Head over heals but not into him after sex

Asiangyal · 2021-10-10T11:31:17+00:00

Post nut clarity

DaydreamingMister · 2021-10-10T13:25:45+00:00

“Butterflies” aside…

Are you still looking forward to being with him… sharing with him… laughing with him… enjoying the sorts of things that were cool about you & him outside the bedroom?

Or did the enthusiasm for those aspects die once the bedroom deed was done?

2021-10-10T13:31:30+00:00

The obvious answer is that you should give yourself, the guy and the situation time. At the moment, you are not even able to put the finger on the thing, that has changed or disappoints you. It could just be a mood swing or an unconscious fear of something more serious. If you have seen so many positives qualities in him, so it's worth a second chance. The butterflies might return.

Dr_mombie · 2021-10-10T14:20:39+00:00

Take some time to explore your feelings and really try to nail down what you think has changed since having sex. (Have the butterflies shifted to contentment? Disappointment? Anxiety about the possibility that it could really work out this time? ) before you make any decisions on how to move forward with (or without) this person. I personally like to journal. I find that writing down my thoughts in what I call word vomit (stream of consciousness) style is really helpful for getting the feelings out. Then you can go back later, read your words, and find the clues that will tell you how you really feel about this person. Or if you have a BFF that you trust to handle your feelings with care and keep your business private, let them read it and see what they think you are feeling about the situation.

caesarfecit · 2021-10-10T17:06:24+00:00

The honeymoon phase is wearing off, and you're finding that you're not as into him as he is into you.

If this wasn't the case, you'd be all like "what is this/where are we going" rather than "I could take it or leave it".

I think a lot of this has to do with our societally unhealthy expectations when it comes to love.

All too often we mistake infatuation for love, and then wonder why it comes and goes. Love isn't just a 6mo-1yr milepost on the "serious relationship" evolution. It's both accident and design and it must be built, not found.

It takes time, conscious decision, and mutual effort to create.

As for what to make of the situation, that's really up to you OP.

It could be that yes, your relationship expectations are skewed because you've been chasing guys who just weren't that into you and as a result you never felt secure. And the infatuation never wore off until you stopped chasing. Too many people mistake one-sided love for the real thing, including myself once upon a time.

Or it could be that this guy is almost, but not quite, and now that the honeymoon is wearing off, you're seeing things more objectively and dispassionately. Maybe he's a little too complacent now, or he's a little too eager/needy. I don't know. It is common for women in their 30s to go for stability over just attraction, and later feel unsatisfied because they compromised too much.

It could be a little bit of both too. You don't want to throw away a good thing because you're too used to chasing string-along guys. But you also don't want to invest in a relationship if you don't see a future.

Your call OP.

andreecook · 2021-10-10T19:55:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SoundSalad · 2021-10-10T14:15:11+00:00

Sexual compatibility is very important, and if I don't click with the girl in bed (even if we are compatible in other ways), it is often a deal breaker.

Nothing wrong with you. Just depends how important sexual compatibility is for you.

Successful-Thanks-89 · 2021-10-10T18:54:46+00:00

That’s totally normal for guys. I’ve never heard this happening to a woman but I wouldn’t think it’s any different. You’ve conquered him and now there’s no challenge anymore so you’re ready to move on to the next. I would bet he’s also being very available and is responding to your texts quickly which is probably adding to it.

If you don’t fix this you’ll end up with somebody who never stops being a challenge, either because they’re not into you or they cheat, or are hiding things, etc. When I first realized I was doing this it took me legit like 10 years and a bad relationship with someone manipulative who lied constantly before I finally saw the value in stability over excitement.

junowhereilive · 2021-10-10T13:15:26+00:00

Change your mindset and keep the spice in your relationship alive and well by surprising him. Greet him at your door in sexy lingerie or take him shopping at an adult store. If you have a good guy, embrace what you have together...do not just focus your emotions. Butterflies never last long. That doesn't mean the relationship sucks! Have fun, be in the moment and continue to grow together.

jbo99 · 2021-10-10T15:14:21+00:00

Yeah we often develop feelings for people that turn out not to be so deep after sex. You may just not really be that into him and only needed sex for the relationship to feel finished

tellythesloot · 2021-10-10T12:17:08+00:00

Successful relationship are about communication. Why don't you tell him what works for you in the bedroom and how to do it? You're not damaged you just need to be his guide during sex. Men aren't mind readers. Help him help you get the desire back you crave in your relationships

HughBeaumont500 · 2021-10-10T20:00:27+00:00

Butterflies don't last with anyone.

Friend zone him and go back to banging jerks who are experienced because they F early & often and then forget your name

ExoticAd1219 · 2021-10-10T23:56:55+00:00

Instinct tells u something is not right. Prob him or something is off. Prob u r right. Go with ur gut feeling.

winterbolder1993 · 2021-10-11T04:33:49+00:00

he’s everything that I want in a guy when it comes to a relationship

aka the guy you settled on pretty much? lol

Am I just damaged from the guys I’ve dated before that would just hit it and quit it

well this makes sense now, got off the chad couresel, finally figured out everyone kept hitting and quitting, now you think new guy you have "settled on" is perfect, oops right after sex coincidentally guy you "settled" on is not that good looking chad and now you want to avoid and instinct says to go back to a hit and quit chad lol. Sounds about right.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-10-10T13:27:46+00:00

Mr. Beta Nice Guy?

And he bores you?

This is normal for many Western women, if you're in the West.

pokemonpokemonmario · 2021-10-10T11:34:22+00:00

Sex obviously wasn't good enough and let's be honest it's the top of most people's priorities assuming the other person has their shit together.

TheBurningStag13 · 2021-10-10T22:08:19+00:00

Wow...just..wow.

McWhiters9511 · 2021-10-10T21:23:14+00:00

If you're looking for a relationship that always gives you butterflies, quit while you still can. Love is from accepting despite personal desires. Wanting something is easy, truly loving takes effort every day.

Depressedkid1998 · 2021-10-10T22:35:23+00:00

Damn been there, girl was into me 24/7 and ghosted me after sex, been there, prayers to that guy

Title	Head over heals but not into him after sex
Author	Successful-Thanks-89
Upvotes	48
Comments	45
Date	October 10, 2021 11:13 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q563am/head_over_heals_but_not_into_him_after_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/head-over-heals-but-not-into-him-after-sex.1274616 https://theredarchive.com/post/1274616

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