Will I ever get a girlfriend?

Allusionator · 2024-03-10T08:13:57+00:00

I don’t think it’s a fair question, ‘doing something wrong vs not meant to have a gf’.

What do you mean not click on a romantic level? Do you have crushes? Do you attempt to flirt? What signs are you looking at to consider if someone is attracted to you or not?

It’s possible you have some things to learn, romantic social interaction is hard, especially with less experience.

Candid_Drawer_4856 · 2024-03-10T08:48:32+00:00

How old are you?

In a way, yes doing these things make getting a girlfriend easier, but that doesn't mean they are all you have to do to get a girlfriend. You still have to take a step, ask a girl out, actually try to initiate something. Of course, it's much harder to do that if you're not keeping up your hygiene, if you don't have hobbies and friends, if you don't go out.

How often are you meeting new girls/people generally? What sort of opportunities do you have to make a connection with someone new?

tpobs · 2024-03-10T12:54:28+00:00

Well, the thing is, you could HAPPEN to get a lover, but not GET a lover.

This theoretical "girlfriend" could be anyone, but they are always a human with life history and hopes&dreams.

You don't GET a girlfriend by trying hard - it is exactly the opposite. Just live your life, forget about "getting" a girlfriend. Cherish your friends and relationships, and never look down on genuine friends who enjoy your company. Then one day, you might ran into someone you really click, and maybe that could develope into an intimate relationship. Or, you don't. Nobody could make sure of that. That is life.

But if you manage to have healthy relationshpis with your loved ones and friends, well, maybe not getting a girlfriend is not a big deal.

Looks like you already have good friends and life. Cherish and appreciate them. You have a long way ahead, friend.

Nurse_inside_out · 2024-03-10T09:03:20+00:00

My brother is a good looking, kind, lovely guy. He had his first girlfriend at 23, got married at 30 and they're now expecting a baby. You've got so much life ahead of you my friend, don't panic.

Polish_Girlz · 2024-03-11T13:00:54+00:00

I was afraid of dating my now husband (my first boyfriend at 27), because he wasn't 100% my type. My type was tall, healthy, muscular and European. My husband was nearly the same height as me, didn't like to work out, had a pudgy belly and Asian. We clicked so well as friends within a few months, and he knew my type before he hesitantly confessed his feelings for me.

I've liked other guys (mainly European), but they never went anywhere because I didn't feel fully comfortable to be myself.

With my husband, what made me think he was relationship material was:

1) There were no games. He felt like my best friend. I was vulnerable with him and he was vulnerable with me. He shared his past and I shared my past, so we learnt what we needed to do for each other so that we felt loved and respected.

2) Our humour was very similar, we teased and trolled each other everyday, and my closest friends were his friends too. Our friends rooted for us to be together, even though we were hiding the fact that we were already dating. I could also tolerate his roasting and trolling, and he could tolerate mine. If we went too far, we would gently tell each other and apologise.

3) His personality is somewhat similar to mine, he is an easy-going and peaceful person, who would keep the peace, instead of fight to win the argument. To be honest, we barely argue. He would also tip waiting staff generously despite his average income. He would either pay or we would split the bill. On the other hand, I am alot more career ambitious and intellectually curious than him, but he is a more simple-minded and hands-on DIY person. This difference was weirdly attractive to me too.

4) He led the dates in a way, where he asked and listened to what I wanted. If I didn't know what I want, he would make suggestions and I would follow up. In the beginning, he initiated holding my hand, which I was slightly uncomfortable because I didn't want to get his hopes up. But after I shared how I felt about him, the good and the bad, he was very relaxed about him, which surprised me, but made me feel safe to be open to him. He was not needy at all. When he confessed, he was because he had feelings he wanted to express, not because he wanted me to love him back or that he wanted something from me.

5) He was physically attractive to me, in his own way. I liked his jawline, his big nose, his smile. He had features that were freckles of imperfections like his not so straight posture.

It took me a while (1+ year) to transition from liking him as a friend, to liking him romantically, to loving him, to being in love with him.

It takes time to find the one. For me, it was very intuitive because when he first told me his name in person, I laughingly called him "Ducky", because I talked to him online (without knowing his face or name) and he had a duck meme as his profile picture and a similar username to his real name. I am usually never this silly when first meeting someone.

Our relationship is very peaceful, playful and passionate and gets better over time, not worse or more boring. :)

AcrobaticRhubarb2147 · 2024-03-12T03:40:11+00:00

Do you ask girls out?

ConsultJimMoriarty · 2024-03-10T11:05:08+00:00

How old are you?

bluemagex2517 · 2024-03-10T13:46:47+00:00

Some people make it sound like you just have to do those things and then getting a girlfriend will be easier,

Easier doesn't mean guaranteed.

Edit: just saw that you're 17. That's not even late at all, dude. Keep doing what your doing. It's not guaranteed, but the likelihood goes up over time.

Also, from another comment you said you don't know how to flirt without being creepy. You need to figure that out. Nows the time. Coming off as slightly creepy isn't the end of the world. If you're not actually being creepy and respecting women's boundaries and ability to reject you, then no harm no foul. I know that it can seem like there is a possibility that guys with the best of intentions just come off as creepy to a woman and she feels violated despite him not meaning anything... but that scenario is really really rare. It's just your fear talking. You're allowed to make small mistakes. You're allowed to make moderate social chances.

Be brave. Live a little. If you make a mistake, apologize and move on.

Think of it this way: if you never try to flirt because you think you'll obviously creep a girl out, then you're taking that girl's autonomy away. You're pretending you can read her mind, or guess her thoughts about you. You should instead give her the opertunity to to decide for herself what she thinks of you.

I know it's scary, and you will fail a bunch as you go, but I also promise that it's worth it in the long run.

Easy_Acanthisitta270 · 2024-03-11T04:05:12+00:00

You're probably young. Give it time. Start pursuing fulfilling things in your life. Exercise is a great one IMO. You will almost certainly find someone who you feel a romantic connection with. Give it time and let it come naturally.

VovaGoFuckYourself · 2024-03-11T14:08:25+00:00

I think it's important to note that very few girls want to be with someone who "just wants a relationship". That doesn't make anyone feel special and it makes you sound desperate. I'd much rather a guy ask me out because he specifically likes me, not because he did the math and realized I'm the only girl in the room who might say yes.

My advice, don't seek relationships with people you don't click with. You're young. Pretty much every friend you have made until now is ultimately a "friendship of convenience". That's what your adolescent peer group is. That's what all the girls in your adolescent peer group are too.

I'm in my thirties and it's weird to realize that every relationship I had before reaching adulthood and moving away was simply because they happened to live within a close proximity to me, rather than because we were actually compatible. As such, I no longer count them as "real" relationships. I don't think I had a single "real" relationship until my early twenties. Plenty of people go much longer than that, and that's perfectly okay.

Unfortunately I learned the hard way that it's better to be alone than with someone who doesn't improve and enrich your life. I would give SO much to go back and share this single bit of wisdom with my 17 year old self. But I can't, so I'll just share it with you instead. I wish I spent more time on me and growing into the kind of person worthy of finding a compatible partner. Looking at back, I can't think of anyone I knew in high school who would have been a compatible partner to me. I didn't meet people I really clicked with until I started going to cons when I was 19 and meeting friends I'd been playing online games with for years prior. I like anime and have met people through that interest too.

In conclusion....don't worry about finding a relationship more than you worry about finding someone who is compatible with you, but don't worry about that too much right now either. The best thing you can do is have as many hobbies as possible that you actually are enthusiastic about. Shared hobbies and interests are the BEST ways to organically meet people you could be compatible with. At least for me, I was all about conformity in high school - so I really suppressed my nerdy/unique interests. Lots of people do this. I think that's a bit part of why "adult" relationships feel so much more authentic.

W-Pilled · 2024-03-11T14:25:56+00:00

Ironically, with the exception of keeping up with hygiene, it seems like women don't need to do half these things to attract men or get into a relationship. For men, it seems like doing all of the things OP is doing is still not enough to attract women for some guys. Looks matter more than we think

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-03-12T06:40:50+00:00

You are only 17, you are doing fine. Concentrate on your studies. Meet women in college.

However, and big however: you seem to be beating yourself up. If you are feeling depressed, acknowledge to yourself that you are feeling depressed.

Also: at no point should you judge your self worth by your dating life: you will depress yourself and the attitude will even make you less attractive to women once you are ready to date. if you make someone feel like your self esteem is dependent on them, then it will push them away.

LysergicGothPunk · 2024-03-12T09:29:29+00:00

Do you enjoy your life? What don't you enjoy about it?

red_pov5 · 2024-03-12T10:28:31+00:00

grind, hustle, and never give up. "grow a pair" and to try and be more cOnFiDeNt.

needs to seek therapy, earn at least six 100k, get a gym boddy.

Not everyone is gonna like you. You're not entitled to being liked wherever you go. Be the person you wanna attract. Be someone people like having around. Don't be bitter. Work on yourself more. You have such a negative attitude. Fix your personality. Sounds like a YOU problem.

these are the stuff you will hear about in the next few years. nobody will help you except yourself. figure out what works by yourself.

you are young able-bodied male. they will try to eliminate you from competition by misleading you.

TallClient7131 · 2024-04-20T15:53:35+00:00

I think we were all programmed from childhood to believe that being in a relationship means that we will get all of these amazing things, like waking u next to someone. But, we as a society don't really own, or look at, what we lose in relationships. There actually are a ton of downsides to being in a relationship and a ton of things we lose. It' actually a wash. You gain someone to wake up to, but by having to wake up to someone, you also lose a lot. Personally I want total space and privacy when I wake up. I do not miss sharing a mattress or a bedroom, and having to be a couple from the moment I clear the crust from my eyes and have to take that morning dump. Please, enjoy your singleness. It's just as wonderful, no more, no less.. but I suspect single life is MORE lovely. I suspect most of us are not cut out for the constant attached-ness, togetherness, and partnering of a relationship. I think that construct everyone thinks they want, truly doesn't lead to happiness. I'm divorced. For the rest of my life, if I ever get a boyfriend we will not live together, I won't be able to provide a whole lot of myself. He will have to have entirely his own life, and gain the things he want programmed to want from one woman, from more than just me. I don't want to work the role as anyones person as much as most people want. I think we're moving into a direction where we realize how fleeting and unstable most romances are, and that almost always relationships are meant to be a season, not to last forever. That maybe it will be less heartbreaking when someone wants to end it. We will expect the short shelf life, won't merge our lives, and we stop thinking that being a serious couple and having 'your person,' is this end all and provides life satisfaction. We all find out that that thing we were told was the holy grail, that it is not.

wiiztec · 2024-06-07T22:30:17+00:00

How are you not an incel? do you want a girlfriend just to cuddle or what?

Title	Will I ever get a girlfriend?
Author	Candid_Drawer_4856
Upvotes	22
Comments	53
Date	March 10, 2024 7:58 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1bb508g/will_i_ever_get_a_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/will-i-ever-get-a-girlfriend.1426208 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426208

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