How do you deal with girls who want to hang out first and not date

shoganaiyo · 2015-02-16T22:54:52+00:00

I'm going to play devil's advocate. Sounds like you're forcing things too much. She didn't want to date you but you wouldn't back down. You reached for her hand, she said no. You then went for a kiss (why would you kiss her when she wouldn't even accept holding hands?) and she said no. People on this sub get a little too focused on the acts of escalation and forget that you need to build rapport with the girl first. She has to consent or escalate each time otherwise you're just being a pushy creep who can't read her body language. Attractive women have enough guys like that around all the time anyway, so don't be one of them.

And besides, don't let yourself get put off when a girl says she wants to hang out. They always say that, unless it's a guy she really does like. If it's a guy she isn't sure about yet, she'll say you're 'just hanging out' because it saves face if she changes her mind. Or maybe she's just not ready yet and you just have to let things progress on their own. That's why they say don't focus on just one girl because you tend to become more outcome dependent. That's when you become afraid of rejection and if you find yourself getting shaken when you do then that's what you must strive to overcome first. You can't be afraid of rejection because you're going to get a lot more of those than invitations.

theshadowonthewall · 2015-02-17T01:50:47+00:00

Logically it makes sense for me to not waste my time on girls like these because there is no progression or escalation, the end goal is unclear if I can't even escalate a bit on the first meet up. But maybe these girls aren't a complete waste of time, thoughts?

You answered your own question. You want to be told that you still have a chance, and that you should orbit around hoping the girl will change her mind. Stop wasting your time and move on.

FallenMyst · 2015-02-17T02:17:43+00:00

Whoa now...some girls just need to see if they like you before they agree to date. You, as a male, need to keep in mind that girls have to worry about shit like creeps who want to rape them. Why is it so bad to have a 'hang out' day first? It gives you both a chance to see if the other person is totally nuts before there's any sort of real obligation.

seducemeseddit · 2015-02-16T20:44:45+00:00

All I can really say on this subject is that if they haven't explicitly said that it's not a date they may be "hang-out" as a synonym for "date". I ran into this with a girl I dated recently. She would ask if I wanted to hang-out then ten minuted later we were cuddling on her couch watching netflix. As for the escalation, maybe you're just escalating a little too fast for them? How soon after you start hanging out do you try to kiss them?

R4ndom_Hero · 2015-02-17T13:57:03+00:00

How do you deal with girls who want to hang out first and not date

Next--->

brocklanders3791 · 2015-02-16T23:19:45+00:00

Make them want to date you. They are not the prize. YOU ARE.

Eurasianpersuasion01 · 2015-02-17T00:19:37+00:00

The Brad Pitt test applies here. If you were Brad Pitt, would she be acting this way? If the answer is no, she is simply not attracted to you or she is playing games.

Now you have identify WHY she isn't attracted to you enough. How did you frame the interaction? Did you come off with the "friend" vibe? You need to be POLARISING. Listening to others in this thread who are telling you to go direct is not entirely a bad idea. You are basically forcing the woman to take her position one way or another. You can't keep her in the middle ground, otherwise she will put YOU in the middle ground aka the FRIENDZONE.

Now, I don't think you should go up to girls and be extremely forward (this can definitely work though). You have to polarise them in a socially savvy way. You have to make it clear that you are a MAN who is interested in her as a WOMAN. Using explicit communication can definitely work but I believe it can scare woman who would normally be receptive away. Instead use SUB COMMUNICATION to polarise her. Your body languace, tonality, kino should make it VERY clear to her what you are about.

Good luck.

thedelfactor · 2015-02-17T06:18:08+00:00

The problem lies in the title of your post. You made plans to "hang out" with a girl. You hang out with friends, so she already has this idea of you as a friend in her mind. You have to be clear with her about your intentions. If a girl will only hang out with you as friends, but not as a date, then that means she's not attracted to you. No point in hanging out with her, you're wasting your own time by thinking you'll be able to escalate a girl that already is thinking of you as a friend. If a girl agrees to go on a date with you, then you know that there's mutual attraction.

Throwaway_d · 2015-02-17T09:26:23+00:00

These girls are not attracted to you. There is no point trying to game them. Move on to other girls and work on being more attractive.

joshsway · 2015-02-17T17:39:02+00:00

They aren't into you most likely. Saying "I don't want to go out on a date but if you want we can hang out as friends" is a REJECTION. Simple as that.

JMZen · 2015-02-16T21:33:01+00:00

This happened to me all the time through my twenties. I absolutely hated it. I got so sick of these girls wasting my time and playing games.

I got sick of it eventually so I just started being upfront and honest with women and using direct statements. Tell them they are sexy, ask if they have a boyfriend, and say that I want to go on a DATE with them. All of this before we ever "hang out". Now.. this freaks out a lot of girls, especially Americans.. but with the ones react positively.. well you've just broken through a lot of un-necessary confusion, heartbreak, and time wasting.

This method worked well for me. The whole friend circle, get-to-know-you, etc.. never. ever. worked for me. And I value my time very much so it would always make me angry as well when I would spend all this time and get my hopes up only to have them crushed.

Your mileage may vary. I have noticed this works much better with foreign women than Americans. Most American women are used to having 10 orbiters and picking one of them or picking the best guy that liked them on Tinder or whatever. But sometimes being direct works and then you're in the money!

krackenfromthedeep18 · 2015-02-17T14:18:37+00:00

friends first then date, make the time investment, kind of forces you to show you actually want to date the girl, it's a test.

HoldenHewitt22 · 2015-02-17T06:28:18+00:00

Get to know them first. Maybe get some female friends, not just girls you want to bang. Then maybe you'll get laid more or get a girlfriend.

ifastboy · 2015-02-17T06:59:20+00:00

Yes. I have and in my opinion these girls are really cool to hang out with

Title	How do you deal with girls who want to hang out first and not date
Author	ThePUA_Baddie
Upvotes	24
Comments	40
Date	February 16, 2015 8:39 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2w443y/how_do_you_deal_with_girls_who_want_to_hang_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-deal-with-girls-who-want-to-hang-out.1384056 https://theredarchive.com/post/1384056

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