I live in a large city that is on every list as a dating hotspot. The illusion of choice is in full effect. I have quite a decent number of casual encounters so I know there’s at least a basis of attraction but am constantly rejected from more serious relationships.

I am graduate educated from a top school, work in the top of my field with a six figure salary and am tall/fit.

When I go to my small hometown, I fire the dating apps partially as an experiment and also in the long shot that I find someone. Despite not being local, I’ve met many high quality women who actually give me quality time and attention on and in between dates, don’t “neg” me and actually seem to appreciate me “as a catch” as they say. It turns all the dystopia of modern dating on its head and makes me feel attractive and optimistic.

Conversely, I keep in touch with some of the women I’ve been out with in the two “dating hot spot” cities I’ve lived in. They are either perpetually single or dating guys who are (to put this politely) not objectively an upgrade from me.

Why are women allowing themselves to get sucked into this whole “the next one will be better than the current guy I’m seeing” fallacy?

edit: for sake of discussion, I also filter out people in my hometown who are not professionals, educated, etc. or people who I get the sense that they give me attention and positive affirmation because they see me as a means to leave the town, a meal ticket or gold diggers, etc.