It's okay to insult a men in a professional setting without consequences

Rionat · 2023-11-01T22:09:49+00:00

Next time she says that in public workspace call her out. But you have to be “pc” when you call her out. Like “why are you being so rude to me when I’ve been nothing but kind to you? If this is how you are going to treat colleagues, then I don’t want to talk to you except for nothing but work related matters”

masterkey8 · 2023-11-01T22:01:33+00:00

When you validate bad actions done by a person, they get the idea that whatever they did is right, hence they will not see the need to apologise in similar situations

FartOnACat · 2023-11-02T02:51:37+00:00

I simply do not befriend female colleagues. If there is a falling out, there's absolutely no telling what she'll say or do. She can destroy your career with a few words to HR.

bullmetalblackmoon · 2023-11-02T00:06:20+00:00

I was forced to therapy 13 years ago and I came in conclusion the famale psychologist wanted to control me so I broke therapy she insulted with hatred in the ward

rainbowkombat · 2023-11-02T04:47:28+00:00

ditch this bully girl my guy with friend like this you dont need enemies.

ohisama · 2023-11-01T22:02:21+00:00

In a workplace just do the work. Don’t be funny or say anything risqué. It’s not worth it nowadays.

plumberack · 2023-11-01T21:58:26+00:00

This sounds like a cat fight. Don't be sarcastic at workplace and expect others to interpret it the way you mean.

QH96 · 2023-11-01T21:50:51+00:00

People treat you, how you allow them to treat you. If you don't like it, put your foot down or go to HR.

LegNo9208 · 2023-11-01T23:58:16+00:00

I've seen this before, she might just be flirting (badly.) But still, it says something about someone if they'd act this way. I wouldn't even bother talking to her outside work. Just ignore.

KrazyJazz · 2023-11-02T01:22:29+00:00

You. don't. shit. where. you. eat. She's a coworker. Not a friend. Please stop being a pushover and tell her kindly to go fuck herself. She's obviously a first grade bitch who doesn't value, appreciate and respect you. Why are you doing this to yourself?

I'm still waiting for an apology...

She asked you if you were ok and you said "yes" despite everything she did. What did you expect exactly, man?

LateralThinker13 · 2023-11-02T00:00:37+00:00

". I again let it pass but I got so angry that I limited my communication with her for some days and I think she noticed, as she send me a message asking "you okay?" To which I answered with a simple "yes".

There's your mistake. You lied and said you were okay. BETA.

I'm still waiting for an apology, but nothing after a few days.

Keep waiting, ain't gonna happen. You already told her her behavior was acceptable.

helicpterejectorseat · 2023-11-02T02:09:48+00:00

Yeah I've experienced the same thing. Does this girl have daddy issues by any chance?

reddit_pleb42069 · 2023-11-02T14:24:53+00:00

I believe this is what is refered to as a "joke".

fakevahi · 2023-11-02T15:50:37+00:00

It actually hurt me and felt disappointed, but I let it pass, so I didn't end up making a scene

I again let it pass but I got so angry that I limited my communication with her for some days [...] she send me a message asking "you okay?" To which I answered with a simple "yes"

So you don't tell her anything, pretending you don't care, act passive agressive and are hurt she doesn't read your mind and apologize.

You're acting like a little bitch and she is in the wrong ?

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2023-11-02T00:10:48+00:00

Wait. So you haven't talked to her about it hurting your feelings? It just sounds like she was busting your balls. If you dont want to have that rype od relationship with her, then you need to talk to her about it. Just like we tell women, she isn't a mind reader.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-11-02T02:46:47+00:00

Don’t hang out with work people outside work. Never hang out with work females outside work. Ideally do your job, keep interaction passive (I.e. do your job) if you must socialise go with people who depend on YOU .. unless they stupid they’re unlikely to insult you.

As for your present arrangement - telling her is pointless nice people DONT call you stupid in public and work - look busy for a while (“with a new girlfriend”) so you get some distance and defamiliarise the relationship THEN place boundaries: if she’s rude Tell Her or if that’s not your style go office version no contact :yes no walk away. Be firm and consistent she’s not a “Lady” these died with feminism - you don’t compliment in the modern office unless you potentially want her to take you Down if the relationship sours. (She’s harassed if she thinks she’s harassed and No One Will Help You. . You can go to being the Macho Sex Pest of her unfulfilled fantasies in a heartbeat and HR / law make money and a job out of her empowerment)

she’s just another human 30% smaller with emotional issues less rationality and 🐟 🐱.

DevilishRogue · 2023-11-02T09:12:27+00:00

You haven't communicated that you are upset clearly to her and are expecting her to read your mind. She thinks of your interactions as good natured ribbing, not hurtful. If you don't let her know they upset you she will keep on doing them as friendly banter.

ThaRedHoodie · 2023-11-02T10:10:57+00:00

It sounds to me like she's joking, especially the garbage comment. My friends and I insult one another all the time, but we don't really mean the things we say, we're just messing around. If you're not into expressing friendship this way, that's fine, but if you often feel badly after interacting with this person, maybe you just aren't compatible friends.

You could try talking to her about it if you want, mentioning the things she's said and how they make you feel. You said you're not attracted to her, so you don't have to worry about her attraction to you when you express your feelings. Maybe she'll ease up on the insults when she knows they genuinely bother you.

Biervat2 · 2023-11-01T21:46:07+00:00

so youre having a sexless relationship with a woman and thus taking away her need for an actual relationship. women think its normal to split relationships into fuckbuddies and guypals thanks to guys like you. Thanks buddy, grow a spine.

daulm · 2023-11-02T16:01:41+00:00

I am on the giving and receiving end of needling from my friends (of either sex) and this is true with coworkers and personal friends. I enjoy having a laugh and sometimes a joke rubs someone the wrong way. But there are better ways to handle it than getting all bent out of shape. Perhaps make a joke about how "wonderful it feels to be put in the same category as such lovely trash".

The people who can dish out a jab, but can't take one are bullies. I try to avoid friendships with them, and avoid being one of them.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding the story you shared, but my takeaway is you need to either lighten up, or not keep a bully as a friend. I don't think this has much to do with sex/gender.

ninjastorm_420 · 2023-11-02T21:46:30+00:00

Do you not have any sense of self dignity? The answer is OBVIOUS. Directly confront her and tell her how you feel. Communicate to HR. If she insults you, insult her back. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Stand up for yourself in real life instead of telling us your situation on reddit man. This is the biggest problem with men today. We do not recognize our own value.

Vaudeville_Clown · 2023-11-02T09:24:29+00:00

I think she's just trying to be funny, or she wouldn't have asked "you okay?" afterwards. I'm going to venture a guess here and say she likes you (but to what degree idk). I think also there's a chance she won't say something like this again because you're not bouncing the jokes back at her.

It's a great thing when you have a joke-insult relationship with a woman otherwise. No insult is for real and you get to bypass political correctness and shock other people who hear it.

I had this dynamic once, fun times.

She: ...that's what I said you dickless wanker. Me: There you go again about my dick. Bitch, why are you so horny all the time?

Like I said. This is fun and it also fucks with this repressive-mellow HR-culture that's ruining most workplaces. Since you're friends obviously and not reporting one another, they can't police your speech. They just frowny face and stew in silence. :)

hottake_toothache · 2023-11-02T13:49:45+00:00

People don't care about men.

Isaaker12 · 2023-11-02T06:34:01+00:00

In this case I don't think it's about gender. She has a different sense of humor. You need to tell her that you aren't okay with those jokes, because I think she genuinely doesn't think they can annoy you. If you pretend things are fine it won't magically change.

PS: I've seen similar behavior at work between two men.

hottake_toothache · 2023-11-02T13:51:49+00:00

Don't befriend female colleagues. More trouble/danger than it could possibly be worth.

Divine_ruler · 2023-11-02T00:17:21+00:00

This sounds like she’s trying to make harmless joke insults. I say a lot worse with my friends. But if I cross a boundary or hurt their feelings, they actually use their big boy words and tell me, rather than waiting for me to read their mind and apologize.

This is not an issue of women being allowed to insult men, this an issue of you acting like a child and refusing to communicate like an adult

Raphe9000 · 2023-11-02T01:30:58+00:00

How did she portray the insults? It could very well have just been banter between friends, and I've had plenty of female friends where we would (or do) banter no differently than how you'd stereotypically expect two teenage boys to.

With all relationships, even just friendships, it's important to remember that different people express themselves in different, sometimes mutually unintelligible, ways. Your friend might just be making silly little jabs as she would with other friends, so I wouldn't be so quick to assume she has bad intentions.

What I do suggest very strongly is that you not play emotional games in response. You do have every right to be upset if she, even unintentionally, makes a jab that hits in a sensitive place, but, if you care about maintaining the friendship, you should communicate (in a respectful manner) that such banter simply makes you uncomfortable because it sounds serious or otherwise just causes insecurities.

Giving the silent treatment, for example, is a purposeful and generally considered childish retaliation for what could have been a misunderstanding, and telling her you were okay when you weren't was you deliberately shooting down a chance to tell her what was wrong when she made the effort to check on you after noticing the signs you did give.

Now, if you go to her and tell her what was wrong with all you've already done, she might feel attacked herself or just be confused. This could maybe be mitigated by simply saying you just felt hurt by what she said and didn't know how to address it, simply just taking a little bit of alone time until you could let it go, but I would suggest just giving her the benefit of the doubt for the time being and instead bringing up the topic at a natural point, especially if she continues the insults.

And remember, do not assign blame before you know blame should be assigned. While I don't think it's the case, it could be that she actually just has a mean side like that, or it could even be that she'll react by calling you soft and treating you badly because of that, but then you have a pretty clear and legitimate reason to be legitimately and openly upset. If such behavior truly does get bad, going to HR might help, and I would highly recommend keeping a paper trail of the situations in case of any actual retaliation, especially with how HR is known to care about the company more than its workers and certain workers more than others, with plenty of others in this sub expressing how they've been mistreated due to their sex. Still, all of that is merely hypothetical for now, so don't linger on it.

I don't think your sex or hers necessarily has anything to do with this. A case could be made that the culture around you discouraged such behaviors because of your sex while the culture around her did not, such as you maybe being taught to always give women the utmost of respect, but she is not as an individual responsible for that. Therefore, please don't see her behavior as simply permitted because of her sex or in any other way bring sex into things if it doesn't need to be brought in, with it not seeming so at the moment.

There are tons of cases of people here being burnt, and I've been burnt in friendships and social settings too because of double standards and sexist shit, but do remember that most of us are here because we have been burnt for such reasons, so be careful in assuming that more people are out to burn you than aren't. Hell, many of the replies already are people suggesting pretty nuclear options with the whole "this friendship was a mistake" thing, a very Reddit thing to do (though, ironically, I tend to see it against men, and it's no better against one group than it is another). And yes, I would recommend to all men, all women as well, to take precautions when dealing with strangers and the possibilities of false allegations and the like, but such precautions should not weigh down on one so much that they are unable to form meaningful relationships.

TL;DR: I don't think you should be so quick to assume this is her deliberately being mean or using any privilege derived from her sex. You should learn to communicate with her properly, like a friend, when problems like these do come up, though you might have missed your chance to do so with the last two due to how you handled them. If things do end up going bad, then you should take the appropriate official measures to ensure that your own safety, but I don't think the situation has gotten there.

FateMasterBG · 2023-11-02T09:22:14+00:00

People have given some good answers in the thread but to me it really sticks out this friendship of yours. Like one comedian said, "You know what no normal 28+ year old man needs? Female friends..."

RayedBull · 2023-11-02T03:41:46+00:00

I think it's her personality. Why not discuss it with her in a casual way and tell her it was rude and to maintain a certain politeness at work and not to be disrespectful.

TheSpinsterJones · 2023-11-02T08:30:14+00:00

is this sub serious? this shit is actually so funny. you need a plastic bubble if this is the kind of thing that offends you. you really do need professional psychological help

NibblyPig · 2023-11-02T12:21:31+00:00

Sounds like you're being shit tested to me. Just laugh and agree in an exaggerated completely over-the-top way.

Take a page from the red pill and look up A&A.

Part of being a man is demonstrating frame, that you're strong and things don't get to you. Girls get a thrill out of teasing a guy in this way and having the guy adeptly shrug it off, just like guys enjoy teasing girls.

The worst thing you can do as a guy in this situation is DEER - Defend, Excuse, Explain, Rationalise.

DeDeepKing · 2023-11-02T13:58:45+00:00

Estúpida

CalmGuitar · 2023-11-02T14:48:50+00:00

This is nothing brother. As an Indian man in India, I have faced a lot. I have been in many hostile workplaces and they're pretty common in India. The worst part is if you're a young or junior person. Then elders will pounce on you. The same happens at home, the same happens at work.

The worst case can go up to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62vP5X9_mJo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Om3rXvcf5p0

https://youtube.com/shorts/PusRyzDAWTA?feature=share

Beelzeboss3DG · 2023-11-02T15:19:36+00:00

You're way too delicate lmao.

Embarrassed-Kiwi879 · 2023-11-02T07:43:07+00:00

You allow it, stop allowing it. And don’t make friends at work.

Cotehill · 2023-11-02T16:16:00+00:00

The issue is not that she is doing this, which seems to be general banter between friends, but that she thinks it is ok to say it in a professional setting.

But you can’t just passively ignore it and then act passive-aggressive on here or with her. You need to confront it with her and tell her it is very inappropriate in that setting, and that it is causing you anxiety and making you question her worth as a friend or colleague.

That leaves you to choose (if it happens again in that setting) to raise a complaint via your manager.

Captain_Morgan- · 2023-11-02T20:00:03+00:00

Just ghost here, never spoke her again if is not work related

nightlydose · 2023-11-03T01:59:29+00:00

A more straightforward approach would be to pull her aside one day and say “Hey, I didn’t appreciate the way you spoke to me the other day. I found it hurtful and made me wonder if I had said something to upset you. Let’s talk about it…”

The thing is, good friendships are hard to find and develop. Expect some rough entanglements from time to time and while keeping the focus on a positive future where your friendship will be stronger, you can guide the conversation in that direction.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained

Hope this helps

That_Permission5911 · 2023-11-03T06:44:05+00:00

it's like how hitler avoided all consequences for his antisemitism. he had the scientific and economic institutions backing him, telling the entire public to believe him.

Tone_bone21 · 2023-11-03T15:00:07+00:00

Idk I call my friends names all the time and they call me names. I don’t know if she meant to hurt you or if she was just trying to joke around, but I would just make a joke about her next time and see how she reacts.

Title	It's okay to insult a men in a professional setting without consequences
Author	Richcore
Upvotes	358
Comments	117
Date	November 1, 2023 9:28 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/17lmsc7/its_okay_to_insult_a_men_in_a_professional/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/its-okay-to-insult-a-men-in-a-professional-setting.1237060 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237060

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