Difficulty To Trust Women

Coollogin · 2023-03-04T20:43:35+00:00

Your title is about trust, but your post is about hookup culture vs. having an exclusive monogamous sexual relationship. Can you say more about how those two themes are related? How does trust play into your desire for monogamy? Is it that you don’t trust women to be monogamous even if they have promised to? Why is that? I read posts by so many women on Reddit who appear to be faithful to their boyfriends/husbands. Do you think that all of those women are lying?

xvszero · 2023-03-04T20:49:00+00:00

Have you tried dating or did you just give up before you started? There are all kinds of women out there.

JimBeamAndCoke2016 · 2023-03-04T22:51:02+00:00

I think it depends on what circles you move in.

If your social circle was church based, there is a good chance you'd meet girls who regarded sex as a major investment in a relationship.

If your social circle was bar and club based, the chances are you'd meet party girls into hookups and fwb.

It's all about the environment.

Sad_Apple_1911 · 2023-03-04T22:53:12+00:00

"To me, there is something special about being first, but FWB culture today makes 'sex' be basically transactional which I dislike heavily."

Somewhat more common for women to agree with your view here

Andromeda_______ · 2023-03-05T13:49:52+00:00

Here are some blue pills for you:

🔵 Most people don't hook up with tonnes and tonnes of people. Most people lie and say they've been with more. Most girls your age will have been with a few guys, but not many.

🔵 Most people (including women) want a monogamous and faithful relationship.

🔵 Virginity is over-rated. "Purity" is a nonsense idea. Let it go. Being someone's first is not as special as being their last.

🔵 When your parents and grandparents were young, people still had sex before marriage. The culture just forced them to lie about it much more.

🔵 Sexual experience does not make someone more likely to cheat. It's counter intuitive but imagine your first relationship is with someone who has been with 15 guys. You'll be wondering what you're missing out on while she's been there, done that, and is completely over the hype.

mindsofeuropa1981 · 2023-03-04T19:49:51+00:00

The best advice I can give is that you cannot change the world at large, but you can work on yourself. So that should be your primary focus. Set goals and achieve them. Whether they be related to health, fitness, skills, education, job advancement, business enterprise, hobbies, community activity -- put genuine effort into everything that you do.

I know this sounds like by doing all that you are not addressing the main goal that you have, which is to find a traditional relationship with a woman where two people are actually dedicated to each other, but in fact you are doing exactly that. Being successful and accomplished is going to draw women to you and that includes the 'right' type of women who are looking for something more than superficial, vapid hook-ups.

Even though this is a fairly twisty path, it is in fact the shortest one. Therapy isn't going to help you and there are no shortcut tricks that would fix everything at the snap of your fingers. Now even if you are successful, you will still need to sift out the women who are not worth your time, the shallow, the greedy, etc... but at least you will be doing that from the position of strength and you will never need to be desperate. That helps. A lot.

imhereforthemeta · 2023-03-05T04:20:09+00:00

If you’d like this type of relationship ( being each others “first”) you need to date a religious no sex before marriage type and that’s about it. This just isn’t a dogma for most people, so you are of course going to limit your dating options a lot. It’s either something you need to work through or accept.

Personally I can say the first person I had sex with completely does not matter to me and yet I trust my spouse with my life. It will not improve your relationship to be someone’s first.

AMagicMan55 · 2023-03-05T13:54:07+00:00

An obsession with an idealized relationship is not healthy. Life isn't gonna be perfect, and is far too short, so enjoy the women you get with. Accept them as they are and not bias yourself against them for not fitting your ideal. One of them may even be the love of your life, no matter whether you're her first or her last. But she will be with you, and that's all that matters.

ShelbySecretary · 2023-03-04T19:46:25+00:00

I promise not every woman is into hookup culture. I think it's abhorrent. I'm older than you and haven't slept with many people on principle alone. I'd rather find that person I can explore everything with: our minds, bodies, goals, likes and dislikes, music, turn ons, etc. It's hard though, even for women. Trying to find men like the ones I want are not easy either.

I personally like therapy and understand that you need to go for a long while to figure everything out. It'll take more than 3 sessions to dig deep within your psyche and pull out the parts that keep you stuck, but it is possible. Sometimes you need to add journaling, or reading books about these thoughts and feelings to get that 'resonating' feeling from it.

Trust is such a hard concept when we're all taught to lie everyday about silly little things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Over time, we become dishonest with ourselves because society doesn't let us be real and true to ourselves. We all have a mask, be this, and be that. It's a constant barrage of lies from TV ads, to commercials, to beauty, to politics.

There's no magic solution about this. Sometimes you just have to take leaps of faith (within reason, of course). I used to just shove it all down and ignore it, but trust me when I say, it'll all come out anyways. Every lie, every forced societal mask, every 'I'm fine' when you're not really fine. You just have to remind yourself to be honest yourself and you'll hopefully attract honesty.

Naus1987 · 2023-03-05T05:05:47+00:00

Find a younger woman with a good personality. Keep in mind that to win her over, you too have to have a good personality.

As much as I hate that fishing joke about women, it’s true that you get different kinds of women with different kinds of bait.

If you rely on superficial factors like wealth or looks to win someone over, then you can TRUST that they’re going to chase those things. And anyone can have wealth or looks, so you would be setting yourself up to get wrecked.

You can trust people’s actions. But you have to be smart enough to read them.

If you want a woman who wants only you, then you have to offer something only you can give.

Appropriate-Ad-8030 · 2023-03-04T22:46:24+00:00

Dude you are doomed….you need to embrace casual…..she’s not yours, it’s just your turn….that’s just the reality of dating now a days….if you don’t accept that and keep your emotional distance, she will rip your throat out and feed it to you….do not, for the love of god, make an emotional investment….she’s there as long as it’s convenient for her….once she finds a guy that makes more money than you, that is better looking than you, and/or that is smarter than you, she will kick your ass to the curb…she will cloak everything in language like…we have lost our spark or she has a deeper emotional connection with someone else….this is just code for her loins longing for a guy she sees as your superior…

Mean_Mechanic9889 · 2023-03-05T15:38:38+00:00

From a woman. My perspectives basically the same as yours. I think this is quite a human experience in this Internet age of consumerism dating etc.

There's no easy answer on trust I'm afraid. Atleast one I can find. Keep me posted

I've not found a hard and fast rule but I have start3d to think trustworthy people are often not proactive in dating in this enviroment a lot. Which is frustrating. But it gives me hope I'll meet someone organically irl one day.

Sending loads of love BTW. Was a great post to read for my own issues. You're a valuable person

Title	Difficulty To Trust Women
Author	Tayoha
Upvotes	20
Comments	33
Date	March 4, 2023 5:15 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/11i6x2c/difficulty_to_trust_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/difficulty-to-trust-women.1154498 https://theredarchive.com/post/1154498

Comments