I have a naturally self-deprecative nature that I think is unappealing to women.

ZachMoore88 · 2022-06-27T20:53:42+00:00

I've been unlearning that one myself. Never self-deprecate.

serialkiller_mne · 2022-06-27T20:54:53+00:00

I'm no psychologist, but to me these things seem like a toxic self-defense mechanism. Like, you were told you are worthless/felt worthless during growing up from your surroundings. Then people probably see that they will face less confrontation if they accept that they are inferior.

That is toxic self image and I'm not sure how to solve it since I always respected myself, but if you can't do it with your own effort, try having a family/friends help you out a bit, maybe even see a therapist

Also, might help, but from my own experience, whenever I do something that would make me proud, achieve a goal I set (doesn't need to be something huge), I feel better and more confident about myself, so look into that

AngeloMacon · 2022-06-27T23:02:17+00:00

Good general rule of thumb. You can get away with some harmless jokes at your own expense. But if you're just getting started, I'd just take a 100% no self deprecation approach.

3SidedDie · 2022-06-27T23:46:41+00:00

Thats depression, isnt it?

knueverl17 · 2022-06-27T20:50:29+00:00

I have a super self-deprecative sense of humor. I have to watch who I’m funny around. Some people are really sensitive to it and it makes them feel awkward.

cronasminate · 2022-06-28T00:10:59+00:00

Being self-deprecative as a joke is different from actually being self-deprecative.

He said he thought about it and gave the most honest answer he could "Umm... probably a three." Apparently, she started scolding him for it, telling him "I'm a girl who is trying to come on to you, and you tell me you're a three? Do you know how stupid that is?"

This for example is not even funny. It's just sad if you mean this seriously.

Self-deprecative humor does not equal the typical boring, sad humor that is overused ,especially here on reddit, i.e. I'm a virgin, I'm unattractive, I have no friends.

It's also a problem if it's your ONLY joke.

I don't think it's the fact that you are self-deprecative but the fact that you are too boring and doesn't change up your jokes so they lose interest. It also make you look like cardboard cutout of some personality trope instead of being an actual person with varied experience.

Self-deprecation is a great way to establish rapport so that people don't think you take yourself seriously, but if it's the only thing you do, you just look like a dumbass trying too hard.

MountainGoatSC · 2022-06-27T23:46:48+00:00

Some amount of self deprecation can show you don't take yourself seriously and are confident enough to notice your flaws but if you're just always knocking yourself down then it reveals a serious lack of confidence and most women are not attracted to that at all.

driller20 · 2022-06-27T22:56:05+00:00

Dont do it, dont say is natural either. Its a lazy and sad kind of humor

2022-06-27T23:44:50+00:00

Yes stop self deprecating... Pretty sure that can be found in no more mister nice guy, when I say no I feel guilty, and or the mindful attraction plan.

These jokes make you look weak and unattractive

porn-chicken · 2022-06-28T00:50:16+00:00

Self-deprecating humour can be funny if it is obviously coming from a place of well meaning and self-confidence. Otherwise, it just comes across as a man who puts himself down in anticipation of others doing it.

A grim joke coming from a cheery man sounds absurd. There is humour in the juxtaposition. A grim joke coming from a shy character sounds serious. The humour is lost to the awkwardness.

Honestly, it's fine to drop the occasional self-burn. But keep it to a minimum and don't make people think you are a suicide risk. As a rule of thumb, the humour should be in the absurdity a joke, not the shock factor. Eventually you will learn the social skills to read the room.

Be yourself is bad advice, frankly. If you translate it into man speak, it means something along the lines of "be real" or "don't be fake". So be your best self, unapologetically. Present yourself, as you really are, in the best light possible. Hobbies you enjoy. Personal style. Yes, sense of humour. Don't craft a personality you don't have. Build on the one you have.

creamyturtle · 2022-06-27T23:50:35+00:00

self deprecating humor works if you are super successful or famous or whatever, where you have to try and downplay yourself. but for the average joe, it helps to act a tad cocky. if you think you are awesome, other people will too because they will assume there is a reason you act that way. it's retarded but it works

koolex · 2022-06-28T00:06:44+00:00

It is, women want to find a man that they think is a confident hero, not a loser. If you don't believe in yourself then that means she might feel like she has to take care of you like a child, and taking care of children is not sexy.

In your example, she was coming onto him and if he thinks he's a 3 then that makes her a 3 or lower which makes her look bad, and that's another angle to it, you self depricating in public makes both of you look bad by implication that she chose you.

You should unlearn your depreciation with women or use it only sparingly when it's funny.

RovinbanPersie20 · 2022-06-28T07:21:53+00:00

Honestly it sounds like you're shooting yourself down before anyone else

Nothing about you is just a part of you that you cannot change. Unless you're disabled or something. You can absolutely change that about yourself.

SilkTouchm · 2022-06-28T02:39:01+00:00

Let me recount a story one of my friends who shares the same self-deprecative personality as I do. Apparently he was talking to a girl who was flirting with him. She asked him to rate himself out of ten based on how attractive he is. He said he thought about it and gave the most honest answer he could "Umm... probably a three." Apparently, she started scolding him for it, telling him "I'm a girl who is trying to come on to you, and you tell me you're a three? Do you know how stupid that is?"

That girl sounds like a bitch tbh.

ThrowAwayAussie_ · 2022-06-28T00:04:26+00:00

You are doing the right thing by recognising that this needs to be changed. We all discover parts of ourselves that we don't like sometimes and it takes courage to accept the new information rather than denying it.

I have seen friends go through this transition. There seems to be a process of climbing out of it, but then also exploring your own confidence. You may eventually find yourself getting feedback that the 'new you' is cocky, rude, arrogant, over-confident etc. You may need to explore the pros and cons of being over-confident/cocky for a while, but then usually what will happen is some certain events will humble you and bring you back down to earth a little. Please note that it's important when being cocky that you still remain a good human being. I see way too many men change for the worse once they find their own confidence. Good luck on your journey.

Melinated_Warrior · 2022-06-28T00:33:55+00:00

I'd like to definitely hear other people stories. For every new person I meet, the worse form of narcissism spews out. Usually close friends say not to view things so grim or pessimistic and that everything is okay. I feel average at everything and slow to catch on to social cues. So I convey being normal. It's only when people throw actual insults when I start to get pissed. Even wisecracks & antagonizing comments hit harder than they should. Often times with chicks, they'll crack spiteful jokes just break the ice or feel someone out.

Stujitsu2 · 2022-06-28T01:45:50+00:00

Here is the thing, you know its a problem. You don't have to be boastful to not be self deprecating. A good way to start conversation is to compliment their style. A good habit is to start describing to yourself womens style when you see them out and about. Do they look: elegant, professional, sporty, hippie, all american, et cetera.

focus_flow69 · 2022-06-28T02:17:39+00:00

Don't tell yourself you are naturally self deprecating. If you keep thinking that's the natural you and it's who you are, then you are also limiting yourself to the belief that you can never change.

Yes you should be yourself, but that doesn't mean you can't change yourself to be who you want to be.

ireallyloveoats · 2022-06-28T03:46:20+00:00

Yea I think this type of thing runs really deep within. You have a self-deprecative tendency because of underlying issues, like a low self-esteem and perhaps traumas. This is something that runs deep. Step away for a bit from all of this dating, pickup, seduction, etc. and self-evaluate your self-esteem and focus on that. Focus on journaling, get on a bodybuilding regimen at the gym, meditating, go travel by yourself, do things you enjoy and explore your psyche and write down things you like about yourself, build up your self-esteem. Go on a journey and come back stronger than ever!

Hariharan_VN · 2022-06-28T03:50:08+00:00

self depreciating is not good but when mixed with humor it will portray you to be sarcastic. I've been reading the characteristics of ryan Reynolds aka Deadpool. he uses a lot of self sabotage with change of voice tone, it really makes him enjoyable. but this should be practiced with the people who you are familiar with

mystikcal1 · 2022-06-28T04:41:52+00:00

I mean confidence is the number one thing

jackzander · 2022-06-28T04:42:38+00:00

Sounds like self-sabotage, actually. It's just expressed through self-deprecation.

Meaning, if you're constantly accelerating failure, you don't have to spend much time contemplating the terror of success.

2022-06-28T05:15:59+00:00

Don't self deprecate. See here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vblot9RiULI

eazeaze · 2022-06-28T07:35:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

JanetInSC1234 · 2022-06-28T07:41:53+00:00

If you watch any Hugh Grant movies, you'll see he does self-deprecation in a completely charming and adorable way. Of course, he has stunning good looks, and that adds to his charm. In general, don't put yourself down. You can make an upbeat (not depressing) joke about yourself once in a while (because that usually is charming, especially if delivered with a playful smile). I'm not asking you to be someone else, but it's important to try to be your best self...the self you're proud of. :)

2022-06-28T08:54:18+00:00

you can change.

focus on improving yourself.

TheFreakish · 2022-06-28T16:37:14+00:00

Philosophy on being a loser.

https://youtu.be/9bHM-mhgQyk

Honestly man .. You sound like my kind of person. Humans are vain as fuck. IMO... Keep being you.. That said.. if you want to change...

The key to being a popular human is narcissism and manipulation. Learn to talk about how awesome you are without it being apparent that you're talking yourself up. Start doing things with people. Leverage those experiences to impress other people so you get invited to do more things. Become a yes man.

You could also learn how to shit on other people to make yourself look better, be dominant.

"I'm a girl who is trying to come on to you, and you tell me you're a three? Do you know how stupid that is?"

My scumbag reply: "Stupid is being impressed by other dudes lying to you. Sorry you find my honesty off putting?"

2022-06-28T18:32:03+00:00

Depends on the culture. But it's a sin in North America. Anything less than grandiosity is a sin in NA.

Title	I have a naturally self-deprecative nature that I think is unappealing to women.
Author	acharismaticjeweller
Upvotes	85
Comments	35
Date	June 27, 2022 8:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vm50lb/i_have_a_naturally_selfdeprecative_nature_that_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-have-a-naturally-self-deprecative-nature-that-i.1255889 https://theredarchive.com/post/1255889

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