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[–]MachineryofTortureFDS Newbie 229 points230 points231 points 5 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
In Ireland we have a system called "Ask for Angela" where you ask a staff member if Angela is around and they will help you get away. It's posted in bathrooms and staff have procedures for different situations, like getting you out into a taxi, calling the Gardaí, making sure the guy doesn't see you walk out alone etc. I hate that we need it, but it's something.
[–]Bellaskywalker1FDS Newbie 66 points67 points68 points 5 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
I’m curious and this is probably a naive question, but how are the guys like in Ireland? What’s the dating scene like in Ireland? I know men everywhere can be terrible, but I wonder how much of American culture contributes to American men acting the way they do as opposed to the men being naturally depraved or raised that way?
[–]dak4f2FDS Newbie 46 points47 points48 points 5 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link
Not OP but there's certainly a cultural aspect. For instance, America has nothing on India and the ME.
And the way they're raised is often an integral part of the culture. Conscious parents can work hard to try to create an anomaly (bless those trying). But if they parent unconsciously, like most do, they will just mirror the culture and all that came before them. Often the way people are raised is mirrored in the culture and vice-versa.
I too am curious how much of it is 'natural'. There's no way to ethically test this but I'm curious of how an experiment with baby boys and girls raised together in a neutral way would turn out. Of course the caregivers could never entirely get rid of their innate biases, so the experiment is impossible and unethical! But in reality people and our culture and society is our current nature, it is natural. We just have to consciously decide to take the effort to change it and to evolve, and change is hard. But we're doing it here, each of us is doing our part.
Sorry I'm sleep deprived, that was way too heady and theoretical but I'm gonna leave it.
[–]Watzoo19 points 5 years ago* [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
And by parents, we mean dads. Many moms try to raise sons who won’t treat them or their future wives poorly. If dad counter parents by showing them “how to be men” or what is “for girls”, it all falls by the wayside during their impressionable teens.
[–]souredskittlesFDS STRATEGY COACH 337 points338 points339 points 5 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
I imagine clubbing is like tinder irl. Pushy af
[–]LandlordAbsenteeFDS Newbie 267 points268 points269 points 5 years ago* (17 children) | Copy Link
it really is! Some men do NOT leave you alone. I had a man try to kiss me one time, like wtf dude?! This is why I stick to gay clubs (I go with friends who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community). I get to dance to good music and not worry about some creepy weirdo trying to grab my waist or grind on me (most importantly those who don’t stop when told no MULTIPLE times)
Edit: wow I’m getting a few replies from ladies who I assume don’t have a flair yet and comments have been auto-deleted but I guess gay clubs aren’t safe from creepy straight dudes either. Everywhere you go, men are always there overstepping some boundary!! They really do find a way, scary. Stay safe xx
Edit 2: it ain’t that hard to not be creepy and to be respectful. Stop when a woman isn’t interested, stop when she says no, stop when she hesitates, don’t assume every woman wants you to dance with them. I’ve had one man ask politely if he could dance with my friends and I. Anything “intimate” needs to be reciprocated by BOTH parties. Don’t just grab a woman and dance with her and assume she agrees with anything that happens to her.
[–]souredskittlesFDS STRATEGY COACH 105 points106 points107 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I’ve gone but with a mixed gender group and the club was empty so it was okay.
I’ve gone to a bar for a friends bday and a guy tried to make me drink drinks he bought me. And tried to bully me into spending the night at his place. I left because f that and then my friend said he didn’t pay the tab. Sounds like tinder to me except you can’t block lol
[–]LandlordAbsenteeFDS Newbie 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
That is terrible! Too bad men like that can’t be banned from clubs, it’d be practically empty lol!
[–]souredskittlesFDS STRATEGY COACH 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So do you think tinder actually did something good for once? Like it took all these men prowling at the clubs/bars and put them in an app where they have no physical contact with you and without the advantage of you being drunk? It’s way easier to block than to keep telling an idiot no irl
[–]LandlordAbsenteeFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh yeah for sure. It’s the safest way to go “yikes this guy has red flags written all over him, block and delete” problem solved lol. The desperation and disrespect of some men is so pathetic whether that’s online or offline R.I.P.
[–][deleted] 161 points162 points163 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
The fact women have to resort to such tactics is madness. LVM are truly abhorrent.
[–]LadyKaitlyn96 points 5 years ago* [recovered] (12 children) | Copy Link
Anyone have some good examples of subtle ways to get a woman out of that situation?
Edit: Thanks everyone for the tips!! There should be a handbook or wiki post or something full of these- just an idea.
[–]UnderwaterWriterFDS Newbie 159 points160 points161 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Easiest way I’ve found is to say “Omg! So and So just got here! Let’s go!” Or I will ask my friend if she can help me find the bathroom, and we’ll leave together. I’ve had guys get very aggressive with my friends in clubs and I just cut in, point down vaguely at my ring finger and suggest that she is my fiancé. Another one: run up to your friend and say “I can’t find my phone! Can you call it?” Easy excuse to rush off and help a friend find their lost phone.
[–][deleted] 94 points95 points96 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Not sure if this is a good idea (since it may give him the idea that yes, she did like me, I wasn’t imagining things, she wanted to find me again, she even said so but I usually added something like “stay right here so I’ll be able to find you again” or “don’t go anywhere and don’t forget the topic, we weren’t done yet” and maybe add a little wink. Giving the dude hope and making sure he stays perfectly where we left him, waiting for me to return. Then he wouldn’t see us grab our coats and leave, thus not getting the chance of following us.
If you have a high risk of meeting the guy again, then don’t do it. But it worked for me once.
[–]UnderwaterWriterFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I couldn’t disagree with you more. The guy isn’t important. Your friend is important. Don’t wink at a guy and give him some unnecessary sense of importance. That’s ridiculous. You’re literally giving him a reason to follow and find your friend. Absurd! He doesn’t matter. You’ll notice that in my examples, the scrote isn’t even acknowledged. Your examples just do not ring true of FDS values. We don’t even give scrotes the time of day. The block and delete energy should flow through you.
[–][deleted] 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wait what? I meant if you’re the one talking to him, not the friend. And of course the guy isn’t important - in what way did I suggest the dude is important what so ever?
And yes, I do agree entirely. But in the moment, tricking a dude to stay in a spot so that you can leave safely is worth it. I’ve had men try to follow me when I try to use excuses to get away in a club. Literally telling him to stay in a spot and making him feel like that’s the key to getting into my pants has before been a strategy I used in order to escape.
Of course I don’t mean to flirt with a scrote, don’t be ridiculous. But going all in FDS in person with a persistent guy can be dangerous and I’d rather pretend to flirt and escape, than having something worse go down. Winking should only be used to make him believe you’re truly returning, so that he won’t be following. Blocking and deleting isn’t possible to do in person, so sometimes we have to be smart. I’ll use any strategy at all to get away from a persistent scrote, and I don’t give a shit how it makes him feel - all that matters is my safety.
[–]ghostnet_and_bonesFDS Newbie 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
just pretending something innocuous is up, like babe u got a phone call or our bud just got here say hi or the bartender is my friend i told u about or can u take me to the bathroom or even ask your girl to accompany you for a ciggie.
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
At one of my favorite bars there's a note in the women's bathroom with instructions of how to alert the bartender that you're feeling unsafe with a man (or whomever) in such a way that gives you an escape without being too obvious. It also gets another person involved so there is less likely to be retaliation or a "scene".
[–]XimsRocksThrowaway Account 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
One time I was in a club, (luckily I was not drunk) it was maybe the third time I went as I have just turned 18, so this guy comes to the table my friends and me are at, and we started chatting I kinda liked him but he looks older maybe 28 I was okey here are my friends it doesn’t matter at one point he has being really insisting that I go to his table and I was like not, then he physically lifts me even when I was saying please let me down really scared, and my friends were not paying attention so I had to grab my friends hair desperately and she turns around and helps me, after that he didn’t return to the table, you can imagine how scary that was and more because I live in South America and stories of girls getting kidnapped happen everyday :(
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
There is one like this at my favorite craft beer bar. It was honestly such a relief when I first saw it.
[–]Revolutionary-Day938FDS Newbie 25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That is amazing and should be common practice ❤️👑👑
[–]Revolutionary-Day938FDS Newbie 28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Much needed. I remember in my younger days in Spain.. there was always that one twat, at the club, who believed not giving up and relentlessly sticking to you like stinky glue ,would work. We were super lucky and had an allocated “ pretend bf” who would approach when needed , claim us as his , scare the asshole away . He wasn’t always there .. but he was a prince 👑
[–]MagistraliterFDS Newbie 40 points41 points42 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
In the clubs in my city, there's a poster in the bathrooms giving advice what to do in such cases (and the staff is trained to help).
In the ladies' bathrooms, of course. I asked my male friends if there's a poster in the gents and surprise surprise, it isn't...
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]dancedance_83 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish I had this during my clubbing days, though I know my girl would help me out if I ever needed it
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
friends have each others' backs. drop the "friends" that are never there for you. it will save you a ton of pain. you can't waste precious years sifting through your friend's internalized misogyny and expect them to have mutual respect.
sometimes those friends take themselves out with the trash when a man comes into their lives. all of a sudden, they disappear off the face of the earth and pretend you do not exist only to come back when they've been dumped or cheated on or worse. they think that the only way to be respected by men is to go off against other women, to put them down, criticize them, isolate themselves from their influence and start doing "only wifey shit".
recognize the symptoms early and make a choice.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What if he’s like “girl are you Italian” at the last one?
My sense of humor is broken. Sorry guys 😂
[–]your_last_braincellFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you! Imma start doing this with my friends!
[–]enoughalready4meFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
We would use the ASL sign for Help. Right hand as a fist on your open left palm, then lift your hands together. Kinda looks like you are asking for a beer, but meant "get me the fuck out of here!" Also, one guy who kept hitting on my drunk friend on Bourbon Street... I asked to see his ID, and the dumbass gave it to me! I refused to return it until he gave me back my tipsy friend.
[–]BatmanAdams 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the first actual dating strategy post I've seen in 30 minutes of browsing this sub. Thanks 👍👍👍
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[–]MachineryofTortureFDS Newbie 229 points230 points231 points (17 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Watzoo19 points [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]souredskittlesFDS STRATEGY COACH 337 points338 points339 points (19 children) | Copy Link
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[–]souredskittlesFDS STRATEGY COACH 105 points106 points107 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 161 points162 points163 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]LadyKaitlyn96 points [recovered] (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]UnderwaterWriterFDS Newbie 159 points160 points161 points (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–]XimsRocksThrowaway Account 22 points23 points24 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]Revolutionary-Day938FDS Newbie 25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]MagistraliterFDS Newbie 40 points41 points42 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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