This advice can be applied to virtually any guy who feels like he’s starting from ground zero in his dating life, like guys who are coming out of long-term relationships, where it can feel like starting over.

  1. Stay away from any porn whatsoever and limit masturbation. Unfortunately, porn is the only exposure a lot young guys have ever had to sexuality, and it’s likely a significant contributor to severe awkwardness around women. Porn is a constructed fantasy, and it sets unrealistic expectation of what arouses women, and what to expect from sex. It’s also highly demotivating. Porn is a (destructive) safety net for guys; if you don’t have real sex, there’s always a release. If you take away that release, you’ll be motivated to actually go out there and make things happen. To start, try to go for two weeks without porn and masturbation, and see if you’re not motivated—or if you fear rejection as much.

  2. Treat dating solely as an experiment to hook up and improve your social skills. For now— forget finding a girlfriend, forget any type of commitment. Your only objective right now is to hook up, gain confidence, and build social skills. The relationship stuff will come. You WILL be a better boyfriend with more sexual and dating experience under your belt. You’ll also have confidence that you can attract other women, so you won’t be needy when you meet a girl who has promise as something more.

  3. Get good photos and hit the apps hard. This can’t be reiterated enough. Pay a few hundred bucks from a reviewed photographer to get some great dating app photos—for God’s sake, don’t use selfies you took under a dim bulb in your closet. The upfront investment in good photos is well worth it if you are serious about improving your dating life. Don’t just sign up for Tinder, also use Bumble and Hinge. Remember, at this point dating is nothing more than an experiment to hook up and improve social skills. Of all the apps, in my experience it was easiest to get dates from Hinge. Don’t overlook it for dating opportunities and just focus on Tinder. Use all your resources.

  4. Don’t make your virginity a big issue in your mind. If you go on dates, don’t make having sex at the forefront of your mind. Yes, hooking up is an objective, but don’t be desperate or thirsty about it. Women can sense desperation. Every date you go on is a win because you are exercising your social skills. Be relaxed, have fun. Remove the pressure. This won’t be your only opportunity, trust me.

Don’t bring up the fact that you’re a virgin on dates, or if you’re about to hook up. It’s not dirty secret that you need to reveal to her. If she asks, put a positive spin on it. Say that before you hadn’t put yourself out there much, but you’ve decided to change that. It’s only a big deal or a source of shame if you make it one.

  1. Put yourself in social situations where you can interact with attractive women so the intimidation factor is taken away. Pick an activity that you’re genuinely interested in that typically involves attendance with beautiful women—yoga and dance classes come to mind. Don’t come with the intention of even flirting. Just talk to them as human beings and friends—be the chill guy who is good at the activity and wants to learn. You will demonstrate value, and see that attractive women aren’t to be feared or treated differently. This is also a great opportunity to build your social network—having attractive women that can vouch for you to their friends will build your base of opportunity.

  2. Maximize your fitness, grooming, and fashion. Perhaps this should have been #1, but so many guys miss out on opportunities because they’re lazy with maintaining their personal appearance—or are afraid to take risks with their personal style. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone with your fashion. Do some research on Youtube or Reddit forums on examples of style that would make you feel confident. If you have a stylish friend, get their advice. Wear clothes that fit well, get a fresh pair sneakers, a fragrance, regular haircuts, and work out at least three times a week.

Looks aren’t the answer to everything in dating, but maximizing your looks will lead to far more opportunities. It will be on you to make sure your confidence and social skills are on par with your looks, if you want to see real change.

Full article on topic: https://modating.substack.com/p/advice-to-an-adult-virgin