There were several girls in college that I spent far too long being fixated on, girls who weren’t even that spectacular or beautiful as I look back now. However, when in the haze of lust (which guys will confuse with love), these girls were the end all-be all.

With some life experience behind me and some wisdom, it seems insane now to focus your emotionally currency on one single person for a year or more, especially when you’ve never been in a relationship with that person.

However, this is undoubtedly the biggest mistake men make when it comes to attraction and dating - we deeply invest our emotions far too soon with someone we don’t know well. We fantasize about a life with them and our perception of their good and bad traits are misaligned with reality. Putting it simply, shit gets too serious, too soon.

If you are invested too heavily in someone, and they aren’t as receptive, it’s easy to fall into the trap of chasing this person, or an idealized version you have of them in your head.

If you are on this path, visualize yourself over the next few years being devoted to this person who does not value you. Imagine yourself finally coming out of the fog, while they’ve disposed of you emotionally long before.

Think of all the amazing people you could have met, the happiness and emotional freedom you could have enjoyed in that time period.

It’s a cliche, but time is precious. Your time should be valued more than any idealized, emotionally distant person that treats you as afterthought. Only spend your time and energy on those who value you.