Please help...Am I missing something??

luridlurker · 2022-01-03T22:01:02+00:00

If you want a LTR: Meet people - and I do mean people, not just women - through common interests. Build out your friend circles. You'll find women you click with, and women you click with and have chemistry with. Not all of them will want to date you, but some will. Key is to not make finding someone the main goal - keeps the pressure and creep-factor out.

Tinder's fine for a fling. If you're not getting matches flesh out your profile. Demonstrate you'd be a considerate date. Think about why you would spend time with someone like you and advertise what you have to offer. Be up front about what you're looking for, but work to be as inclusive/open as you can and don't put down anyone's attributes/preferences when stating your own. When matched, don't just assume they're DTF just out the gate - find out what makes them tick and what they want out of things and determine if you're willing to meet their needs before you jump to sex.

petaura · 2022-01-03T22:48:44+00:00

I don't know if it is true that they hate being approached cold, I think if anything they are referring to rude, insistent approaches in strange places.

fembitch97 · 2022-01-03T23:27:14+00:00

Just to be clear, I’m a woman and I don’t mind cold approaches in public places. I’ve had guys hit on me in the gym or the supermarket and they were polite so it really didn’t bother me. I think the majority of women don’t mind being cold approached as long as you’re very polite, just be prepared to take a rejection respectfully.

CanadianCatanian · 2022-01-04T03:51:10+00:00

As a woman who dislikes being cold approached, I’m surprised at some of the comments here implying I’m in the minority, lol. I for one am grateful that you’ve believed a lot of the women who say they hate it. But I am an extreme introvert with anxiety, so women who are more extroverted and/or actively looking to date may like being approached! If you have to do it, I’d agree with the others that suggest clubs or bars, places that are kinda ‘for’ flirting and finding people. (Even though I personally wouldn’t want to be approached in those places either lol.)

DarkestTimeline24 · 2022-01-04T01:31:37+00:00

I want to meet people when I feel safe and I’m up to it. In my city it’s not normal to just talk to strangers unless you need like direction or bus fare. I don’t want to be hit on at my bus stop, or at work, or when I’m sweating at the gym trying not to make eye contact while I do my hip thrusts. online dating is kind of fucked and is rough on a lot of people and I don’t know that anyone likes it exactly. In public though If I want to mingle and flirt I go to specific places bars, pubs, dinner parties, social events, games stores and hobby shops, pool halls places where socializing is the point. There’s cues beyond this. If someone is sitting at a booth in a bar getting dinner with friends that’s prolly not a good time to talk to them. But someone on their own or with just a buddy or two at the counter right by the bartender, they’re prolly a little more up to talking to strangers.

AntiVictimhood · 2022-01-04T01:12:39+00:00

The options are not Tinder or approach random women.

Capitalize on your social circle. And if you have a small social circle, getting out and making friends and connecting with people is good practice for your interpersonal skills in general. Making friends and having mutual friends is an effective way to meet new people and potential dates.

Secondly, join in person clubs/groups based around an activity. My best friend joined a co-ed softball league and that alone has expanded her social circle dramatically. A lot of people on her team met their SOs through the league and attending parties after games.

Third, frequent the same place daily, and go at the same time. You will meet the regulars and meet people who are there consistently. This can be a coffee shop if you have limited options. Go there at a certain time and hang out and read for an hour. My favourite is always going to the gym- I met my partner because we both worked out at 3pm 5 days a week. I saw him there so often that we ended up chatting and that led to a date which turned into a marriage. Additionally, I have made a ton of friends by virtue of being a gym rat and seeing familiar faces who you become friendly with.

Fourth, volunteer. This is another great way to meet people. Alternatively, you can take on a part time job that is social. One of my best friends retired young after developing a successful app, and he bartended on weekends for 3 years because it was isolating being a 30 year old dude who was retired and introverted. Bartending allowed him to meet people, and I know he dated some women who he met at the bar. This isn't going to be feasible for everyone- but even a public facing job on weekends can be a good way to meet new people, make friends with coworkers, and be in situations where it's normal to interact with a stranger.

Fifth, ask for advice/feedback on your dating profiles from friends (especially female friends). I revamped one of my male friends profiles because his was absolute garbage and despite him being an amazing and intelligent guy, he came across as a boring player on the apps. I helped him with his answers/bio and his photo selection and he told me he had about a 20% rise in matches. I've seen guys use the apps and they usually swipe based on the photos. Women tend to read the bios and answers, and that will impact their decision a lot more.

Lastly, don't bank on getting approached. It's very taboo for women to ask out men (even though I asked out my man!), and women are socialized to believe that if men don't come to them, they're doing something wrong. Men are taught to chase, and women are taught to attract. It sucks and it's pretty outdated, but it's a reality that you need to accept. And no, there is no need to give up. Finding someone who you are compatible with takes time. It's not going to happen overnight. And 9/10 dates end without a second date. When it comes down to it, we're not going to be romantically compatible with most people. It takes time to find someone you have a genuine connection with.

Patience is required. And if you're more of an introvert, it will take some time to get comfortable socializing and putting yourself out there. But the more you can expand your social circle and put yourself in situations where it's normal to chat with strangers- the better chance you'll have of meeting potential matches.

Getting bitter and disillusioned is a huge liability if you're looking for a romantic connection. Having that attitude means you'll likely end up projecting resentment onto women who don't deserve it.

MaliaXOXO · 2022-01-04T20:35:59+00:00

By cold approach do you mean a guy walking up to me? I usually meet guys in person I don't use online dating usually because I tend to find a similar pattern in the men I date on there vs in person.

In person if I like a guy I usually give a smile and play with my hair and that's enough to make him come over to talk, if he smart enough to catch subtle hints he's already passed by biggest test.

The problem with cold approach is those guys tend to not be able to tell when I'm not interested and they stay there too long and start to get borderline harassing. Then when I firmly reject they get super mad and aggressive which is very scary.

I'm in the process of getting my concealed weapons license because one time an Uber driver took me to these back roads in the middle of nowhere and started hitting on me. I was so scared I thought I was getting kidnapped and he wouldn't leave, I had to beg him to take me home.

Naus1987 · 2022-01-04T01:24:50+00:00

You gotta stop being so extremist for a start lol!

Not everyone hates the cold approach. And you shouldn’t just give up. There’s so much middle ground.

You gotta be smart. Think smart. Try something. Observe. Collect data. And apply that data to your next attempt. Keeping in mind that all people are unique individuals. So what may not work for one person — may work for another.

You can also just observe people without having to participate in the science. go to a grocery store. Notice how many couples there are. How many singles they are. Make any notable observations? One thing I notice, is there’s a lot of shorter guys in relationships, so the internet isn’t always true, LOL!

Figure out what your strengths are. And what your weaknesses are. Play to your strengths.

The key is to practice with intention. Science with intention. Don’t wing life without taking observation. Hone in on learning.

And if you just can’t learn. Or life is too hard, then I don’t know what to tell you.

unlivedbread · 2022-01-04T03:20:14+00:00

Women don't hate being cold approached who ever told you that?

mammajess · 2022-01-04T02:46:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ResponsibleAd2541 · 2022-01-04T06:29:11+00:00

Informal matchmaking still works , ask around to friends and family. The benefit of that is that you get some prescreening for assholes and if use the family, you probably don’t have to worry about them “approving” (lol, you get what I mean) on the back end.

Yesm3can · 2022-01-04T08:06:15+00:00

women hate being cold approached

Different women will react differently to this, I am sure. Even among my fellow women friends, we act differently, down to the way we accept or reject.

I got cold approached quite often, usually either being offered to get to nearest cafe for lunch or if I want to take their numbers. Happened everywhere too. During grocery shopping, in a train once, when I was walking my dog, etc. I always politely told them "no, thank you" and when they asked why, I just told them that I am not interested. And so far, 100% of them always accepted that rejection gracefully. No harassing, no pestering.

But that is just me. I have a female friend that will always say yes and take the guy's numbers as token of appreciation because she thinks bravery should be positively awarded. She had bad and good experience from those decisions too.

Another female friend will just raise her hand and say no and nothing else.

So you see, different woman will react differently for cold approach.

supertitiz · 2022-01-04T18:57:09+00:00

lol cold approach only works if you are hot and/or super charming. otherwise it's creepy. given that you don't get matches on tinder, don't bother with cold approach. improve yourself.

Title	Please help...Am I missing something??
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	111
Date	January 3, 2022 9:49 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/rvd0c5/please_helpam_i_missing_something/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/please-helpam-i-missing-something.1211953 https://theredarchive.com/post/1211953

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