To the women who have dated or are dating a guy with less relationship experience than you, what is it like ?

AngeCruelle · 2024-03-20T05:36:01+00:00

I actually wrote a whole series of posts on the community mega thread about this.

Long story short he's the love of my life and best partner I've ever had. He's extremely attentive and eager to please. I also think that people underestimate how quickly a guy without experience can catch on to things. Within three dates I was enjoying my kisses with him more than any guy I've dated previously.

One thing I did have to work with him on a bit longer is learning to distinguish the sounds of my enjoyment from pain or discomfort. We're waiting until marriage but I'm weirdly sensitive to even lighter forms of intimacy. The first time he brushed his thumb across my lips after they were already tingly from kissing I involuntarily let out the most unholy noise I ever have. I had to reassure him quite a bit after that. But now he knows.

holyskillet · 2024-03-20T12:30:35+00:00

dated someone with 0 relationship experience: everything needs to be explained. "You can't just demand sex and get upset that it is not happening", "you can't just walk away from the apartment after an argument and then expect that I wait for you", "No, I could not mindread that you wanted me to do this for you", etc. After all that, he stopped being weird.

MistyMaisel · 2024-03-20T15:25:22+00:00

It wasn't great. Don't get me wrong, you don't really notice and the relationship started like most relationships do with shared interests, flirting, and then him asking me out very nervously. But it tends to quickly become apparent and an issue. And I'm not saying this is everyone else's experience, just mine with two different guys:

He lied about so much stuff. He did a lot of pretending to like things I liked. Pretending to be ok with values I held or life goals I had. Pretending to have a lot of his shit together that he didn't. Hiding things he was going through. Hiding friendships. Hiding crushes he had on other people. Hiding moves he was making with his education or job. Hiding being bisexual.

And I get it because if I'd known who he really was at that point, I don't think I'd have dated him, but it is such a rookie inexperienced mistake to lie your way into a relationship with anyone.

He could not take direction at all, was extremely stubborn, never could admit he was wrong, constant know it all, refused to be taught, refused to be given the blessing of any of my wisdom or intelligence or knowledge or skills that he didn't have.

And again, I get it. A common response to insecurity or feeling less than is to shell up and refuse to admit anything, etc.

Had no idea how to behave around my family or other people or what was polite or appropriate behavior. And when I'd try to tell him, the only way he'd listen is if I was an absolute harsh just like scary bitch about it.

And again, I get it. He's never really had a partner or learned how to present himself well or behave well in that kind of environment. And the only way he can be controlled is if you put on scary mom energy because that's the only force that has ever pushed him around.

He didn't really have a lot of life lived in him or many skills or much to talk about. He really was in a lot of ways a blank canvas, but rather than wanting new experiences or skills or so forth, he was very afraid to admit that or to try new things. Drove me nuts.
He was super immature about so many aspects of adult life and when you'd try to explain it to him, he'd just be like, not ready for it or put his head in the sand about it.
I never felt any consideration was extended towards me in a loving way, only a fearful and avoidant way. I didn't exist to be pleased or catered to or enjoyed, I existed to be placated.
I didn't feel like they really liked me deep down so much as liked having the novelty of a girlfriend.

Ultimately, no. I've done it twice and that's plenty. Low experience men and me don't go together well.

Confident-Bat7194 · 2024-03-20T06:48:17+00:00

Not that good honestly i fell for him first and its been really tricky because he didnt want to see me because he was shy when we went on dates he wouldn’t talk at all i kept trying and asking him questions and he would just reply with yes no or being silent and yet on text he would talk normally and would text me every second the moment another girl got in his life he dumped me so yeahh

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-03-20T06:01:20+00:00

He's less traumatized than me, that's for sure. Jokes aside, it's been good, he's a great person and he figured out what he messed up in his previous relationship, so can't complain about anything.

sweetestpineapple · 2024-03-20T21:51:29+00:00

I dated a guy like this for almost 2 years. He was great honestly. A little sexually inexperienced but it got much better over the course of our relationship. We dated in our early 20’s and he had only had situationships and one sexual partner before me. He had a very low sex drive and was super into academics so dating wasn’t a huge priority for him. He had lots of friends though and wasn’t socially awkward. I felt more friend vibes than romantic chemistry but we had so much fun together.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-03-20T17:18:22+00:00

I was in a relationship that lasted for 4.5 years, from ages 15 to 19. My boyfriend had a lot of dates, some situationships, fwbs, and the longest time he has dated a girl was 5 months, when we got together at 20. So technically, I was his first real girlfriend, the first girl he said "I love you" to, brought to meet his parents etc..

Honestly, there is actually nothing in our relationship that indicates he never had a long term relationship before. We love each other and want the best for each other, we communicate well, and this relationship has so far been very healthy and very, very satisfying.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that, while I had more relationship experience, he had more experience in general (higher N count, dated and kissed way more people than me). So he wasn't a total noob.

MotherPermit9585 · 2024-03-20T21:39:15+00:00

A relationship that’s 6 months to a year is a pretty decent chunk of time where a guy could learn a lot if he’s open minded and attentive. Only one guy I’ve been with was less experienced than me but he was amazing sexually and otherwise. It’s not really something I care about except in terms of mild curiosity.

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Title	To the women who have dated or are dating a guy with less relationship experience than you, what is it like ?
Author	Low-Avocado6003
Upvotes	6
Comments	70
Date	March 20, 2024 4:53 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bj5j7g/to_the_women_who_have_dated_or_are_dating_a_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/to-the-women-who-have-dated-or-are-dating-a-guy.1428577 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428577

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