:59+00:00

I think the issue is that he has a platonic female friend that he spends one on one time with (with his son, who doesn't count as he's so young). I would personally see this as a problem.

It isn't a major issue that you aren't exclusive yet as it's so soon, however it is an issue when he has a friend he spends so much time with yet doesn't acknowledge the fact that she is more than just a friend. I do think it's a bit odd.

SecretFeminine · 2023-02-14T00:03:15+00:00

You are out of line. And showing that you don’t understand a parent’s priorities or what coparenting entails. As a parent, that should be a red flag to him. Chill out and absolutely do not ask to meet his son (let him lead on this). Also, every time you get jealous of his friend, turn your mind. You’re a fling right now. Don’t disqualify your chance before you even step up to bat.

Jenneapolis · 2023-02-13T21:27:17+00:00

Why the friend gets too and not you is because she has been in the kid’s life before you, and if the relationship does not work out, will be in it after you. It’s not as high stakes, and I think you know that. I would also be jealous but this is just one of the downsides of dating a single parent.

tomowudi · 2023-02-13T23:08:23+00:00

You don't have a kid, so you don't understand this perspective of single parents -

If they are good parents, they will do ANYTHING to prevent their child from getting hurt. If that kid falls in love with you because you are spending time together, and you and he break up, that kid is going to lose you.

You aren't going to commit to spending time with your EX BOYFRIEND just because you bonded with his child. If you both break up, that kid is not going to be on your mind.

But that kid will think about you. They'll wonder why you stopped spending time with them. They'll wonder if it was their fault you and daddy broke up. They'll wonder if you don't like them. They'll miss you and want to go over and visit, and then dad will have to explain why they won't go and visit you anymore.

And each time that the dad has to help his child manage their feelings about his EX GIRLFRIEND, it will be like a knife in his heart.

His friend - his longtime platonic friend - isn't going anywhere. They likely knew each other before he ever became a father. Maybe they knew each other in highschool like some of my platonic female friends. Maybe they met because they both use the same daycare and so they have spent a long time as friends whose kids get along with each other.

Heck, maybe he can't stand her, but his kid is friends with her kid, and so he sucks it up for his kid.

The bottom line here though is that you aren't a permanent person in his life until you meet his kid, and since he's a good father he's going to make sure that he's serious before introducing his child to someone they may ALSO fall in love with. His friend, however, IS a permanent fixture in his life. They are friends. They have history. It likely has NOTHING to do with the fact that his friend is female either.

This situation, ultimately, has NOTHING to do with you. It has to do with him being a good father and considering what might happen should the girl he's dating turn out to be immature and so self-obsessed that she doesn't consider how the child will feel.

The child has feelings. The child is young and immature. The child doesn't understand adult relationships. The father only lets people he trusts around his child. He trusts his friend who he has known for a while.

What is he waiting to introduce the two of you for?

Maybe for you to blow up at him because he hasn't introduced you to his kid, demonstrating that you both should probably break up because you don't understand "what the big deal is".

If you want this relationship to work, you have to understand and accept the fact you will always be LAST compared to his son. Always. Forever. His kid will be his top priority and only concern for the next 60 years. When he is 98 years old, he will still care about his son's well-being more than he will care about yours. If you have kids together, you will perhaps FINALLY understand how important his kid is to him, but I would be concerned that you would think "its different" because "this is our kid together," because no it damn well isn't.

If you get married and have a kid with him, you will both have kids in your life that you will do ANYTHING for. If you think you love your partner, after you have a kid you will learn how MEANINGLESS your relationship with your partner is compared to how much you love your kid. It's innate, biological, and profound in ways that human civilization simply hasn't been able to describe with all the millions of years of language we collectively have.

And right now, you don't have a kid together. Right now you are 2 months into a relationship thinking that you pose an EQUAL RISK to his kid as a friend he has likely known most of his life.

This is a baby that is about 2 to 3 years old. They are starting to talk, they can be precocious and inquisitive, and they can form STRONG ATTACHMENTS to people, places, and things.

He has known you for less time than his kid has been alive. Most relationships will fail within the first 6 months...

Most marriages won't last until after the 2 YEAR mark.

And he has already had 1 relationship end - that's how he wound up with the kid.

Why should he trust you around his kid when you can't wait until he is comfortable enough with you to trust that you are someone he is willing to risk breaking his kid's heart over?

The_Elegant_Universe · 2023-02-13T22:28:59+00:00

I smell love bombing.

babyegirll · 2023-02-13T22:07:19+00:00

The difference isnt that you're in a romantic relationship and she's platonic... it's that you've been dating for 2 months. He has likely known the platonic friend for much longer and thus feels more comfortable in knowing who she is, which he might not feel that way with you. You are clearly uncomfortable with this dynamic, though, and that is something you should explore on your own. Other peoples feelings arent yours and shouldnt decide for you.

Ness-Shot · 2023-02-14T16:35:32+00:00

Perhaps my perspective will help you a little bit. I (32M) have a 6 year old son of whom I have main custody. His mother and I ended on "good" terms and we are still very close and have a strong and successful co-parenting relstionship. I started dating someone new almost 7 months ago (she is a bit younger and has no kids), and her and my son just met for the first time 2 days ago. When it comes to my son, his well-being and feelings are always paramount to everything else and my #1 concern always. I explained to my gf at the very beginning that I planned to take things slow with her to best build our relationship, but planned to move even slower when it involved my son. Having friends come in and out of his life is one thing, but introducing a partner that could potentially be a major part of his life (and in my case if we became that serious, living in the same house) is a major major step, and it needed to be thoroughly thought out and handled delicately.

Obviously when you get into a new relationship, especially after something like a failed marriage, your hope and your goal is always to make this one last forever. So with those goals in mind, especially dealing with someone who is older than yourself, it is monumentally important to make sure the new partner and the child's relationship start off on the right foot and isn't stressed or forced and things can progress naturally. Like I told my gf, she just has to trust me and my instincts on this matter and trust the process. Don't focus on other people on the outside, your only focus here should be your relationship with your bf and how best to handle a future and potentially long-term relationship with his child as well, assuming your goal is also to be with this man for a long time. Hope this helps and good luck.

AutoModerator · 2023-02-13T20:04:34+00:00

Title: Meeting boyfriend's toddler son

Full text: I (29f) have dated my boyfriend (38M) for a little over 2 months. He has a 4-yr old son (I have no children) who he co-parents with the son's mother. He says he is madly in love with me and I believe that through my feelings and his actions. When we started dating, he told me that he did not want his son to meet people that he (or his mother) were dating unless the relationship was more solid because he didn't want his son to get attached and then have that person leave. I was understanding of it because I wasn't sure that I would continue into a relationship with him.

I am beginning to feel bothered by it because my boyfriend has a platonic female friend who does hang out with his son. The platonic female friend likes to reach out to my boyfriend for company whenever her own boyfriend isn't available or cancels on her. My boyfriend organized her birthday group dinner for her when her boyfriend flaked. My boyfriend has his son with him on alternate weekends, so even though I spend a lot of time with him during most days of the week, I only see him every other weekend. This past weekend he went for coffee with his platonic female friend with his son. The previous parenting weekend, the platonic friend joined his mother, sister, and son for dinner (of course I wasn't invited).

I have met many of boyfriend's co-workers and friends and he has been wanting me to meet his sister (his mother is cognitively unwell, living in long-term care home so he never talks much about meeting his mother). I have spoken to my boyfriend about my feelings towards his relationship with his platonic female friend. I haven't brought up meeting his son because I respect his boundaries and want to give him space.

However, my view is that it shouldn't be that big of a deal to have me hang out with his son in a non-stepmom/non-girlfriend kind of manner. I have met co-workers' kids without ever seeing them again and that doesn't seem to be a problem. If this girl (his platonic female friend) can be seeing my boyfriend every weekend and with his on, why can't I? I am trying to be understanding and patient but I will probably blow up. In a previous long-term relationship, my boyfriend at the time also refused to let me into his family, while talking to me about his brother's girlfriend fitting in so well with the family. So it bothers me probably more than it should with my current boyfriend.

Thoughts?

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peachyplantress · 2023-02-14T04:52:22+00:00

Are his initials C.B? Lols

essdee06 · 2023-02-14T14:57:05+00:00

Honestly, you seem like the red flag in this relationship. You've received great advice in the comments and have only been defensive toward it. A 4 year old is a lot smarter than you think. My two year old still recalls friends he's only met once months ago.

This guy is clearly setting a boundary, a very healthy one at that, and you are not respecting it. End of story.

LateralThinker13 · 2023-02-15T17:28:24+00:00

I have met co-workers' kids without ever seeing them again and that doesn't seem to be a problem. If this girl (his platonic female friend) can be seeing my boyfriend every weekend and with his on, why can't I?

Because those other kids won't immediately look to these adult women as potential mother-figures. They're just adult acquaintances. Whereas his toddler WILL look to you as important. And before you ask why he can't introduce you as one of those acquaintances, he probably doesn't want to transition you from acquaintance to potential stepmother, since if he does that and the relationship bombs, the kid will be looking at ALL women as a potential stepmother.

Honey, it's not about you.

Title	Meeting boyfriend's toddler son
Author	Evening_Coffee_2607
Upvotes	10
Comments	44
Date	February 13, 2023 8:04 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/111ii9x/meeting_boyfriends_toddler_son/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/meeting-boyfriends-toddler-son.1152825 https://theredarchive.com/post/1152825

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