Is the Difficulty of the Current Dating Market for Men an Exaggeration?

Cantrillion · 2023-12-12T18:57:30+00:00

Orders of magnitude more difficult for most men. Even for guys who can get the date, ladies can just bounce at the slightest issue.

Optionality has increased. Just 5 years ago, online dating was <somewhat> stigmatized. Pandemic changed that. It's probably here to stay, as the average girl would rather match/sleep with an exceptional dude and delude herself she's got a shot at a relationship than date an average guy she could settle down with. Swipe swipe swipe.

Champa22 · 2023-12-12T11:34:04+00:00

Statistics dont lie. Objectively the average dude is not having success.

That being said if you find a way to work your way into the top 20%, you’ll have a fair amount of options.

It sucks because I genuinely do feel for the average dude out who just wants to start a family and live a chill life. Even for the top percentile dudes, yea we may pull a lot of women for casual shit but honestly most women are not relationship material.

But heres the thing. Neither you nor I have the power to change anything so the only thing we can do is play the game and have some fun while we watch the downfall of western society.

lMadjoker · 2023-12-12T11:29:48+00:00

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lemonyprepper · 2023-12-12T14:28:12+00:00

I myself have been wondering if what I am seeing is all in my head and a consequence of what I see online but I’m not sure. Things seemed to take a strange shift the past couple of years. I think you could say it’s something that happened post pandemic where people are just more self involved than ever before

2023-12-12T14:32:32+00:00

You should also consider the economic side of things. Women on average are starting to be better educated, wealthier, and more likely to be home owners. Statistically women only date at their level and up. Throw in the fact there's a shrinking middle class and the rise of cost of living and you're basically going to have a lot higher standards. And that's before you even really talk about things like social media, age, height, ect.

TripleDigitNomad · 2023-12-12T18:11:32+00:00

Not an exaggeration, definitely harder today than it was before the rise of social media and dating apps.

However, you just have to adapt and overcome, as men always have.

newguy239389 · 2023-12-12T16:45:02+00:00

Why men are having trouble dating: obesity rates going up (without women’s standards changing and more men falling into undateable category); rise of indoor hobbies that revolve around computers/tvs/gaming; online dating/instagram creating endless men pool for women to choose from; narrative that approaching a woman in public is “creepy”. Its not only women’s fault that this is happening.

I do pretty well in online dating. Online dating is skewed and won’t give you your best options.I’ve always taken the extreme approach in trying to not look “creepy” and just realized how poorly that comes across and limits my chances. Wayyyy more women/hotter women will give you a chance if they get a sense of you in person. So its better to approach in person. I’ve fallen into bouts of gaming and its not good for you long term socially. Have social hobbies. I think men need to “play the game”. Improve yourself and get in that top 20% of guys. Also realize that approaching in person is fine. As long as you are not being creepy understand that you can approach women in public.

ZenoGeno · 2023-12-12T14:59:02+00:00

I'm average or below average in looks, 5 9, 26 and I guess fit although I'm not sure what we mean by that word, definitely not 12% bf or something. I'm always told I'm the life of the party but my flirting is very much sub par, not a single woman in my life has found me attractive. 0 likes on datings apps as well, I highly highly doubt if I lived 30 years ago it'd be the same. I'd say it's no exaggeration.

Boosteddreamer · 2023-12-12T17:18:04+00:00

I’ve never done great with OLD, but it’s gone to complete shit this year. My profile obviously isn’t great but I’d say it’s the best one I’ve had and I’ve gone from getting a handful of matches to literally nothing. Not sure what’s changed, I have better pictures and prompts, and somehow it’s worse then any of the other profiles I’ve had.

AceOfSpadesGymBro3 · 2023-12-12T11:58:26+00:00

There is a correlation between men who use only dating apps to source women and social retardation, anxiety and other mental health issues. In other words, guys think they can just sit and swipe and a hot girl will show up naked to their door. Go out and do shit. Be a man. Have a mission in life and a purpose. Women will feel that big dick energy coming from you and will be attracted to that. Not to pixels on a screen.

unswunghero · 2023-12-12T13:49:02+00:00

I think it's a pretty fair but it's also an excuse. I've recently discovered this is primarily true for men who only use dating apps to meet women. It's way easier to get a hookup off a dating app than it is a relationship, if she meets you she's probably willing to have sex on the first or second date. But the odds of getting a date on a dating app can be low, especially because of the way dating apps work in general. Dating apps there's either too much pressure ("I am looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend, let's see if I can find any red flags on this first date" mindset) or she's looking for a hookup, either way yes she's going to have higher standards and be more judging you because she probably has a specific outcome in mind.

I think men need to focus on meeting women in person, I recently gave up on dating apps and my life and outlook has gotten 100% better. I've focused on meeting women in person through social circle and a singles event at a bar that I've gone to a couple times. It's like how people who live on Reddit and twitter think that everyone is out to get them, but you go out in the real world and people are nice and not focused on politics or convincing you of their opinion all the time.

But personally I also look for a "connection/spark" on the first date too, which I define as easy to talk to, things in common, lots of eye contact, and physical attraction. Or lots of fun + physical attraction.

Fuzzy-Bottle-4138 · 2023-12-12T16:05:17+00:00

Most difficulties and problems that exist in life nowadays are overblown and exaggerated because we live in an information and media overload culture where everything is amplified to a ridiculous level. And controversy has always been one of the top ways to sell. And when you’re constantly scouring self help and improvement forums you’re going to be littered with the opinions of the minority that struggle to find success and it makes it seem like that is what is prevalent when in many cases that isn’t true. All of the happy, successful people in the world aren’t wasting time bitching on the internet so you don’t hear the opinions and life stories of tons of people.

I hate to use anecdotal evidence but I have a large group of friends I’ve known since I was very young and literally not a single person has ever struggled with dating or having sex or meeting women. And I have friends of all races, religions, heights, weights, etc. Now is every person dating what I would consider a 9-10 or even an 8 on the attractiveness scale for that matter? No, but most people don’t. And a lot of these guys did not put in the work to attract the best looking women. But they have all been with good looking people who are smart, driven, with good jobs, friendly, good mothers etc.

I think a problem too with men, especially spending their whole lives jerking off to beautiful women online, is that women they also only want and are willing to settle for the top tier of women. When in reality they aren’t in that top tier themselves and aren’t willing to put in the work to be a super attractive man. Nobody wants to settle but you also need to be realistic of your dating prospects as a man

darrylgorn · 2023-12-12T12:08:22+00:00

Women are still a bit stuck in wanting to be approached in real life. This is fine, but leads to a skewed ratio of men to women online.

That's why it's still difficult for a lot of guys to match. Women's standards are not the real problem, it's just the numbers.

LizzoBathwater · 2023-12-12T17:16:20+00:00

Online dating, no exaggeration, it’s hopeless unless you have a personal photographer with you 24/7.

In real life it’s better, women’s standards are much lower (not to say it’s easy but you actually stand a chance). That said, meeting women in real life is also a problem for me, because my social life is dead. I have a few male friends, who I see once every 3 months maybe. This is the biggest factor to my loneliness and failed love life, not having a good and healthy social life.

OwnAmbition- · 2023-12-12T17:37:45+00:00

It’s all about confidence. A lot of guys just don’t like approaching women and shooting their shot at them so they don’t get anywhere doing that.

ChicoBrillo · 2023-12-12T18:28:44+00:00

I think it's difficult for young men, specifically like 24 and younger.

I don't really buy into the idea that its at an all time high, if anything social media and dating apps make it easier than ever to put yourself out there, to the point that you dont even have to have the confidence to approach in real life.

I'm not going to talk down on myself but I don't think strangers would rank me in the top 20% of men, financially or look wise, and I find dating to be quite easy.

I think men get frustrated with dating because they approach it like other subjects and issues in life where they can just get obsessed with fixing it, and treat it as something they can get better at if only they research enough or try hard enough. Attraction doesn't work like that.

If I could sum up the biggest issue with men in subs like these who struggle to get dates, it's insecurity, obsession, and desperation (which all come from insecurity imo). Women are taking a risk with any man that they date that they might become a stalker or harm them physically, if you come off obsessive, desperate, etc you are not getting a date period.

KingOnixTheThird · 2023-12-12T16:49:08+00:00

To be honest, I think it is a bit of an exaggeration.

For reference, I'm 28 and when I look at my high school class and the kids who were around my age, a good chunk of them are already married and many of them have a kid. Some of them are tall and good looking but even the guys who were just average looking, a lot of them managed to find partners.

Title	Is the Difficulty of the Current Dating Market for Men an Exaggeration?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	17
Comments	115
Date	December 12, 2023 11:10 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/18gjjoy/is_the_difficulty_of_the_current_dating_market/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-the-difficulty-of-the-current-dating-market-for.1428778 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428778

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