What to do when I'm an absolute loser?

UWantThisName36 · 2019-09-05T15:30:29+00:00

My personal opinion is to pick up a hobby that is challenging, preferably a physical one.

specifically: lifting, martial arts, climbing

I dont think just "going to the gym" is a good idea.

The hard part isn't really getting started, its sticking with it even though you suck a the beginning, and identifying as someone who does this thing.

The logic behind this is once you start with something and stick with it for a few years, you view yourself as someone that can finish something and has commitment.

once you view yourself like this its easier to convey yourself in a way that is generally attractive to people.

smoothmax · 2019-09-05T15:42:56+00:00

Change your opinion of yourself first. You can do it!

I don't even know you and I can tell you're not a loser just from what you typed. You're passing school, you're going to get a good job and you're articulate and self aware. These are big advantages over many guys. More guys than you think.

I found lots of useful self help books when I started trying to address my problems. Your problems are different, but undoubtedly there are tons of resources out there that you can find.

legend503 · 2019-09-05T16:58:02+00:00

My social circle improved when I became a bartender (quantity)

Do that part time. Learn how to talk to people. Women will directly talk to you... So do what I did and learn to ask them out from there.

And also you can play the network game. (dm me we you have at least 5 friends and I'll teach you the game)

As others said.

Find a hobby, interest or job that can either improve your confidence or increase your social circle with the people you WANT to have a round you.

Find three things that are most important to you Ex. 1. Health /fitness 2. Job 3. Hobby / reading /sefl improvement or whatever it is to you

Women.

I noticed when I focus on myself in a positive way women... Kind of just appear. Sadly I don't have time for them then hahaha. But don't spend your most valuable time chasing women. Become a man of value. THAT will serve you for the rest of your life. 1 or 10 women won't likely do that.

eablokker · 2019-09-05T18:05:39+00:00

This post just sounds like complaining. You ask what to do? Go out and meet people! Don’t know how to do that? Read the sidebar! Have a specific question? Ask in /r/askseddit

tristanwww · 2019-09-05T20:42:01+00:00

I don't want to assume what you think about yourself, as I know the frustration that occurs when people just assume how you are, but I think I understand how you feel. You're in your early twenties. You think you have no friends and that people look down on you. You have problems socially with people. You say you're good at nothing, you have no friends or social circle.

Does that mean you can't be happy?

We think that happiness is something material, or perhaps a checklist that, when you mark off a certain amount of boxes, will grant happiness as a reward. But so far, what I have found that really isn't the case.

In storytelling, there's a idea called "Want versus need". In a story, especially Disney ones, a character has a explicitly expressed desire. They want something for themselves, be it a love marriage, a relationship, riches. But by the end of the story, said character ends up with want the needed to be happy.

I feel for you. You feel isolated among the people you interact with. You feel like you've tried everything in your power to change it, and it has all fell through. But I think you may be putting too much emphasis on outside influences directing your happiness rather than what YOU can do for YOU.

When I was in high school, I felt this incredible want to be in a relationship. I saw everyone around me was together with someone, getting BJ's and having a swell old time with their SO. I tried a few times to form a relationship, but they never built up to much of anything. It affected me for a few years, looking back I was pretty depressed about the whole thing.

But time moved on, and I moved on to university, I changed. I still didn't have a lot of friends or a relationship, but things changed for me mentally. For years I had avoided going out late at night, because I struggle socially with new people. I don't read conversations well and tend to say the wrong thing at improper times. Even now my skills in this area are...not great.

But I had wanted to go out a bit for a while and simply didn't know where to spend that time. Why go out bumblefuck nowhere and try random spots that probably weren't even going to result in anything when staying home was so much more comfortable.

But I did have a desire. I wanted to play DnD for a while, and I knew that a local gamestore had a PUG (pick up game) night, so I went there. And at first I was SO uncomfortable with the setting and the forced feelings of it all that I really just want to leave. But I tried anyway. I met a few odd people, a trans woman, a autistic guy, a gay man, a guy with blue hair, and a teenager I really didn't like. But the game moved on anyway, and because I wanted to see more of what happened in the game, I came the week after. And after that. And after that. And soon, I realized I wasn't just going to these game nights to play the game, I was going because I wanted to see these people who I was playing with. And then it grew out from there. We started going to things outside of DnD. We went out to eat together. Watch stuff together. We became... accidentally friends with one another.

I'm not going to pretend that it ALL went 100%. The teenager and I butted heads a lot, and I don't talk to her anymore. My friendship with the gay man faded away. But two of them I still come into contact with regularly. I have a new group of DnD geeks now, and I see them every week.

Here's the thing. After all of that, even after all the progress in that front, my desire never got met, and it still isn't. I'm 23, never kissed or had sex yet. But that underlining need I had was fulfilled. I WANTED a relationship. But I NEEDED validation from an outside source on aspects of my life that I valued as important.

Here's what I see from your post and your replies. You have trouble socially with people. You think that you've exhausted all your options to fix this issue, and that there's nothing you can do anymore, and now your stuck in a case of existential doom where your desire's aren't being met and there's nothing you can do to fix it and in time, you are going to be stuck at some crappy job where you can't advance or get out of due to financial strain, fulfilling excess time with video games and pornography.

I can't say I know what you want or need, but I believe you may be putting your daydreams about going out, having friends, and women paying attention to you a bit on a pedestal in terms of priorities. As if tomorrow, you suddenly having these things would fix every problem you feel about yourself. I don't think that's what you really need.

What do you really need? I don't know. I read a few paragraphs about how you see yourself and your responses to a few comments. But I can tell you're beginning to go down a road that many men today go down. Inceldom, white supremacy, and blackpill philosophy. The name "Mongrelcel" was enough to show me how little you look upon yourself that you would intentionally label your profile in such a way that would be degrading.

At the end of the day, I'm a voice on the internet. I can't really make you do anything, and whatever change you see to doing is going to have to be from yourself, or by taking action to have somebody help you out.--A therapist of some kind.

I'm going to direct you to a a couple of internet videos that may help you out mentally. You seem like you understand yourself and your position well enough that your can come to the conclusion of needing outside help of some kind. Whatever you decide to do, its something that only you can do. I hope--sincerely--that you can get out of this hole your in and lead a happy existence.

No! Zuko! You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.

--General Iroh

cantstophere · 2019-09-05T19:05:19+00:00

Practice speaking to women. The best place to start is the lowest risk scenarios, women at work. Don't be weird about it, but if you encounter a female employee, ask how her day is doing, or for a recommendation, or about the difference between two products. Hell, do this with men too, just good social skills practice.

I agree with others on this thread, get a hobby, something you can feel accomplished about.

Get your butt in therapy, it seems like you have some self-esteem issues and could use someone to help you work through that.

It's going to be ok, people probably like you more than you think. Just need to get some skills and confidence

tater08 · 2019-09-05T22:42:04+00:00

Start working on your self confidence. This post shows you don't really like yourself. You need to find a hobby, maybe guitar? You need to start being more active, working out. Get some new clothes, get a haircut. Make yourself get out of you room and go for a walk.

Start talking to everyone, not just girls, and work on your communication skills.

Overall you need some self love.

udayserection · 2019-09-15T17:01:10+00:00

Join the infantry in the army or the marines. It’s a shitty life. You get treated like homeless trash. But the arrogance that comes with knowing you work harder than the rest of the world is unmatchable.

Even if you are weak as fuck you wont be at the end of it.

ilikepie145 · 2019-09-05T14:55:02+00:00

Paltenburg · 2019-09-05T15:20:26+00:00

Go on couchsurfing! plenty of events/meetings/ things to do for strangers over there.

subduedReality · 2019-09-05T16:44:14+00:00

Autistic is such a generic term. Does you autism keep you from interacting one on one or just make you overwhelmed when too many people are around? Are you extremely clumsy all the time or do you find yourself really good at one particular thing but everything else just doesnt make sense?

I know a lot of people on the autism spectrum. It has taught me a few things. For one you can be social, but it can be draining. Or you can be social, but not with large groups. Sometimes reading body language is easy. Others it isn't. You can't get sarcasm one minute and then use it perfectly the next.

Not saying that this is you specifically, but everyone I know on the spectrum has their quirks. What are your quirks. Do you make attempts to work within them? Are you willing to go outside of your comfort zone?

I'm not a therapist, but I do highly recommend them. Sometimes having a friend you pay to accept you as you are helps when the real deal comes along.

thouthou89 · 2019-09-05T18:20:19+00:00

You talk really bad about yourself, if you talked like this for any other person I would assume you're a nasty sob.😛

First of all I would suggest you make some research on finding the kind of therapy that best suits you. Cognitive/behavioral/humanistic etc. You have to reshape the way you perceive yourself asap, you're too harsh right now and your current mindset is destroying you.

I would guess that the therapist would also suggest taking up a new hobby, something physical for sure, that makes you interact with people. You'll be getting more confident, you'll start forming relationships and your life will start to change gradually.

You can make it, but you have to be persistent. There will be times that you will feel that you don't have the courage, exactly then it's the time that you have to try your best mentally, don't give up and stick at your new path.

Haisha4sale · 2019-09-05T19:08:05+00:00

Good on you for facing these difficult facts. People can hide for years, even their whole lives with you admitting difficult things to themselves. In this end, this isn't about other people or women or anything. This is about you. You need to become someone you respect. What qualities do you respect? What kind of people do you respect? Who, ideally, do you want to be? Start asking these questions.

pnut03 · 2019-09-05T19:24:36+00:00

Pick up a hobby, MEDITATE, get busy. Make life great before pursuing a love. A great life to fall back to

dissidentagressor · 2019-09-05T19:36:59+00:00

First, do not see yourself as a complete looser otherwise you will become one, the important thing is your mindset than everything will be in place when you first clear your mind out of negative thoughts or thought patterns such as being a looser or a person who does not deserve any value... Eventually you will get good at the seduction game but first, you need to overcome some obstacles and face some failures because that is normal route for success no matter what you do. Start lifting and get some hobbies other than playing computer games, start spending some time outside, this could even be just walking by yourself. Just do something outside the home, believe me, you will feel better.

2019-09-05T20:50:30+00:00

I would say start doing a sport, work on yourself. Try and try and try. That’s all their is, you can’t live like a loser, you don’t seem happy. So get into whatever sport or play an instrument and be content with yourself. When I was in school last year I cared so much what other people thought but f*** their thoughts, you should care about what you think and your family thinks of you. Be your best.

SirJacobTBone · 2019-09-06T01:35:44+00:00

Try new things, new hobbies.

1) Meet new people.

2) Break your routine.

3) You will find something to talk about OR you going to have a lot funny stories about the crazy things that you tried.

guywhoisambitious · 2019-09-06T05:01:49+00:00

Hey man. Seems like you're in a tough place. Let me help you get started. Your first step is to go to the gym and do some lifting. This will boost your testosterone and confidence. This is the routine I would suggest to start with:

Day 1:

Activity 1 - Bench Press

Activity 2 - Deadlifts

Day 2:

Activity 1: Bent Over Rows

Activity 2 : Standing Shoulder Press

Activity 3: Squats

Start with 3 sets of 8 repetitions. Alternate between the two days. Try to work your way up to going 4 days per week. The activities listed should be your foundation. You can always add more exercises on each day, such as pull-ups or push ups. To learn proper form, simply watch videos online or ask experienced people at the gym.

Please feel free to ask some more questions. Once you get started with the gym and making some progress, I can help you with the next step. I know it's hard, but try to forget about women for now. Just work on yourself. Good luck!

Best regards.

gayericbazinga · 2019-11-24T15:54:32+00:00

Just be yourself braah, worked for me braah. Be confident and funny braah. Also find a new hobby braah. Women care about personality, not looks, braah. I am a 6'2 swedish model braah, so i know that looks don't matter braah, because they never helped me braah

moonlapse__vertigo · 2019-09-05T21:17:24+00:00

Schopenhauer - essays and aphorisms Read this.

knightgod1177 · 2019-09-05T18:30:38+00:00

Is your autism diagnosed? Because I’m gonna give you a possible different reason for your difficulty with women.

You have no option other than to go out and practice interacting with people, at every opportunity you get. It’ll take effort, and you must be able to show interest in the person you’re talking about. It’s especially harder with autism, I get it. But that’s what also makes it so necessary to overcome with practice. It might not cure alleviate your autism directly, but it’ll help build confidence and a framework on how social interactions with women work. I can’t guarantee it’ll be a quick process; it might take years. Hell, I can’t even guarantee you it’ll work, but what choice do you have? Your only real option is to do the opposite of everything you’re doing right now; more importantly, you gotta stick with whatever effort you take to improve.

All that said, start small, converse with family if you have em, or your classmates at the very least. Move up from there.

Title	What to do when I'm an absolute loser?
Author	Mongrelcel
Upvotes	25
Comments	55
Date	September 5, 2019 2:48 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/d01s85/what_to_do_when_im_an_absolute_loser/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-to-do-when-im-an-absolute-loser.1477853 https://theredarchive.com/post/1477853

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