Advice

noblesavage81 · 2023-06-30T06:29:47+00:00

As soon as you start having sex with a guy, your value to other men goes down. They will pressure you, but it’s up to you decide if they’re worth it. One of the best indicators is if they stick around for a long time (years). 2 weeks is a small period to wait in the context of years.

dontouchmybutt · 2023-06-30T17:30:16+00:00

Others probably won't agree with me, but I don't like to date men that consume red pill content. Men that are still continuously deep in that content either have too much free time or are in the early stages of understanding who they are as men. As far as sex, I would tell men very early on that I do not sleep with men that aren't my boyfriend. Some saw that as a challenge, but other respected that. Many stopped talking to me, which is fine! I said it kindly and when I knew sex was going to come up (within the first or second date), I'd either text or say "I'm having so much fun with you, however I just want you to be aware that I like to save sex and wait for commitment" Most men are actually very respectful of that, but most men chose to move on as they wanted short term sex.

EDIT: I also see people telling you by having sex with 5 men your value has gone down a lot. I disagree. For a grown adult, most men will never even ask and 5 indicates to me you don't sleep around a lot. I think you are fine.

countrylemon · 2023-06-30T13:17:26+00:00

Firm boundaries are incredibly feminine. Who told you a backbone is for men? Who told you, that your voice has to be quieter? Who told you you had to play their game in order to find a man?

I flat out said “we are not having sex” to my now partner of 11 years. He was caught off gaurd, but was entirely respectful.

That showed me immediately the kind of man he is- and that I am entirely within my rights to be woo’d.

Build your confidence, say NO. Practice NUN MODE until you can figure yourself out. Stop being easy.

mistressusa · 2023-06-30T15:46:38+00:00

Holding firm boundaries is neither masculine nor feminine. Like another poster suggested, you should read the wiki.

Re. your recent guy -- don't date toxic controlling men. Do not ever cut off your family and friends. They are your resources. In fact, if a man sees you as a LTR prospect, he'll also see your people as potential resources for him -- for you both in the future.

SunshineSundress · 2023-06-30T17:52:13+00:00

There are two major things to consider if you notice that there is a pattern of men wanting to sleep with you but not wanting to commit afterwards, and I find that a lot of people consider one of the things very heavily, but pay much less attention to the equally vital (and in my opinion, more important) second thing.

The first, that many people here have already highlighted, is that you need to be have good boundaries around sex. If you have decided in your head that you are not ready to have sex with someone yet, unless there has been a major development in your relationship or his character, it’s important to hold firm in that. While women with strong girl game can get away with having sex before commitment and still getting an LTR down the line, if you are repeatedly struggling to keep a man after sex, perhaps you should take things slow so you have time to properly vet (that last guy you mentioned sounds … not very normal and not the best for a relationship) AND work on your girl game. Which brings me to the second point.

The second, more important, thing is that you need to consider why multiple men are not willing to commit to you after sex. In all those scenarios, the only common denominator is you. I am not trying to rub salt on any wounds, but I had to make a similar realization when I was perpetually single and could not keep a man for the life of me.

I highly recommend you check out The Final Exam, a post written by one of r/theredpill’s founders for us. It talks about the seemingly contradictory male desire to press for sex and to want partners with low n-counts and what we can do about it. Here are some relevant insights and excerpts:

"The moment after I first bedded a girl, that is when I would meet her for the first time."

When a young woman meets a man, she naturally asks herself "Is he serious about me, or does he simply desire my body?" What she often doesn't realize is that such is the power of the male sex drive that often he doesn't know, himself.

Simply put, many men, in the first stages of getting to know a woman, are wearing "lust goggles". Couple this with the fact that male emotions are dimmed down to the point that many men are unaware of their emotional state from moment to moment, and you get a man who simply doesn't know what he wants yet. He may say he wants a relationship. He may even believe it. He may try hard for weeks or months. But the true test is how much emotional attachment remains when the "horny goggles" are off.

The first "moment after" is like getting your grade back on the final exam. You are just now seeing the results of what you did up to this point. He, too, is just now seeing the results. If he's edging towards the door, or edging you towards the door, you failed. If he's spooning and nuzzling, it's more likely you passed.

Nothing is finalized until those "horny goggles" come off, and promises or facebook statuses don't change this. Men do not leave you because they "didn't pinkie swear". Men leave you if they are unhappy with who you are, or what the deal is.

Don't take tests if you don't care about the class. Never have sex with a man if you are not passionate about him, and specifically him. If you're not sure you're into him, and you want to test it and see, then you're not into him, and you should stop wasting his time. Any relationship that you do not enter into out of urgent desire for that specific man is a bad risk.

Don't take tests if you don't know the material and haven't studied. If "how to be a keeper" is an abstract idea to you, if you don't really know what it means to "be feminine", if you find yourself arguing with men instead of charming them, then you are not relationship-ready, and you need to be in monk mode, working on that, before you gamble on your relationship readiness.

This is the one that I really had to work on. I had to learn how to be someone that men actually wanted to be with long-term, and that took a lot of self-improvement and learning the differences between what men and what women want.

Don't take any class that you are not good enough to pass. Condemning men as "players" is shifting responsibility, but also be aware that any woman can have sex with a man that is out of her league for relationships. If you know your girl game isn't good enough to reel him in, let him swim past.... even though you know you could get him in bed. Some players are too good for you. Don't like that? Become better.

Choose your university carefully. Nightclub University gives tests on the first day of class. Maybe if your girl game is really tight, you can pass, but that's risky. Thirsty Beta University gives easy tests after a long class, but who the hell wants a degree from TBU? Fundamentalist Bible College doesn't give very hard tests at all, in fact, sometimes it gives you a passing grade before the test, but it only admits fundamentalists, and commits you to a career in the church. The Homewrecker School of Married Men lets you delay tests, but only a handful of women have ever successfully graduated, and they are not very popular.

Some good schools include Social Circle State, which gives slightly more study time and degree programs are pre-vetted for prestige and career impact. And the Workplace Crown College uses a unique model of allowing students to observe classes for some time before declaring the intent to take them. Clever students will think of other examples.

The main takeaway I got from this post is that in order to get men to commit after sex, he has to have an emotional attachment to you before you have sex. To build that emotional attachment in him, you have to have strong girl game, and know how to invoke a man’s instinct to protect and care for you. That’s basically one of the main foundations of RPW, and you can look in the sidebar for all the ways to do so.

bocky2fresh · 2023-06-30T06:20:21+00:00

Ill proabably make a lot of posts in the next few days cause I have a ton of questions

Dehydrated_Jellyfish · 2023-06-30T16:23:33+00:00

Boundaries are feminine and having boundaries is feminine. It’s how you express boundaries that could be seen as masculine. It’s also feminine to ‘give in’ but the boundaries prevent us from doing that too soon.

As for other guy, he’s listening to Donovan Sharpe and the like but what did he earn from you to deserve all that? Probably nothing. So let him go off and convince someone else he’s worth more effort than he gives. That’s the 35+ man red pill that needs a manual for execution. A man needs to do significant things to get that from up. That’s better suited for 35+ women who have higher body counts, not a 20 year old.

Scabondari · 2023-06-30T20:20:01+00:00

If guys don't want to stick around are you sure you're batting within your own league?

If they're also sleeping with other more attractive girls there's pretty much no chance of committment

2023-07-01T09:44:01+00:00

New guy is an L. Required to send nudes after 2 weeks?! I've never sent a nude in my life. Who tf does this guy think he is

ConservativeAltAcct · 2023-07-03T16:56:25+00:00

i didnt have enough of a backbone to stick with These boundaries and end up having sex with them.

I had this problem in my early 20s. I was desperate for love and willing to compromise myself to get it. This never worked. The stench of desperation will ward off any good man and attract users.

A few things I learned...never let them see the hand you're playing with, at least not at first. What I mean is, don't go around telling people you want a red-pill man or a man with certain values. Users will pretend to hold those values so they can appear to be what you want long enough to get what they want. Let them show you who they are without any hints from you.

I find it's a lot easier to stick to boundaries if I'm mentally prepared for my expectations and other's responses. Write down your values, your dealbreakers, and what exactly needs to happen for you feel safe and loved enough to be sexual. Commitment? Marriage? Certain actions that confirm they "walk the talk"? Write it down. Now tell yourself you will not negotiate this boundary. Tell yourself this before each date: "I will not negotiate this boundary."

Next, be prepared for the responses. He may leave you. He might be mean about it. One guy laughed in my face and called me ugly when I set my boundary. I tend to be grateful for these experiences because I see them as the trash doing me the favor of taking itself out. Try to view it that way instead of as a loss.

AutoModerator · 2023-06-30T06:13:09+00:00

Title: Advice

Full text: Im sort of new to the red pill and trying to understand it all. But i am 20 years old, I’ve never been in a relationship before. Ive had sex with guys yet none of them have wanted to pursue things further and the reason why is something im trying figure out. i was really hurt by the guy i lost my virginity to (i was 18 at the time) and sever since then I’ve tried having stronger boundaries around sex, like only wanting to have sex with guys that cared or who wanted a relationship with me. But the men I’ve met since then dont seem to respect them and i didnt have enough of a backbone to stick with These boundaries and end up having sex with them.

I basically have concerns around how i can still have boundaries without coming across as masculine? How can i tell if i being masculine? How do i become what men would want?

Another reason im here is because i recently talked to a guy who seemed that he would listen to red pill content and things didnt work out because my views didnt match his. But im wondering still if he was right, he expected me to be having sex with him, to cut off my guy friends and be sending nudes by at least two weeks of us talking to each other and getting to know each other. As well as cook for him and clean for him, but im wondering if this is something normal to do at that stage or should those things be saved for a relationship. Cause I’ve always had this belief, which im not sure where it comes from, that it should be saved for the relationship.

Sorry is this all over the place!

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Title	Advice
Author	bocky2fresh
Upvotes	3
Comments	47
Date	June 30, 2023 6:13 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14ms69k/advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/advice.1223860 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223860

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