Girls get repulsed once they start to know me

blknLOUD · 2021-12-15T02:53:23+00:00

Bro, don’t take this the wrong way but this is just how you come off to me. I’m not trying to tear you down at all.

I spent my teens as a talentless introverted loser

First, you don’t have to degrade or be ashamed of your teenage self. Use that time as a lesson of what you don’t want to become again. To some extent, that introvert is still the true you and I believe you’ll somewhat go back to that once you tire of being extroverted. The thing you want to do is stay true to yourself so that you don’t have to impress others by being something you can’t keep up. That’s how you end up on r/HoldMyBeer.

Secondly, your communication is lacking, my dude. You came here and asked for assistance but you only paint a piece of the portrait and expect us to finish it. If you want to talk to girls, you gotta be able to paint a portrait of yourself that they don’t have to complete themselves. Be able to explain yourself. Answer “Why would she want to hang with me?” You say they begin speaking then they are “repulsed”. Why so? Repulsed is a strong word. Realize what you say holds weight. Repulsed sounds like you make them physically sick.

Tell us why girls ghost after they get to know you. What is it about your character that they don’t find security in?

I was never great socially.

I still believe you have a ways to go bro. I could be wrong but if one girl rejected me, it could be up in the air of why, but mltiple women and then I would be looking at something internal.

My social skills didn’t start to develop until i became 20

Great talking point. Accept the honesty. not every girl is great with open communication. You never know who is going through the same issues. You could find interests through shared experiences. Getting girls through ways that are not true to your character could lead to someone who repulses you.

Take some time learning yourself and what you want your goals to be. Ask questions and find topics of interest that you can hold conversations with. Be honest and and most importantly, be yourself.

Happy Birthday bro. Don’t rush out here just trying to fuck. Get to know yourself and your partners. When you get your conversation skills up, STDs are too real and dont be nuttin in these chicks because they’re cute or its too good to pull out. Good luck!

Cybion_ · 2021-12-15T01:41:04+00:00

What do you think of yourself?

A woman's view of you is typically some version of a reflection of your view of yourself.

I know this sounds like a "bro, just be confident" advice, so I'll help you with that too.

What things can you do to improve yourself? What qualities would you feel better about yourself if you possessed? Are you bad at following through? Make a list of things to do every day and do them. Are you not trustworthy? Start small.

Stuff like that.

RobertChardonnay · 2021-12-15T01:22:12+00:00

You have to provide more data about yourself before anyone is able to give you feedback on this.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2021-12-15T01:45:13+00:00

Trial and error my friend. Becoming charming after being socially awkward during your teenage years will take time and many embarassing moments. You're getting dates so you're already on the right path. Just take a look back every time you get ghosted and try to find patterns. Adjust your behaviour accordingly for the next girl. A change of scenery can help as well so maybe consider a move to another city.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2021-12-15T01:30:12+00:00

What makes you think people here will now why they don’t like you if you say nothing about what your personality is like, what things you say to those women, etc?

McWhiters9511 · 2021-12-15T01:59:00+00:00

If you're putting on a big mask and show, it's never going to last long. That is a massive turn off for any person. Genuinely work on yourself. Genuinely be you. Honesty is the only stability.

IamRocksteady · 2021-12-15T08:22:17+00:00

First of all: Happy Birthday.
Second: having good communication abilities is a skill, and not something that you're born with. This means that you can develop it. I'm telling this as an introvert, who was also a "loser" at your age in social skills. But for in order to develop it you will need to enroll in to some courses and read a few books about it. Then go and implement what you have learned.

Some books i'd recommend in getting for starters:

People Skills by Robert Bolton
Mindset by Carol Dweck
Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine
How to be a 3% man by Correy Wayne

cormacru999 · 2021-12-15T02:16:45+00:00

Considering you just started getting social in the last 2 years & no one really perfects anything in 2 years, keep working on the aspects of being social, like the comment I see, we don't have much to go on. maybe you talk too much about yourself. Maybe you just talk about how attractive the woman is. Maybe you only talk about a subject you love that they have no interest in. Who knows? But there are all sorts of techniques to learn about good communication & social skills.

Chuck_MoreAss · 2021-12-15T02:30:08+00:00

Are you a confident and self assured person?

You say words like “repulsed” and “loser”, which makes me think you have some stuff to work on? Just my opinion tho.

Why do you think you are physically attractive to some degree? And what about your social skills and/or life do a lot of girls find out about, and then don’t like ?

2021-12-15T02:00:05+00:00

You're just finding yourself. Don't sweat it. Also don't hang out with assholes who disrespect you.

boss-mannn · 2021-12-15T06:12:28+00:00

Hey man, I’m 21. The best decision I ever made was the read “how to win friends and influence people” at the age of 15. That will change your life socially. It’s an older book but everything I learned in that book (even if it’s just an audiobook) will help you out massively man. I know reading probably sucks for you or whatever but if there’s one book out there to read, it’s this one.

BillyClubxxx · 2021-12-15T17:21:39+00:00

The main thing is to not care a lot but put yourself out there.

Take the stereotypical bad boy. This is one of the most desired personality types by women even if part of them also hates that guy.

But he knows what he wants and will take the chance to flirt and make her know he’s aiming at her.

He has what I call a cocky funny personality. He’s cocky but also mostly friendly and funny.

Now he may flirt with 20 women and they may all not be interested but it doesn’t slow him down much… because he doesn’t care.

This is key. If you let yourself become a ball of anxiety because you care too much it shows. And for some reason that type of nervousness, shyness, appears insecure and just doesn’t trigger a lot of the feeling you want to trigger.

So it’s like sales. You know 9 out of 10 cold pitches will fail but each no is closer to that one yes you’ll get.

Then once taking to them you gotta just not care a ton.

They’re a girl who is pretty enough to get your initial attention and flirt with to see if any potential, no? Cool move on, have a nice day lady.

If she is then feel out her personally. Maybe she’s weird too and awkward in a way you decide she’s not for you. This goes both ways.

Have hobbies and do them. Enjoy them. Have stuff of interest to talk about. Like right now I enjoy talking to a gal the other night about the James Webb Telescope. She was interested in it and has a friend working in the project. She lit up at the topic.

Listen to them but don’t sit there silent making them carry all the convo either.

It helps to be able to ‘read the room’ but often reading the room just tells me I need to take over the room. It do be like that sometimes lol.

Most important thing of all I think is lift weights and get in shape. You say you’re good there but trust me lifting weights does things to us men that can’t fully be understood. Changes our posture, how we walk, how we look around at things and sit. Changes how we feel the most in our heads.

The man who feels like he’s the predator walking among prey will always command respect from the room. It’s a strange tangible understanding on a primal level that this guy here is to be given respect and then just use it well. Never be the bully but the cocky funny guy who will just chat people up and be fun.

Hope this meandering rambling helps you!

2021-12-15T19:32:57+00:00

I also used to be a introverted dude in middle school. I have my ups and downs socially. Sometimes I'm the life of the party sometimes I'm not. Maybe, ur being fake. Ur naturally an introvert, so forcing urself to be social when ur not is a bad idea. Usually when I do that, I get woman who are very angry because maybe they feel like I was never honest. It's OK to be quiet around a woman u like as long as you say hi and introduce urself. Talking to a woman is like an interview. The more she talks, then the better ur chances are. Woman like to talk. Let them talk. I have had the most luck when I was quieter and listened as opposed to yap my mouth off. Ur goal is to get her to talk as much as possible.

what-diddy-what-what · 2021-12-15T05:42:40+00:00

I'm sure it has nothing to do with my looks as i'm fairly attractive physically which means it must be my social skills.

Actually this isn't necessarily the case. It may be your "self" and not your social skills. Are you confident? Are you interesting? Do you have "your own life" and a sense of purpose? If girls are interested in knowing you, your social skills must be god enough to attract them initially. Most likely its your need for self development (hobbies, interests, life outlook, direction, goals, etc.) that's lacking.

I was never great socially. I spent my teens as a talentless introverted loser with veary few friends. My social skills didn't start to develop until i became 20 (made it to 22 today) after i met my friends at a convention and started seeing self improvement videos on youtube. Now everyone says i'm an extrovert.

This is an odd statement - "I met my friends at a convention". Nobody meets all of their friends at one event unless they really don't have a real circle of friends. Girls want to be with a guy who has things to offer them, and social experiences and engagement with others is one of those things. You need to diversify your hobbies and your circle of friends. Example, I love video games, and I could play them all day and be totally content. But I know that being well rounded is important for both physical and mental wellness. I do things that I enjoy less because they have practical benefits. You also said you were talentless. How can that be unless you're not applying yourself? If you don't care enough about yourself to apply your time and energy to things that build skills, then why would a girl apply herself to you?

Yet i still suck with girls and have terrible luck with them. The problems usually start when they get to know me, after that they ghost, ignore, don't like me or a combination of all these and i can't tell what exactly is causing this.

If they ghost when they get to know you, chances are you are not interesting, not challenging, not engaging, and possibly even coming across creepy. You've probably heard that you can't expect anyone to love you unless you love yourself. This is what that means. You are projecting your inadequacy and its not sexy. Take a time out from girls. Take time in for yourself. Build a self improvement plan. Examples:

Today and everyday hereafter, I will wake up at x hour. I will make myself presentable for others.
I will spend 30 mins in the gym 3 days a week to burn off some steam. I'll be less stressed, more healthy, in a stronger frame of mind, and I will look better too. It will take time to feel and see results, but I remain committed.
Write down your interests, all of them. Prioritize them. Find a social way to explore each one and then go do the ones that align with your top 3 or 4 priorities. Example - Join a book club. Join a film club. Join a pottery club. Use websites like meetup.com and join meetups in your areas of interest. It matters less what you do, and more that you do it.
Work on public speaking. This doesn't mean speeches. It means speaking to others in public. Make small talk when you have the chance. While waiting for the cashier to check you out. While waiting for the crosswalk to change, etc. Simple things to get your confidence built and for you to feel better about interactions with others.

You do you. Worry about the others when you're happy with who you are. Then the rest will come easy.

Transurfer_ · 2021-12-15T08:21:15+00:00

Been there

Synthwave_Vibes · 2021-12-15T02:23:33+00:00

Same here bro. And the irony is they’ll never tell you what it is that turns them off. 🤷🏼‍♂️

2021-12-15T01:38:46+00:00

Same problem mate. Want to chat a bit and see if we can help each other / keep accountable for self-improvement?

2021-12-15T03:49:25+00:00

Have you ever asked these women? Obviously we can't get a sense of your disposition and how you interact with women based on your written accounts. If you ask some of these girls for feedback, you're bound to find someone who is honest and can at least point you in the right direction of what might be off putting.

ScreamingButtholes · 2021-12-15T02:04:42+00:00

We can’t really do anything with this. What are you saying to these women? What’s your body language like?

2021-12-15T03:59:11+00:00

I can relate to you totally But I recently released this that some people ghost you cos they get concise of themselves not being upto your standards based on how they saw you and felt around you but that isn't cos of your way of socializing

throawaysarethebest · 2021-12-15T04:20:18+00:00

Your confidence is a front and once the women see past it, they see you from the perspective of yourself in your teens. Your self development is just starting, this will change as you go farther and farther from who you were.

muhia_kay · 2021-12-15T04:53:46+00:00

Say less, have her speak about herself mostly.. master the art of the bold move

SlugTheToad · 2021-12-15T05:04:32+00:00

The problems usually start when they get to know

do you have any hobby? what do you do in your freetime?

Imaginary-River136 · 2021-12-15T05:33:27+00:00

Familiarity breeds contempt

angelo_tomas · 2021-12-15T12:29:23+00:00

I would suggest that you start thinking about OTHER things..

If they ghost you after you get intimate... it might well be that the problem is about intimacy...

Most of them are fixable, you just need to unterstand what's the issue.

Try to give your ex or next gf a way to anonymously tell you what's wrong..

Maybe they don't tell you, just to avoid hurting you.. it's not easy to be mean enough to tell people the truth.. but that's the only way to fix something: know the root cause.

Good luck!

SpookyKG · 2021-12-15T14:52:14+00:00

Do you have friends? Male or female?

Tell them this and ask them if they have a sense as to why it happens. Have an open mind about the feedback you get.

Emyou56 · 2021-12-15T17:40:05+00:00

Yeah I agree with these guys, the only thing I wanna say is the MAIN point is who do you wanna be?, who are you right now? once you figure those out, then you’ll find out who you wanna hung out with and what girls like in you, just don’t rush, take your time

zorchestraz · 2021-12-15T17:44:01+00:00

keep working at it

flexphotographics · 2021-12-15T19:13:34+00:00

What do you mean by “get to know me”?

drgreen987 · 2021-12-15T22:14:08+00:00

your main problem stems from a lack of self respect. You call yourself a loser, do you expect others to respect you when you describe yourself as such? If you see yourself as a loser, others will pick up on this. You may be giving these signals without even knowing you are which is why they ghost etc after getting to know you

determinator94 · 2021-12-15T23:27:53+00:00

If it makes you feel any better, I also know what it’s like to be repulsed - not just by women, but guys too - by people when they start to know who you are.

I was always an adventurous guy (even as a kid), with this boundless energy. But when I was 6, I watched both my parents divorce violently before my eyes. That was a rough year; that was the same year my Japanese grandmother died, the same year my younger sister was born. And through the years after my parents’ divorce, I used to be the punching bag as they expressed their hatred of one another (though on my father’s end, until I turned 18, I was abused by him in many senses of the word). I didn’t know who I was at all because I came from both my parents who hated each other, and they just saw me as the flaws of the other. When I was 12, I found out right before I got thrown to the wolves of junior high that I was born high-functioning autistic (as if going through an identity crisis thanks to my parents wasn’t enough); I got cut off by my first group of friends before junior high, so it was 2 years of isolation, despite trying to hold it together and make new friends. Things seemed to brighten when I started high school: new friends, far better grades and time management and study habits, and a girlfriend. But when I was 16, I found out via FB message she cheated and skipped town. I had my friends still, but I felt worthless and unloved as if I wasn’t already. I still had this boundless energy, but every time something like this happened, I just seemed to have less of it. But it didn’t get as bad it gets.

Not even close.

After HS, when I started college, I was struggling but still trying to make new friends again and get out there again. But when I was 20, one of my best friends at the time pulled a Judas and exposed out loud that I had an abusive father for 12 years. He even told one of the girls I was into, and she weaponized it into a belief that I was too “unstable, violent and dangerous.” Eventually some of my friends all thought the same thing - that I’m just unstable, even though I had done nothing; I kept telling myself and believe that if your parents weren’t decent people, blood relations will never be enough to make them actual parents. It was so isolating that I dropped out because I was just a pariah and I went to CC for a while to recuperate and build my future as an engineering major. But the mentality became “fuck the world; I’m only in it for me.” I decided to just consciously be an asshole, and I didn’t give a shit if people thought I was one. I only made a handful of new friends and didn’t associate myself with people who I sensed could start drama. I lost my virginity soon after with a few casual hook-ups, but the bedroom fun wasn’t anymore real than what I saw as reality. I was in a bad place and needed a temporary way to numb the pain like alcohol or weed does. I started working out, freelance tutoring in math and science, and started acing most of if not all my classes.

Fast forward to now; I finished my undergraduate degree and landed a job soon after (a job I’m still working at). To this day, I’m wrestling to get out of this almost nihilistic mentality that people are just cutthroat petty rabid hateful savages, but it’s like every time I start to think optimistically, it hurts. It’s like I’m being ripped apart from the inside out…

Woujo · 2021-12-15T23:59:29+00:00

You are probably acting needy. You sound like you have low self-esteem so you are probably annoying, validation seeking, and do douchey things to get attention.

Settowin · 2021-12-16T06:58:10+00:00

Bro, fuck them, get money instead.

RambaRedd · 2021-12-16T13:11:35+00:00

What about you is repelling them?

It's good that you're conscious enough to know you're repelling women, but when are the exact moments you notice them start to pull back/act differently towards you?

Cybion_ · 2021-12-21T20:36:46+00:00

I was watching this guy on love island who was a big extervort and everyone loved him but non of the girls wanted to fuck him and the reason was clear he would always do things that release the tension from the conversation even if he did something bold... it would be like he would make a joke and then laugh right after to release the tension or compliment while not making eye contact. Get comfortable with holding tension in interactions at the risk of offending the other person.

Title	Girls get repulsed once they start to know me
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	166
Comments	65
Date	December 15, 2021 1:19 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rgmpim/girls_get_repulsed_once_they_start_to_know_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/girls-get-repulsed-once-they-start-to-know-me.1270780 https://theredarchive.com/post/1270780

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