You attract the ones that share the same values as you. It's not that you're getting what you deserve, it's(mostly) not about fairness. The relationship doesn't need to be equal, the consequences can be asymmetrical in their severity. It doesn't mean that both parties feel the same way about the relationship, just that they share the beliefs that led them to that place. It's not about what you SAY you believe, you can interpret anything in a way so that they match your words; it's about how you act, that's where you show what you believe in.

This doesn't mean that there aren't abusers, assholes and predators out there, or that victims deserve their abuse because they're the same as their abusers. But even in a lot of abusive relationships there's a "I deserve to be here" kind of thing going on from both parties.

If you believe in toxic ideas about women or men, your belief will most likely attract those people that resonate with them. Not because of some kind of supernatural force, more because your biases will affect the places you go, the way you interact with others and who you will pay attention to.

A guy that believes that he doesn't have any chances, will look for women that he doesn't have a chance with. Manosphere guys will hone in on girls that are toxic and not be interested in women that aren't.

If a woman believes that men should modify their standards on her behaviors or actions, since they're the ones at a disadvantage in "the dating market", will attract a lot of men that agree with them. But just because they agree with them doesn't mean that they reach the same conclusions or feel the same way about it as them. So they get a lot of guys that agree and act accordingly to that belief, which is poorly.

In most of these cases, if you want to meet better people then look inward, deeply. Don't just stop on "why am I attracted to these people", but also "the ones that I want to attract, would they actually want to be with me? Would I be good to them? Would I be the toxic one in that relationship?".