embarrassed to say that I left the man I was trying to build a future with

ForeverMaleficent993 · 2023-03-01T20:09:38+00:00

You can only really find out if someone is a cheater after you start a relationship with them unfortunately. You will find better :) and it has nothing to do with you cause you can't make someone cheat. Thats a choice and you'll meet someone that matches your values for real.

Mountain_Series4721 · 2023-03-01T20:18:12+00:00

I was married to a man just like this for nearly 7 years and found out about his infidelity through an itunes bill. You are better off. This is painful but it is not your fault. What a jerk your ex is

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-03-01T17:37:08+00:00

Being a better woman is still valid. This man just has different tastes in a way you literally cannot match. It's no different than finding out he's gay. You don't have a penis. You did nothing wrong.

LateralThinker13 · 2023-03-01T18:40:07+00:00

People always deserve kindness. What he didn't deserve is your romantic relationship. Just need to vet more, as you said.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2023-03-01T23:37:22+00:00

Self improvement is never wasted. You’ve just learned to be better for another person instead.

I’m sorry this happened to you, but it’s better you found out he is only interested in transgender people now than 20 years from now when you have 3 kids and no way to provide for yourself outside of him.

BellJar_Blues · 2023-03-01T23:51:42+00:00

Unfortunately I have had a similar revealing and scoring my memory during those meltdowns late night so many things I thought ‘curious’ finally all tied together in a way that I was clearly not ready to address at the time (ie tinder account for blow nights and trying to pressure me to not just have other women over “for me(you)” but also trying to pressure me into sleeping with trans men and so much porn !!! But apparently only when doing drugs. (Search history said it was hours a day) His secret stash of cocaine also said it wasn’t just a weekend thing. Also fights on Friday nights to excuse his disappearing every weekend. Having couple over so he could eventually also touch the guy. Or jerking off in men’s washrooms on o ur vacations together. And eventually saying he was curious about men a year or two before we got together and was searching for someone to hook up with on Craigslist though apparently never acted on it (which can also encourage it to manifest in other ways when someone tries to suppress something about themselves or refuses to at l least question themselves). Overall I’m very sorry for your circumstances. Agree with others about this was a dying of your naïveté’s and a way for you to be more aware of what your values and desires are for yourself and in a partnership.

kokoremu · 2023-03-02T17:03:01+00:00

The thing was wild was he said even though our relationship was great and we loved each other he needed a rush to get off. He asked me to do things with others in front of him, he's not a long term stable person to be in relationship with let alone married as clearly he has a sex addiction in my opinion. I'm glad this happened now before we would have gotten married and found out 5 years in. I will update my progress in a while but I need some time to grief

chrissycash · 2023-03-01T17:58:54+00:00

I am so sorry to hear about the breakup but glad you broke up with him. You deserve much more! How did you find about the sexting? Where there any red flags and if so, what?

buni223 · 2023-03-01T21:23:30+00:00

Yeah I’m gonna have to agree, he didn’t deserve your kindness. People don’t just randomly wake up attracted to what he’s into. He knew but didn’t tell you. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed that you bought into his lies. A few decades ago, tons of gay men hid that they were gay so they could have the quintessential American family life. None of those wives were at fault or should feel ashamed that they were being lied to.

Next time you’ll know how to vet better. In the mean time, try getting your anger, grief, frustration, disgust, etc out in a productive, healthy way. You literally did NOTHING wrong — some people are extremely good liars. Hope you feel better and I’m sure you’ll meet more people worthy of your love and kindness soon.

VigorousNapper · 2023-03-01T22:59:55+00:00

Miss I'm a 35yo man and I'll tell you that you aren't to blame for anyone's decision to hide their preferences and orientations. I won't throw a pity party for you because honestly you didn't ask, and I don't think any of us here believe you need it. You've done your job being open, honest, available, and supportive. This one didn't go well. The next one may not as well. But please do not let this situation change who you are, or diminish your value. Go out in the world, head high, Beautiful, worthy of love and appreciation

Armchair678 · 2023-03-01T19:34:01+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m sure he hid it quite well because he knew it wouldn’t go over very well. Regardless of the trans thing he cheated on you by sexting others. The trans thing just throws a whole other wrench in it since he’s also gay/bi. And I have no issue with trans people at all, but your guy saying it’s not gay is untrue. If you’re a man who is sexually aroused by penis then you are gay. Nothing wrong with that, but that should be admitted and accepted and not hidden or denied within the relationship you have. He may not be willing to accept that he is gay, but his actions prove what his words don’t.

What red flags if any did you ignore that might’ve made you realize there was an issue sooner? You aren’t the first or last person who will go through this and maybe we can all learn from it.

princess_mothra · 2023-03-01T17:38:14+00:00

You fell in love with a gay man, it’s not your fault.

Under no circumstances should you get back with him. He would only want to be with you because you could act as his beard.

SunshineSundress · 2023-03-01T18:21:32+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. This is something that is really hard to vet for, because men like this are actively trying to hide it and present a false image so that they can still have you in their life for whatever purpose. Hell, they might not even have known or accepted it about themselves when you first got together. Please don’t be so hard on yourself - it is not your fault that he has different tastes.

What is upsetting is not only that he is gay but that he was actively cheating on you with transgender women. I hope he apologized for that instead of just blaming it on his proclivities and urges. Please take the time you need to heal from this! I’m glad you are still willing to better yourself, even if you know this man doesn’t deserve to be in your life anymore. If you need anything, we are here for you!

Charliebaltimoar · 2023-03-05T13:05:39+00:00

Why are you embarrassed? You trusted him, worked hard at your relationship and he lied to your face. That's all ON him. Your future is gonna sparkle.

stupid_pretty · 2023-03-01T20:00:30+00:00

He's gay. You can't change that.

yepppers7 · 2023-03-01T19:24:09+00:00

Yeesh, that sucks. Im sorry to hear youre going through that. Im still curious about the "all it did was hurt me" part. How did learning how to be a better woman for your future husband hurt you?

AutoModerator · 2023-03-01T17:22:03+00:00

Title: embarrassed to say that I left the man I was trying to build a future with

Full text: So I realized I didn't vet him right as I could have but this hurts a lot. Found out that he was sexting transgender women and seems to have a preference for them which broke my heart. He told me he wanted to monogamy and marriage with me but turned around and told me he wasn't sure what he wanted, after 2 years. We were happy together and we're genuine best friends. I'm low-key embarrassed because I use to write on here to be a better woman for us, to be healthy for us, communicate better, etc and all it did was hurt me. I never saw this coming honestly but I have to move on I guess. I will still apply everything I've learned from here for a better relationship but mostly for a better me. I realize he never deserved my kindness

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ArdentBandicoot · 2023-03-02T18:44:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Extent_Terrible · 2023-03-03T03:15:26+00:00

A year ago I found a lot of trans porn on my boyfriend of 3 years computer. He’s always had a hard time consistently initiating intimacy with me so it kind of solidified that I’m not his type. He says he stopped but who knows lol

Title	embarrassed to say that I left the man I was trying to build a future with
Author	kokoremu
Upvotes	92
Comments	45
Date	March 1, 2023 5:22 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/11f9j8a/embarrassed_to_say_that_i_left_the_man_i_was/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/embarrassed-to-say-that-i-left-the-man-i-was.1153930 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153930

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