A warning to everyone. (The result of not being honest).

UnapologeticalyAlive · 2012-07-20T13:18:31+00:00

Sometimes the choice between being honest and being appeasing is a lose-lose prospect. For example:

Last night I was at a girl's house. Just making conversation, she asked me what I had been doing all week. I had been going on dates with other girls all week. I told her I had gone out with a few friends (which is true, just not the whole truth). Later, she pressed me for more details and I just came out and told her I had been on dates with other girls. From that point on, she wasn't very affectionate and eventually told me it was time for me to go home. I don't think I'll see her again.

When she asked me what I had been up to, I could have lied. She even told me I should have lied. But you know what? Fuck that. I sleep better at night knowing I was honest, even when the truth isn't what she wanted to hear. If I had lied, that would have started me down a long road to nowhere.

Sometimes you just gotta man up and accept that fact that things aren't gonna go your way.

nobody2000 · 2012-07-20T17:18:14+00:00

This is a great post.

My ex broke up with me after 2 months of dating - I took things pretty badly, but recovered quickly. Reading your post awoken in me some things that I completely forgot.

We were seeing each other for 2 weeks before we hooked up (she's friends with a lot of my friends, so I preferred to have an easy escape if needed). I remember liking her, but not enough for a relationship.
We hooked up and not long after (minutes), she wanted to know what we were. I gave her the exact answer that I felt at the time: "I really don't care, but I like what we're doing here." She wanted to make it official, so I agreed.
I remember having a feeling of reluctance and asking myself what I had done. We had so-so sex (ok I provided amazing sex, and she was utterly terrible).
I began to fall for her, but really, it was just me growing comfortable with the idea of a relationship. I became lazy and unattractive.

Honesty would have played out differently for me. I would have said "look, I 'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship with you, but I like what we're doing here." In reference to hooking up.

She would have probably worked harder to keep my attention, and hell - even made sex better.

If I was honest, I probably would have pulled out of everything earlier when I realized she was terrible in bed.

If I was honest, I would have sought out a more attractive girl (girl at work who's now with a bf), and portrayed myself more attractively to her.

RobotPartsCorp · 2012-07-20T15:07:37+00:00

I am just a lurker but I wanted to mention that it is cool for you to figure this out about yourself and make a change. It is also really cool that you did not just be all "bitches me crazy" and continue on with blaming her.

I've been on both sides before and sometimes, and it is not easy to see how sometimes, dishonesty can sorta make otherwise sane people a little crazy. Always be honest even if it means you don't get what you immediately want.

So, kudos to you.

seavogillande · 2012-07-20T13:09:53+00:00

Yes. I think one of the ultimate differences between being alpha and turning into a douche is the confidence to be completely honest. Especially with your intentions.

It's also true that women can generally read body language a lot better than men. Evolution has taught them to spot lies as a defense. Lying to them will often upset their comfort with you.

sweetpineapple · 2012-07-20T13:35:33+00:00

What's a FWB? I tried looking it up in the Glossary on the side but I couldn't find it.

ACuteHobo · 2012-07-20T13:15:42+00:00

... Well, i have an upvote for a well written advising post.

2012-07-20T17:20:56+00:00

Sometimes you see all the red flags, but they are so charming, sexy, and outgoing (at first) that you get sucked in--also fake tits and a great body help as well. I was recently involved with a narcissist beauty who was "too good to be true" from the get go. I found out through the course of seeing her that she had a cocaine addiction, needed to pass an exam for her job or would be deported, most of the things she said were half truths or lies, and her stressed/real personality was nasty and bitter. Seeing those red flags, I withdrew after about 1.5 months and stayed around to fuck her anytime I could. The old codependent side of me was taking over because I was getting some ass now and then. I ended it after I saw her selfish patterns and knew she looked good on paper but was not wife material. We all make mistakes like the OP said, and the power of getting some ass (and fake tits) tends to lessen your ability to reason. Always reason, always stay clear minded, and always be willing to cut the fish from the line if she gets out of control. You will ALWAYS rise to fight another day.

Kush_on_thebrain · 2012-07-20T20:01:05+00:00

You have to work with your brain and your penis when it comes down to making the right move with relationships.

Venage · 2012-07-21T00:56:16+00:00

Wow, basically the same thing happened to me last year. It's a good lesson, glad you put it into words like that because I hadn't thought of it like that in a while. Lessons learned through experience are infinitely more powerful than reading them.

fire_a_blazing · 2012-07-21T19:54:50+00:00

She went icy because you became needy, not for dishonesty or moving too fast. Don't come away from this with the wrong lesson.

http://youtu.be/eFuMi36mg2k Watch that video and tell me with a straight face that dishonestly killed it for you.

choc_is_back · 2012-07-20T14:26:15+00:00

I know this, but I am still very guilty of 'leaving it in the open', aka being well aware that the girl is hoping things may develop into something more serious, while in my head it's just some carefree playing.

Not nice, I know, but damn it's so hard to fight this. I've never thought of a way of saying "I am not looking for anything serious" out loud without completely spoiling the atmosphere.

If she isn't either she will think I'm an arrogant prick for thinking she is needy, and if she is she will, well, consider me a dickhead for having done all the actions we've done so far without taking it serious. Can't win :(

So the easiest situations for me have always been to imply not wanting anything serious by my behavior (keeping it extremely playful basically).

MrSparkle666 · 2012-07-20T13:34:27+00:00

This post is incredibly vague and lacks any useful details.

It's the internet. This is as anonymous as it gets. What's with all of the beating around the bush?

fish619407 · 2012-07-20T13:29:18+00:00

Sounds like a Cluster B Personality.

You did nothing wrong, she's crazy.

iLoginToComment · 2012-07-20T15:39:30+00:00

At least you admit it to yourself. This is true alpha.

NEVER appease women. Ever.

sorgenvind · 2012-07-20T16:06:12+00:00

Why do you care about an 8?

Title	A warning to everyone. (The result of not being honest).
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	155
Comments	60
Date	July 20, 2012 11:35 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/wvaob/a_warning_to_everyone_the_result_of_not_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/a-warning-to-everyone-the-result-of-not-being.1335960 https://theredarchive.com/post/1335960

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