Is it okay to give your number to a girl first, Without her asking?

executex · 2010-11-02T07:05:44+00:00

Shit, I don't even give my name until a girl asks. She'll say something like "I'm Naomi, what's your name?" or whatever the fuck, if she's interested. My name does nothing to tell her about who I am as a person or otherwise move the conversation along. It follows then that if she asks, it means that I've established interest/attraction. Similarly, giving out my name unbidden is, imo, telegraphing interest too soon. Giving out a number to a girl who doesn't give you hers first is similarly putting the cart before the horse.

Obviously this isn't written in stone, but if you have to ask about giving out your number, don't do it.

intjpua · 2010-11-02T07:05:06+00:00

If you aren't getting the number, you aren't getting the girl. You didn't build enough attraction before attempting the # close, or she just wasn't buying what you're selling. I just move on.

Personally, I'm not interested in having 90 friends on facebook. I don't add people on facebook until I actually know them and know I like them (I have a few that I've confirmed that I only met once...but I unfriend at the first sign they're going to spam me about anything...and I've stopped accepting those kinds of invites, because they're usually people trying to "network" with me).

BabylonDrifter · 2010-11-02T07:08:59+00:00

If you give your number to 100 random girls, about 5 will call you. So it's not a high-percentage method and something you should probably avoid if you have a better angle. But those five are going to fuck for sure.

alexryane · 2010-11-02T11:07:38+00:00

It makes no difference. You can give a girl your number, you can ask for her number. All that matters is how interested she is. Perhaps in extreme cases where she's not quite sure it's better to get her details but this is just mental masturbation at this point. It makes no difference. Girls will call you if they like you. Just like guys.

Box-Monkey · 2010-11-02T06:49:47+00:00

In your given situation, I wouldn't give my number to her.

In a generic situation, I'm pretty sure the community has no clear answer for it. Some would say giving your number would be weak, but I'm more in favour of saying it says something about your confidence. It seems a bit more confident on your part if you give your number, and assume that she'll contact you. I've done it before and it's worked out, but there have been other times where you won't hear from them. It's your call.

2010-11-02T10:51:41+00:00

if i dont have a girls number within an hour of talking, its onto the next one

sockthepuppetry · 2010-11-02T14:02:42+00:00

Do not give your number out without getting hers. She will not call. Maybe it's because he doesn't want to look desperate, maybe because her friends have convinced her it's desperate to call you, maybe because she just doesn't know what she'll say if she calls, and maybe she just forgets that she was interested in you. And then there's always the chance she's just not into you and asks for your information so you'll leave her alone.

My experimental success rate on having her call me has been 0 with one exception - a girl I gave my card to that I could tell really liked me who I wasn't really invested in. She facebooked me and I F-closed on the first date. Until you're experienced enough to know when a girl will actually follow-up, just assume leaving the initiative to her means you'll never hear from her again.

On the sexism in this answer: hey, it'd be great if they called us and some girls are forward and bold enough to do it, but they are the exception, not anything you can count on.

cynar · 2010-11-02T13:01:36+00:00

Don't bother giving her your number if she doesn't give you hers. The only time it works is if you don't even bother asking her for her's.

It's a physiological reversal game. In her eyes, you have to be so confident in yourself, you've walked off leaving her with the only way to move things on (by calling you). If you have her number/facebook etc, it will not work. Even then, it wont work on quite a few girls. When it does work, however, it does amazing things. Suddenly, they are the one chasing you, even if it started vice versa.

But as I said, it has to be played with 100% confidence, otherwise it flops HARD!

philosarapter · 2010-11-02T14:29:33+00:00

If she's not willing to give you her phone number, most likely she is not that interested in you and giving her your phone number will not increase the chances of you guys talking at all.

Remember one of the core principles of seduction is don't give without receiving something equal in exchange.

UmeaHC · 2010-11-02T15:20:44+00:00

If you feel more comfortable trading numbers, pull out a sheet of paper, hand her half of it, and begin writing your number on the side you have.

rubygeek · 2010-11-02T17:07:41+00:00

Giving her the number unsolicited will only "work" if you either truly don't care if she calls or not (most likely she won't) and/or you have put yourself across as being so much higher value that she feels like you're rewarding her (in which case you'd have gotten her number if you asked anyway).

If you throw it out there in situations where you don't have the time/opportunity to game her properly just in case you get lucky, then why not, both otherwise it sounds like a big waste - prefer to pull back and then push for the number again later instead whenever possible and use it as a practice opportunity...

Playing poor odds gets really boring really fast even if it gets result every now and again. Not worth it.

Badmojoe · 2010-11-02T18:16:05+00:00

There have been relatively few times where I have been talking to a girl online and had to leave the computer (real life beckons after all). Note: In all three of these cases I had not communicated with them outside of the computer but all were going very well for an extended period of time. I just said something to the effect of, 'hey, i gtg (work/school/whatever) I'll be back in a few hours. My number is ___ if you wanna text me during class or whatever.' Its more or less to put the ball into her court and it steps the game up a bit if you start texting back and forth. I'd refrain on calling for a bit though, just to not jump the gun and or shark at all.

ihaveabu · 2010-11-02T18:17:25+00:00

yea don't give stuff out. almost always a dlv (demonstration of lower value). don't give her any power yet. you haven't even started a relationship

fall0ut · 2010-11-02T18:17:59+00:00

okay... so yes it is okay to give the girl your number without her asking. however, in the example you are providing it is not okay. you asked for her number first and she wont give it to you. so now you're begging her to take yours and call you.

2010-11-02T18:29:44+00:00

Yeah, but you have to do it right. The only time I ever really do it is in certain day game situations where I don't really have to the time or desire to talk too much, like on the subway on my morning commute or something. I'll write "you're cute. call me" along with my number on the back of my business card, walk up to her, tap her on the shoulder, smile, make eye contact, say "Excuse me. You dropped this", hand her the card, and walk off maybe giving her a look and a wink over my shoulder as I leave.

Doing it like this: A) shows you have some balls B) gives her a little bit of info about you while leaving you shrouded in mystery C) the whole top secret rendezvous aspect of it makes her feel like she's living in a fantasy.

Even if you're ugly, you'll look better to her after pulling a move like this.

For your specific situation, I'd say, "No thanks, but it was nice talking to you," and walk off. What you have to understand is that you were already dead in the water at that point. Better to hit the eject button and salvage some pride rather than lick up the scraps she was offering.

MrRisky · 2010-11-03T00:05:19+00:00

I almost never give out my number. The one girl who asked for my number recently (twice, we met again, she said she lost it the first time) never called. I was not really attracted to her anyway, but she was a waitress with hot coworkers...

I always get a number and then send a text why wer're standing there, so that she has my number right away and she'll remember who I am.

2010-11-03T00:16:56+00:00

A trick that works well is at the end of the conversation go, "I'll call you sometime," and begin to walk away.

9 times out of 10 if you have done your job right, she'll go "Wait, I didn't give you my number!!"

This then changes the entire dichotomy of the relationship where she is now pursuing you. You need to keep parlaying this through all the usual steps.

The inevitable phone conversation should end with making concrete plans and setting expectations. Like saying, "OK, I expect a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek when I see you. And you'd better tell me you missed me!"

Say this cocky/funny and she'll be eating out of your hand.

So yeah, don't be the one giving her your number until she asks ;)

Thizzlebot · 2010-11-03T02:26:32+00:00

You take her number and call her cause girls aern't dominate and you have to tell them what the fuck is up.

new_player · 2010-11-02T15:32:14+00:00

It's context dependent. For example, one time I was chatting up a cute chick at the bar of a concert hall, we talked about music for a good forty minutes and she recommended a whole bunch of similar artists to the one we were there watching that night. I told here there was no way I'd remember them all and that she should just text me the list instead. I gave her my number and continued the conversation. It was just a natural progression. If you can find something like that to tie it into why you're asking or exchanging numbers, I find they're much more eager to do so, especially if it's based on some kind of situational connection.

Title	Is it okay to give your number to a girl first, Without her asking?
Author	AkinasPotato
Upvotes	11
Comments	31
Date	November 2, 2010 6:46 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dzx4y/is_it_okay_to_give_your_number_to_a_girl_first/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-it-okay-to-give-your-number-to-a-girl-first.1312684 https://theredarchive.com/post/1312684

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