Dating For Nice Guys: Getting out of the friend-zone

bboykaysun · 2012-05-28T04:01:07+00:00

Not so sure how much I agree w/ this post. One of the most risky things I've known from experience is to take advice on women from women... But it seems like a cute post. I'm more interested in the fact that we're both in Berkeley, wonder if I know these people...

l0ngballs · 2012-05-28T05:54:06+00:00

i mean this in the most inoffensive way possible:

bitches be crazy.

squarehouse · 2012-05-28T05:28:24+00:00

Nice to see her flesh out what she means by safe/unsafe, which I wondered about last time. I think it just boils down to need my validation / doesn't need my validation. AKA, outcome independence, AKA be aloof.

Good for me to read though, because of her examples. This has been a sticking point for me.

impotent_rage · 2012-05-28T15:33:57+00:00

He respected my decision, didn’t try anything, and really just backed off, but without being awkward or rude. I’ve told guys in the past I wasn’t interested, and some got really shitty and offended and couldn’t handle rejection very well. Those guys were childish, and Tim was not. I was impressed.

His maturity at handling the situation combined with the fact that he wasn’t chasing me any more made me see him in a different light.

This. This. This right here.

I can't even begin to tell you how important it is, the way you handle rejection. Guys who handle rejection with maturity become instantly more attractive (sometimes to the point that it reverses the rejection). Guys who become, well, not so mature, it makes me so glad that I made the decision to reject them. This includes getting too pouty or sad, or even worse - getting angry or defensive or "sour grapes" about it.

You learn a lot (a lot!) about a guy from how he reacts to rejection. You learn whether he was secretly overly invested in you (which indicates that his value is too low compared to yours), you learn whether he has maturity and self-awareness to be able to handle disappointment and frustration well, you learn whether he is entitled or egotistical. I think that you learn more about a guy when you reject him, than you ever do by dating him. It's no surprise that rejected guys sometimes go on to get the girl, if they are able to handle rejection with grace and confidence.

JibbsGooner · 2012-05-28T07:42:56+00:00

After reading that post, I think it was a pretty ballsy move on the guy's part to run his fingers on her thigh. I probably wouldn't have done anything.

Risk paid off. Good job whoever you are.

HoberShort · 2012-05-28T06:17:23+00:00

WTF is this shit?

Problems with this post:

1) It's advice for men written by a woman. As you should know by now, women do not know what they want, and if they did they would not admit it. You can learn all sorts of things from women but only by paying attention to HOW THEY RESPOND NOT WHAT THEY SAY.

2) It's about getting out of the friend zone. There is NO advice in this area, except GFTOW.

How many paragraphs does it take to say "Find some balls and make a move, and if you get shot down, her loss, move on, stop being such a pussy and go find a woman who actually likes you?"

jeez seddit come on

MegaMorty · 2012-05-28T05:24:49+00:00

I don't understand women

texting_and_scones · 2012-05-28T05:31:32+00:00

There are two huge attitudes that break you free of the friend zone.

First is to kick the one-itis mentality out of your mind forever. Never again think that you need that one girl. You MUST look at women more as a mass of potential romantic interests. It is no different than looking for a job. Is it better to beg a single employer over and over or to line-up multiple interviews? This has the side benefit of removing the desperation that women instinctively despise in men.

The second believe 100% that you deserve to have an intimate sex life with a woman. You must visualize a spot in your life for a woman that is either taken or not taken. Think of this as a human birthright. Anything else is abnormal to you. You have the right to an intimate sex life. Set your sexuality free from the dusty box under your bed. Sex is a part of life and you have a right to seek it. (This is also a good slammer statement when a woman stalls on having sex. Challenge her by saing, "Well, sex is an integral part of my life.").

Live these attitudes and women will sense that you are not friend material and seek to fill that spot for a female before someone else does.

TheBattler · 2012-05-28T11:37:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

shingonzo · 2012-05-28T05:16:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

choc_is_back · 2012-05-28T09:42:31+00:00

Can we please agree to stop using the 'nice guy' thing already.

Ok, the rest of the world may not realize it yet, but we know better: how 'nice' you are as a guy doesn't matter, it's how confident and interesting you are.

2012-05-28T15:01:35+00:00

I will never get those ten minutes back. . .

Terny · 2012-05-28T07:31:13+00:00

Can anybody provide a TL:DR version?

When I feel like I'm approaching the friend-zone I just non-chalantly add "I'm glad we're just friends" in a random conversation. Seems to work perfectlly.

Stankia · 2012-05-28T06:16:59+00:00

What does she mean by "unsafe"?

j33ratr0me · 2012-05-28T15:38:12+00:00

As soon as I realized a woman wrote this I stopped reading. NEVER EVER TAKE ADVICE ABOUT WOMEN FROM WOMEN.

sonicSkis · 2012-05-28T03:15:19+00:00

Hey guys, I'm new to this forum but I found this post on OkCupid and thought it may be helpful. Enjoy.

executex · 2012-05-28T06:04:29+00:00

I really don't understand this about women.

Nice Tim who’s liked me for months, who lives across the hall, is looking cuter than he’s ever looked before. Bizarre.

His visual appearance did not change. But she is saying he loooooooks cuter??? Wut?

Bhorzo · 2012-05-28T11:55:22+00:00

Does anyone else have less respect for women after reading/starting to learn how attraction works? The whole thing is just so goddamn retarded and convuluted. It preys on people's weaknesses. It's to the point that now once I know what to do and how it works, I genuinly appreciate the women who don't do this kind of shit so much more. What ever happened to just being.

Rainymood_XI · 2012-05-28T18:27:56+00:00

I knew I could have him if I wanted him, which made me not want him. Sounds irrational, but attraction is oftentimes not rational

Attraction isn't irrational, women are.

tambrico · 2012-05-28T17:10:34+00:00

So if I bring a girl for a ride on my motorcycle, is that an inherently "unsafe" activity?

Title	Dating For Nice Guys: Getting out of the friend-zone
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	156
Comments	70
Date	May 28, 2012 3:13 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/u85xg/dating_for_nice_guys_getting_out_of_the_friendzone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dating-for-nice-guys-getting-out-of-the-friend.1333350 https://theredarchive.com/post/1333350

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