No girl has ever been interested in me and I'm almost certain it's because of how I look. I'm pretty sure I have some sort of mild facial deformity. Is it that bad? Looking for honest feedback

friedbats · 2015-01-29T03:47:59+00:00

Style your hair and lift some weights. You'll be just fine.

onetothehouse · 2015-01-29T02:42:44+00:00

You look normal, definitely no deformities. If you have concerns about your jaw appearing sunken in (which I can't notice), try cutting your sideburns higher up (maybe to about half an inch below the top of your eye) to give it a more uplifted look?

2015-01-29T04:02:53+00:00

Smile more! :) fake it till you make it!

2015-01-29T05:38:07+00:00

You look very similar to a guy I know who gets his fair share of ass. But he has confidence which goes a long way. He also doesn't hang out in public restrooms taking selfies either, which might help.

lItsAutomaticl · 2015-01-29T03:58:45+00:00

You don't look like you have a disability.

rime-frost · 2015-01-29T10:16:27+00:00

I can only see two traits which are out of the ordinary: your jaw is unusually broad, and your lips are unusually full. Everything else about your appearance is unremarkable. If I were to be introduced to you, I wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary, and I'd just peg you as an "atypically handsome guy" - I only pinpointed these two unusual traits because I was looking for them.

Both of the traits are fine, and they certainly don't make you look disabled; plenty of women find "full jaw" and "full lips" to be attractive. There are also plenty of women who don't find these traits attractive, of course, but the same thing is true for any trait - black hair, stubble, etc. Like most guys, you don't have a tattoo on your forehead which says either "attractive to every woman" or "attractive to no women" :)

I have Asperger's and I think part of the problem is I actually look like I have a disability.

I have Asperger's too, and I know the feeling. But trust me - it's just baseline paranoia. A lifetime of social difficulty has left you hypersensitive to cues which may hint that you're doing something wrong; and so, you keep throwing up false positives when interacting with people, making you think that everybody is viewing you with disdain; and so, naturally, you're desperately looking for an explanation, and "I look pathetic and grotesque" is always going to feel like the most natural explanation. I promise that people aren't as judgemental as you think (and in any case, if a woman was that judgemental, would it be sensible for you to be interested in her?)

Also, don't trust mirrors. Body dysmorphia is a real thing; if you're self-conscious about your face, there's a good chance you're seeing it "distorted" or "exaggerated" compared to how other people see it.

DaygameCoach · 2015-01-29T15:10:53+00:00

It isn't your looks. Low self esteem and a ton of self limiting beliefs. If you THINK you are ugly and awkward...you ARE! It's in your head.

Smile! Learn to run attraction...AKA highlight the things about your personality that attract women to men.

IpickupGrandmothers · 2015-01-29T13:41:10+00:00

I get the impression that you are really, really committed to keeping your limiting beliefs. You're cherry-picking evidence that supports your preexisting narrative and simply disregarding anything that says otherwise.

Because of this, I don't believe that you are truly looking for constructive feedback, but rather, validation for your limiting beliefs. In other words, I don't feel as though you actually want to change your opinion about yourself.

That being said, you have no observable, physical deformities. However, I'm slightly put-off by your vibe in your pictures.

Seduction is more about the emotions that you're feeling (and subsequently, giving off). Despite what society says, looks plays a very little role when it comes to male attractiveness and value.

One huge concept is "state transference", which basically says whatever you're feeling, she's feeling. People naturally ping emotions off each other. If you're feeling happy, then generally speaking, that positive vibe will rub off on her. Conversely, if you're feeling sad or bitter, then generally speaking, that vibe will rub off onto others.

I don't get the feeling that you have a very positive vibe (you know, I hate using this word, but I got nothing else), at least in your pictures. Being able to self-generate positivity is vastly more important than looking good. Not just in seduction, but life in general.

You'll find that your perceived physical attractiveness is oftentimes a function of how positive you're feeling in a given moment. If you're self-generating good emotions (and therefore spreading good emotions to others), people will actually perceive you as more physically attractive. Because you're coming from a place of higher value, people will subconsciously cherry-pick your positive traits. On the other hand, if you feel like shit and look in a mirror, your brain is going to subconsciously focus on all of your negatives while ignoring your positives.

Sloppy_Twat · 2015-01-29T03:04:28+00:00

Raise your eyebrows a bit more, it's your hairstyle that's giving that edge. Get a cool haircut, fix your fashion etc. Seduction isn't about techniques, it's about how you present yourself, good luck.

brunetteinvader · 2015-01-29T03:45:57+00:00

I think you look beautiful, honestly.

2015-01-29T04:01:58+00:00

You might look a little wonky but there are less attractive men in my pick up group that do just fine. Its really all about how you act / what you say rather than how you look. Stay well groomed and you look fine.

BeyondEarthly · 2015-01-29T04:10:43+00:00

I would never be able to tell from your physical appearance that you have aspergers. I feel it's tough to dole out advice, especially to someone you don't know. But, I don't think you look "bad enough " to not attract a woman, but you do seem to wear your lack of confidence on your face, so to speak. Again, it's probably pointing out the obvious, but maybe try taking a photo of yourself when you do feel confident, and notice the difference.

Does your aspergers create a boundary between you and other people sometimes? Like do you have social anxiety?

Synj3d · 2015-01-29T05:35:48+00:00

Your issue is how you see yourself. There is somthing you don't like, you want a solution? Start reading books, start lifting weights, start doing things that would make you like yourself. I'm not going to lie getting started can be a pain and a half. However, once you make it habit it just gets easier. Don't make excuses for yourself, just do better for yourself. Then once you feel that accomplishment, you start to learn how to love yourself, and your confidence radiates outward. There is your answer, you can either accept it and make changes, or you can choose to believe whatever you want .

TehKazlehoff · 2015-01-29T07:41:47+00:00

you have a weird head / face but i would HARDLY call it a deformity. its just different. and if there so fucking shallow they aren't interested in you based solely on your looks, Fuck them.

tajbinjohn · 2015-01-29T09:24:10+00:00

You lil betch you're more attractive than me! All you gotta do is smile, dawg. Smile while walking. Smile while shitting. Smile while wacking.it. Smile while there's nobody in the fuckin' room! If you force yourself to smile, you'll build a habit that'll help your love life and career. Do that shit!

2015-01-29T11:32:42+00:00

I was expecting worse from your title lol. You're not ugly if that's what you're really asking. You have a nice smile.

throwingorgy · 2015-01-29T13:58:09+00:00

A lot of really hot celebrities could be considered to have dysmorphologies. It doesn't mean they cannot be very attractive. A lot of their attractiveness comes from what they say, how they act and how they really don't give a shit about something insignificant like a minor sunken jaw.

See this for a list of really hot celebrities http://twelvethingsyoudontknowaboutme.blogspot.ca/2012/05/celebrity-dysmorphology.html

I think what you need is more confidence in yourself. Have you worked on yourself lately? :-P Having fun can be a good way to feel better about yourself. So can buying better clothes or spending time with friends (or making new ones).

_warlockja · 2015-01-29T02:43:30+00:00

Your neutral face looks really intense (kinda creepy). The smile looks forced. With out seeing you in a normal setting and being social I can't give any better feedback than that.

I saw your picture before reading your text, so the first part was my genuine response to how you look in the pictures without context on you. I don't think Asperger's is really a disability (I mean in the context of being a hinderance), it doesn't show on your face, when you approach a girl, what she sees is all she has to go on. It's not like you have the word Asperger's or Disabled written on your face. She may think your awkward, but that is fine because she should be to.

Maybe take small steps to approach by just saying hello and asking a question or make a statement that will illicit a response and then politely walk away. Do that a few times and the edge of approach will be a bit easier.

FAwhy · 2015-01-29T03:31:12+00:00

OP you look fine! Seriously its not your physical appearance that is the problem. My suggestion is to just socialize and start to make friends with both men and women. Join some groups especially if you are in college. Also start therapy. Look into CBT and social skills based therapy.

You could improve your fashion/style but that has nothing to do with your looks. You have no observable facial deformities.

You may also suffer from social anxiety disorder. Get some help for both the aspergers and social anxiety. Tell them about your body image concerns too. Take the therapy seriously and find a therapist that you gel with and who you feel can work with you. This will take time and its not an easy fix so don't go in there expecting such. If you are in college then you can see if they offer therapy services on campus.

A question for you: What is your racial background? You have a unique look so its hard to tell. This isn't a bad thing, just genuinely curious.

TonyDAbsolute · 2015-01-29T07:53:54+00:00

Nah I've taught bootcamps with some really ugly guys and you're not one of them. You look Irish. The problem is, your game sucks.

bl1y · 2015-01-29T04:20:13+00:00

I met a girl I really like a while ago and we didn't get a chance to talk

How do you know you really like her if you didn't even get a chance to talk?

tuxedobean · 2015-01-29T04:41:43+00:00

Don't spend to much time looking in the mirror or taking selfies. Nick Offerman recomends to use a mirror briefly and only as a tool to see if there is food on your face. It only exacerbates any negative feelings you have towards your looks.

2015-01-29T12:55:13+00:00

The main vibe I get is depression/deep sadness, which isn't surprising as you feel rejected, etc.

I take it you're a bit of a loner? Probably due to your perception of social rejection, you've developed tough, impenetrable barrier. People will also pick up on this, hence the coldness you may experience. It all spirals downwards, if you let it...

I get this all the time, but it's a self fulling prophecy when you start avoiding people, and only notice all the negative shit (negative bias as work here).

Is it possible for you to learn how to interact, and feel comfortable around others? Can you start by possibly volunteering? I don't mean digging ditches alone out in the boonies, but one that involves working as a group. Hell, you might meet a female there!

Is it also possible to join a local group with similar interests? Just forcing yourself to interact with others will really ratchet up your confidence (and dispel your social anxiety). Also lift weights, cycle, etc. The endorphins will help take an edge of the shitty feelings, plus you'll look fitter.

alphawolf9999 · 2015-01-29T20:54:55+00:00

SMILE. Your look is fine. Its your behavior thats holding you back

2015-01-29T21:48:41+00:00

Trust me I was ready to comment "you're ugly but you can still get a chick" but honestly after seeing the pictures you are a normal looking fell bruh. I would suggest styling your hair differently. Hit some weights , exercise helps your confidence. Have you ever seen the movie The Room? That lead actor has a fucked up face in my opinion but he even still gets women. You don't have a fucked up face at all so imagine what you can do.

2015-01-30T00:27:35+00:00

People with facial deformities date and have relationships too. I guess it's not about the face (or necessarily being able bodied, even), or else people who might look different to us wouldn't have had relationships. It's all about intelligence (to me, at least), and you don't necessarily have to have an aura of confidence for people to like you (in fact, I find it a turn-off and sometimes perceive this as "douchy").

Just be yourself, really. If you have issues with picking up on social cues, I suggest reading up on psychology and social interaction training, and asking for honest feedback from someone close to you on how you might improve, and be more self aware. Not saying you should change who you are, but you could always make an informed choice and see whether you think it's worth the effort to make some changes. :)

I know a lot of guys and girls with Aspergers (myself included) who have had lots of relationships, so it's not necessarily something that would keep you from dating. Perhaps you could ask for some dating advice on r/aspergers? Best of luck!

2015-01-30T10:34:09+00:00

You look anxious. You look like you have low self esteem. I looked at your pictures before reading.

Waybringer · 2015-01-29T04:30:54+00:00

You should grow a beard, man. Not that there is anything wrong with how you look now, but beards are manly, man.

adp111 · 2015-01-29T06:03:16+00:00

grow your beard, work out and get muscular, get a female friend to give you advice on your hair and clothing, lose the losers mentality

its that simple, easier said than done but the point is that you're far from hopeless

SuitedUpLikeTen · 2015-01-29T06:33:12+00:00

Shave and a haircut (clean up the sides a bit- go to a barber if possible, rather than a chain salon type thing, and ask for an opinion/ideas, those guys are usually really cool and generally know a ton about how to rock your hair to your head) is my advice friend, you have a nice smile that should help with it, and hit the gym or start working out at home.

I recommend the gym because it's a nice boost for 3 reasons: A) stress relief, B) getting in better shape is almost never a bad idea, and C) it's weirdly easier to talk to girls after you've gone to the gym earlier that day or the day before because at the very least you know you've accomplished something awesome in the past 24-48 hours :D

69petra · 2015-01-29T08:34:15+00:00

You look normal, try to develop some personality.

extract_ · 2015-01-29T09:00:18+00:00

When you smile, you look rather cheeky and charming.

When you don't, you look kind of like a serial killer.

Lesson: Smile more.

2015-01-29T10:21:54+00:00

I don't see anything wrong with your face honestly. I would politely suggest doing something different with your hair. Maybe cutting it all off or another style that would best suit your facial structure (a hairstylist can give you a consultation at little to no charge). Also, your style of dress may have something to do with it. You don't look very confident, and I can sense that with the clothes. There's a difference between "loose-fitting" and "really baggy". Again, I mean my suggestions with the best intention and no shade.

One very important thing you have to remember is that the rules of attraction are relative, not universal: You may want a specific TYPE of girl, who may not show interest in you. Once you show confidence in posture, an outgoing and personable attitude, and a couple of tweaks to your physical appearance, you would be shocked at how far that will take you. Good luck, man!

champagnepappi · 2015-01-29T12:28:57+00:00

I would date you, no homo

2015-01-29T13:18:25+00:00

Fix your skin and hair and you'll have to beat the ladies off with a stick.

D_Andreams · 2015-01-29T17:46:04+00:00

Not every chick will dig your face, but that's true of every face (except maybe Brad Pitt's?)

It definitely doesn't make you undateable, and your smile is even cute. If that face is paired with a desirable personality the face will not hold you back. Maybe grow your hair longer on the top to balance out what you don't like about your forehead. It's all the rage these days, so girls are likely to like it.

It's probably your anxiety or other non-physical features that are causing you problems. Stop worrying about what you can't change and concentrate on what you can. Even if you were right about your face being the problem (you're not) this would still be the best course of action.

RyanFap · 2015-01-29T18:54:25+00:00

Man, I can really sympathize with the self-perception you seem to hold, I can really say that I felt similarly many years ago.

Honest opinion: nothing wrong with you at all. You've got lots to work with. I'd say the biggest things you need to work on is letting go of the self-instilled knowledge that your looks are the barrier. It's false, and I can see the awareness of it written in your eyes.

Once you expand your social horizons, you'll realize that your looks are far from the biggest barrier, but starting that process can be difficult. I would say don't focus on 'approach', or any silly seduction games. Just learn to legitimately be a more awesome person, and try being more social with everyone.

Dear_Prudence_ · 2015-01-29T21:08:03+00:00

You ain't no model, but you ain't freak either, you're just average like the rest of us.

Frogsareverycute · 2015-01-29T04:34:14+00:00

You're very cute

voovik · 2015-01-29T07:18:49+00:00

You look fine brotha

allthingslife · 2015-01-29T07:49:26+00:00

I recommend growing a beard. It will provide symmetry which is an empirically verified trait in conventionally attractive people.

reecewagner · 2015-01-29T20:07:01+00:00

You really aren't that bad looking and shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You've got a great smile, and you need to learn to use it because you aren't a quarter as attractive without it - your serious face is quite off-putting but your smiling face is quite warm and friendly, and I can see girls finding you more handsome than ugly. Trust me, there are guys out there way less naturally good looking than you.

Mast3rR0b_90 · 2015-01-29T20:30:01+00:00

Dude it's all in your head. You can improve your look I guess, but there's nothing wrong. What you need is confidence. Find something you're interested in and that you like doing. Embrace it. Be good at it. Whatever it is be proud of it.

The gist of it is stop bitching about what you think makes you feel miserable, and focus on what you like. Be passionate about it, and get confident. It won't be easy, it will surely take some time, but it can be done. Living proof here.

Good luck

iscream22 · 2015-01-29T21:25:24+00:00

Honestly you look fine dude, id say just work on your confidence and don't be afraid of rejection.

1nfinity0nhigh · 2015-01-29T21:27:02+00:00

You look totally fine! Tho I'd recommend finding a really nice hairstyle u like, showing a pic to your stylist, and getting it. You'll look and feel good.

But the biggest thing is to smile. A real, genuine smile is one of the most efficient things u can do. If it's sincere, it'll warm people up, make you look fun, and look disarming when approaching strangers. If u need to, fake it till you make it. It's not all about your physical looks, but about how you carry yourself. And you want to look warm, friendly, happy, and fun. That's what'll make you look really attractive.

Llleblanc1986 · 2015-01-29T23:23:04+00:00

It's all about confidence keep trying and building that confidence, experience. Don't worry , you'll get some. Also, check out Cory skyyy magnetic mindset

J_Ferrara07 · 2015-01-30T04:34:47+00:00

Style your hair. Use teeth whitening. And decide if you're gonna either be clean shaven or have facial hair. You should probably exfoliate as well, there are spots on your face.

You aren't amazingly good looking but you can do much better with what you do have.

heisenberg_21 · 2015-01-31T22:25:23+00:00

You have really a great smile. Keep smiling. And also as said many times here, looks don't matter much if you have a high self-esteem and confidence. What REALLY matters is how you project yourself, i.e your self-perception. If you think you are good-looking and feel that way ,that's how others we'll see you and vice verse. However, being where you are, it may take some time to develop confidence, but you gotta keeping working on yourself and eventually it will pay off, it always does. Now that I've given you my feedback, I wanna ask you, what positive qualities do you think you have?

BigBlackPenis · 2015-01-29T09:20:10+00:00

Hate to break it to you but you're a little ugly. Get a better hair cut. Shave because your stubble makes you look dirty. Your smile is good though.

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