Turned 30 as a virgin. Now 1 year later after a few lays and my first relationship (Part 2)

Hey guys! First of all, a big "THANK YOU!" to all the people who commented or gave a badge to my previous post. I really didn't think that it would receive so much attention (let alone positive one).

Part 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/imcq2e/turned_30_as_a_virgin_now_1_year_later_after_a/

There were a couple points from part 1 that I wanted to clarify before moving on

• Making an emotional vs logical connection is up to much debate and would probably need a post on its own. The take-away is to generally make questions that reveal feelings, emotions or past experiences, instead of just plain information. It all depends on the context and I can't really be giving you canned material mainly for that reason. Just keep this in mind: When you are talking, instead of focusing her attention to "what", make the conversation mainly about "how" or "why". E.g. "What are you studying?" is an informational question but "Why did you chose that?", or "How did your parent affect that decision?" requires her to do some deal of introspection. Similarly asking "Do you cook?" is plain information, but "What is your favorite food?" will bring up the memory of that food and, hopefully, also the good emotions of eating it. Of course, both informational and emotional questions have to be made in order to progress the conversation. Also let her talk as much as she wants and listen carefully. Use what she says to make her open up more. It's good to have a some general conversation topics at hand, but don't try to steer the conversation into the topics or threads you have predefined in your mind. Instead, use the information she is providing herself.
• Several people messaged me for advice about some specific girl. While I'm flattered, I am not a coach/mentor (at least not professionally) and I can't give professional advice, save from my own personal experience or opinion, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. My own personal opinion is as I stated it on part 1: Move on from girls that nothing sexual has happened yet. It is not worth to beat around the bush. You deserve a girl who you REALLY like and who she is REALLY into you, and not somebody who is unsure. It's SOOOO common for men (me including) to "kinda get something going", and then we get so attached that we forget about other girls, and then brood over that one particular girl for months without anything actually happening. Please don't do that! It's SO MUCH EASIER to get a new girl who will be 100% into you from the beginning and will probably be even better than your previous "crush". Literally, no one of the girls I slept with was previously my friend or we had been "kinda sexually" texting for more than few weeks (even though there were indeed specific girls in the back of my mind that I was thinking about. But as soon as I saw how easy it was to get somebody new get head over heals for me, I immediately forgot about them and got to see how vain I was)

Moving on from part 1, these are some additional points. As usual, for tl:dr, read bold only. Also note that these are personal opinions/views. They do not reflect anyone else besides myself and I know some may sound controversial:

• A great way to mitigate mixed signals is to communicate to her that you are a cool guy, but NOT a "harmless" one. After you reveal your sexual interest to a girl, make absolutely sure she understands that, if she does not feel the same way about you, that's cool, but if she chooses to keep interacting with you, she's getting nailed at some point. You are serious and you not goofing around. That's a man-to-woman interaction. This is not a game and you are not her emotional toy. If she wants you, she is getting the full package or nothing at all. If you had a girl who you had a great time with, and you "kinda" revealed to her that you like her, and then she kept interacting with you like nothing happened or she very lightly flirted with you, probably sending you a couple of kissing emojis here and there or joking around that she is your GF so as to keep you interested, then that means that she wanted you around as a friend because she was having a good time but you had not triggered any attraction switches. And, unfortunately, it also means that she knows perfectly well that you would be so docile and harmless that you would never kick back because you are such a "good and understanding boy" after all. Yeah, well, this is bullshit. What you should do instead, as a rule of thumb, is this: You reveal your interest, and then if she she does not feel the same way, that's fine, tell her that you can't be "just" friends with someone who you have sexual feelings for, bid her goodbye and move on, no hard feelings, go meet other girls, don't text her. But, if she comes back on her own, or texts you or asks you to meet, go out and act sexual: Touch her, stare in her eyes, hold her hand, tell her that you want to kiss or fuck her, do things that you'd do if it was a first date, etc. Make it overtly obvious that you are there to make her yours and not talk about the weather. If she retracts and says that it's not like that or that she is still confused. Tell her that's fine, you understand, bid her goodbye again, and rinse and repeat until you get bored. Under no circumstances fall into her "frame". This is a one-way ticket to FRIENDZONE. You are not friends and you never will be. Communicate this clearly.
• Dating apps are garbage IMHO. They distort your goals and your methods of achieving them. You are far better off with real-life approaching! Fundamentally, dating apps generally lead people to develop skills/mindsets which are NOT very congruent with the those that are important for sexual attraction and maintaining relationships. For example, knowing how to take good photos, posing for photos, dressing to cover-up your insecurities, editing/filtering images, or screen multiple matches as quickly as possible, or making witty funny comments with their names, making sexual innuendos in chat, or securing a number/date etc. are fun skills to have, but pretty worthless when (sexually) meeting someone in real-life. To add to that, I've met several people who's mindset around dating apps has shifted from "finding a date" to "amassing as many likes/matches you can so you can feel good about yourself and not like a worthless piece of shit who dropped out of college and is now a wanna-be influencer or some other new-age crap"
• All social apps (including dating apps) make the good-looking people vain and arrogant, while the not-so-good-looking people really depressive and questioning their actual worth. Keep them as a side-tool if you want, but don't let them define your worth! If you are using dating apps with some success, by all means, keep doing thet, but I'd strongly suggest that you invest at least the same amount of time meeting people in real-life. Half the girls who agreed to go on a date with me explicitly (and blatantly!) told me that they didn't think I was physically attractive at all. I guess that means that they'd most likely would have swiped left if they came across me in a dating app. However, meeting them in real-life not only I managed to get on a date with them, I also slept with a couple of them.
• A girl's attraction is peaking somewhere between unquestionable loyalty and plain cheating from your part. If she takes you too much for granted, her attraction feelings will plummet. Also, if you are constantly too distant or she thinks that you are cheating her, she will get bored or irritated and will, again, loose attraction. The peak is between the two: She is yours, but she also knows that you are perfectly capable of meeting and hooking up with other women if you so wish. It's a huge aphrodisiac for her to know that you CHOSE her among other girls (i.e. that she was NOT your only -desperate- option). To be able to effectively communicate that, it's best to have high standards. But make those standards about her character and not things she has no control over (e.g. liking tall women is a poor standard, but liking women who take care of their body, is a better one).
• Your flirting game will skyrocket when you get in a relationship! Pretty paradoxical, isn't it? Well, think about it: Everything is in sub-communication, right? And almost everyone will tell you that what sparks attraction is confidence and being detached from the outcome. Well, when you go out and meet new people and no matter what happens, you still have your GF waiting for you back home to blow your dick at the end of the night, only then you are truly confident and utterly detached from any outcome. As a result, you (sub-)communicate a totally confident and relaxed image and, thus, your flirting skills virtually improve. Even some girls who have rejected you in the past, may come back and hit on you themselves.
• Having said the above, I Personally recommend that you DON'T stop flirting after you do get in a relationship. Now, I don't mean to encourage cheating. What I mean is that, once you get into the relationship, you should NOT go back into being your old anti-social reserved self. I've seen far too many guys do this because they naturally crawl back into their comfort zone once they secure a source of regular sex. Instead, what you should do is to keep being social and meeting new people and maintain a healthy social circle (outside your GF). I don't say go out and get numbers from random girls or have sex with them (unless you've agreed on an open relationship), but do talk to the cute waitress, do greet the cashier, do go meet that girl group at the party. You get the point. Just don't be a jerk about it. That way you 1) virtually keep options open, because, after all, as we said above, feeling "chosen" it's an aphrodisiac for your girl, and 2) keep your flirting skills honed. Think about it this way: Every time your GF goes out, she gets hit on: a stare, a smile, an innocent conversation with the barman, etc. She is essentially passively practicing her flirting skills either she wants it or not. However, us men, when we go out, we very rarely get passive flirting. In order to practice our flirting and social skills we do it "actively". We have to go and approach, initiate conversation, keep them interested, be fun, be physical, etc. But if you go out and sit at a corner, most likely nobody will flirt with you. This way, after, say 3 years, you break up, your girl will immediately go back out there because all those 3 years, she didn't forget how to meet new people and flirt. However, if all those 3 years you stayed inside and played video games, then good luck getting back into being social and flirting effectively again!
• Buying stuff for a girl who has done nothing to actually deserve them is the PERFECT way to enter the FRIENDZONE or the provider-zone (a sex-operated ATM-machine). Don't do it. If not immediately, it will plummet her attraction in the long-run. Trust me, even if you are getting sex, no woman is really getting soaking wet for her ATM machine. This applies to all ages. Tip: pay for the first date, but only if it is easily affordable for you (e.g. less then 30-20$). If she insists splitting, tell her to buy you drinks/coffee next time. Alternatively, you can also make it an exchange with other material stuff, but not sex (e.g. "Let me pay for the dinner, but next time you come over, you'll bring that awesome chicken pie you said you made the other day, deal?").
• Having a loving GF is great! No matter what people will say regarding "finding a girlfriend won't make you happy or won't solve your problems". Well, if your problem IS finding a girlfriend and having sex, then it will solve this for sure. There is a GREAT sense of achievement in going through the process from approaching a stranger, to going on a date, to bringing her at your place, to calling her "baby" a month later. All due to your own hard work. For me, it always felt like a huge gap in my soul. I had trusty friends, a loving family, good hobbies, my own place, did great at my job, etc. But seeing all my friends getting into relationships and having sex while I was still a kissless virgin made me feel half a man, even though I have pretty much everything figured out and set for. It's a bit hard to explain, but it kinda felt like putting together a puzzle depicting Mona Lisa with all the pieces set in place but the one piece with her face is missing. You can easily tell what the picture is, but still, the most important piece is missing.
• Sex is great and every person should experience it. No matter what people will say that it is not a real goal, it is still a measurable result that can also give you a very real sense of achievement as a male and as a human being. Always keep a sex-positive attitude and be mindful that everyone is different. There is nothing wrong getting first time sex at 30+ or 40+ or later. It happens. There is also nothing wrong about having many or few sexual partners or about enjoying casual sex or not. Also keep in mind that first-time sex is supposed to be awkward
• Don't be judgmental or pushy about anything at all! And don't take things personally! I guess too many guys get this wrong because I've been explicitly complimented for being open and non-judgmental more than once. If a girl goes on a date with me but then says she does not want to go out again, cool, I guess she is not for me then. If she had 0, 5, or 50 past lovers, that's also cool. Is she still in-love with her ex? OK, let her figure it out on her own and go meet someone else in the meantime. She agreed to come to your house, but doesn't want to have sex. That's OK, she probably needs to feel more comfortable first. She had past trauma and is very reluctant to give BJs? That's totally fine, there are so many other things to enjoy during sex. What I mean to say is that if you keep an open mind, chances are she will feel much more comfortable around you and will also make her keep an open mind about you as well. This does not mean that you should disregard red-flags or not set boundaries. It means that you totally understand them, and you choose to either to deal with them or move on.
• Girls like sex as much as men do. Even more so. However, while most men will gladly fuck most girls who they find attractive, girls won't like sex with just about anyone (very few girls might actually do). Most girls will enjoy (and subsequently lustfully crave) sex with their partner. If you are with a girl for more than 3-4 months and her sex drive is still suspiciously low with you, then (unless there are mental issues) something hasn't exactly "clicked" correctly in her mind. I've seen girls who were really hesitant with sex or trying new stuff with their Nice Guy(TM) boyfriend for years, and that poor guy was trying to be understanding and wouldn't break up with her, no matter how much he wanted to fuck her brains out. And that same girl would later do a threesome with a couple of strangers the moment she had 2 drinks at a party. Bottom line: sex shouldn't be a chore for either partner. Sexual chemistry is super-important for maintaining an LTR. You deserve someone who enjoys waking you up with a blowjob every morning.
• If you know what you are doing, you can give a girl mind-shattering orgasms with FINGERING. No matter how hard you try, a girl may or may not cum from oral or PIV intercourse. But she can surely cum from fingering. My own sample is small and not statistically significant, but it supports my point 100%. There are helpful videos on-line. I got several guy friends who think they are "great lovers" only because they (say they) have a big dick but it turns out they essentially don't really care about their partner satisfaction in bed. So bottom line: There is absolutely no reason to feel bad or anxious about your size or your previous experiences. If you have an arm and a hand with 2-3 fingers, just watch a couple of vids and you are all set.

I may post an update if more bullet points come up.