Is there any hope for men in the wake of Me Too?

Particular_Visual531 · 2021-08-16T01:35:13+00:00

You have completely misread the environment. As a man dating in the me-too era you can do anything you want as long as you are respectful, read clues, respect boundaries, make smart decisions, etc.

I ask out people all the time in all sorts of places, if they say they aren't interested or are seeing someone always treat them with the same courteous as if they said yes. "thank you and have a wonderful day."

If you are in a bar and pick up a woman, if she has had more than a drink or 2, then get her number, make sure she gets to a uber or home safely and follow up when she is sober.

If you see someone you like at work, express appropriate interest in a shared activity like going to get coffee or lunch or maybe working out or hiking. Then gauge interest, watch for clues and ask her out for a date if things go well at that activity. By then you should know if she's available and acting interested or not. Regardless be a complete gentlemen if she says no, again if she was that valuable to you that you wanted to date her, treat her that way if she doesn't want to date you.

When you're dating start any touching with the hands, forearms or maybe the top/front of the knee. Let her reciprocate or pull her hand back. thats a sign if she wants to be touched or not without touching her in intimate places.

Same goes for kissing lean in but let her come to you on the first kiss, if she's not interested she can pull back or turn her cheek. You now she's not ready to kiss. Simple steps that make sure she has the decision to do what she is comfortable but still allow for intimacy.

Lastly, during dating and sex, ask often, make sure your partner knows they can say stop at anytime, respect if she pushes your hand away or acts uncomfortable when you are kissing/making out then stop doing what you're doing. I always let them know that I understand. letting them know you noticed their boundary and you will respect it, is extremely sexy to women. I honor that boundary until she explicitly says that Its ok. It helps your female partner to feel safe around you when you identify and respect her boundaries. right before sex, I ask if I she is comfortable. I ask if she will put on the condom. These are clear indicators that she is ready and also easily identifiable that she was part of the decision if ever questioned later. Its hard to say you didn't want to have sex if you were the one putting the condom on the other person. But its also another step for her to say she wants to slow down because she is now an active participant in the pre-sex steps.

Don't overthink things, but be a true gentlemen and you have nothing to worry about.

Alive-Doughnut2345 · 2021-08-16T05:03:36+00:00

You’re right the Metoo era certainly requires us to exercise caution but a friend of mine once told me something:

There’s always going to be a million reasons not to do something.

2021-08-16T00:07:05+00:00

I think a lot of the fear is in our heads and that things have been a bit sensationalized. We don't have solid statistics on false allegations (as it would require the accusing party to admit that they lied and/or and separate investigation) but I believe the risk is still there. All we can hope to do is mitigate risk. The best way to do this in my opinion is:

Be authentic - from what I gather, one of the reasons for false allegations is buyers remorse i.e. you are not what she thought you were.
Require investment from the woman - Specifically when things get sexual. kiss and pull back and allow her to complete the kiss. Escalate VERY SLOWLY. If the girl has a desire for you she will fill in where you are lacking. Being too forward can give validation, in the woman's mind, to the fact that she felt pressured.
Don't push the issue of sex too aggressively - this kind of ties into the previous point but in general do not be super overt about your intentions for sex. This is good advice in general, but you should have a "I'm good if it happens, I'm good if it doesn't" attitude. You want to focus on building rapport and comfortability, while again slowly escalating to at least get yourself out of "friend" territory.
Don't have sex while intoxicated - this is probably the biggest one. Because even if you are BOTH intoxicated, you as the man is the guilty party. It'd be smart not to take that gamble. You can still do game in bars, but focus on girls who are not shitfaced / more on the buzzed vibe and seek to get numbers only. If you have a lay opportunity just make sure you have witnesses that can attest to the consensual nature of your interactions, also have some camera's / audio recording equipment in the crib.
Build more rapport - I believe even if a woman has buyers remorse/ wasn't exactly excited about her experience with you that if you built adequate rapport she'll be more likely to charge it to the game as opposed to making a false allegation.
Have standards for women even for casual encounters - With all this going on we cant stick our dicks in women indiscriminately. Crazy chicks aren't sexy or cute and they will probably be the ones to report a false allegation. Be aware of potential mental health issues and also vet social/political ideologies. Sorry to say but if she's a hardcore feminist you might want to leave that alone.

All in all, If you are socially calibrated i.e. not creepy I think you'll be fine. I personally don't know anyone who has been me too'd...well I take that back I do but it way WAYYY before the me too era.

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2021-08-16T01:51:40+00:00

where and when IS it socially acceptable to make a move on a woman?

Don't put her in a position where she might fear repercussions if she declines
Don't over-escalate. Start at the bottom of the ladder only proceed in proportion to how she reciprocates
Don't hit on her repeatedly. If she's not meeting you halfway, she ain't interested. Stop chasing.

It's really not that hard. These are just matters of basic respect anyways.

jbo99 · 2021-08-16T01:52:03+00:00

I think this post is just culturally right leaning mental masturbation more than anything else. I’m a very sexually active guy in the most liberal place in the world and haven’t had any issues at all like what you seem to think is out there

Fullgasnobrakes · 2021-08-15T23:59:46+00:00

Dude, "me too" started in 2006 and has nothing to do with picking up or getting to know women. If you're letting it discourage you then that's your problem, and you're probably using it as an excuse to mask some other shortcoming or insecurity. I'm not trying to be a dick but it's ridiculous. Have you gone out since 2006? Do you not see endless amounts of men and women out together mingling, and most likely leaving together? It's pretty easy to not sexually assault a woman.

torito_supremo · 2021-08-16T03:09:49+00:00

To be fair, it seems to me that you're using fear of the #metoo movement as an excuse to not try to approach women anymore. You fear rejection. because of a severe anxiety fueled by of your lack of romantic experiences at your age.

I've read your responses, and it seems that not only you have little experience with women, but socializing in general as well: you mention it's "hopeless once you're out of school", and that after work you just go home and repeat the next day. Not to mention that, due to lack of social experience, you are prone to unintentionally make women feel uncomfortable when you ask them out or approach them.

Now, the answer to your question: it is socially acceptable to make a move on a woman of whom you've been knowing for a while. Even your co-workers. You'll not be called a creep unless you invade their personal space and not take "no" for an answer. Thus, I recommend you to start being more social: get into classes or social hobbies, NOT so you can meet a girl there, but so you can practice talking to people and expand your social circle.

moistmonkeymerkin · 2021-08-16T05:44:35+00:00

How hard is it to just not be a creep? Me too is about assault, harassment, violations of boundaries and abuse of power. If that’s what you’re concerned about, do the actual work and make the effort to have an inclusive, safe work space. It really sounds like you just have an issue with basic respect. If what you’re looking for is to find a woman that will react positively to your advances, there are bars and clubs that support that “lifestyle”. I’m definitely sex positive, but it seems like you’re putting the cart before the horse. Best wishes.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-08-16T03:32:14+00:00

When and where?

Everywhere..

The store, the gym, work, on the street.

Wherever you see a girl you like, go shoot your shot.

NateHate1402 · 2021-08-16T12:05:04+00:00

Yes, these thin has happen few and far between, if you’re concerned about a hookup record on your phone the moment you get into your apartment with her to make sure you have evidence. If everything goes normally wait a month then delete the recording.

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2021-08-16T00:39:33+00:00

I'm getting tired of troll posts like this.

Legitimate-Lies · 2021-08-16T00:50:59+00:00

Getting and understanding consent shouldn’t be difficult. Been with plenty of women, and I know what’s good and what’s not.

CicadaProfessional76 · 2021-08-16T05:02:50+00:00

At this point the threshold as to whether an advance from a man is benign or “misconduct” is whether she likes you

2021-08-16T00:58:14+00:00

If more men are scared, fantastic.

More for me.

ketchup308 · 2021-08-15T23:56:02+00:00

I really don't care bout that shit. That thought hasn't even crossed my mind.

AVGVSTVS_OPTIMVS · 2021-08-16T15:11:20+00:00

Its easier for me to date now more than ever! I'm not losing hope for men.

Bettertomorrowindeed · 2021-08-16T18:27:46+00:00

What are you talking about?

I don’t mean to be mean, but it seems OP has zero clue. Don’t force your penis into women, or your kiss on women, or your hands or be too pushy, just respect, and ask consent first. Not sure why ppl are confused.....

TheSunshineMan · 2021-08-16T03:29:15+00:00

Lol - you need to get off of social media - or you'll die an unhappy virgin.

2021-08-16T05:26:18+00:00

Are you retard? Your saying I cannot talk to a friends friend to gauge wether there is a potential for connection? Fucks sakes mate pull ya head out your arse, have a positive attitude and talk to woman.

ltsbrtnybtch · 2021-08-16T05:55:43+00:00

Have you ever even thought about how it feels to be a woman in all of history? I mean Jesus... could you be more clueless. You can still approach, hit on, and try and woo woman, just be respectful about it asshole. If a woman isn’t interested she’s not going to cry that you raped her, I mean what girl wants to go through that? Get a clue please and place your sexism aside if you ever want to get a girlfriend lol

jonhamm669 · 2021-08-16T06:38:51+00:00

Also in the age pick up artist and pick up enthusiasts making women doubling down on holding up their guard . It’s tough making random approaches these days.

Pyromaniiac465 · 2021-08-16T08:31:40+00:00

There's nothing to be afraid if you ain't doing anything wrong.

daddysgotanew · 2021-08-16T14:51:53+00:00

It’s only taboo if you are ugly (7 or less overall). The thing is, if you are a desirable man, you will know it. How? The women will do the work for you. You will be approached in public. You will have women stalking you and DMing you. You will have all the women you have had contact with hitting you up randomly, sometimes years later. It will be hard for you to actually “get rid” of women, they will cling on to you in hopes that you’ll “change your mind.” You will absolutely not have to do any work or self improvement. You won’t need “game.” They’ll just show up looking to fuck. By the dozens. You won’t have to worry about “mee tooo”

Hard truth. If none of these apply to you, then you aren’t a desirable or good looking man. It’s best at that point, to simply opt out. I used to think I was desirable, until one day I realized I was chasing a single mom (just for sex, but still), and she was simply ignoring me. It was a wake up call for sure.

RepresentativeSlip57 · 2021-08-16T19:26:22+00:00

I’m sure you’re probably 14 and probably never encountered a human female who wants your dick. Trust me, you have nothing to worry about.

marowitt · 2021-08-16T12:52:17+00:00

"Work...taboo." - that should be a taboo anyway, don't shit where you eat.

2021-08-20T20:28:11+00:00

Ya just don’t pay attention to me too. Ignore it and date girls. I don’t usually say ignoring it is that simple but that’s one of the only things where ignoring it is that simple. Those things never happen unless you’re around a girl who hates men. Stay away from those girls and get all other girls and have power over all other girls. It’s easy and it works. If you detect she hates men or that she’s complaining a lot stay away her otherwise get her or have power over her.

Title	Is there any hope for men in the wake of Me Too?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	14
Comments	70
Date	August 15, 2021 11:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/p54g11/is_there_any_hope_for_men_in_the_wake_of_me_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-there-any-hope-for-men-in-the-wake-of-me-too.1278193 https://theredarchive.com/post/1278193

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