Is therapy good enough of a reason to go into nun mode?

FriendCountZero · 2023-07-07T19:52:21+00:00

I just want to chime in and say I was once a person who said "I've never experienced any trauma, I have no past to overcome, and yet I clearly need to work on my mental health" and it turns out I did have a past to overcome.

I'd reccomend Listen to Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD on Audible. https://www.audible.com/pd/B01F2M2GDO?source_code=ASSORAP0511160007 which is free on Audible via this link.

It's great information for getting along with anyone and only a few hours long... I kind of reccomend it to everyone. If you get through it and nothing applies to your parents, that is great! It still wouldn't be a waste of time as we have to deal with emotionally immature people in all parts of life. More than likely you've been affected by someone more than you realize.

Dehydrated_Jellyfish · 2023-07-07T18:26:33+00:00

Are you asking if therapy will help your dating life? Yes.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2023-07-08T09:43:37+00:00

However, I'm scared of wasting time now that I'm at my "peak"; even though it wouldn't possibly be well-used.

You're 22. You don't have an expiry date stamped on your forehead. Please take the time you need and take care of yourself.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2023-07-07T19:54:34+00:00

This sounds like classic codependency. Therapy and reading about it should help, if you truly want to recover, which it sounds like you do :) You don't HAVE to be single to recover from codependency, but since the thing you are trying to fix actively impairs your ability to choose and relate healthily to others, especially in romatic relationships, it's probably a good idea not to start any new relationships for a while. I don't think you're wasting anything by addressing this issue now, and dating later, as that will make it more likely you will choose a good man.

Knowyourdeductible · 2023-07-07T21:34:18+00:00

It sounds like you have blocks against believing that you can be in a truely equal relationship. Therefore you are always looking for men you can fix and men you perceive as weak instead of strong. You either don’t trust strong men or fear your own lack of leverage and there for need to be able to have leverage over him in some otherway. This weaponize the relationship. Hence the controlling ness. I have seen this in men and women and they never get the relationship they want while they operate like this. A truly healed man wants a truly healed woman. That is his set point. However you feel best to pursue healing do that. There is no such thing as getting over on others which is a fear mechanism. We get what we bring to the table.

As far as going for the masters. If it’s something you know you need and want to use, go for it. If not, don’t. Save money, work, experience life, work on your healing. (Work on your healing either way, ALWAYS make time for healing and self care). You might be moving too fast on other people’s conveyor belt for you and then trying to gain control in relationships. But don’t put a time clock on yourself. Women can have kids as long as they bleed. If you are rushing to “make it happen” you will make it happen with the wrong guy and be really regretful. Protect your future and your freedom.

Sankdamoney · 2023-07-07T23:59:13+00:00

Your self-awareness at 22 years old is an amazing start to self-improvement. Maybe hold off on dating for a few months and slowly get back into it so that by the time your 23-24 you’ll be in a good position for relationship.

Jasperbeardly11 · 2023-07-08T05:50:31+00:00

You seem to have serious mental health issues that you have identified.

Would consider beginning to meditate. To journal about your problems. To try the problem solve them so they no longer surface whatever given an opportunity to do so.

The thing that is awesome is that you're young person identifying your toxic traits. It makes me think you can get over that in a realistic amount of time.

Good luck.

Do not rush the process

ladyrailly · 2023-07-08T12:55:19+00:00

Sweetheart, it sounds like you have an anxious-avoidant/fearful-avoidant attachment style! Your situation sounds very very similar to my own (24F). And to answer your question, definitely go to therapy and/or seek out online self-help at the same time. You may not necessarily need to stop dating as meeting people is incredibly important when you're healing/going through therapy for one fundamental reason: you need to be putting the things you learn in therapy into practice, and that comes through changing your interactions in real time and in real situations with people, whether they are a friend or an actual relationship partner.

I know what you mean about worrying about age and not wanting to waste the "prime" years, but you gotta keep that at bay for now, and focus your energy on becoming the best version of yourself - you aren't going to regret sorting your life out, the more you sort yourself out the more likely you'll be attracted to others who have their own lives sorted out, resulting in more successful and productive relationships anyway.

Best of luck to you!

basedviet · 2023-07-07T19:21:50+00:00

Are you on birth control? I think birth control makes women pick weak men

AutoModerator · 2023-07-07T18:18:31+00:00

Title: Is therapy good enough of a reason to go into nun mode?

Full text: I'm 22F and have had so far three significant relationships; and was intimate with two of these men. I'm fairly attractive and don't have a hard finding men who are interested in me and who actively pursue me. I'm 5'1, a little under 110 pounds, long hair, clear skin. Physically, there is nothing wrong with me. I am calm, gentle, feminine. Can cook, bake, clean, etc. There's no past or troubling relationship to get over either.

However, I've noticed that my mental health isn't great and it actively affects my relationships. I have a habit of going for much older men (at least 10 years older than me, usually a bigger age gap) and only feel attached or invested in them when they seem like someone I could or need to fix - emotionally unstable, damaged, traumatized, complicated, etc. This, obviously, has not led to healthy relationships.

Not just that, but I've noticed I can be quite controlling. I generally hide it behind the excuse of trying to be helpful, but I only feel comfortable when I'm in a position of control over someone - either when I'm so above their league they couldn't possibly leave me and find someone better, or when I'm so needed in their life they couldn't leave. Which, again, does not lead to healthy relationships.

I've also noticed I have an extreme fear of abandonment. Any change in their behavior makes me either push them away or cling like crazy. Sometimes one then the other. It's tiring for me and for the people that have to deal with me, undoubtedly.

I've also noticed a difference between the men I say I want (dominant, protective, comfortable leading, conservative, strong, mature) and the men I go for (not too dominant/submissive, in need of protection or comfort, liberals, emotionally unstable, needy); and this is something I clearly need to figure out why I'm doing.

I know I need to be in therapy (and I am) to work on these fears and habits because it's unlikely I'll enter a fulfilling relationship if I go down this path. I considered going into nun mode while I work on myself - I'm finishing college and recently started considering going for my masters. However, I'm scared of wasting time now that I'm at my "peak"; even though it wouldn't possibly be well-used.

I'd just generally like to hear what other people think about the nun mode, if you think it's a valid path to take in this situation, etc. Thank you all! 💗

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OkEstablishment6463 · 2023-07-08T07:14:08+00:00

Fear and Control by Dorcas Stutzman

You should learn while in a relationship. Nun mode for 6mos is my advice, just don’t be surprised when you get in a relationship and find out nun mode didn’t ‘fix’ you.

Title	Is therapy good enough of a reason to go into nun mode?
Author	templilwitch
Upvotes	25
Comments	26
Date	July 7, 2023 6:18 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14teymv/is_therapy_good_enough_of_a_reason_to_go_into_nun/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-therapy-good-enough-of-a-reason-to-go-into-nun.1224592 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224592

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