Why bother with mediation / settlement if a judge will just assign 50/50?

biscuts99 · 2024-05-08T16:20:03+00:00

In my state Mediation is mandated. I told them it's a waste of time because my ex won't agree to 50/50. Spent 2 hours in mediation trying to convince her or figure out ways to get more time with our son. She still didn't agree.

Now we get to go to trial for 50/50.

Psydequest · 2024-05-08T13:20:34+00:00

There's no guarantee the judge will grant 50/50 and even highly likely meant there was a chance I would lose significant access to my kid. I wasn't willing to accept any risk if it could be avoided.

Cheap_House8696 · 2024-05-07T22:31:13+00:00

Good question sound like my situation, been going back and forth in legal system for almost a year now, agreed to do 50/50 and she moved out then her lawyer refused to discuss ANYTHING with my lawyer except in front of the judge she just files nonsense motions finally went to custody mediation after 6 months then spent $5000 in mediation had a full parenting plan agreement agreed upon that was 50/50 and then her lawyer went in front of judge and said we don't have an agreement and she doesn't agree to ANYTHING she wants 90% parenting time and blah blah. So now we have a GAL and GAL told judge we had a full agreement and mom backed out, so GAL is gonna meet with us and mediate then have pre trial conference in June. Total cost of divorce for both of us is in the range of 27k for two people who combine for under 120k per year in gross income with no major assets besides a house which was sold for very little profit. And split equally already.

I'm telling my lawyer fuck it I'll take it till the judge bangs his gavel don't bother me with anything that isn't 50/50 at this point

pk2at · 2024-05-07T20:25:15+00:00

Sounds like an easy divorce. So yeah, if you both are agreed on 50/50, done. Right?

Trial is a cliff you and your stbx are speeding towards. It's a cliff because it costs a lot especially if there is contention ... or kids. States probably vary on cost.

Generally there are three things to negotiate. Splitting wealth accrued in marriage. Spousal support. Child custody and support.

If both parties are rational, the trial / cliff is a gambit that favors the stronger earner. Let's say the weaker earner wants $500,000 (just throwing out a single ridiculous number to represent all concerns, everything that can be negotiated). Let's say trial will cost $100,000. Then, if both sides are rational, the stronger earner can offer $450,000 instead of $500,000 to settle out of court. The weaker earner rationally takes the offer and breaks even or does a bit better than a trial scenario.

That's basically the power of settling before a trial. Lots of time to back and forth, make it "fair." Depends on state tho. And divorce is never fair.

Mediation seems to mean different things to different people and states. To me, it means a budget divorce by paralegals instead of lawyers. Paralegals know how to file, they've seen enough divorces to know likelihoods, and they cost 75% less. To others, mediation means any negotiation that avoids trial including full price lawyers.

whiskey_piker · 2024-05-07T20:14:15+00:00

In a lot of instances, the parties CAN come to an agreement without court. This is one of the few changes to Family Court that is in our favor. But the mediation process is not great and to your point, can all fall apart anyway. In general a Mediator just wants to get you to agree. They don’t get you a good compromise.

RichardCleveland · 2024-05-07T19:08:54+00:00

Jesus... pure spite.

There is no way in hell this should end up in trial. Did you guys discuss anything first, or did she just run off on her own and start this BS.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-05-07T18:57:09+00:00

If you have a low asset, short duration marriage, then you should really be able to work it out amongst yourselves for the most part. And just have a lawyer draft the papers that are required.

If you have a long duration, marriage and significant assets and businesses and what not then you’ll both need lawyers and it’s gonna be very adversarial.

And others have said the judges a total wildcard. You never know what they’re going to do. It’s seldom just 50-50. Because the simple 50-50 stuff is already been taken care of in mediation.

kublakhan1816 · 2024-05-07T17:46:55+00:00

A trial costs you more money. Why go to trial if you can settle in mediation? Why go to mediation if you can just do an informal agreement? You also have no idea what the judge is going to do. It’s better to agree than to take a chance and let a third party decide.

Title	Why bother with mediation / settlement if a judge will just assign 50/50?
Author	Sinuks
Upvotes	9
Comments	24
Date	May 7, 2024 5:42 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cmhse7/why_bother_with_mediation_settlement_if_a_judge/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-bother-with-mediation-settlement-if-a-judge.1517778 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517778

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