The first man I ever slept with, my N-ex and I had what I now realise to be a completely abusive 'sex life'. No foreplay, no touching or kissing, just jackhammer and slapping my ass occasionally. He would have to force himself into me, on multiple occasions I would even wince (audibly) in pain and if I requested lube he'd say "it doesn't feel good" and simply spit into his hand. 5 minutes later I'd be sore, torn and bloody and left extremely dissatisfied. In the 3 years of dating him I never orgasmed once, and he never made any attempt to try. He'd sometimes request to try rape fantasies, and when I'd respond with shock would claim I didn't know how to take a joke.

His favourite pornstar, one he used to mention frequently enough that I remembered her name: Bonnie Rotten - a woman who partakes in particularly violent porn.

As well as aggressive behaviour he'd ask me to dress up like a Catholic school girl and would complain about how I never gave him blowjobs. He would take pictures of me without my knowing and sometimes show them to me offhanded saying how I was his personal spank bank.

All of this made me realise how tailored porn is to men, and how women in porn are used solely as sex objects and a means to a man's end. I can make the link so distinctly in our sex life, and further more into our personal life. This man viewed me as nothing but a thing to be used while he sat as the main character of his life.

I'm embarrassed to have allowed a man to get away with treating me so poorly, but the more I read of FDS, the more reassured I am that it wasn't my fault. I didn't allow this - I was manipulated into this. This is normal for so many other woman. Y'all are making me feel so much better about my situation and so much more prepared to deal (or rather not deal) with this type of shit in the future.