How important is assertiveness?

XSplain · 2016-07-05T16:41:56+00:00

How important is assertiveness? Literally the most important thing there is.

DaygameCoach · 2016-07-05T17:02:52+00:00

Assertiveness/confidence is key.

Game should be run in person, not via text. If you need to setup logistics for a date, that's ok via text. Read Mode One regarding being more direct with women. Read all the sidebar help and deal with your approach anxiety. You don't need anyone to be with you for you to approach. Cold approaching will help your game, and then you can do better at online game. Approach 10 women a day for 1 year and then let us know how it went.

Stop making excuses and deal with the self-limiting beliefs. If you believe you can't do something, you can't. If you believe having gone to an all boys school is a problem, it is. If you believe that you are a pushover, you are. If you think being black is a problem, it is. Being 6'4 works in your favor. The women you will approach should not be RANDOM, but should be ones you are attracted to (hence not random).

If you want to know which women are into you, read Superflirt and Superdate, but approach regardless if you are attracted to them.

And most importantly, don't respond to this with more excuses or self limiting beliefs.

StevieBoyB · 2016-07-05T21:46:17+00:00

Very Important. Just try to develop the habit of putting your balls on the line, e.g. making sexual statements to her, not hiding your intentions etc. If you do that + not freaking out after she doesn't immediately show validation or approval, she'll probably be trying to hide the fact that your attractiveness levels are going through the roof.

Just to sum up:

Intent + Non-Reactiveness (i.e. not freaking out based on her reaction) = Attractive

Intent + Reactiveness = Approval Seeker/Desperate

No Intent + Non-Reactiveness = Cool FRIEND

No Intent + Reactiveness = Little Bitch

GetBenttt · 2016-07-05T22:58:00+00:00

You need to get out and just talk to people, not just women. I have the same problem with my friends being kinda shutin anti-fun losers. But the thing is, losers hangout with losers. If you want to start partying and going out you need to meet people that like to party and go out. Maybe encourage your friends to try new things, but don't expect them to want to change like you want to

Overnight_Delivery · 2016-07-05T15:48:43+00:00

to my understanding using online only will never work. Using online requires your developed offline game because you are basically using your offline game but with limited feedback. Also you shouldn't be trying to game in text. Text is a major communication break down and always detriments a connection, use it only to setup meets or calls.

bbgrill99 · 2016-07-05T17:44:22+00:00

Incredibly important. If you are unassertive, it's THE most important social skill you can work on. It's the difference between pushover and confident guy. It's the difference between social anxiety and relaxation.

DerpishGambino · 2016-07-05T19:25:55+00:00

6'4'' black guy here (and you seem somewhat similar to myself), play into your role and be dominate and assertive. I see that you walk around with confidence, which is good, but I think you need to work on inner game and creating a more natural, positive aura. Women can be fickle when it comes down to men of color (not necessarily bad, but just something I've noticed), so how you present yourself with both body language and fashion can turn those heads from to be looking straight at you instead of the ground.

AlphaEndoGorillaKing · 2016-07-05T20:23:41+00:00

Dominance > Control

Leadership > Aggressiveness

SSJZoroDWolverine · 2016-07-05T22:26:14+00:00

I'm not gonna repeat the "assertiveness is very important" point since so many have said it already. There's several things I do/have done to practice assertiveness. Most important is leading. Whenever I'm with a group of friends and no one knows what to do, I'll always say something like "Let's just go to (place)" or "Let's go do (activity)". I semi-judge how strong my assertiveness was by how many people are willing to go along with my suggestion. If everyone seems unsure after my suggestion, it usually means I'm not saying it confidently enough and I'm communicating uncertainty in my words and/or my body language.

Practicing being very direct will also cultivate your assertiveness. I would have nights where I would set my goal to approach 5 really attractive women and tell them straight up "You are fucking cute. What is your name?". You're killing multiple birds with this one because you're practicing owning and being upfront about your desires, you're practicing being bold, and you're practicing approach and dealing with rejection. Once you've numbed yourself to rejection and start feeling comfortable with telling women straight up that you find them attractive, you can start to ease up and be more strategic in your approach while still keeping the underlying boldness and assertiveness there.

Manwhorelio · 2016-07-06T08:22:53+00:00

Yes as said already, assertiveness is THE #1 skill to have with women. Can't get around it.

In your case what happened is being a 6'4" black dude with naturally intimidating presence you never HAD to develop it, so you're deficient in this area.

Do you play any sports? Any "extreme" activities? What's your family like?

Life_Uncivilized · 2016-07-05T20:05:23+00:00

It's very important. But remember: it's just a skill.

Title	How important is assertiveness?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	51
Comments	48
Date	July 5, 2016 3:26 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4rd7lg/how_important_is_assertiveness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-important-is-assertiveness.1409147 https://theredarchive.com/post/1409147

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