Female friends…

zertsetzung · 2022-03-23T19:45:41+00:00

"I’ve been reading some of these seduction posts and I don’t know if this has been said before but: Have female friends."

Of course. I wholely agree.

However what that other guy in the post is saying is that when you know next to nothing about women or even socializing, actually going to women to get advice on getting women is a terrible idea.

I dont know if women are just guarding their secrets, if they are projecting, or if they just dont know how other women work, but the advice that women give to men who are hurting for it is just downright terrible. "Just be yourself, the right one will find you, be nice and respectful, etc".

"I’m really making this because I feel like the moment men here can’tpursue a woman romantically, they just completely shut it out.Obviously, be friends with whomever you want but… if you get along with agirl well, even if not as a romantic or sexual avenue, they probablyknow someone who could be an option? Cold approaches suck so much more."

I agree. But its a necessary step for men who have no skill whatsoever in getting women (be it just for sex or relationships).

I agree with everything else you say though and yes I think that guys definately should have friends who are girls.

jayjonas1996 · 2022-03-23T22:32:39+00:00

Haha I’m 5’11”, workout everyday, have 10+ really awesome female friendship + I make all the women feel awesome with my witty small talk on my onCampus job thrice a week but No,

Even though your concept may work for some (depends the friends needs to be helpful like you) I disagree It doesn’t work for me

All of those 10+ friends have their own separate friends circles. I will not downvote you but No, this has never happened to me. No one cares

Almost all of them see me trying everyday and even depressed occasionally but no one ever helps, everyone their own shit to deal with.

fzgen · 2022-03-24T10:14:27+00:00

Sorry but women keep "friends" for several reasons but none of them goes for two ways.

to not be seen socially awkward or rude so they act like friend.
to not get bored. so you chat with them, make them laugh but when you ask sth or when you want to have lunch together. they are just "oh my god, are you asking me out?"
to not feel alone. men can endure loneliness like a terminator. women can't do that. they had to talk with someone about something. if you are in reach and respond, it will be you. they do not develop any feelings or friendship over this.
to get help from you. you have skillset, car, etc. for example you are handyman. they'll friend you so as gentleman sometimes you can fix their stuff for a cup of coffee. It happened to me.
to feel not threatened. they will make you friends so you will not cause any problem to them. for example, competition at workplace. they sedate you so they can have you clapped for promotion you suppose to get but they get it instead. beware!
to have an access for another man. they act like your friend so they can initiate contact with your friend. they want to know what he likes etc. Just don't be pimp for them. if they want to ask the 3rd guy out, they better do themselves. as long as you notice, tell them ask them out and if she rejects minimize the contact. Say "I thought we had a thing with you. sorry I can't be friend with you". Or whatever just don't be a pimp. you have a "penis" also.
to get free lunch.they act like interested until their stomachs are full for free. then you are just "friend". nothing sexual happens. but they never buy you lunch, even asking make them ghost asap.
to get protection. they want to go to bar, a new city for travel. they ask you to come with them. 3 girls and you as driver and photographer. "Please bring your professional camera, too".
to make you do heavy work for them. lifting, carrying stuff for them. I work as software engineer and office managers, kitchen staff was making software engineer men carry stuff they suppose to carry. Dropping a message into slack channel "we need some hands, please help us to carry stuff which we exactly get paid for". I warned the guys but they were white knight minded idiots.
to get mental support, motivation. they have bad day, they text you. some have audacity to say "I text you so you can make me laugh". Do I look like a clown to you? The worst part you do that, they feel better, they ghost you, left you on read. I mean wtf?

it goes on and on...

the problem is not what men do. the problem as "friend", when we need, they find excuse and not take any responsibility at all. they have more fun thing to do, they do that instead of helping you.

Do as they do. Be kind, smile, act sincerely but never be used. And keep in that mind, even you are really two close friends, when a "dude" or "great guy" appears in the horizon, you do not longer needed. They may even reject your existence. And when you need them, "Ahhh I would really love to help you but I'm too busy nowadays". " We have plans with dude. I can't help you right now".

Call me petty, sour, whatever I do not care. I am used because of my good intentions, with my honest intentions many many many times. Maybe I had the bad luck, magnet for toxic ones, I really don't know. Enough. 37 years old man here. I'm too old for women's "friend" bullshit.

While I still have contact with my male high school friends after 20 years. we met once a year or more to catch up, talking old days etc. But the girls which I was too close at that time -stupid me-, I don't even know where they are. because as soon as school ends, they see no friendship because you have no use, seriously. When I contacted them, they simply ignore or they were too busy with "that guy" in their new environment. Some didn't even bother to reply (She spent almost every day with me after school. We even dated, talked with our future dreams etc.)

Unless I have attraction and response for that, I do not contact, help or even get along or try to be friendly with any women. I behave for men who are obviously not keep their promise for any opportunity to sleep with any girl. Those who have no dick control. Pussifiers/Pussy worshippers we call them in hometown.

I feel so sorry for women who may have serious about being friend but they are so rare, sooo rare. Not enough time to find them, especially after this age.

NoDatabase1552 · 2022-03-24T06:11:04+00:00

In my experience, women immediately sexualize themselves, even though I don't have any romantic interest in them. It's hard being friend with someone when all they see you is as someone they don't want to date, so you're not worth the effort. There have been some women that have been friendly, but it's one dimensional: They set boundaries. I can't have friendly banter because that's crossing the boundary. I wouldn't call that a friendship. It's limited. There's no room for growth, and it seems setup for her benefit.

Women are more finicky to talk to. I have to not be myself and slowly open the tap to my personality. There's always some underlying disapproval based on sexual selection. The exception is post menopausal women and lesbians, where apparently sex is completely off the table. I get along just dandy being me.

In the last year, at my work, I've interacted with over 500 different people. About 60% men, 40% women. I'm not basing this just on like 2 bitter rejections.

I'll give you one example. I worked with this guy for a while. One day he said it's his last day and he gave me his phone number. I texted him later and we setup a breakfast meet. How often has that happened with a woman without her interpreting it as a date? ZERO! Why should I navigate this maze for a friendship? If it's that complicate the reward may as well be sex.

hernanemartinez · 2022-03-24T15:18:24+00:00

If you got a real friend, with whom you have all the chemistry and good omens. Why not to fuck him? After all, it is just an activity that will not affect the both of you if none takes it personally.

Exactly: you do.

They aren’t your friends. They are means to an ends. That’s why we do not take that bullshit.

If you really value them, sex is just another activity you could do with them. Like going to the movies or so. That is what “girlfriend” originally meant.

No one will ever develop a confidence relationship, a truly one, and then leave sex out. Is like having a friend that is a great soccer player, you love soccer too. Will you be ever going together for a match?

See?

On-The-Mountain · 2022-03-24T08:02:45+00:00

I have female friends, but not friends. It is really hard to build a strong friendship with a woman, and I honestly feel like its not only on men. I assume it has to do with both being hetereosexual, it just creates unconcious issues the closer you get, or you dont get close at all due to fears on both sides. It takes two really developed people from the opposite sexes to become good friends.

Some examples:

Good female friend of mine who started treating me like her side boyfriend, that ended in a big fight

Good female friend who secretly liked me but couldnt admit it

Good female friend who is just too fickle to build anything with

Female friend I just became friends with, its going surprisingly well, but she also told me she tends to only be good friends with men so apparently there is something about her that makes it work.

countsunny · 2022-03-23T23:11:41+00:00

If my friend doesn’t like you, and I don’t want to hurt your feelings, I will say she’s not looking for anything right now even if she is. I will do the same if my friend asks about you and you’re not interested in her. But be aware that this will also make it much harder to be able to set you up with a different friend…

You should always tell the truth.

carloshps16 · 2022-03-24T01:24:06+00:00

My female friends never hook me up with any other cheek. So i ditched them

ActionEve · 2022-03-24T00:02:46+00:00

I had a girl friend (not romantic just a friend) for ten years all the way up until we both left for college. Before we left off to college, we ended up hooking up a few times and our relationship changed.

Why does this happen?

Before hooking up, we had the strongest friendship I’ve ever had with a woman. As soon as we got sexual, things shifted and now we don’t even talk to one another anymore! So WEIRD

pukenukeblast · 2022-03-24T07:52:27+00:00

I have never had a female friend where the friendship didn’t start off with mutual attraction.

It has always snow balled into something else but platonic friendship and then eventually fades away once one of us doesn’t reciprocate for whatever reason.

I’m in this weird state with a woman that I’ve known for almost ten years now. She got out of a long term relationship about a year ago and now she has expressed her feelings towards me and I know where it’s heading. I will lose her as a friend as I have with every single female friend I’ve ever had in the past. And it fucking sucks.

I’m personally done with being friends with women because it just doesn’t work in the end.

DanieTB99 · 2022-03-24T01:22:13+00:00

The only guys who I know who have genuine female friends are gay guys or really feminine weird dudes. Guys don't enjoy chatting to women unless they are romanticly interested in them, this is the truth. I guarantee no masculine man would disagree with me.

ZlatanAgrees · 2022-03-23T21:48:20+00:00

having female friends can definitely help to get other women. but getting female friends is harder than dates. i mean dating is straight forward, you download some apps and start dating. i have no idea where i could meet female friends.

sensitivefb · 2022-03-24T12:38:00+00:00

If my friend doesn’t like you, and I don’t want to hurt your feelings, I will say she’s not looking for anything right now even if she is. I will do the same if my friend asks about you and you’re not interested in her. But be aware that this will also make it much harder to be able to set you up with a different friend…

This highlights the overall tone that your post gives: you're doing it with too many conditions. Your friend has to like your dude friend, but the dude gets only one chance, he has to like this particular chick, or that's it. The balance of power and control here is unhealthy.

In general, what we learn in seduction is to be in abundance, meaning have enough and give without conditions. The without conditions part is extremely important as it's not so much what you give that is important rather than where it comes from.

I feel that you give this vibe that I've seen in many women and unattractive men, that you do things on condition. You want to feel helpful but you need something back. Sure there is a balance, you should not be entirely in giving mode, but a lot of people are blocked on either their receiving or giving abilities because of various fears and beliefs.

Based on my own experience I've never had a female friend set me up with a friend who was nearly as attractive as her. It's always been awkward.

The valid advice that I expected to find here, is to have female friends and connect with them deeply, to be able to talk freely with them. This helps you understand a lot of things about them, and when you meet one that you find attractive, it will be much less awkward. But you need to be careful as female friends are unhelpful if they're not totally open with you, if they're putting a face. It's even going to teach you bad relationship patterns which are detrimental.

krispykreme01 · 2022-03-24T13:14:31+00:00

Haha no.

Glad_p · 2022-03-24T14:54:10+00:00

thats really a plus too, it makes one to know certain boundaries too and not to mention, were we are fu**ing up😉

Kukantiz · 2022-03-24T15:14:03+00:00

This is really good advice. I think a lot of guys here only talk to women when they are trying to get something from them, and it's obvious to the person they are trying to attract. Even without the prospect of being hooked up with one of her friends, you get used to talking to and being around attractive women in general. At that point you are no longer awkward and your game will naturally improve.

Chicagoj1563 · 2022-03-24T16:51:10+00:00

I think this insight is great. The only thing I'd point out is that there isn't one way to date and meet women. What the OP described is one way and is great for people building social circles. A healthy thing for most people to do.

However, there are guys in the pickup community who learn cold approach for the sole reason they don't want to build social circles, they don't want to workout and get in shape, they don't want to do anything other that get good at game. Some of these guys are looking to get layed mostly, but short term relationships is part of it too.

Just saying, there are many ways that will work and a combination is effective too.

One other thing I'd point out is this isn't just about having female friends. It's about communicating the right things that you are available and making the right impression to your female friends. I think the OP included this in the post.

But, yea it makes sense. Make female friends. It builds a social network of opportunities. Many pickup artists will say social proof is the #1 attraction factor. Alot of what this is can be broken down to social proof. Girls sometimes judge guys by how other women like them and how many women they have in their life. It's all just another way of saying social proof is real.

BangaiiWatchman · 2022-03-23T19:46:08+00:00

I really appreciate female advice and presence in this community! Thanks for sharing, and please stay involved 🙏

992702050602 · 2022-03-24T02:21:14+00:00

Honestly, the best part of this thread is the open dialogue you creates for men and women. Both have given situational advice to help each other understand the general stuff that gets posted here a lot. I think that’s what I find most helpful instead of these posts that are really just complaints.

2022-03-23T20:56:24+00:00

This is a great advice! A friend of mine recently told his friend to come hangout with us and she came through and we three had a fun time getting food and now that friend of his finds me attractive! I told myself to never have female friends but this will change now!

MetallicPiano · 2022-03-24T02:31:44+00:00

Girl… a lot of these seduction posts make me cringe, coming from a female. We need more females posting on here, or at least giving advice. I’m not a fan of generalizing genders, like many do (i.e., girl vs. boy), but this is something that would improve the quality of the community and advice itself. Thank you so much for posting this and showing me that there’s hope in humanity (joking, of course).

MrNaturalInstinct · 2022-03-24T03:27:42+00:00

Interesting perspective.

992702050602 · 2022-03-23T23:59:42+00:00

[permanently deleted]

FindingE-Username · 2022-03-24T10:25:03+00:00

100% agree as a woman I'm very put off by men who don't have women friends. It also suggests to me that they don't really value female presence outside of sex.

Mondashawan · 2022-03-23T20:11:40+00:00

I agree!

Men with no female friends are a red flag to me. And here is why: it means the only relationships with women that they are comfortable with are family and romantic/sexual. They are unable to have platonic relationships with women. That in itself is very telling. It means they're comfortable categorizing women. It means they cannot find enough common ground with women to have a non-sexual or non-familial relationship with them. It could also signify a lack of respect for women, and trouble seeing them as people on the same level as they see other men.

Intelligent-Dingo-64 · 2022-03-23T22:28:43+00:00

for me i rather get rejected and remember myself and say i did the best i can ,i tried , she cant forget or find somebody with the same courage and determination that easy i leave feeling like a winner instead of being nice and doing whatever cheeks want me to do :) haha no one need ur help in getting girlfriend those mf are so strong they will succeed sooner or later

ProperDefinition6668 · 2022-03-24T12:54:15+00:00

Wish I knew this 4 years ago. Life would've been so different...

Can I ask you something pls

Do girls outright reject the idea of dating someone with acne?

I'm (M21) just waiting for that one day where all of this on my face is faded and healed so I can approach girls and make new friend circle

992702050602 · 2022-03-24T16:50:22+00:00

Hmm well I have all male friends and prefer it that way as there is ZERO sexual tension. I have had a few female friends in the past and every one of them ended up getting all sexual with me when they got drunk, generally just stupid things like flashing me ect. So yea... cool when you are single, not so cool if you got a girlfriend. Hence all these women fell by the wayside if I was ever in a LTR. So you say these things but I doubt you would be so open if your boyfriend was an attractive man with lots of interest and you found out one of his female friends whipped out her boobs when she was drunk and told him to grab them.(yes this happened to me). But hey maybe I just pick oddball women to hangout with, but its my experience and its why I don't keep non-intimate females in my inner circle. Similarly I won't get into a relationship with a women who keep lots of male friends, and especially former partners around. These are rules that hardened as I hit 30 and beyond because I became more aware of how people actually work, not how we think they should work. If you want to get cheated on, date a woman who is friends with all her exes, 100% it will happen.

getyahfuckingyeeted · 2022-03-24T22:49:26+00:00

If you don’t have girl friends you can talk to me about, I don’t trust you as much. I’m going to ask myself, why aren’t there girls in your life that feel safe in your presence?

So, in order to be friends with a girl, I need to be close friends with another girl?

Also, what do you suggest I do about being shy and awkward? It seems like girls are completely turned off by those and I don't know what to do about it.

Thatoneguy-42 · 2022-03-25T01:05:27+00:00

How does one go about making female friends?

Xenonzess · 2022-03-25T02:18:45+00:00

you always text that looooong.

ayaldev · 2022-03-25T21:09:02+00:00

All REAL female friends I have are girlfriends/wives of my inner circle of friends, then there's female workplace friends, I need to be friendly with them because of my job. Outside of those categories, i can't see myself being friends with a girl that I just want to be friend with her and not to have further relationship. I can't be friend to someone I have 'ulterior' motives such as being sexually attracted to them

iRanting · 2022-03-30T05:12:28+00:00

Needed this tbh. Thanks a lot for this post.

Icy_Rub1839 · 2022-10-21T10:34:05+00:00

I know that this is late, but if you say that you wouldn't find me romantically/sexually attractive and ugly then why wouldn't your friends also view me like this?

I haven't had a female friend for 10 years as the last one only used me to buy her things.

Title	Female friends…
Author	992702050602
Upvotes	158
Comments	91
Date	March 23, 2022 7:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tl94p3/female_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/female-friends.1263855 https://theredarchive.com/post/1263855

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