So you meet a girl, and you want to have kids, what's the BEST way to protect yourself?

Ben-iND · 2024-01-22T11:28:11+00:00

I personally think the best way to protect yourself is to take your time and choose wisely.

Time: I would say 5 years of relationship is needed for this decision.

Choose wisely: Is she caring, loving, etc? can you see her as a mother/ as your wife? how is her relationship with her father/mother? Family-Values? Traditional values? etc.

asianfoodtofulover · 2024-01-22T15:45:22+00:00

Don’t jump into marriage so soon, date her at MINIMUM 3 or 4 years before getting married. And when it comes to after you’re married, unless you and her are both over 30, don’t have kids right away.

LongDongSamspon · 2024-01-22T13:54:23+00:00

Just have a well thought out plan for how you will maintain assets and what you will say to get custody, or as much as you want if things go south. Pre nups are mostly pointless for regular people. You will take a hit which will be unfair, but if you want to mitigate that and get on your feet quickly think about how. Second property? Be prepared to really tell why you should get custody etc

Anti-Scam-Activist · 2024-01-22T12:50:46+00:00

This will tell you everything you need to know how to proceed to have a family without the risks involved.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/s/Ope3xU6qAd

Vetting doesn't work, because they are great actresses out there.

Only thing that works is engage her emotions, be fun and sexually casual while always wearing a condom.

AND most importantly...

LET HER DO THE ASKING INTO ANYTHING SERIOUS.

It is her Job to Win you Over Into a Relationship, Not Yours, You are the Prize.

Then do what I did in post link to Prevent Any Leverage she has over you, or you will be trapped and she will get bord and cheat.

You need the Ability and Freedom to Walk Away from a Relationship without any Cost to Keep a Relationship Together as She will Fear you Leaving and Act Her Best Behavior to Keep You!

BreakGrouchy · 2024-01-22T11:52:53+00:00

Don’t get married. Keep separate accounts but share responsibilities 50/50.

Low_Rich_5436 · 2024-01-22T17:28:12+00:00

Equality all the way. Equal income (or at least equal participation in household expenses) equal time with the kids. Do not live close to her family and far from yours. It's important when custody battles happen that she cannot make the argument the child has more bounds on her side and that you are in the provider role. On the other hand you don't want to be financially dependent.

Avoid any girl who has divorced friends (or feminist friends, obviously). Misery loves company. Preferably try to have most of your friends in common. It's unbelievable the shit girlfriend groups talk about their guys when they're not around. If she's "not like the other girls" and loathes all-female friend groups, good. Vet her friends, they will tell you a lot about who she is. Get drunk with her friends and listen to what they say then.

Most importantly try to go for someone who doesn't display narcissistic tendencies. Take your sweet time to assess it. Heed the opinions of people who care about you and are more neutral than you could ever be. Especially older people. Human nature doesn't change, they know more. Be aware of the signals, don't explain them away. Don't wishful think.

Have lots of conversations about values. Not superficial aspect like this religion, that political party. What it means to be friend to someone. What it means to be truthful. What is a balanced relationship.

Pay more attention to how she treats other people than how she treats you. One day "other people" might be you. Especially people both of you dislike or respect little. Get to know her past conflicts. Try to see how different her story is from the story of the other party. That's the most telling. If her stories are built around the triptic victim-abuser-saviour, run.

Finally, DO NOT TOLERATE CHILD-LIKE BEHAVIOUR.

SeaZone8 · 2024-01-22T16:57:52+00:00

I'd be picky about who I married. Like really picky. Not looks but overall attitude toward everything.too many women value nonsense.

Even if i trusted them with my life, I'd never put their name on my house. EVER. It'd take me like 10 years f marriage to even start to consider it. And that makes me feel kind of like an ass, but I just couldn't do it. Houses are insane now. I'd never get another one like it and I'm 7 years in on a 15 year mortgage.

El_Psy_Congroo4477 · 2024-01-22T20:33:36+00:00

Hithereeveyone · 2024-01-22T22:38:30+00:00

Date for a while long . Check out her family and friends. Social media. Only farts etc dump. Get a pre nup if getting married. No exceptions.

John_Bones23 · 2024-01-23T01:23:28+00:00

Time is the best way to test consistency. Don’t rush into anything.

Super_Hydra12 · 2024-01-22T11:17:17+00:00

It might just be a prenup and a vasectomy. Sadly men are expected to solely sacrifice their reproductive capabilities for women and prenups are almost always frowned upon because women don't benefit from it at divorce.

Do prenups protect you against being tied into alimony? If not then there isn't really a full way to protect yourself it seems.

SgtSplacker · 2024-01-22T14:11:55+00:00

Cross your Ts and dot the Is. Prenup in any marriage there is a chance you pay alimony for. Make sure she has a career. Make sure she is a generally positive thinking person. She should be generally healthy. Over two years dating before even moving in. No secrets, she has to know exactly who you are and vice versa... and accept that. Those are the main ones for me.

denvercaniac · 2024-01-22T16:18:18+00:00

Prenups can get thrown out in court. From where I sit, the best thing you can do for yourself is build savings in a safety security box or something like that where you and only you know where it's at. Hide the key in a place only you can find it.

I don't know how you fully trust anyone in the current state of the world.

9chars · 2024-01-22T21:01:35+00:00

There is absolutely NOTHING you can do to protect your family from your wife going psycho on you. You want to win? Just don't play the game. Don't get married. Don't have kids. No joint accounts. Don't share assets with the girl-friend. Even having a girl-friend alone puts you at all sorts of false accusation risks. There is ZERO ways to protect yourself.

xxyyzz987 · 2024-01-22T14:09:25+00:00

For children, you absolutely need a woman who can be a mother, whether married, not married, paid substitute. The risks of these paths are well known.
I was successful in leaving money out of the equation. After I went bankrupt because of my first wife, I didn't care about having children. I told women who were interested in me bluntly: I'm bankrupt, I can bring up children but I won't be making any money, for better or for worse. And then there was this woman who thought that was okay, so we had a family, not perfect but very honest, with our children, it worked.
If there hadn't been a woman like that, it would have been just as okay. I don't need children or a wife to be happy. Just as the absence of a wife and children are not a prerequisite for my happiness.

Top_Recognition_1775 · 2024-01-22T14:08:31+00:00

Marry a professional woman with a college degree.

If she is a feminist, no.

If she is an atheist, no.

If she has no father or no contact with her family, no.

If her hair is purple and she goes to BLM protests, no.

If she is 420 or has tattoos, no.

BTW this also applies to the man - be a professional man with a college degree, be spiritual, be family-oriented, no drugs, no addictions, no porn.

LaserNebula986 · 2024-01-22T11:18:38+00:00

Surrogates or move to a country where the divorce laws are fair for men

Diligent_Divide_4978 · 2024-01-22T12:04:21+00:00

I simply wouldn’t have kids and would never marry her no matter how close I got to her. My own parents’ deadbedroom and my dad’s constant mental turmoil was a daily reminder of how pointless marriage can be.

I know that doesn’t answer part of your question, but especially considering the fact that I have Level 2 autism, I would never want to bring an autistic son into this decadent and quickly-homogenizing society and consequently condemn him to a lifetime of suffering.

Don’t be a free agent in life. Let the blackpill guide you.

Midwit_Concentrator · 2024-01-22T15:59:04+00:00

Don't marry. Don't sign any papers. Women are women. Don't get government involved. Best of luck!

Bro_with_passport · 2024-01-22T15:15:09+00:00

Consider being a passport bro, there are many countries that discourage divorce much more effectively than the US.

mrkpxx · 2024-01-22T16:40:53+00:00

Look for another girl to get other ideas.

elebrin · 2024-01-22T14:49:44+00:00

First, get to know her, her family, her friends, and everyone in her life that you can. You want to talk to them and make those people your friends. While doing this, look for red flags, like a long list of previous boyfriends, breakups over trivial matters, a lack of loyalty to her friends and family, and so on. If she refuses to let you talk to them alone, then that is also a problem and a red flag. Does she want to include you in everything, or does she intentionally disclose you from certain discussions?

Second, do the same with YOUR family. She needs to get to know them - your mother, your father, your uncles and aunts and siblings. Ideally, she spends time with them and has conversations with them without you present. Get your family's honest opinion of her after, and look for the same red flags: things like disloyalty and so on. If she is overly critical of lifestyle choices that you find attractive, or she has a bad take about your family members, then she needs to take a hike. I have a cousin who recently married a woman who called me and my wife racists. If my wife had called my cousins who I respect racists, we'd have been done fairly quickly thereafter. That kind of thing.

Finally, get her family goals and desires from her, hopefully before you anchor her to a particular idea. Once kids are discussed, tell her your thoughts: all children will have paternity testing, boys will not be circumcised, and we are to remain loyal to each other above everything else.

Make sure you are being fair to her. If she wants to work, then come up with a plan for that. Be open to being the primary caregiver of your children. Be open to moving and living near your or her parents, where you can have a secondary caregiver for your kids.

Do sign a prenup as well, and keep your finances 100% separate but also very open. My wife and I have separate finances but we are both completely open about money. When I talk to my financial advisors, she is in the room listening. When she talks to hers, I am in the room listening. In both cases, we know when our role is to listen and let the other make decisions. We both need to be aware of the other's situation, but we don't dictate each other's professional lives.

Sad-Persimmon-5484 · 2024-01-22T13:19:54+00:00

A contract that means that the woman concents to sex on that day when the sex happens

Comfortable-Wish-192 · 2024-01-22T15:28:59+00:00

Since you have no assets there is no reason for a pre-nuptial agreement. But sounds like you mean protect your money? What do you want to protect yourself from?

Electronic-Net-3196 · 2024-01-22T14:45:38+00:00

What is wrong with this comment section? Why the misogyny? There are good women out there, you just need to find one, ver with her for a while, know her and decide if she is the person you want to spend your life with.

Besides that, there is no much else to do. Settling friend and having kids puts you in a very vulnerable position no matter what, it is worth it with the right person.

Youcantkillme11 · 2024-01-22T13:09:27+00:00

Become the greatest man she knows or will ever know, it’s the only way.

ducayneAu · 2024-01-22T16:59:26+00:00

It's neither a foregone conclusion, nor worth the risk.

usernot_found · 2024-01-22T18:59:57+00:00

By having a good lawyer

MrAnonPoster · 2024-01-22T19:06:18+00:00

You cannot negotiate away child support. Ever.

pissed_off_elbonian · 2024-01-22T19:57:30+00:00

Get a divorce lawyer weeelllllll in advance, a good one. Pay them. Then talk to a lawyer that does trusts and such, pay them as well and get as much good advice as you can.

OppositeBeautiful601 · 2024-01-22T21:00:19+00:00

Don't get married to anyone you haven't been in a relationship with for a few years. Don't marry anyone you don't trust and respect. Continue to treat them respectfully after you are married. You must risk much in life and marriage is no different. Continue to be self-reliant, before the wedding and after. Don't expect divorce, but be prepared for it.

Dustball414CA · 2024-01-23T03:57:52+00:00

Best way to protect yourself? Easy - DON'T DO IT!!!

Vegetable_Ad1732 · 2024-01-23T04:20:35+00:00

Not getting married is best. But if you must, consult a lawyer, and consider putting your stuff into a trust fund.

randomthoughts1050 · 2024-01-23T09:12:45+00:00

Who is OP really?

Look through his post & comment history to decide for yourself. I'm curious what you all think OP is...

Perhaps OP's the guy with the supposed 14 year old step daughter.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/s/aUWm8IgG4p

Or the guy that goes to South America as a sexpat?

Or the digital nomad in Thailand?

Or a chick in her mom's basement?

soontobesolo · 2024-01-23T15:28:01+00:00

A prenup NEVER limits child support.

The only way to protect yourself is to have kids with someone who makes as much as you do, and be sure that if things go sideways, no one will argue that you deserve less than 50% custody.

So you meet a girl, and you want to have kids, what's the BEST way to protect yourself?

Comments

Vetting doesn't work, because they are great actresses out there.

It is her Job to Win you Over Into a Relationship, Not Yours, You are the Prize.

You need the Ability and Freedom to Walk Away from a Relationship without any Cost to Keep a Relationship Together as She will Fear you Leaving and Act Her Best Behavior to Keep You!

Then just walk away and she will chase you.

No Risks all the Rewards.

Title	So you meet a girl, and you want to have kids, what's the BEST way to protect yourself?
Author	brainhack3r
Upvotes	43
Comments	104
Date	January 22, 2024 11:04 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/19ct6lb/so_you_meet_a_girl_and_you_want_to_have_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/so-you-meet-a-girl-and-you-want-to-have-kids-whats.1243523 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243523