Hi lovely people. I’ve decided to share my story so that hopefully it inspires guys to do the work necessary to change and be the man they’ve always aspired to be.

TLDR as this will be long: change is possible, even if you think you’re a lost cause. You owe it to yourself to be the best person you can be, if anything just out of curiosity to see what your life will be.

Let’s start from the beginning: I’ve always been the smart but very awkward kid. I’ve always had trouble talking to new people, I was anxious, talked very little unless I was in a setting and with people I was super comfortable, low voice, walking like I tried my best not taking up any space, and never felt okay with sharing anything about myself out of fear of making a fool of myself.

This got worse during my university years as I chose my studies due to external expectations (family, society) and some bullying from my peers due to the aforementioned character traits. At my lowest, during the breaks in between lessons, I was hiding in the toilet trying to avoid having to talk with my peers and other people I knew.

That’s when I realised I needed to change. I started with the most pressing matter at that time: getting the fuck out of that uni and getting a job. I started learning programming on the side and after a year and a half I managed to get a job… in another country. It was tough but I decided to move, leaving behind family, friends, a gf (I got “lucky” at 16 and stuck with her out of fear of not finding anybody else).

The job was great. It made me not completely hate my life anymore — I was okay for the 8 hours I was working now, but still not during all other time. Being in a new country exposed me to loads of new things, but I was still not ready to really start a new life — that changed when my gf broke up with me.

I was devastated. I put all extra-work activities “on pause” as I was waiting for her to join me in the other country and eventually get married, have kids and all that. What a fuck up. I was now alone, with no friends outside of work, no real hobbies, nothing going on aside from reading stuff on the internet. My work performance was affected to the point of my manager calling me in one day and telling me in the nicest way possible that I either picked myself up or I would have gotten fired.

I had to change, again.

This time I did a deep introspection and set out a precise plan of what I would work on. I decided to fix: * my health: I started taking some time out to cook and did a 3 day / week strength programme * get at least one good hobby: I went with partner dancing as it got me exposed to loads of people during classes, loads of girls to practice flirting, and was a safe space to go to when I felt low * work on social skills / charisma: essentially exposure therapy, I made a game out of looking at people in their eyes while conversing, started talking with 1, 2, 3, etc new people a day, focused on forming social circles, etc

I decided to not focus on girls and flirting explicitly for ~6 months because I needed to “get grounded” first. I think it worked quite well. I was really starting from zero so trying to flirt and all that immediately would have made me look like a creep — I did, however, set a time limit for it, as I knew that I would have ended up postponing and postponing it otherwise as I would have felt not ready.

Fast forward six months, I am now ready to dip my toes into flirting. It takes a while but I eventually get a girl that is receptive to my advances, but I get scared and don’t ask for her contact info. I never see her again. Unlucky. But I continue with my plan and eventually, after a few shorter flings, find a girl that I would stay for a few years.

That girl was fantastic and I regret almost nothing. We are no longer together as of a few months ago, but it was a mutual decision due to some disagreements that couldn’t be fixed. I wish her the best in everything.

So, a few months ago I’m back at square one. But am I? I am not, actually. This time it’s different: I have a great job, I have a few best friends, many social circles, I still dance and that keeps me busy 3-4 days a week, I am in very good shape, I know how to talk with people and can get deep and very close to them and quite quickly (one of my best friends is a girl I met just 3 months ago… and is now a fwb), and I know how to flirt and what I want.

These days I feel like I still want to prioritise my own things, mostly work friends and hobbies, so I don’t have much time to dedicate to someone else and as such I’m not really looking for a relationship. I do casual stuff, and I’m very clear to any girl I meet that that’s the expectation — if they’re cool with it I’m happy to continue, if they’re not I’m happy for them to leave. Just to give you an idea, in the past two weeks I have slept with three girls, kissed two others, and have three dates lined up. I think a lot of my success stems from the fact that I have abundance mentality: on one side I have my shit going on and I’m happy to keep doing just that, on the other being so busy makes me relatively outcome independent and I involuntarily do the things that are often suggested here like taking time to reply, being chill about rescheduling, not becoming too invested in a particular girl, and so on.

I’m not giving exact advice as I think this subreddit (and r/SocialSkills) have plenty already, it’s up to you whether or not you implement it and do the fucking work that is needed. Some people will need less, I needed a lot, some will need even more. We’re all stuck with the cards we’ve been dealt and there’s no point in complaining, the only way is forward.

I can, however, recommend a couple of resources: * health: try to learn how to cook. Even super simple stuff. And grab a routine from the r/Fitness’s wiki and stick with going to the gym for at least a year, you will 100% feel and look better * life in general: get a job that at least you don’t hate and pays decently. Money doesn’t matter much if you have it, but if you don’t it makes everything harder * clothing and style: /r/MaleFashionAdvice and https://twitter.com/wellbuiltstyle/ are pretty good * social skills: if you can buy charisma university’s course, if you can’t there’s other ways to get it. But you have to put in the work, don’t just watch the videos for entertainment purposes * seduction: read Mate by Geoffrey miller and tucker max and, again, put in the work. It will explain how women think and how you can be the best possible person for the one you will vibe with. Models by Manson is good too. * mental health: if you can afford it get a therapist, it will help you sort out some issues. It gave me (and still is) a lot of insights on where my insecurities come from and how to deal with them. If you can’t afford it look for government-sponsored programmes, hopefully there are some.

Overall, this will take a long time. Probably years. Change is hard, and this type of change is the hardest as you first have to admit you’re not what you want to be. But I promise you there is a way out — I will never be Brad Pitt, but I’m doing pretty well considering where I started from. As I said in the TLDR, I owed it to myself to become the best person I can be, and while I’m still not there I have now proven to myself that I can be it and that all it takes is work. It’s in my control and I will smash it.

Have fun guys.