Body count anxiety

Ok_Outside149 · 2024-05-14T11:18:46+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/s/gUqRVVnBvz

If you search “matching luggage” or “high body count” on this sub there’s lots of posts about this topic.

Resentment at yourself for actions you can’t undo is a waste of energy. Figure out a way to forgive yourself. Not forget, so you don’t repeat the same mistakes, but so you can move on. I’ve slept with a couple guys I wish I hadn’t, but oh well. Honestly with time you just sorta forget about them lol

Business_babe_2 · 2024-05-14T09:16:06+00:00

I’m not in a similar position, but as for advice there is no reason for you to be so hard on yourself and consume media telling you you are worthless because of your past. You can’t undo it, you can only do better.

Doing better starts with being aware why you went down this road and realizing that it does not give you anything worthwhile in return. Which it seems you understand, so that is start!

Now, keep to your commitment of not sleeping around and better yourself. The thing I can not stress enough is to VET. Don’t throw yourself at men. Get to know someone first, vet him to see if your expectations and plans for the future align. Date, have fun, but don’t get to emotionally invested before you have clarity on where he stands. If he is not clear that he wants a long term relationship with you, don’t sleep with him. If his actions tell you a different story than his words, don’t sleep with him. He holds off on commitment, don’t sleep with him.

Treat yourself and your body with more respect. Be clear in what you want, and look for someone that matches that. If you change for the better your body count does not have to be the hurdle you might think it is now. But don’t let it rack up further with men who do not give you serious commitment.

yktvvvvvvvvvv · 2024-05-14T10:24:21+00:00

One thing I will say is that when you meet people, they don’t see the past you. So don’t take it with you and make it part of your CURRENT identity. You are currently celibate. That is what people will see face on.

You need to start viewing yourself as you are now and move on from past mistakes. Otherwise it will be evident in your self worth.

angelicasinensis · 2024-05-14T23:59:48+00:00

Had similar situation, also involved being young + bad relationship + alcohol. I think its different in that situation. I have been in a relationship now for over 10 years, and am married with 3 kids. Most guys don't really care as long as they can see you are sincere and arent going to be sleeping around once your with them. Its really not a big deal, promise.

RedPillDad · 2024-05-14T15:30:00+00:00

Great news, you're still a 'good girl' at heart. Some women have no shame or guilt left in them by age 23. They can live a wild, indulgent lifestyle and feel no remorse. The chances of them settling down into a 'normal' sustainable relationship probably diminishes with each passing year.

You probably have a better chance at a wholesome, stable relationship now that you've stepped into 'Party World' and have regrets. Your path forward has been made clearer. You're prioritizing sustainable love over hedonistic pleasure. Wise choice.

Your body count isn't a dealbreaker by any means. The body count issue is about loyalty, that's what matters to a someone who has invested heavily in a partner only to find they lack loyalty. For a man who wants a serious relationship, traits such as loyalty and peace are more valued after he has experienced the lack of them. If he just wants to have spicy fun, then hot, loose and crazy are more acceptable.

Outrageous-Bass5643 · 2024-05-14T18:01:56+00:00

I was anxious about mine when I first started dating my current BF. However, I have a "don't disclose the number unless asked" policy. A lot of guys don't even ask and don't want to know. My current BF didn't even ask me when we discussed past relationships and didn't disclose his. In fact, he told me one of his hard boundaries is not discussing specifics about past sexual parters out of respect for the current relationship.

If you aren't asked, don't disclose it. If you are asked, be honest and show in your response that you have taken responsibility for past mistakes (don't play the victim or blame external circumstances). Focus on the here and now and being the best version of yourself.

ColeIsBae · 2024-05-14T13:15:48+00:00

I struggled with the same feelings of shame and self-hatred for similar behaviors. I’m a person of faith so I took it to prayer a lot. FWIW I’m in a relationship now with a guy who has never asked me my body count, so I guess I didn’t need to be as anxious about it as I was lol. He treats me like a queen. It’s possible! I would say stop all premarital sex asap. And then forgive yourself. Ask for God’s forgiveness. And then ask God to send you the right man who will love you for who you are today. ❤️

itsmemaggi · 2024-05-14T13:51:34+00:00

Do what you can to keep the focus on what you can control, rather than what you can't (in this case, your past). Make sure you've really learned from your mistakes and will not repeat them - therapy may play into that. You will undoubtedly find guys that put a lot of stock into body count and insist your past defines you. Those are not the guys for you. But there are plenty of good men that can appreciate a reformed woman because they themselves may have gone through some stuff and came out of it as better people. With that said, make sure as you move forward you don't fall into the trap of defining anyone else by their past. Everyone deserves a second (third, fourth, whatever) chance. We're all changing - every day we're different than we were the day before. Surround yourself with people that live with both feet in the present, looking toward the future; people who show each other grace, as you need to do for yourself.

countrylemon · 2024-05-14T20:40:19+00:00

You’re literally fine 6 isn’t a big deal. Stop watching that type of content, surely it’s made by the men’s redpill community or the sprinkle sprinkle types and it’s NOT content made for you.

You behave like a respectable woman now, you get your partners now, you’ve got standards and goals now. Everyone has a past and majority of millennials and gen z will not have low low body counts because our generations were raised in hookup culture.

You were a wild girl, I was a wild girl. I found the love of my life and he’s only ever been with one woman besides me (literally his teenage virginity loss). Me having been with multiple men before him meant nothing. I also have never said a word about my interactions with those men because he doesn’t need to know. He knows their names, my age when it happened and that’s it.

You’re viewing things through far too curated of an online bubble, go outside, touch some grass and just keep working on being a better woman.

One day you’ll be with your husband for so long that all the memories you made with those 6 guys will start getting replace in your brain with him. You’ll know it happened but it won’t feel like that’s who you are anymore, just who you were.

Give yourself some grace Girl. It’s not that deep.

CountTheBees · 2024-05-15T01:41:45+00:00

You should be really careful of letting someone else's judgement impact your own self worth, especially if they are based in falsehood or not representative of the men you want to be with.

What I think men don't realise is that for many women, sleeping around isn't really an act of fun or pleasure. The mindset we have to be in to do it is closer to that of self harming than it is of emancipation or joy (which is what women's magazines, feminism, and soap operas preach it is). Men can't really understood this because OF COURSE sleeping with many members of the opposite sex is a teenage boy's [middle aged man's?] wet dream.

So when they condemn women for doing it, they don't really get that 1) it's not that fun in our head getting into the act, and even if it is, 2) it's definitely not fun in our head after the fact, especially when we've released all that oxytocin and are alone with no one to cuddle 3) it's not that fun long term either and not really something we care to revisit in our daydreams years after.

The only time I have been careless with my body was when I felt worthless and had a "what does it matter anyway, I'm worthless" attitude. Life very quickly taught me that was not true and yes there are lower depths to sink to and worser bad feelings that are best avoided.

There are men that kind of intuitively or pragmatically understand this and they are the ones who are good candidates for LTRs with you. But the ones who don't get this will always be a little envious/jealous of you for getting what they couldn't have or, men who will judge you for enjoying yourself in what they deem an immoral manner. And the premise of that, it being an enjoyable thing, is not true imo (for the majority of women).

[Credit to Deliaallmylife for a lot of this]

SlightlyCrazyVegan · 2024-05-15T04:25:50+00:00

Body Count is for Serial killers and Players. Stop keeping count and concentrate on developing real relationships with people.
You don't think of those interactions as conquering so you shouldn't be keeping count. You have a past like everyone else and men you date should be focused on your attitude towards sex, not your past, mistakes or not.

I find making men wait until commitment really helps. You let them know that you want to build your relationships on good foundations not physical ones. This will make for better long term outcomes and you wont sleep with men until you find a man you trust and love and who has proven he loves you back.

Check out my substack for more information: https://emilywalsh688.substack.com/

Shaiziin · 2024-05-14T17:09:40+00:00

I'm a minority who will get thumbs down for saying this, but only you know your body count. No reason why you can't say you've had only three people and are currently celibate. What's the difference physically in having sex with ten different men, and having sex with the same man ten times 🤷‍♀️

AutoModerator · 2024-05-14T08:59:51+00:00

Title: Body count anxiety

Author Sensual_Resolve_461

Full text: I went though a year of promiscuity after a breakup that destroyed me at the age of 23, leading to full self sabotage mode. I had 6 one night stands in that year, I was drunk every single time and admittedly regret my actions and have learnt from them. I know that I was seeking validation because of the pain of the breakup, but I devalued and shamed myself all because of a broken heart.

Ended up getting back with the ex which was another huge mistake. It was a toxic relationship but we lived together until end of 2020. (kind of relieved we did get back together because the trajectory of the path I was on wasn't looking good. Needed the lesson I learnt from being with him)

Then next time I was sexually involved with some one was in 2022 and he has been the only one since and I slept with him because I really wanted to and we were developing a relationship that never got off the ground and I'm still grieving it. But I definitely learnt from my past that sleeping around won't make me feel better.

But I am so resentful towards myself for taking those actions when I was younger. I see so much content that shames women for their body count. It has made me feel worthless and like I have no value. My body count is now 10 and I was hoping that the most recent would be my last as I really fell for that man but now I clearly need to move on as he doesn't want the same kind of relationship as I do.

Please could someone offer any advice. Any women in my position that have felt similarly to me and how you find peace within?

I still cringe internally and feel discomfort with my past and I feel like I need to make peace with it but I'm struggling.

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tomowudi · 2024-05-15T17:07:19+00:00

Married man here - at the end of the day, the only thing that should matter is what you do in the future, not what you did in the past.

Sex is great. If you regret your choices with sex, that's great too, because you learned how to be a better version of yourself. Just don't make those same choices.

What you have written here is a list of things that you are ashamed of, but what I see is a list of lessons you have learned about you want to be from now on and moving forward.

Beyond that, understand that sex can be an important aspect of certain relationships, and sexual compatibility may be important enough to you that your body count might even increase as part of the process of learning if someone is the right partner for you. However, sex isn't the ONLY thing, so just figure out the things you need to learn in order to figure out if the relationship is right FOR YOU, and if that includes sex, just figure out what is more important than sex so you can learn about those things before you get to sexual compatibility.

Vivid-Show-6112 · 2024-05-15T22:20:09+00:00

Girl its fine lol. You were young and everyone makes mistakes when theyre young. You dont have to disclose your body count to anyone even if they ask. I went through these same emotions and its not worth it to beat yourself up over even though ik you want to. You have different values now and thats okay. Our society glamorizes having a "slut phase" which causes a lot of young girls to do this and then regret it. Its okay

vicjitsu · 2024-05-15T06:41:46+00:00

10 is like gently used theses days, you’re fine lol. There are some girls you it age who are doing 10 in one week.

Title	Body count anxiety
Author	Sensual_Resolve_461
Upvotes	12
Comments	37
Date	May 14, 2024 8:59 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1crnk36/body_count_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/body-count-anxiety.1518469 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518469

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