From the UK.

We've been separated about 6 months. First couple of months were hell. The worst place I've been in my life. Her not wanting to talk at all, not hearing "Dadddyyyy" when you get in from the office or on the baby monitor when you wake. The same things I am sure most of us are missing/missed. It really impacted me holistically. It's been a few months now and I am coping better day to day (cleaning, cooking, working etc) but still have period when I feel maybe she'll come back and this really is just a temporary nightmare. I know I'm kidding myself but what the fuck has happened to my life. Everything was about them and now my work is meaningless.

So definitely still have times when I am up/down but the worst of it (contemplating ending my life, leaving my job, running away to be alone as if that were some sort of escape) is behind me.

I am 32 years old and my marriage lasted 6 years. We rented our home and have no assets. 2 children. She never worked after our first born and she is primary carer now. I see my kids on weekends and split holidays. I pay her an agreed amount of child maintenance.

So here's the deal.

What goes through my mind. It will be raw, maybe a flawed type of thought process but I want to say what is on my mind. I would appreciate some sound advice from people who have been through separation etc and can take what I am saying and tell me if it is healthy or not. Just what the best thing I can do for myself/my ex/my children.

So I have a pretty decent job (software test engineer), I have a place to live, decent health and enough money. I see the kids every weekend. I am still young (I have friends who are 38 and are just getting married and having kids now) so I feel like I can't rule out finding a new partner and getting married all over again. I truly believe in it, it is just a shame that my ex made a decision without really telling me and left me with not only no choice but no scaffold to manage the separation (she blocked me and didnt want anything to do with me - aside from the money for the kids of course. Independence but still dependent on me). Should I just spend my free time focusing on getting fit/healthy, pushing myself on the career ladder and becoming the best version of myself so that if I do decide to find another partner and remarry in the next 5 years, then I'll be the best version of myself that I can be? Currently I don't do much else aside from go to work, eat whatever I can get my hands on and wait for my kids to pop by every weekend.

Just some tips and advice would be great. We aren't divorced yet and I am dreading it (even though I don't have a house or any assets but there is always spousal maintenance/alimony that might come into it but she hasn't mentioned it to me at all) but is my life going to be like this for the foreseeable future - work, come home to an empty house, eat anything and sleep. Repeat. There is an element of co-dependence but I also feel I am young and can still find/settle down with someone. Plus I have kids, are there women out there that would be interested in a man that is divorced with kids?

So many questions and strange thoughts but this is what I am thinking about daily. All that was peaceful has now disappeared and I am always anxious about my future now. Damn it, hold it together dude!

Anyway fellow brothers, hope you're all well and having a good Easter break and seeing your children (if you have them). Ciao.