Am I being selfish and cruse to consider divorce?

rumble_salt · 2022-06-17T09:29:12+00:00

My only regret in life is not divorcing sooner. I wasted a lot of time with someone who gave me nothing in return.

anonmdivy · 2022-06-17T13:49:45+00:00

This is probably going to get downvoted but being in a relationship with someone that has depression (not the occasional I'm having a bad day, but the real deal I don't want to get out of bed for a week) is massively draining and quickly becomes a one-way relationship (you catering to their needs only). It's just not worth it. Kids make is messier, but you slogging through a decade of hell isn't in their best interest either.

edit: typo

James1933-75 · 2022-06-17T13:14:47+00:00

The infidelity and her yelling justifies divorce. Record these, and gather evidence if legal in your jurisdiction.

I don't believe for a minute there is no physical infidelity. Personally, I would demand a DNA test before you sign the birth certificate.

Not taking care of her mental health will damage your son. You should be preparing for full custody, with her only getting visitation.

Broadside her, and give no quarter.

lostcanuck007 · 2022-06-17T09:43:07+00:00

...i was in the same situation but a few things added, i should have ended it sooner, when all the advantages were in my hands. I waited and got fucked. dont confront her about the sexting, don't change your reactions or moods with her. nothing under, nothing over. You are going to be through hell with 2 kids child support.

Prep for false allegations, see if you state has alienation of affection laws(to use to bargain , not to actually win it, coz that few and far in between). she is prepping for an attack, you warned her too early, now its a race to the finish line.

Talk to a lawyer and figure out your best time, i would advise liquifying assets and taking up some loans, without letting her know, Get a new bank account at a new bank. tell all banks and credit cards to have no paper copies sent to you, go digital and change all passwords. (do this even if you aren't breaking up). Burn all paper copies of all statements and hide deeds to property elsewhere or just sell the property. Get a 1 room place somewhere and a week/month before you pull the trigger, pay up for the next few months and set it up, make sur eyou are comfy because having a place to sleep and having bills paid when your accounts are frozen is a god send. similarly buy a shitty but reliable car.

get all important things out but dont make it noticeable. "sell" the things too big to move quietly to a friend that can give it back to you.

night before or few hours before you pull the trigger, tell your family and freinds, or rather do it directly after serving her. whether you tell them about the infidelity or not is upto you, i say these things are best kept under wraps and used as bargaining chips.

From a moral standpoint i wouldn't divorce a pregnant mother, but i have been through what you are experiencing, and it got really BAD during pregnancy. so you know your situation better, so go through with it, good luck.

2022-06-17T14:36:24+00:00

This one hits home. Dealt with the same thing. It's hard to give you good advice because it's not an easy process. No matter what you decide to do, you're probably going to feel regret in some way. But also, if she's pregnant with your baby, why is she sexting another man? There's a fine line between being supportive and being a sucker.

Flesh_Pillow5 · 2022-06-17T12:15:31+00:00

She’s abusing your son and you’re being apprehensive about dumping her ass?!!!

pegleg_legal · 2022-06-17T09:50:33+00:00

I can't think of any reason to divorce a pregnant woman unless she admitted it's not your kid. It's a bad move that will follow you indefinitely. Stick it out for 18 months, separate your living spaces if you have to.

fencingmom1972 · 2022-06-17T13:40:03+00:00

If she’s already overwhelmed and stressed out with a five year old while married, imagine what her life will be like with two young kids as a single parent and how it will affect them. Probably the best you’ll be able to get is 50/50, so your kids will still be with her half of the time, except now she’s doing it all on her own and possibly with added financial stress on top of it. You won’t be there to run interference and step in if needed.

I don’t normally advocate staying together for the kids’ sake, but I couldn’t in good conscience send them off to the other parent knowing the situation has the possibility to be a powder keg based on what you’ve described. If you didn’t have kids or if she had good coping skills when it came to stress, then it would be a different story. Since you aren’t able to divorce anyway for many more months, I’d take the time to explore marriage counseling to see if there’s a way forward for both of you. If if there isn’t, you’ll leave knowing that you tried and can then focus on making sure she gets the counseling she needs to handle stress better before you split for good. Best of luck to you.

CleburnCO · 2022-06-17T18:00:57+00:00

Simple- Demand that she write a full, written, detailed confession of what she did, with whom, when, content, and when the last time she was in contact with them.

Tell her there will be a polygraph to verify.

If she refuses, tell her you will be having her served with D papers shortly and walk away. This is not a threat. You should actually follow through. This is a test to see if she is truly sorry or sorry she got caught. Any resistance means she isn't truly sorry.

alcosexual · 2022-06-17T19:45:52+00:00

The only thing that's going to change here is that you both will get older, and the financial penalties for divorcing her are only going to get worse.

You can absolutely get out now and get your life back. If you wait a few years for things to magically get better, you're just going to end up having a more difficult time of it.

She was getting flirty with people years ago, and you "addressed" that with her. And now she's sexting someone again. How did that go? Did it work the first time? Did she learn her lesson? Of course not.

I also have a wife who has depression, only she's not the only one who suffers from it. I do. Our son does. She's got two modes: 1.) zooming around on her ADHD meds or 2.) in bed for days because she ran out of said meds and is severely depressed.

This is not your problem dude. We only get a short time here on this planet. Make the most of it. Don't spend years hoping this chick gets her shit together.

icallitadisaster · 2022-06-17T22:06:33+00:00

I'm sorry for your situation. You already said "love bombing" and verbal/emotional abuse. Those are serious issues that indicate your partner isn't that great of a partner.

Sexting is a huge violation of trust. Do you honestly think it was going to just stay "sexting" forever? Personally I believe sexting starts with an emotional affair and leads to real sex.

Don't feel guilty about doing what is best for you because women will do what's best for them in a second. The pregnancy really complicates things. I would definitely get a paternity test.

xadmin1 · 2022-06-18T07:01:51+00:00

She sound like she has bpd, not add. Leave now while you can

AnonJetlag · 2022-06-24T22:09:34+00:00

You had me at 1. That’s enough for a divorce

Title	Am I being selfish and cruse to consider divorce?
Author	Far_Objective1236
Upvotes	10
Comments	27
Date	June 17, 2022 9:26 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ve94ai/am_i_being_selfish_and_cruse_to_consider_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/am-i-being-selfish-and-cruse-to-consider-divorce.1209561 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209561

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