So how do you actually get a girlfriend?

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2014-02-03T01:29:32+00:00

Attempting a relationship with a total stranger is high risk for both parties because there is no foundation for the relationship. Attempting a relationship with someone you meet through mutual interests is slightly less risky because you already have something in common. Attempting a relationship with someone you meet through mutual friends is even less risky due to social approval. Attempting a relationship with someone you are actually friends with is even less risky because you know enough about one another to make an educated decision as to whether or not it will work out. If you want to create a successful long term relationship, put yourself in situations where you will meet low-risk candidates (intimate parties, weddings, and social excursions). If you don't find yourselves in many low-risk situations, it's time to work on your (real life) social network.

But there is an inverse to this dynamic which effects how you utilize seduction techniques. The effectiveness of "outer game" diminishes the more someone knows about you. Outer game is worth the most to complete strangers and relying upon it to get you into bed tends to lead to low-value relationships by nature, so inner game is important to mutually beneficial LTRs. As a rather black and white example, making a bold move toward a total stranger at a bar will make you appear confident, spontaneous, and attractive, while making a bold move toward a girl you've been close friends with for a year would more than likely confuse her. This is why being a fundamentally attractive person with good people skills is ideal. Win your girl over with outer game (charm, with, etc.) upon the initial introduction, make your sexual interest known, and then let your actual social value (inner game) carry you into and throughout the relationship. This sub is great at creating well rounded players with solid inner and outer game, and , in my opinion, this is paramount for creating high value relationships with high value people.

2nd_class_citizen · 2014-02-02T21:47:43+00:00

1) Daygame at everyday locations

2) Meeting girls through friends (requires working on your social circle, organizing events)

3) Online dating (Tinder, OKCupid, etc.)

4) Organized dating events (though the age range tends to be higher)

5) This is gonna sound weird but I have a friend that met his Korean girlfriend by first being pen pals with her. Not sure how many people do that nowadays though...

TXheathen · 2014-02-02T19:24:35+00:00

College, gym, workplace. The key is to meet someone who you'll be having regular contact with during the weekdays.

2014-02-03T03:45:39+00:00

I find that the best relationships tend to fall into your lap as you follow a path of self-improvement towards your goal.

2014-02-02T23:13:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

pacg · 2014-02-02T21:24:21+00:00

The girls are everywhere. You have to change your frame from picking them up, to auditioning the right ones. Your goal is to find someone who seems right for you: the right look, the right style, the right interests and hobbies, the right education and personality. So daygame for you is about making a stronger connection with another human being who satisfies to some degree all the criteria that all men have about the perfect woman.

definez · 2014-02-02T20:35:58+00:00

I am 19 years old and work as a carpenter apprentice and I only work with guys aged 35+. There is no females there, and going clubbing is not my 'scene'. Where can I meet women on the weekdays? Some has already said the gym, but my gym is a martial arts gym and its not that many girls my age there. The parties I go to in the weekends are mostly close friends parties so I don't meet many new chicks. And the chicks at the parties are mostly taken.

ThrowawayPUA · 2014-02-03T00:18:23+00:00

Any satisfying relationship with a woman is going to be a sexual relationship. It is easier to start a relationship by having sex first and then moving to whatever style of relationship you want.

But you should deal with "relationship management" even before the seduction. The way you approach a seduction sets a woman's expectations for the level of relationship. If you seduce her in a SNL, she's probably thinking FWB. If you wine and dine her slowly over weeks, she's probably thinking LTR. You can set her expectations easily, but get the seduction done up front. You can become friends later.

jnac19 · 2014-02-03T02:42:43+00:00

I feel like I'm in a similar situation as you with the small college and everything. Personally I'm focusing on just working out and making myself look better so girls will notice me more. The confidence from working out also helps when talking to girls. Basically I'm just trying to improve myself and waiting until a girl good enough to date comes along.

leftajar · 2014-02-03T10:48:25+00:00

Simple: just pick one of the chicks you're fucking, whom you actually like, and make it more regular. If you're doing a good job in the sack, most chicks will hit you up for commitment at some point.

Here's the formula:

Get laid -> repeat with same girl -> give it 2-5 nights of sex + cuddling -> she will bring it up.

Like, if your game is any good, you should be turning down chicks for serious dating on a regular basis.

guttercherry · 2014-02-03T05:53:40+00:00

Female here. When my guy friends ask this question I point them toward volunteering in something they like to do. Like to fish? Volunteer at the native fish society. Like computers? Volunteer at local organization that teaches or makes them from recycled parts. Like to read? Library. History buff? Historical society.

Get it? For every interest or business there is a nonprofit. All nonprofits take volunteers.

Women make up 90% of the volunteer base in this country.
Women like men who give back to the community. It's GGG for life.
You volunteer you share an automatic interest and no pressure to perform in any way.

I could go on, but you get the picture.

pauselaugh · 2014-02-03T01:05:10+00:00

The biggest problem is thinking of it as "getting a girlfriend." Aaaaaaand you're in the haven for "buy my advice" so I'm not sure exactly what you're expecting.

If you do what you love, excel at it, the social circle and people - including women - will follow it.

I think the "have sex because that's what starts good relationships" is bullshit, and why the divorce rates are where they are.

2014-02-03T01:18:39+00:00

Many of my past girlfriends were women I was having casual sex with prior to becoming a real couple. If you're compatible in the bedroom and get along you start hanging out to do things other than sex and build a relationship from there.

Mattyfaz · 2014-02-03T03:58:51+00:00

It'll just happen randomly. I went a debutante with my ex-girlfriend (we were still good friends) and met another girl who was doing the debutante with us, we chatted for a but, decided to hang out on the weekend. 6 months later she is my girlfriend. Now we are a year into it as of yesterday, plan to keep on going, we've been perfect :)

bluesekai · 2014-02-03T09:20:59+00:00

One bit of advice I read about meeting women is to go somewhere where women are not on their guard for men approaching them. Yoga classes, for example. Also, do not approach women in that environment. According to the advice, if you approach a woman in that situation, all of the other women will hate her. But, eventually, one of the women is likely to approach you, and that will be fine.

I have never tried this (I'm married), but it always seemed like good advice to me.

OdinSigfodr · 2014-02-03T13:14:29+00:00

It's about what sort of nightgame. I'd agree that clubs are mostly for one-time things, but bars are completely different. At a bar you can have a conversation and get to know the other person a little bit. In clubs, due to the setting with loud music and stuff, that's next to impossible.

ultrasuperthrowaway · 2014-02-03T17:44:58+00:00

Many of my Long term relationships have begun as one night stands.

ejpusa · 2014-02-03T05:17:10+00:00

7.5 Billion people in the world. Something is working. So when you least expect it, POW! DNA kind of runs the show. Bigger things at play here then alt.seduction, the game, and small talk. It's all being run for us. Just take it for a ride. And do fun stuff, fun people will find you. They really will. I think the statistic is like 99% of women will at one point in their life become pregnant. That is an amazing number. So they'll find you.

Just my 2 rupee's. :-)

kingcal · 2014-02-03T04:51:25+00:00

I get really annoyed when people say that people you meet in clubs aren't the kind to date. I've met lots of good friends and had fulfilling relationships with people I've met in bars. Just because something starts physically doesn't mean it can't be more than that.

TigressOfTheFarEast · 2014-02-03T06:35:54+00:00

I met my bf at my first job while we were working side by side. We got to know each other during lunch and starting going on dates and I would spend some nights at his apt. One thing led to another and now we're happily living together in a new place.

Randomactsoftemp · 2014-02-03T07:46:01+00:00

Literally, anywhere. The coffee shop, the library, the bus, the sidewalk, the post office. Hang out places you like to hang out, and if an attractive woman so happens to be there, talk to her. About whatever. Just strike up a conversation out of the blue, be bold, and be authentic with what you say. The hardest part of day-game and really all female or even just stranger interaction is not caving to the tension. When you randomly open a girl, she has no idea what the fuck you want and you're completely steering the frame. If you start caving to nerves or tension or act uncomfortable, she will read that and be uncomfortable as well. You have to stay confident, and not lose yourself in the "potentially" awkward moment. It's only awkward if you take it there. Carry the conversation to a natural stopping point and at the end of it say something along the lines of (this is what I say with pretty good success) "Wow, it was really nice talking to you, let me get your number and lets meet for coffee/dinner/lunch (you could even say let's hang out sometime)" and then number close. Things go well, she texts you, you meet up again, you're confident and authentic, women love that, you hopefully kiss close, f close if you're really killing it, and boom, at that point you are seeing her. Making her a girlfriend from there really depends on your individual life situations and if she wants that as well. Hope this comment helps.

EDIT: To the person who down-voted me, I am speaking from field tested experience. I have had flings with a girl met walking next to her in a crosswalk, a girl I met at Starbucks, I met in class, I met at stand up comedy show. It seriously matters so little as long as you can steer the frame, and I just really think that point should be driven home.

OrangeCantRhyme · 2014-02-03T04:13:40+00:00

I saw some statistics recently about hookups from clubs -

Apparently some 43% of women would like their hookups to actually turn into relationships, but only 10% of women actually expect this would ever happen.

In other words, 1/3 of the girls you hook up with would actually like to try to make a dating situation out of it, but they think its impossible and so they don't try to hard. Solution? You put in some effort and try to make it into a relationship.

MrFunnycat · 2014-02-03T04:14:39+00:00

there's also always the shy chick who was dragged into the club by her friends. that's how I met my current girl and also how my sister met her husband

Capt_Insano24 · 2014-02-03T05:04:33+00:00

Play volleyball with cleats on after a soccer game. Then jump up to block a shot and land on her foot. I know it doesn't sound great but it worked for me. Granted I was a sophomore in high school we are now college sophomore still doing great in a long distance relationship. Just thought you should know you don't need to be perfect to get a fantastic girl.

psyrios · 2014-02-03T03:21:37+00:00

Spend time with the girl the day after up hook up. This is how many relationships are formed.

segablaze · 2014-02-02T22:47:50+00:00

It just happens.

Title	So how do you actually get a girlfriend?
Author	ThePUA_Baddie
Upvotes	151
Comments	119
Date	February 2, 2014 7:20 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1wtrm5/so_how_do_you_actually_get_a_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/so-how-do-you-actually-get-a-girlfriend.1299795 https://theredarchive.com/post/1299795

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