Women of r/exredpill what is the most important quality(ies), when it comes to men?

literatejenna · 2023-12-05T11:13:32+00:00

Honesty (not like, unnecessary cruelty and bluntness, but still an ability to be honest and open and loyal)
Someone who genuinely likes me. Some people are really good at faking to like you so they can sleep with you or be with you briefly, but generally I can tell if a guy talking to me doesn’t really care about what I’m saying/thinking/feeling. I look for someone who engages with me and genuinely enjoys my company. I don’t want to just feel like they just chose me because I’m the first acceptable thing to come along.

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-12-05T13:14:08+00:00

Empathy/emotional intelligence. A lot of men use these as a tool to get into women's pants or create a false sense of closeness and intimacy. . But real empathy and emotional intelligence is understanding that's a shitty thing to do.
Respect. Respecting me, my time, and my feelings.
Actually into me. Not into sleeping with me or the validation that comes from my attention. But actually into me and not the utility I have to offer. Reciprocal effort is very nice and knowing my feeling are safe here. Yes.
A nice smile. it really goes a long way. you can be short/tall whatever I'll always notice a nice smile.

lilycamilly · 2023-12-05T13:35:40+00:00

1) Kindness/emotional intelligence/empathy. I feel like these are all pretty closely tied. No being a dick to the barista, knowing how to express your feelings accurately and with grace, just being kind to people in general. This includes not being a bigot of any kind.

2) Honesty. Pretty self-explanatory. If I can't trust you not to lie to me, I can't trust you period.

3) Reliability. Following through with the things you say you'll do and communicate clearly if you can't.

4) The ability to learn and grow. We all make mistakes, what matters is what to do to make it right afterwards and not do it again. Being able to admit when you're wrong.

5) Self-reliant. I refuse to play mommy in a relationship. If you can't keep a job, can't cook your own meals, can't keep your place clean, can't keep up with the laundry, it's just not gonna work.

Sisyphus-on-a-roll · 2023-12-05T12:56:58+00:00

Willing to listen, reflect, learn and change! It’s a rare quality to find.

Justwannaread3 · 2023-12-05T13:42:51+00:00

Some thoughts in no particular order…

Knows how to communicate his emotions in healthy, productive ways.
Is a kind, caring, considerate person.
Intelligence — I like a man who can keep up with me and teach me more about things he knows that I don’t.
Is as enthusiastic about me as I am about him.
Makes me laugh. He doesn’t have to be the “class clown,” but we should find each other amusing.
Shares my values and core beliefs and has life plans that align with mine.
Respects me — by pulling his weight in our relationship, considering my wants and needs, valuing my time, and being open to feedback.

Awkward-Screen-139 · 2023-12-05T15:02:18+00:00

Kind, empathetic, doesn’t act mean spirited or plays you around, wants to listen when your upset and work to improve what’s happened/happening in the relationship, open communication, non judgemental but still tells the truth but in a kinder way

scarlettrinity · 2023-12-05T14:05:49+00:00

I believe in the concept of "love languages" and have personally experienced the positive impact they can have on relationships. By understanding and acknowledging the love languages of those around me, I have been able to improve my relationships significantly.

When it comes to men, I've noticed that many of them tend to value "touch" and "acts of service" as their primary love languages. Unfortunately, their partners often fail to reciprocate in the same way, leading to hurt feelings and misunderstandings. It's important to recognize that men do express love, despite the perception that they don't. Theirs is often just a quiet love.

As for my own love languages, I have several, but one that I particularly enjoy is "quality time." This means that I prefer partners who are not too busy and can make time for me. On the other hand, gifts rank lower on my list, as they are often seen as a substitute for quality time, which is something I truly value.

In addition, I appreciate men who have strong morals and ethics. Philosophy and ethical behavior are important aspects of my life, and I actively choose to abstain from certain vices like alcohol and mindless spending. Therefore, I would seek a partner who shares these qualities and prioritizes a low-vice lifestyle.

Furthermore, I absolutely love engaging in intellectual conversations about a wide range of topics. Silence or lack of stimulating discussions can be difficult for me, particularly because physical limitations prevent me from being physically active. It is important to me that my partner has a sharp mind and can participate in such conversations. :)

Nuclearwaifu · 2023-12-05T18:52:47+00:00

Doesn‘t expect a new forever mom out of a partner. Is willing to listen and also learn. Treats women like human beings instead of mysterious aliens (we are the same species ppl!) is fair and reasonable and is also at least aware of the basics of gender issues. Cause if you live with someone and claim you love them, the least you can do is care about issues they might have and are unique to them.

And lastly, do not patronize, do not treat a partner like your slave or toy, do not lie and decieve, and do not manipulate and abuse. That is all I can think of.

Grouchy_Toe2404 · 2023-12-05T13:10:53+00:00

Respectful of other people.

Particularly their rights. I'm not interested in anti-choice, r-apologist, fundamemtalist etc. men. Things like racism, homophobia, admiration of dictators etc. are also red flags for this.

Genuinely likes me.

Not an image he has about me. Not what I have between my legs or how I look. But as a full-blown person.

Generous / true provider mentality.

They don't view everything in relationships as transactional. So many men think that being a provider is about finances and only that. There are rich guys without provider mentality, and (maybe arguably) poor guys with it. It's about the willingness to make an effort to improve the lives of the people around you, just because their happiness makes you happy.

For this, attentiveness, honesty and openness to feedback are a must. Many men go around exerting themselves for what they perceive advantagious to their community and not recognize that they are doing the opposite. Openness to doing housework also belongs here.

Woke.

This might be controversial and I get that it's not important for everyone. This is a very personal requirement of mine, but I think more and more women want this and for me, it ties strongly to #3.

What I think it comes down to is openness to other people's unique experiences. Many men are so quick to reject women's accounts about what life is like for them, and ascribe anything negative as an exception and not the rule. Being woke for me is taking openness one step further and being willing to recognize the patterns in different people's experiences. And lord save us all from the 'you're overreacting' and 'they are taking equality too far' types.

scarlettrinity · 2023-12-05T17:42:11+00:00

For me, it would be feeling safe: emotionally, physically, and sexually. Then consistency and follow through are huge for me. I don’t want a “bad boy” or “be left guessing”… I have a busy enough life that any hint of this and I’m gone.

cuntextualize · 2023-12-05T17:51:41+00:00

emotional intelligence/general compassion and self reliance

luridlurker · 2023-12-05T18:00:56+00:00

Empathetic: Not just towards others, but to themselves as well.
Introspective: Able to put an ego aside and evaluate their own impact on the world/others and how to improve it.
Independent: Able to focus on their hobbies and not be swayed by what others think of their interests. Also able to accept diversity and respect when others disagree without taking it personally. Does not require another person to feel "whole" or be "fixed". Isn't threatened by my independence.
Supportive: Interested in helping others be the best version of themselves.
Able to communicate and be vulnerable.

A_very_Salty_Pearl · 2023-12-05T22:52:18+00:00

Seeing me as a human being, with feelings, with qualities, with defects - being willing and excited to see them all.
Respecting those feelings, that is: acting with empathy and compassion
Loyalty, being there for me for better or for worse.

-Trustworthy: no tricks, no games. Tell me what you feel and I'll do the same.

Having your own inner universe: being passionate about something. What can you teach me? What can you learn from me?
Hygiene: Daily showers, wear deodorant. Rarer than you think.
Being willing to please me in bed - no need to be experienced! Just willing to learn, without judgment. VERY RARE.
Being attractive to me: I don't mean 6ft tall with a 6 pack. I mean each person has a type and I can't be with someone I find 0% attractive. I'll say this, though: I've seen "incels" post pictures of themselves online and most of them are at least somewhat attractive, with quite a few looking perfectly average or even cute for my taste. Some simply just didn't fully go into puberty yet, some need a dentist and a haircut, but 100% of them are someone's type, that I guarantee.

I've seen many men who are disabled in a way that makes them look very far for "handsome", or disfigured, have loving wives. And no, they weren't rich. So while things can be harder for some and I will not pretend Henry Cavill has as easy of a time finding a date as everyone else, appearance really is just one factor.

MistyMaisel · 2023-12-05T16:55:25+00:00

Gentle
Playful
Actually listens
Isn't just with you for sex
Actually likes you, supports your interests/hobbies, and tries to participate in those aspects of your life to at least a slight degree
Doesn't think of you as some extension of themselves that doesn't have their own mind and life and is ok with that
Confident in himself, his own life, and his place in your life
Keep in mind, I want kids so: good father material
Good provider (that's not to say he's the only one with a job, but he recognizes there's going to be a lot of times I'm literally physically relying on him to care for and provide for me so I can have our babies).
Capable of aggression when the situation demands it

AcrobaticRhubarb2147 · 2023-12-05T19:52:30+00:00

Kindness and then everything else falls into place because they care to begin with.

You can't make a man actually care about you and when they show you through their actions that they don't care about you, believe them!

Edit: Also doing what you say you are going to do. Women are not dumb, we pay attention to false promises and the con job. It only shows us that we cannot depend on you for anything and breaks any trust we have in you.

xvszero · 2023-12-05T17:34:27+00:00

I'm not a woman but the other day my wife said to me that I make her feel safe and that's why she is able to be vulnerable with me in ways she never was able to with other guys she dated.

Then I told her about how red pill guys say that's a bad quality for a man to have and we both laughed about how dumb that is.

Snicker94 · 2023-12-05T20:34:52+00:00

One thing i know women do like balance out man who understands the importance of stability.

-AlwaysBored- · 2023-12-06T03:31:54+00:00

Treats me as an equal. No matter how many positive or desirable traits a man could have, if he thinks he is above me because of his gender, thinks im meant to seve him or any other bs like that I would not even consider it.

After that, emotional intelligence probably.

EntertainerSafe8781 · 2023-12-06T02:33:59+00:00

Honesty, consistency, stability, vulnerability, emotional intelligence, communication, introspection, understanding, and respect.

poddy_fries · 2023-12-06T03:07:44+00:00

1) Being willing and able to pick up after themselves, physically and emotionally

2) Being willing and able to get me food when I'm hungry.

My whole love language is 'I'm on my way home, what can I bring you/make you'. I can overlook a lot if there's the right takeout involved.

Akiragirl90 · 2023-12-07T20:45:46+00:00

For me, it is: - No anger issues/doesnt throw tantrums - is a good listener - Generally chill attitude towards life (not making problems out of nothing) - loyalty

Direct_Yesterday_349 · 2023-12-06T10:25:21+00:00

Sorry I noticed lists below such as ‘honesty’, ‘truly liking me for me’, ‘empathy’, and intelligence’ which is often the same generic list women throw out there that women actually ignore when selecting mates. You’re not being honest with yourselves! PLENTY of men have those in abundance but they’re literally invisible to you and you’re all instead chasing after a dwindling pool of men who have the opposite of these traits but are physically attractive and dominant. The problem is really simple, you’re oftentimes throwing yourselves at guys who are actually out of your league. These guys have no incentive at all to commit to you so after you give yourselves to them easily they move on. The true list isn’t the stuff listed above it’s: 1. Height 2. Height 3. Height 4. Great hair 5. Fit physique with broad shoulders 6. Confidence 7. Finances

You’re often confusing arrogance or psychopathy for confidence.

Solution: 1. Look in mirror and spend a good amount of time reflecting on yourself and give yourself an honest rating on a 1-10 scale. If you’re a 4 compared to other women, don’t behave like or have expectations of a 9. 2. Stay in your lane! If you rated yourself a 5, try to not give yourself to a man who is above a 6 on the scale of men.

I guarantee this will magically solve your problems with ‘honesty’ and ‘trustworthiness ‘. A guy who sees you as a great option for himself and can’t easily do better will be loyal and appreciate you more.

I hope this actually helps. My tip #1 is key. You have to be realistic about yourself and be able to recognize who you should actually have expectations for. Being realistic is very important.

Good luck

meleyys · 2023-12-06T08:28:35+00:00

Others have mostly covered it, but the absolute most important thing is kindness. Nothing is more important than generally caring about others and treating them well.

That said, there are several things I require of a partner that many women don't.

Must have decent politics. I can't deal with anyone who isn't at the very least a liberal, or preferably some kind of leftist. Also, no tankies.
Must love animals, especially cats.
Must be certain they don't want kids.
Must be at least somewhat nerdy. We have to have SOME interests in common, after all.
Must be (willing to be) sexually submissive. Also preferably at least somewhat submissive in non-sexual areas of the relationship too, but this is negotiable.

Lilly08 · 2023-12-06T10:46:13+00:00

Integrity. Don't say shit you don't mean, don't do shit that hurts people.

Good-Duck · 2023-12-06T12:04:05+00:00

Hi! To me, these are some of the most important qualities. Kindness, compassion (not just towards me but others as well), treating me and others with respect, emotional intelligence, showing affection, honesty, willingness to work through issues together, not fighting with me over everything and instead be willing to talk things out, good communication, not taking their frustrations out on me, I’m sure there’s more, but these qualities are the most important to me.

hotmama-45 · 2023-12-10T07:13:08+00:00

Character (respectful, doesn't gossip, doesn't watch porn, honest)
Humility
Humor
Sweet
Loves God and children
Confidence
Risk taker

Things that most women don't care about: bank account, penis size, and being 6 ft.

Ecstatic-Priority488 · 2023-12-10T11:12:51+00:00

Not morally corrupt
Good Communication & able to build a healthy relationship
Individualistic thinker (not easily influenced by toxic rhetoric online or offline)
Is driven & not lazy (but money is not imp)
Doesn't smoke or drink or do drugs

& these exact qualities apply to women as well imo

Title	Women of r/exredpill what is the most important quality(ies), when it comes to men?
Author	PerformanceDull8274
Upvotes	22
Comments	56
Date	December 5, 2023 9:03 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/18b7z0m/women_of_rexredpill_what_is_the_most_important/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/women-of-rexredpill-what-is-the-most-important.1240091 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240091

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