Becoming more sexual?

Spaceman7Spiff · 2016-05-18T18:54:44+00:00

I'm like you. I prefer to know a girl on a deeper level before I'm all that interested in sex. But let me ask you this: how often do you masturbate? I cut my regimen down from once a day to once a week and have noticed a major difference in how I look at women.

mattmads · 2016-05-18T18:05:07+00:00

So to clarify, you're meeting women you find attractive but that you're not necessarily feeling sexual toward, then you find out that you are interested in them but it's too late because you didn't build up any sexual tension?

I am trying to clarify because you state that you're okay being a guy who doesn't care about sex as much as the next guy, but that if you were more sexual upfront you'd have more success. So what is success to you?

Let me know and I'll try to help.

DaygameCoach · 2016-05-18T15:53:49+00:00

Banter/teasing is important, but so is being clear in your intent (from the beginning). Read the book, Mode One (about being direct).

Pashley91 · 2016-05-18T17:08:51+00:00

You've managed to articulate what I've been trying to figure out for the past year or so. Thank you.

kissclose16 · 2016-05-18T18:30:35+00:00

The thing is with cold approach pick-up is that the girl knows instantaneously why you are there. (You find her physically attractive) Or so she will assume that...And so by not physically escalating or getting sexual within a certain period of time, you will confuse her.

It seems like you are on the right track to getting where you need to be because you say you are working on teasing/bantering and just having fun. Don't think you HAVE to tease though in order to get a result.

Physical escalation is what's key. Try things like just reaching for her hand and holding onto it while you are talking to her. Give her hugs, high fives, etc. You just have a mental block in this area right now that will take some time to get over, but you absolutely must push through the resistance if you want to actually get somewhere.

I recommend two books, Mode One and Models.

streetparker · 2016-05-18T20:01:21+00:00

Stop masturbating. Lift heavy weights. Stop masturbating. Eat more meat and fish, and green veggies like broccoli. Take Omega-3s and Vit D supps. Up your calcium and zinc through natural foods. Have more interests and hobbies, don't spend time over analyzing things in solitude. Stop masturbating.

Your testosterone has a direct effect on your libido.

If this doesn't work, then it's not your test levels and you may need to see a therapist. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2695750/

Note that this condition is common among introverts, and people with social anxiety, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, etc. This is a serious mental problem that needs to be looked into.

pureboy · 2016-05-18T18:24:07+00:00

OP I'm on the same boat I have even turned down sex opportunities just because I don't know them or not understanding them.

LiberalPenguin · 2016-05-18T17:49:29+00:00

I don't get it... You think you have to be teasing and sexual when you are talking to her to get her sexually interested or something?

I went on around 10 online dates, and ended up having sex on 9 of them.

I never once "teased" them. Not once.

I talk about random shit, am funny, and plan the night like this:

Get a few drinks
Sit next to each other with possibility of kino (sic...touching)
Escalate till she is comfortable with my hand on her (back, thigh, holding hands).
Move to another venue (can be fucking anything, but easiest if it serves drinks)
Escalate to kissing
Invite home for some random shit (can be anything. As long as she has plausible deniability it's on. Always agree if she brings up that you are not having sex. Say it would be crazy, and you are not that kind of guy etc. If she doesn't bring it up, don't bring it up, or bring it up by saying: by the waay: we are not having sex. Ok?)
Escalate on sofa to hands down pants...
You know

Not once have I ever been teasing or playful or whatever. I'm a grown man. If I don't feel like teasing someone. I don't.

Also: About the libido thing. I totally get you. I don't have that anymore, but now it's more like a game where I can see how far I can go. Putting my penis inside her is the end boss. I don't enjoy sex that much anymore though. It's kind of boring.

zoysawce1 · 2016-05-19T01:27:59+00:00

I think you're reading into it entirely too much. We all tend to think sex needs to be so passionate and hot and hard and intense at first, but it's almost never like that. How can all that passion be there when you barely know someone? It's not.

I haven't slept with very many people (4). My boyfriend now has slept with 20+... I sometimes feel inadequate, like my lack of sexual experience is an inadequacy. In reality though, the sex I've had has been more rewarding because I was in some state of love (never did hookups).

Moral of this is- maybe you're meeting the wrong people. Maybe you need someone more at your speed.

Although, as a female, if a guy wasn't wanting to bang when after hanging out on a date- I might take it personally, like obviously it just wasn't there..

Blame the media for skewed perceptions on dating, sex, and love! :p

meukow · 2016-05-18T15:35:27+00:00

You're needy and you want a unicorn innocent princess to be your girlfriend, so you just do not see them as a girl you can ravage all night long, rather as a partner that can fullfil your childish fantasies. This is a huge problem as it requires inner game work and mind reprogramming.

Sneezyweezy889 · 2016-05-18T19:43:26+00:00

sounds like you need a girl who needs to take things more slowly. there are girls that you are describing that like what you're doing, but then they need more sexual energy. in my opinion, sounds like you need a girl who needs to take sexual energies slower than other girls.

HotboxedTardis · 2016-05-18T20:23:40+00:00

Don't bother being sexual but absolutely make sure you are tighting the physical space between you and your target. Make sure by the end of the date or meeting that you can practically be attached at the shoulder and she is still comfortable. Even if your not. But don't push it so far that you become reclusive. If you use this body chemistry and interaction as a supplement to your conversations than you will build the physical security she needs to continue in your intended direction.

jefffffffff · 2016-05-18T21:10:42+00:00

How many times to you touch a girl per date. And per initial approach? Toss in a couple touches (highfive, shoulder bumps, fake push, touching legs under table) during appropriate times. One trick I like is the first time you find out you have something in common that is unexpected, high five her. It makes the interaction more real. Now her touch senses are activated. Also, ours are too and it can help start the sexual escalation you are looking for.

stilettonyc · 2016-05-19T04:18:06+00:00

I don't see what is wrong with your approach. It seems to me that you just haven't met the right girl. The mental always drives the physical.

Sense of humor is important of course but that is v. different from flirting over text/sexting.

The problem is that everyone wants instant gratification - the women want to know you find them attractive and then later will act bewildered when the guy loses interest or perhaps they decide that now there ego is satisfied they no longer are hunger for the interaction. That is called emotional immaturity.

I think you sound v self-assured. Stay on that path.

opelmanz · 2016-05-21T16:18:22+00:00

Perhaps you are confusing "sexual" with sex? There are a thousand ways to increase attraction between a man and a woman without sex, perhaps focus on other aspects of kino to build the connection. If the woman is for you, she will wait.

Your ideal woman will LOVE you for not rushing into her pants.

zoysawce1 · 2016-05-23T13:18:40+00:00

He told me, I asked him straight out in the beginning...

zoysawce1 · 2016-05-23T13:19:54+00:00

I mean, it is what it is right? Can't turn back time, why would I hold that against him? The only negative is my insecurity about not having partners, but, what the hell.

Title	Becoming more sexual?
Author	Advanced-
Upvotes	42
Comments	52
Date	May 18, 2016 2:43 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4jwzn0/becoming_more_sexual/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/becoming-more-sexual.1292327 https://theredarchive.com/post/1292327

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