At what point when you're "seeing someone" does it become unethical to continue sleeping with other women?

Gnostromo · 2021-06-06T04:02:56+00:00

If you would be upset that she was doing whatever thing then don't do that same thing or stop seeing her.
Check your gut. Do you believe she would be upset if she found out? Would she stop seeing her? Don't do that thing...or stop seeing her.
If you want to see other people and don't mind if she does that same then have a mature conversation about that exact thing

AngledLuffa · 2021-06-06T01:34:31+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Own-Salad1974 · 2021-06-06T04:09:08+00:00

If you're an emotional person, then when your heart is telling you. If you are a logical person, then once you agree to it verbally.

Phalangebanshee · 2021-06-06T02:43:56+00:00

When you start sleeping with each other I’d say personally

kanyesbathroommirror · 2021-06-06T05:59:04+00:00

How do you feel about her hooking up with other dudes, though?

HitEject · 2021-06-06T08:28:52+00:00

Not complaining, but what the hell has happened to /r/seduction? This is like the opposite of how this sub used to be not that long ago

le_tw4tson · 2021-06-06T06:25:26+00:00

I get that this is not the "norm" but in my personal opinion as soon as you start going on dates with someone is when you should stop sleeping with others. If I went on a few dates with someone and found out that they'd slept with someone else I'd call it off.

Comfortable_Ad390 · 2021-06-06T07:29:03+00:00

Yo ask her

bigclivedotcom · 2021-06-06T07:48:32+00:00

Ask her

Momo_dollar · 2021-06-06T05:24:30+00:00

When it’s agreed that the relationship is exclusive.

ToeEmergency · 2021-06-06T05:05:12+00:00

I'm not sure about this, I think it would be good to discuss exclusivity with her. From personal experience, I come from a culture where dating and sleeping with multiple people at the same time is not considered acceptable. It's one at a time for me, and even though I have no problems with this kind of dating culture (multiple partners) in the US, I wouldn't do it myself or stay with a partner that does it. But I don't know this girl, she might be like me or not. If I were in her shoes, I'd want my partner to have an honest talk with me (especially since it involves sex and the potential for STDs). Sorry, I can't give you a clear answer lol, I just thought maybe you'd want to hear a different perspective.

HappyEllie777 · 2021-06-06T08:16:03+00:00

I’m old-fashioned. So in my world if I’m seeing someone it means we are exclusive in priori)

heckler5111 · 2021-06-06T01:43:53+00:00

To some extent it depends on what reaction you're hoping to get or avoid. I've had girls flip out when they find out I've been seeing other people even if we never had "the talk"

DaMarcio · 2021-06-06T08:25:31+00:00

It's really fucking easy. Be trasparent. If you're not exclusive she deserves to know. Trust me, she's an adult, she should be able to handle and choose what she wants out of you (sex vs relationship).

If she can't handle it, you probably either don't want to be seeing her (she is probably emotionally immature) or you should be exclusive with her.

Either way, you both win if you know on what terms you are.

randomlyme · 2021-06-06T07:55:08+00:00

I’d say set the ground rules that you both can expect. Of you start to feel weird about it, it’s probably time to have that chat.

VDKay · 2021-06-06T09:31:03+00:00

The rule of thumb is: "When it starts bothering you, bring it up yourself and see where both of you stand".

Since you are making this post, this matter is clearly starting to bother you. So bring this up and ask how does she feel about it. If you both feel keeping it casual and that's fine to see other people, by all means, continue with your current deal.

Sometimes, depending on each person's values and character, as well as cultural parameters, exclusivity is implied e.g. after you kiss or e.g. after you have sex. You'd probably want to avoid the situation where she thinks you are exclusive, but after a couple of months she finds out you've been fucking around all this time because "your reddit buddies told you it's OK to do so"

shamrocktoi · 2021-06-06T03:27:35+00:00

Well when the 2 of you actually discuss the issue of exclusivity , you don't know who else she is seeing as well and if she wants anything serious she will bring it up.

corey6868 · 2021-06-06T15:25:54+00:00

Until you mutually agree to be exclusive... there’s nothing wrong with seeing other women.

TheLatticusFinch · 2021-06-06T15:44:28+00:00

We you both agree on it...

Diamond_Sparklez · 2021-06-06T04:12:20+00:00

Coming from a open minded female with a history of different kinds of relationships….figure out what you want first. Do you want an open relationship or an exclusive one. Then talk to that person and be upfront 😉

Taro8383 · 2021-06-06T06:11:34+00:00

There is no rule, depends of the individual relationship.

THE_IRL_JESUS · 2021-06-06T06:13:30+00:00

Ask yourself if you would care if she was sleeping with other people. If the answer is yes then you probably shouldn't be doing it

DubDeuceInThisBih · 2021-06-06T02:29:08+00:00

Like dude said, being dishonest is unethical. You don't owe anybody commitment. They always got a couple on deck anyway.

Consistent_Video5154 · 2021-06-06T05:55:08+00:00

Intent.

-Kyri · 2021-06-06T09:22:51+00:00

To me, the moment you have to ask yourself the question is the moment you have to ask her, too.

I'm pretty much transparent with my sexlife when I feel like they should know, and never got a "WTF DUDE", only healthy conversations to define more explicitly our relationship from now on.

avocadorubicube · 2021-06-06T09:34:14+00:00

Are you girlfriend&boyfriend or fuck buddies? Define the relationship with her so there are clear expectations.

LifesMysteries0 · 2021-06-06T02:38:58+00:00

I start a new relationship out with discussing ethical non monogamy, and that I will be seeing other people until such time we discuss it again, and if the timing is right for me. I don't let anyone get too attached... when I see them getting all the feels, I have the discussion again. And I encourage them to see others.

I require current proof of negative STD testing. If they won't show the proof, I don't have sex with them, with anyone. I thought it would make hookups hard but, I am pleasantly surprised how many responsible men age 40-70 (my dating range) who do this also. This keeps my favorite guy and I both feeling safe.

cakedaddy6 · 2021-06-06T17:16:56+00:00

If you aren't having sex with her then its totally ok

argumentativepigeon · 2021-06-06T01:53:34+00:00

Your good bro. If you hadn't explicitly talked about it, or implied it, then you are good.

Anyway, think for yourself. Choose the person you want to be.

melvinthefish · 2021-06-06T06:26:20+00:00

Personally I think it would be wrong to see other women without her knowing. I can see how she could assume you are exclusive.

But regardless of how you feel, don't tell her you are seeing other people after this point unless you discussed it...that probably won't go well.

Either ask her first or keep your mouth shut.

OldRetiredDood · 2021-06-06T12:18:34+00:00

At the point both of you say "I do"

FeechOogatz · 2021-06-06T19:52:35+00:00

Are you exclusive with them? If this isn’t something directly agreed upon with your partner, there are communication issues. This should be white and black.

SundaeEven4146 · 2021-06-06T20:56:35+00:00

Let her know that there is other women in the picture without saying it directly. Don't be afraid of the loss you might take. Be righteous.

eIIe_phoenix · 2021-06-06T21:22:07+00:00

If you haven't talked about it with her it's okay to hook up others but maybe it's time to think about why you are asking this question. You wanna get exclusive with her? Or you wanna have casual sex and that's all? Or you don't know yet? If you wanna keep it casual just talk to her not to break her heart. If you don't know or wanna try to get serious, then be serious about her and cut off other girls to see where that leads :)

MyName_isLame · 2021-06-06T04:27:26+00:00

It’s all fair game until you say “I love you “

Infinite_Relation_86 · 2021-06-06T05:55:09+00:00

Unless you plan on impregnating her, why commit to her.

xvitamind · 2021-06-06T03:32:40+00:00

If you not dating her then you have free reign on as many women as you want plus her. She’s probably already doing it anyways. She probably just likes the feeling of being with someone in a relationship type of way

cunningstunt0 · 2021-06-06T09:44:59+00:00

Marriage.

DisturbEDx02 · 2021-06-06T07:07:00+00:00

Probably at least after your honeymoon

Teddyoldenbourg · 2021-06-06T03:53:55+00:00

Unfortunately, practice makes perfect. Gonna take a few bad ones until she gets the hang of it. Avoiding teeth, learning to ignore neck strain and paying attention to the tells are all skills she will have to develop. So... a few bad blow jobs could be in your future. Then hopefully one day, kingdom come!

According_Ant388 · 2021-06-06T09:04:30+00:00

Communication and transparency is key! This builds up trust and without trust, there’s no point in establishing any kind of relationships.

Idontknowmanwork · 2021-06-06T09:23:47+00:00

I would say it’s both cultural as well as a personal choice taken on your own risk. Culturally there usually are some unwritten rules of how most people do these things. Individualy, you intuitively determine if you feel like A you’re building attachment and emotional intimacy with this person and B if you’re feeling the same things coming back from them. In that case, you choose for yourself if this would be the moment to stop sleeping with other people until you see where this is going. But you do it while owning the possibility that it might just turn out to be a fluke that you’ll have to afterwards get over. Or you could just determine what you feel about this and then talk to the other person and see where their head is at on the matter and establish a course of action that way. If it’s more of a casual surface thing and you don’t really find that they are sharing a lot if emotional stuff with you, then it’s probably safe to say you’re not building much emotional/intimate raport with each other so you’re still on the market. I’ve had exes who have stopped seeing other people of their own accord when they’ve determined that they liked me and wanted to see where it is going, still as a woman, given other past experiences I personally don’t assume I’m an item with someone or invest myself much unless we explicitly express that we’d like to enter a relationship. So what I mean to say is you do things of your own accord when you think the time’s right and also if you’re not attached but you feel like the other person is getting attached, you break it off with them. It’s better to keep things clean and mess free for all parties involved. Exercise your own judgement.

heraldos · 2021-06-06T09:39:24+00:00

Take it easy if she is pretty probally is doing the same and if You Say something she Will tell You "You are not my boyfriend". Only don't lie or feel guilty but if she really like You ask her for make the thing a little more serius.

drunkcherries · 2021-06-06T10:27:00+00:00

Well unless you have a conversation or some sort of mutual understanding then I don’t see what they problem is with either of you seeing other people. But you do need to have the conversation at some point especially if you want to continue seeing this person.

sunshineandhail · 2021-06-06T11:06:30+00:00

For me, I would consider this a relationship. You hang out a lot, not just for sex, you text everyday and you’ve been doing this a couple of months. If I was the girl and found out you were sleeping with other people I’d be crushed. But that’s just me

If you want an actual relationship with this woman then I suggest you stop sleeping with other people and ave a conversation with her. If you want casual I suggest you clue her in pronto

meAADIL · 2021-06-06T12:34:29+00:00

If U date someone u ain't supposed to even have a close female frnds if u r a guy. Depends on how decent u r

mmmm_frietjes · 2021-06-06T13:15:02+00:00

This is the weirdest thing about American dating. Dating multiple people at the same time. Having the talk to be "exclusive". It's just weird.

Thest0rm_99 · 2021-06-06T22:59:37+00:00

Honestly, if you relationship territory is what you want, you should wait for her to bring it up and keep doing your thing. If you stop seeing women and being casual just because "you think" there is a relationship brewing, but it isnt something youve clearly been approached about, then its akin to a covert contract. What if you do stop seeing other girls, and you think youre comfy in this relationship and one day you discover she was always seeing other guys the whole time? Youll feel shitty because you deprived yourself of other opportunities while she got to explore hers, and you never had to do it in the first place. If youre gonna play wifey with her, you better vet her.

HandsumSquidwerd · 2021-06-07T00:48:46+00:00

In the most logical terms, from the moment you discuss and mutually agree to exclusivity. From a more moral standpoint, if you have been regularly sleeping with and seeing this person for at least a couple months, it’s only right (and pragmatic) to engage in talks about what your dynamic entails.

Communicate and make sure you’re on the same page as the other person, because the point your at is where unspoken expectations can and do form. Don’t leave anything unspoken.

Title	At what point when you're "seeing someone" does it become unethical to continue sleeping with other women?
Author	FearTheBeard442
Upvotes	179
Comments	83
Date	June 6, 2021 1:28 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ntagjj/at_what_point_when_youre_seeing_someone_does_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/at-what-point-when-youre-seeing-someone-does-it.1283139 https://theredarchive.com/post/1283139

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