What is the female equivalent to the alpha male? As a woman in the dating world, I would like to know what I can do, besides looking attractive, that will up my game.

itsmevichet · 2013-04-30T14:35:49+00:00

Most of the advice I find says to "play hard to get", that a man wants a chase

Nope... most women want a chase. A man wants the capture. If women fell in our laps, most men would give up the chase. But that's neither here nor there.

If you want to be more "alpha" about getting a man - in this case, more proactive - just ask a guy out if you like him.

Don't forget to pay attention to chemistry, though. If you're a successful woman who takes care of herself and is halfway attractive, then any guy would be a fool not to date you. But that's the problem. He'd date you out of logical decision-making. He might do it just because you're great on paper, and he may find you physically attractive. He may even marry you and be faithful... but more out of lack of better options than out of love for you.

But see, that's the funny thing. The relationship would be fully functional - there'd be nothing wrong with it. I've been in this situation a few times. According to most of my exes, I was one of the best guys they've ever dated - this is because I respect boundaries, I'm caring, I'm always interested in what someone has to say or what they've done, and I'm tolerant of people's views and other quirks.

But that doesn't always make me attracted to someone. I end most of my relationships not because it's "not working out," but because I'm not attracted to the girl as much as I want to be.

So remember, just because the guy you are attracted to is willing to date you doesn't mean that he's equally invested in you, or that he's even worth dating. You have to pay attention to how he acts around you. Just, please don't be an asshole and turn yourself into a shit-testing harpy.

Chemistry is funny that way. A lot of times, it has nothing to do with whether a person is good for us. So, you have to find a person with the qualities of "I'm incredibly drawn to this person," who also doesn't have any severely shitty qualities.

Basically, do some asking out - but like the alpha, always be aware of the deal you're getting into. If it goes sour, and it can't be helped without unreasonable effort, you leave.

Ultimately, being alpha is simply about being proactive, being bigger than your circumstances, making choices, and never selling yourself out.

recyclablebantha · 2013-04-30T05:52:05+00:00

Let me turn some of these questions back on you. Why? Because why the fuck should you change who you are just because it might fit the most upvoted stereotype? What is it that ladies always tell guys? Be yourself....? (And really, it's not such bad advice, as long as one has achieved confidence in themselves.)

So with that in mind, let's dig in:

Most women seek a confident, successful man that makes them feel sexy and loved and protected.

I'm going to assume that you fit into this category. But I am curious.....what does confident & successful look like to you? I can probably assume that your definition of confident is the version where a guy knows his own power but isn't a douche about it. But success, that's another beast. There's superficial success, and there's success with actual fulfillment, which sometimes doesn't have a damn thing to do with money.

And what does a guy do that makes YOU feel sexy, loved, protected, etc.?

*You may take these things for granted, but it's vital to really pin down what you're looking for beforehand. Guys have this problem frequently, especially when they're trying to learn pick-up initially. They won't have their own tastes in mind, they'll just run with a set because they're having success...... until they find themselves in bed with a girl they don't like, having bad sex, etc. You can save yourself a lot off time, by having a really clear image in your mind of what YOU want.

So what do men look for in a female companion?

Really, you're putting the cart before the horse here. It's more useful if you start asking, "What do the men I want, look for in a female companion?"

But then, I think that there's an assumption here that we need to take a look at because it's not a helpful one: It's not about becoming what some guy is looking for. It's about becoming the best version of you that you can be. And then living a life that will attract the guy YOU want.

Most of the advice I find says to "play hard to get", that a man wants a chase. But I also find posts from men wondering why women never make the first move. So which is it?

Which to you prefer? Honestly, why give a shit about what some guys want here..... YOU'RE the one who has to be living this process. If you have always wanted to make moves but never had the guts to, then start learning how to fucking make moves. If you like to play hard to get, play hard to get. But don't do these things just because "guys" want you to. Do them because YOU want to do them..... that way you'll attract the kind of guys that are more likely to match your mindset.

Guys can often smell it when you aren't being real. It might not matter if you're forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do (like be more aggressive if you're not) when you're in the initial phases, if the whole thing is just for sex. But if you get to a relationship or even a regular hook-up situation, a lack of authenticity can kill things.

If i want the alpha male, do i need to wait around for him to come along so he can chase me?

Do you want the alpha male? Pin that down before you decide if you want to attract an particular kind of guy.

So guys, what is the ideal woman like?

Ask a different guy, you're going to get a different answer. Hell, if you ask the same guy at different times in his life, the answer will be different. I could give you my answer but it wouldn't really be that useful for you, unless I was your type. Again, to beat a dead horse here, you should be more concerned with three things here:

Finding out who you are.
Figuring out what kind of guys really light your fire.
Figuring out what you want: casual encounters or some kind of relationship?

For the second one, I'm going assume you've dated some by now..... I'd really recommend thinking about what you have really liked about those dating experiences. And what you haven't liked. This can help you get a better grasp on what you like, want, & need in a guy.

TL;DR: If you combine a better grasp of what you want, with a better grasp of who you are, that will be more valuable than finding out what guys want you to be.

_grim · 2013-04-30T15:12:48+00:00

Confidence, which implies that you're not needy or clingy and you're capable of having your own opinions without the need for them to be validated.

Sense of humor. The style of humor varies. witty banter, verbal swordplay, crass and crude. If men do all the work in this department.... it won't last.

Intelligence. There are various forms of it and different guys like different versions of it. Some crave academia level deep conversations, others enjoy social intelligence, others enjoy witty banter.

Be a challenge Be someone that enriches our lives by pushing us in a positive way to be better men. We already work most of our lives away, so don't confuse this with causing us more work or constantly challenging our manhood as we'll dump you for that and find someone that is an actual partner instead of a nag.

Throw away that cosmo book, women are generally happier when they chase and the way the "play hard to get thing" is always inaccurately explained.

Men of value want a woman that is of equal or even possibly greater value, which means those men of value tend to be more selective as they have options. Someone of the same value would be a fun challenge but isn't too easy or too hard. For a man of lesser value, the woman would be harder to near impossible to be with. That bit is harder to explain so that I hope the above translates well.

pirateundies · 2013-04-30T05:50:53+00:00

that a man wants a chase. But I also find posts from men wondering why women never make the first move. So which is it?

The world has made it pretty damn clear that participating in any chasing ends with men going to jail. A lot of the guys with the best game will promptly end pursuit after an outright "No" or one or two ignored text messages. It simply isn't worth it, so nothing will happen again unless you search him out and consciously get things going again. Not to mention that the majority of girls misinterpret "make him chase you" as "never show any interest ever."

Here's an interesting article on a girl with some good game, but it's more about what you can do after you meet a guy you like. If you want you can jump to the paragraph immediately after the black and white photo.

WORTHWHILE EDIT: When it comes to arranging a meet-up sometimes, because of life and circumstance, you just gotta say "no". When this happens I highly recommend following up the no with a suggestion to reschedule - bonus points for listing a day or two you think it could happen. This will show you're still interested and not just shutting shit down.

Assuming you want an alpha with good game, don't bother playing games with your availability. I'm a long ways from a master at this and I've already developed a good sense for when a girl is saying anything like yes/maybe/let-me-get-back-to-you and it really means "no" underneath to the point that when I attempt to "confirm our plans" it's just to keep up appearances and I'm already in the process of setting up another date, in bed with another girl, making plans with friends, or in one instance waiting at the airport for a short-notice trip to the other side of the country.

And besides - if you're a confident, active woman with friends and hobbies you shouldn't need to pretend to be unavailable. If you meet a guy you like you'll be in a position where you realize you actually have to make time to meet up with him.

StonedWhiteBoy · 2013-04-30T09:24:14+00:00

Like some PUA said: Never hide your interest, that said, dont make it obvious.

Also, kino and conversations. Sometimes girls seduct me by using physical escalation and good conversational skills. If you just make sure he knows you like him(tell him!) then you touch him, you should have no problems

cEIGHThTENnFOURoTWO · 2013-04-30T05:24:35+00:00

Laugh at his jokes. Kino. Hug him. Talk about things you can do together. Tell him he's a cool guy.

Maybe he'll get the hint if he's not completely stupid.

I wouldn't say make all the first moves, but definitely prod him to make him FEEL as if he made all the moves.

n1nj4_v5_p1r4t3 · 2013-04-30T14:52:02+00:00

Don't be an idiot. Its that easy. Ill put my dick in crazy, but not ignorant.

mojod · 2013-04-30T17:42:26+00:00

I'm a woman (girl?) and the cliches are completely true. You should aim to be confident and self assured and know what you want. Also be open to opportunities and situations because you never know what might happen or who you might meet.

2013-04-30T17:45:50+00:00

Be interesting and confident. If you like a guy let him know. Guys are more interested in a woman who is interested in them.

bl1y · 2013-04-30T16:05:26+00:00

At the most fundamental level, being an alpha female is exactly the same as being an alpha male. Both are the leaders of their group, and this is attractive to members of the opposite sex. Keep that in mind when you're thinking about techniques for attracting men.

I'd also be very hesitant about trying to apply any of male pickup strategy to your game. Guys are trying to become alpha males, but you have to look at who they're trying to attract. Typically they just want anyone who is attractive, and will often be content with a beta female. On the other hand, it's not difficult for a woman to get a beta male, and so what you're really trying to do is up your game to be able to land an alpha male. While men are generally trying to learn how to become attractive to a wide array of women, you'll need to think about how to become attractive to a very specific kind of man, and that might entail becoming unattractive/intimidating to beta males.

Alpha males are going to be attracted to someone who they can see as their equal. You need to be confident, successful in your career (or at least ambitious and driven for more success), and physically fit. I wouldn't worry too much about the chase. That's just a tiny piece of the puzzle. What counts is keeping the relationship engaging, and that's where being an equal really matters. If your life gets taken over by the relationship, he'll get bored and then annoyed, and then he'll dump you or cheat.

Lastly, never underestimate the power of making him look good. When you're out with his friends, especially colleagues from work, be on his team.

NotAnotherPUA · 2013-04-30T22:19:23+00:00

In my experience, the female equivalent of the alpha male is the girl that has all of the guy's friends saying how cool/great/hot she is and she consistently adds value.

Get a guy's friends' approval and you are the alpha female. Being the alpha female does not mean you will get the guy, just like every alpha male doesn't get every girl, but it will HELP BIG TIME.

Dos: Be nice to them and talk to them like you are their buddy

If his friends are single, don't judge their antics, actually, don't judge their antics even if they aren't single.

***Give your guy shit, in a joking way, just like his friends do, just less often.

Consider not sleeping with him on the first night, (this isn't a deal breaker for me, but if you don't, you have a better shot). A long with the friend's theory, his friends will judge you for it when the find out, even if he doesn't give a shit.

When you do hook up with him, be a freak. You going to give him a BJ? Do it with enthusiasm. I'd say less than 1/5 girls are enthusiastic in bed, once you have a girl who is, guys DO NOT GO BACK. It is just impossible for me to even want to sleep with a girl who is lazy in bed.

Having sex? Unless you are a virgin, keep the complaining to a fucking minimum.

At the bar, etc. talk to other people in the bar in a nonflirting, nice way. Don't flirt with guys in the bar in front of him. Guys with options see thru this. Also, be nice to people around you.

Don't: Don't be needy, especially not around his friends, but don't be needy at all.
Don't make him do shit like hold your coat, purse, etc. Be a fucking adult, not a women child. Don't be needy. I think the don'ts basically consist of don't be needy.

Finally... ADDING VALUE There is a section in the side bar about adding value. You should be doing this. Do you both like hiking? Suggest a spot to go, arrange how to get there etc. You should be doing this anyway if you want any chance of being with an alpha male. Add value to every conversation and interaction you have, especially ones that don't involve him.

0x48656c6c6f · 2013-04-30T22:43:58+00:00

In Season 2 of Fringe, the characters travel to another dimension with alternate versions of themselves. One of the characters is named Olivia. If you read forum posts by fans of the show, many refer to the Olivia in the alternate universe as Hotlivia. Same actress but why is one hotter than the other? Maybe if you watched Fringe (it's a good show), you will have some possible answers.

baldrad · 2013-05-01T01:54:10+00:00

Here are some things i have found, Shy = adorable / cute Confident = Hot / Sexy

With that, you could be freaking out on the inside, but if you hold that eye contact, make them feel like you are confident, that is going to make you that much more attractive.

DeeMore · 2013-05-01T05:33:35+00:00

Be fun and interesting. The more girls I talk to, the more attracted I become to girls with cool personalities that jive well with me versus just looks. Obviously the ideal is a beautiful girl with a great personality, but if you can't have both you can ABSOLUTELY get a better guy by being fun, attentive, and just unique a little bit.

I instantly get intrigued when I start talking to a girl that seems different from most.

JudiciousJay · 2013-05-01T17:27:10+00:00

This is difficult to answer because we like so many different things. For example one of my biggest turn-ons in a woman is intelligence. I feel like I'm kind of a know it all so with a lot of girls it ends up being me dropping knowledge and them listening or contributing significantly less to the conversation. I like a girl who I see as my mental equal. That includes matching my sarcasm and wit. Yeah a girl who laughs and says "oh stop" is cute, but I prefer the girl that throws it right back at me. Some guys find that intimidating however. So I would think about what guys attract YOU and see how many of those qualities you naturally have yourself and work on developing those.

Tysonismydog · 2013-05-09T06:44:53+00:00

The female equivalent is the lioness.

I wish my friend was into Reddit, because she is a female MASTER OF SEDUCTION. I just can't explain it. Every time she goes out, she gets numbers. We traveled in San Diego once and in ONE night, FOUR guys kissed her. Them kissing her, not her kissing them.

It's eye contact. Shameless, confident, 'I don't need you, but hello there cute guy' eye contact. Feeling like a fucking goddess when you scan the room. Sweetly smiling. Not being too sexual, but hinting at it. And, obviously, never being clingy or needy with it.

It's body language and good posture. Posture that fits your image. If you have a casual, dark, IDGAF slouch, that's fine, but there's a line between that and the depressed, I hate it here, I feel small slump.

It's holding a complete look. If you're a super polished bitch, look super polished with expensive clothes, perfect makeup, and accessories. If not, then don't. But look like you put thought into your outfit. Accenture your female form. Have clean and tamed hair. Smell good. Throw on mascara. Wear your favorite shirt. Love your clothes, whatever style they are.

It's being open to rejection. It's knowing that rejection is normal. It's moving around the room with ease, making eye contact, smiling, laughing, platonic keno with everyone, never showing intimidation by other attractive females.

jedipaul9 · 2013-04-30T13:05:24+00:00

I look for women who can talk as openly and confidently as I can. I look at the game less as a means to have sex and more as a means to network and meet new people. It takes a lot of effort to be so open and for me it's really easy to lose interest in finicky or just straight boring girls.

Be yourself. If a guy asks you what you do don't just tell him where you work, tell him what hobbies or activities you like. Share your opinions about nature, about music, about sex, or really anything that interests you. Speaking as a guy I love when a woman can actually meet me halfway in a conversation instead of me having to do all the work.

As for particular game I think a lot of the important advice for men applies to women too. Good posture, confidence, lots of kino, smiling, etc. Just be sure not to be overly-forward because many men take this to mean you are only interested in immediate sex and they may lose interest. Not saying you should play super hard-to-get, but just keep it classy.

Cupcake816 · 2013-04-30T05:26:13+00:00

Also a woman. I feel like men are looking for a girl that comes off as confident and smart but is still looking to stroke someone elses ego and still have the desire to learn from them.

2013-04-30T13:29:02+00:00

Be confident, be interesting, and be nice to everyone. And show interest.

2013-04-30T13:44:14+00:00

Personally, if I was a female I would fill my dating pool with a broad spectrum of different personalities of men. I would initiate conversations with the loud, obnoxious, arrogant, charming guys as well as the guy sitting in the corner. After finding out which type of guy I liked, I would basically try to sleep with that guy as quickly as possible (and not play hard to get or games of symbolism)

As far as the relationship goes...Just be cool. Don't be jealous.. be your own person, don't bring drama into his life

Babayaga20000 · 2013-04-30T16:43:38+00:00

I've got a female friend who is naturally really bitchy all the time. My friends all think she is a major bitch and I gotta agree with them but at the same time I'm still really attracted to her. Maybe its just because she is hot as fuck but I dont know...

notaPUAthrowaway · 2013-04-30T23:50:07+00:00

Honest answer: Be physically attractive. There's only so much you can change, but that really is the equivalent to the alpha male.

So what's immediately in your control is your health. Healthy women are more attractive.

Keep in mind you're asking the wrong group of guys here. On reddit guys will always say they like it when a woman makes the first move, because guys on reddit typically aren't alpha males that can have their pick of women. Guys who aren't getting laid would LOVE a girl to make a move on them, and most of the guys on reddit aren't getting laid nearly as much as they'd like to.

Honestly, I get turned off is a woman is too forward. If she's the hottest woman I've ever seen then there's not too much she can do wrong, but if I'm undecided then I'd rather her not be so forward. It just makes me think that she likes me a lot, and then I'm afraid of hurting her feelings.

I like it when a woman demonstrates that she's somewhat independent. I like her to be interested in me, but not too anxious. Take your time.

But, that being said, I can't stand it when women hold out sex, thinking they are going to have a better chance at making me their boyfriend if they don't sleep with me. I find that manipulative, her holding sex over me in an attempt to get me to commit. I find it shows her immaturity, and I know she's the type that will always try to manipulate me with sex, and I really resent that.

Sex is a shared experience. It's get for both parties. One shouldn't be begging the other for it. It should be an experience that both people are excited to share with each other.

Anyways that's just my two cents, and I'm not the most normal or typical guy. I'm quite specific in what I like and don't like.

muleyryan · 2013-05-01T13:08:50+00:00

I don't know you. And I'm really hesitant to even post here. Because for all I know you're a 50 year old man. On the internet, I've felt that you really can't be sure. And I've been reluctant to even engage in anything even remotely resembling helping another person. And it sucks. (No emoticon would work here.) And I also don't enjoy feeling like it's a choice between using the phrases and metaphors that I'd use in a real-world conversation, and communicating in a kind of new-speak creole of talking-head phrases. And also I'm not a fan of strict delineations of beginning, middle, end. Which pisses some people off I understand. Oh well. ::palms up shrug::

Wanna know what I think? Let's talk. Just not within the confines of a message board.

DeathByChainsaw · 2013-04-30T05:27:54+00:00

I think you should take my advice with a large dose of salt, (I am subscribed to this subreddit after all) but this being reddit, I'm going to give it anyway.

Alpha males love the chase, so yes you have to wait for them to approach you, and play hard to get. You can make the approach easier by dressing up, placing yourself in a public place, staying alone or in a small group, and avoid doing anything that makes it look like you have more important things going on than talking to a complete stranger.

The complaint about women not approaching guys is mostly a beta complaint, because (we) wish we didn't have to approach and be rejected quite so much. If you're interested in bagging yourself an alpha male, you'll probably scare them away by being too forward. Shy guys will probably be happy you noticed them and not take offense. (at least I would be.)

2013-04-30T13:26:26+00:00

Let me tell you a story about the woman who I believe to be alpha. Like me, she is also studying to be a physician in NYC. Unlike me, she wore a beautiful red dress underneath her white coat on Valentines day, making me wonder who is the lucky guy, while performing her job admirably

When i went on a date with her, she is personable in stark contrast with her untouchable beauty and has an aura around her that screams her being different from everyone else.

So to be an woman like her, you must first be successful in your chose field or be completely confident about your life, then you MUST know how to put on makeup and dress properly. I have never seen the aforemented woman without makeup.

Source: a man who have dated some of the finest women NYC has to offer

Title	What is the female equivalent to the alpha male? As a woman in the dating world, I would like to know what I can do, besides looking attractive, that will up my game.
Author	eski_mo
Upvotes	31
Comments	43
Date	April 30, 2013 4:17 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1de2xj/what_is_the_female_equivalent_to_the_alpha_male/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-is-the-female-equivalent-to-the-alpha-male-as.1351562 https://theredarchive.com/post/1351562

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