Do RPW initiate intimacy? Or leave it to their partner

ivysaurah · 2023-05-03T03:03:28+00:00

Ehhh I initiate through non aggressive action (like touch, kissing, other non verbal cues), but my husband and I have great communication. He knows he can say no if he’s feeling tired/not in the mood and I won’t punish him by getting angry and displaying wounded pride. He works a physically demanding job and sometimes he benefits more from a massage and that’s fine with me. I do think it’s important to show your man that you’re attracted to them, but that doesn’t always have to be through sex.

anothergoodbook · 2023-05-03T11:09:05+00:00

Just want to add to at you aren’t alone. This has been an issue in my marriage as well. It’s been a rough road because being rejected many times has been rough on my emotions.

The best it has been in the recent past has been when I totally didn’t think about it at all. I have been putting most of my effort/energy into weight loss and basically “ignored” my husband. It been a struggle lately because it’s been at least 2 weeks so I’m trying very hard for it to not be an argument. I’ve already tried a couple times in the last 2 weeks and have gotten turned down. So I’m putting my attention and energy into something else.

Many times the responses I’ve gotten are “well he needs to do xyz” or “you need to talk to him about this” (as if you already haven’t had a multitude of discussions and arguments). And I’ve never been able to get my husband to do anything since he is his own person. My husband also says he doesn’t watch porn or masturbate. It’s rough on my self worth to tell the truth as much as I don’t want to make it about me.

I don’t know if this adds anything to the conversation here but I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone.

NoFaithInThisSub · 2023-05-03T09:13:38+00:00

from your other comments, the culprit seems to be not enough rest from this job. Nothing crushes T levels like lack of proper sleep (note proper sleep). He will need 2 good rem cycles a night, maybe even weekend afternoon naps to recover.

Sleep > Diet > Exercise for T levels (generally speaking).

xcheshirecatxx · 2023-05-03T13:41:05+00:00

Nagging is negative

"If you were a real man you'd fuck me"

"I want your dick" is a compliment

RationalFemale · 2023-05-03T15:58:41+00:00

I highly recommend you read this “THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE” girl game by Ian ironwood http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2012/07/girl-game-gfe.html?m=1

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2023-05-03T13:53:32+00:00

I've gone through this when my husband is under a lot of pressure at work. I've found that just being supportive and letting him come to me when he's in the mood works best. I also tell him how much I want him and love having sex with him and then just lay off. Overt sexiness when he's trying to meet a work deadline and his email is exploding is annoying and guilt-inducing.

There are some good comments about testosterone, depression, rest and so on, but I think your husband would have to pursue this stuff on his own, because his low libido bothers him. You can lead him to water, you can't make him drink.

FreeThePendulousBoob · 2023-05-03T08:33:12+00:00

Hubs and I have come up with a great non-verbal, low commitment way to show our interest in sex. We both have a decently high sex drive, but something similar may work for you.

Whoever is interested folds the covers halfway down the bed. That's it. It's super simple but a great way to show your interest without needing to say anything. If he or I aren't in the mood, that one just climbs into bed and pulls the covers back up, but the shared knowledge is now there. And often times, knowing that our spouse desires us has the other changing their mind. If we are receptive, the covers stay down and kissing and handsy starts soon after, normally by the one more interested.

I've been sick a bunch lately (colds, stomach flu, strep throat, and I'm 11W pregnant with baby 5 with a decent amount of nausea and an even better of fatigue) so the 'cover code' offers a great way to show that I'm just not feeling up for sex without shutting him down. We are Catholic so all sexual encounters end with PiV sex without the option to do things like only a BJ.

undothatbutton · 2023-05-03T15:36:36+00:00

My husband and I typically have pretty matched libidos so keep that in mind, it sounds like you guys aren’t usually as matched up. But whenever he has a really stressful work period (which has been happening a lot this year due to his field’s volatility at the moment), his libido pretty much tanks. I’m also currently heavily pregnant and we have a 1 year old. So you can imagine this year we have had a big flux with our sex life compared to usual.

Whenever I am in the mood but I know he isn’t, I don’t put pressure on him to have sex, because that IS just adding to his to-do list, and it isn’t something I want to associate with sex and intimacy. I just let him know I find him sexy, I appreciate his body, I’ll give him a lingering kiss on the neck, etc. as a light initiation. Sometimes even with the stress he may be down, sometimes it’s just a nice way to let him know that even when our libidos are mismatched for whatever reason, I still find him attractive and miss him, but without putting any pressure on him. And in the meantime if I’m truly unable to wait, I just handle myself on my own time. Sometimes I might take a pic or send him a text when I do masturbate, just to let him know I was thinking of him. Not to guilt him or invite him, but because sometimes we just aren’t synced up, and that means he can peek at that pic or text when he IS feeling sexual even if I’m not. He does the same sometimes too.

We have pretfy open communication about sex though so none of this comes across to either of us as a guilt trip or adding to the to-do list. We are just in a season of life where we have to make do, so that’s what we do.

astral1 · 2023-05-03T15:36:34+00:00

This may be TMI, but here is my personal experience with this. i actually respect a girl for initiating. However, both partners 'should' be initiating reciprocally. As in, the work shouldn't all be on you or him. It should be both of you.

i use to tell my ex that I had a low libido but I just didn't want to be intimate with her. I would watch porn on the low. We were not a good couple... for many reasons. she wasnt emotionally available to me, so i didn't find her physically attractive. She was also kind of gross though. She treated food like a drug, she would get drunk and throw herself at my feet and try to do blowjobs, and it was just so stupid.

She desperately wanted me to only want her for her body, but i needed her heart and mind. i told her one time "i cannot lie with my body." She never forgot that... I guess women see men as this constantly horny creature due to media, films, commercialism... generally this is true. But they want novelty...and maybe women don't (as much) when it comes to sex.? That's why porn is so addicting. And why marriages always have problems in the bedroom. IT's the same dish, over and over. And as much as we like to believe that sex will never get old with our SO, in time we realize that we're only human.(IN my opinion.)

After a while of this, I felt bad... and started looking to myself to blame. So I stopped masturbating for a week, and then I was able to perform for her. Then I would give it up completely, except maybe three times a month. Although the sex wasn't super intimate, (she would complain that it wasn't like the beginning of our relationship) Yeah of course not.... and the longer it would go on, the less I would be able to finish, and then my finishing became a problem... but one thing always held true. If she would initiate by giving a BJ, (after I quit porn and masturbating) there was no way i wouldn't get turned on. We had a very very strange sexual relationship because she would always climax, and very quickly, and often. I ended up modifying my sexual behavior to induce that. Wasn't able to think about myself, in that way, but maybe that's just my nature.

i don't believe that a man has a low libido honestly, it must be so rare. It must be medically induced. I'd start by agreeing with each other not to masturbate. Ever. Take the 'love' out of sex too, its added baggage, imo. By that I mean, dont turn it into an opportunity to show each other love, start by just making it about the other persons release, and how each of you emotionally and physically desire that.

Its most important that both of you firmly agree to stop masturbating. Especially him. And don't believe him if he says he doesn't watch porn or masturbate. Sorry. Maybe not call him out on it, just quietly tell him, "even if you say you don't, im asking you to try this with me, please dont."

Try that for a month or two. For him a week or two should be enough.

Kovichek · 2023-05-03T22:08:42+00:00

Slightly off topic but this might help someone. I went through a sleep deprivation period due to work and my libido tanked right when my wife’s was going up. Fixing my sleep schedule helped, but high intensity working out tanked it again. I have been alternating Tongkat ali 5 days on/2 off and ashwaganda as needed on days I’m especially stressed and my libido has skyrocketed, like going from once every 2 weeks to doing it three days in a row type thing. Those two supplements together with regularly taking electrolyte pills + zinc/magnesium have quite literally turned my life around. (i sweat a lot and was unknowingly constantly depleted of electrolytes).

silkflowers47 · 2023-05-03T05:53:13+00:00

Please give him a blow job in the morning. It becomes a chore when the man has to do all the work. Its difficult when only the women receives pleasure. Please give him blow jobs without him asking.

Also talk about each other’s pornography consumption. Try to have a conversation about pornography and masturbation.

AutoModerator · 2023-05-03T02:27:15+00:00

Title: Do RPW initiate intimacy? Or leave it to their partner

Full text: I’m married to a man with low libido. I am 31F and he is 38M. We have always argued about this topic and I’ve completely stopped giving it attention. I was reading in the sidebar (can’t remember which chapter it was), but it was saying how when women nag for sex it becomes another chore on their list they have to do. But does that include initiating too?

For instance even though my husband is low libido, I still want to show him that I want him and desire him sexually. Though he won’t reciprocate, I’m just not sure if I should or leave it up to him. I don’t want to be so forward or take on the masculine role in the relationship.

Thoughts?

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couldthisbelove · 2023-05-03T16:19:30+00:00

Is he often stressed? I find adaptogens like maca powder help with this! Also increases libido and keeps the androgens at bay.

TheBunk_TB · 2023-05-03T20:55:43+00:00

Two way street

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-05-04T00:50:41+00:00

My husband absolutely does not appreciate being directly asked for sex or if he wants to receive a sex act. He's fine with me directly asking for something just for me. I'm still learning what he considers to be a good initiation - a lot of what I thought would work... didn't. I'm sure you've had conversations about how he would want to be approached already though.

How does your husband respond to you requesting pleasure? His response to you saying you need intimacy without him needing to get it up should be different to something that requires him to be aroused.

I have had some luck with the spontaneous BJ. I also can achieve a lot of attention by being near him casually nude or scantily clad. Frequently being touched even when it doesn't lead to anything more can be very satisfying.

Title	Do RPW initiate intimacy? Or leave it to their partner
Author	Ineedbabies123
Upvotes	26
Comments	38
Date	May 3, 2023 2:27 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1367vbw/do_rpw_initiate_intimacy_or_leave_it_to_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-rpw-initiate-intimacy-or-leave-it-to-their.1217654 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217654

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