What do men do when faced with a challenge, a situation with no one to help them?

_Fig__Newton_ · 2023-10-03T20:14:00+00:00

I went to a feminist friend for help and she told me getting a cat cures depression. True story lol

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-10-03T20:40:39+00:00

In general I’ve learned during and since Corona:

You’re in the end - Alone. Your Partner, “friends” , employees , boss, “family” - will to varying degrees fail you , go mad, or actively undermine you. Accept that .

Accept help, but don’t rely on it. Have Your Shit Together. Only Wimmin get helpers - and those secretly want to fuck them there is no free Lunch for You nor should there be.

People are Not there to help you (?!?!) unless you pay for it. Nor should you excessively help people - it exhausts you and they will rarely pay you back.

A-Friendly-Sociopath · 2023-10-03T21:03:59+00:00

They slowly fall into despair.

People need a tribe more than they need a partner.

Many men find their tribe through their vocation. Others through their hobbies and interests.

Without one, any man - or woman for that matter - will wither away.

chenzo17 · 2023-10-03T22:33:11+00:00

An old alchemist gave the following consolation to one of his disciples: “No matter how isolated you are and how lonely you feel, if you do your work truly and conscientiously, unknown friends will come and seek you. Carl Jung

LUCKYMAZE · 2023-10-03T21:28:42+00:00

“man up”

onirroc · 2023-10-03T19:57:34+00:00

It's okay to need help and ask for help.

You just need to surround yourself with good people, and make sure you're helping them too.

WeEatBabies · 2023-10-03T22:37:04+00:00

Work hard, have money on the side and a pantry full of food.

Go out! Don't stay alone, join a club, anything.

throwawaynewbrum · 2023-10-03T20:54:30+00:00

I’m also late-20s with a rubbish family and a messy network of friends.

Firstly, you’re not being a baby. You’re being a human. We evolved as social creatures, and unfortunately, our current circumstances have made the social networking we require difficult in the best cases, and empty and superficial in the worst.

I made a conscious effort to cultivate a small network of like-minded male friends last year, and got lucky with finding 4 other men in a similar position. We serve as each other’s ears, and they’ve been an invaluable well of support for some hard time I’ve had to face this year.

Do you have any hobbies or special interests? I met these guys through that.

lostcymbrogi · 2023-10-03T20:16:30+00:00

Learn more, do more, become competent, achieve mastery. Become so good they can't ignore you.

Daddy_data_nerd · 2023-10-03T22:57:39+00:00

Here's my perspective:

I work as a data analyst. I've only been at it for a couple years, but I actually spend a majority of my time figuring out and solving problems. When I find myself struggling to come up with an answer off the top of my head, I go out and find the answers. Nobody has ever just walked up to my desk and given me the answer. I've had to go find it.

If I can't find it easily, I talk it out with someone and usually the answer comes to me.

My goal in life is to master whatever I do.

Not perfect, but better than I was yesterday. That is mastery. Always taking steps to be better than you were or learn something more than you knew yesterday.

haragoshi · 2023-10-03T23:51:06+00:00

I started reading books from Buddhists and that helped. https://share.libbyapp.com/title/65698

Capn--Flint · 2023-10-03T22:40:18+00:00

You do the only thing you can do. Recognize and accept the harsh truth that you are alone and that no one is coming to save you.

When you need help and can't get it, then you do the best you can. Always move forward, no matter how painful it is. Cause it's the only option if you refuse to give up.

You'll learn to accept this part of reality in time. Your feelings will protest a lot, but they'll come around eventually.

JC2814 · 2023-10-03T21:39:29+00:00

Improvise adapt and overcome lol

NorthwestDM · 2023-10-03T23:37:03+00:00

You're not being a baby about things, from the sound of it you're doing better with things than I am, because you've at least had some degree of success with relationships. As far as learning to handle issues, it varies a lot. it primarily depends on what sort of issues you're looking to deal with, is it life skills and maintenance or dealing with social and emotional issues you're looking at?

also If you want to talk about things in private I'm also UK based. sent you a PM for ease of contact.

Acousmetre78 · 2023-10-04T02:59:15+00:00

Me either. I got a therapist on college who helped but basically said yeah you got fucked over by your family. Then I got a concussion 4 years later and no one would help. It was an invisible injury and few believed I was unable to think clearly because I could still socialize one on one.

I ended up getting married so I could see doctors but that's ending now.

I hope some of the good fellows here will give us some good advice. You're not alone man.

RabidusRex · 2023-10-03T21:40:20+00:00

often, unfortunately, suicide.

icecreammm16 · 2023-10-04T03:58:26+00:00

Men are called out for toxic masculinity, never showing their emotions, not asking for help, etc. Then, when they need help and ask for it, they're told to "man up" and dismissed (often by those same people calling out toxic masculinity)

I say this as a woman, and I know I personally haven't been through your exact experience, but I've seen it in my father, friends, and partner.

springy · 2023-10-04T06:56:00+00:00

Men tend to be problem solvers. So, when we have problems, ultimately, we have to solve them ourselves.

It depends what the problem is, though. If it is something you cannot solve yourself - for example, you gas heating boiler exploded, then you have to get a professional in to solve it.

If your problem is that you have is all in your head, then you either snap out of it, or push it down. I know it is fashionable for women to encourage men to wallow in their emotions, but that's not very manly. So, you ride the wive of misery when you are feeling glum, realising "this too shall pass", and tell yourself to man up.

If you are really, really, really going crazy, you need a psychiatrist - an actual medical doctor. Not a "therapist" - that's for women, who like to chat endlessly about how hard their life is. Men, as I said, are there to solve problems, not embellish them.

2wicky · 2023-10-04T00:03:53+00:00

You are guy. Accept that in this life, you will forever be dependent on yourself. That doesn't mean you'll live the rest of your life lonely or others won't love you. But those that do will likely be depending on you, not the other way around.

Things I've learnt: The less you need others, the more others want you. But don't let others take advantage of you and don't treat your relationships as transactional. Be clear in what you want and what you won't tolerate. You want to live your life as the chief of your own village. And this is about creating your own village that may consist of a partner, children, friends,, people you trust and work with. You want to be the head of a village people want to live in.

State of mind advice:

For me, the core fundamentals of being a man are: Be competent in the things that will move me forward in my life and be in control of my own self interests and life direction.

Practical advice:

99 problems:

When you need help, don't ask for help. Instead, invite the people in your life to support you. How do you do that? State what your problem is, what you're struggling with, and your plan on how you are going to fix it. It shows you are willing to take the burden of your problem on yourself instead of them, and at worst, they will listen, and at best, they may offer you some practical support on your journey.

However, if you put the burden on someone else: "I have this problem, and I don't know what to do, can you help figure this out?", most people don't want to help you figure this out. You're just going to push people away. If you really can't figure it out for yourself, find a therapist you can work with, and pay them.

Get good at life:

Set one goal for yourself and give it a time frame. For example, "I'm going to go out and be actively more social for the next 6 months." You can have others goals, but this one goal is the only one you need to achieve. This gives you focus and you don't fall in the trap of blaming yourself constantly for trying to achieve 10 things at the same time and failing at all of them.

While you are engaging in this goal, regularly self reflect during that period on what your progress has been so far and what you still need to achieve. Once you've achieved a goal, set a new one. What this also does is give you a very clear purpose you can work towards rather than aimlessly stumbling through life.

WhiteMamba1983 · 2023-10-04T00:17:00+00:00

I just deal with it. I go to therapy, control what I can, and just deal with the rest.

DoctorStorm · 2023-10-04T01:29:02+00:00

My father thankfully taught me what's what when it comes to this.

So listen up, because this advice saved my ass more times than I can count.

"We are animals, like pigs, and sometimes we wallow around in our own shit. Even a pig becomes disgusted with his own shit, gets up out of it, and washes himself off. You find me a pig covered in shit, and I'll tell you just wait, that pig will be clean as a whistle before long, you bet your ass he will be, and so will you."

Be depressed, be hopeless, fine. Wallow in it.

Eventually, just get up and wash yourself off, and get back to it.

Same as the pig. Same as my father. Same as me.

Same for you.

Levithos · 2023-10-04T02:35:29+00:00

Step 1: Realize you're a man. No one will help you.

Step 2: Figure out what needs to be done to make the situation go from crappy to not-so-crappy.

Step 3: Figure out how to make the not-so-crappy situation better.

Usually searching online to see if someone was nice to share their solution to a similar problem works. If they haven't, search for specific parts of your problem. What has you stumped the most? Fix that first. Then repeat until the situation is either fixed or livable.

PaidHack · 2023-10-04T03:01:49+00:00

We have to power ahead. It’s either that or give in to the despair and loneliness.

GraveyardGina · 2023-10-04T03:21:41+00:00

"it is what it is"

RealGreenManGuy · 2023-10-04T04:29:31+00:00

What one man can do, another can do.

FacesTheWind · 2023-10-04T04:46:46+00:00

Old old OOOOOOLD wisdom says this:.

It is possible to thrive in self-reliance.
Find a code, choose a purpose, achieve discipline.
Life will hurt, society is not fair.

The code will help you when you are too weary and hurt to see clearly.
The purpose will help you when you are out of hope, it will give you a direction to trudge.
Discipline is the thing that makes the other parts function..

As for a code, highly recommended tenets include;

Efficacy is a virtue, do not half-ass shit.

Happiness is a virtue, practice it every day because it will not always come naturally and the practice can save your life.

Help others, but never when it places yourself at risk or costs more than you can afford. This is a 2-for-1, you are a social creature and need that dopamine and social contact... but you also need to exercise keeping your boundaries or you will be surprised when you discover that they had long been over-run.

HanEyeAm · 2023-10-04T18:28:12+00:00

For a quick move in the right direction:

Read Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules (ignore all his other stuff, at least for now).

Read Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.

I think Scott Galloway has some interesting stuff. Check him out on YT or his books.

Work on yourself and get active w a community and you will likely not be alone.

imbetterthanyou30 · 2023-10-05T04:44:02+00:00

I either grit my teeth and power through or pay professionals to help me.

Title	What do men do when faced with a challenge, a situation with no one to help them?
Author	Wakka_Grand_Wizard
Upvotes	69
Comments	64
Date	October 3, 2023 7:51 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/16z1lkl/what_do_men_do_when_faced_with_a_challenge_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/what-do-men-do-when-faced-with-a-challenge-a.1233942 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233942

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