I have been separated from my wife for about 10 months. Before that we were living together, but it was more like an in-home separation, for a few years. We were staying together/apart because of our young child, who is now 8, and because I fought tooth and nail to stay in the relationship and pushed back on several attempts by my wife to force me out of the house. I didn't leave until almost a year ago when the situation became unbearable because I discovered my wife had been sneaking around having sex with a bunch of randos she met on apps. Other background: my wife had cheated on me for a year, starting in fall of 2019. When I discovered her in fall of 2020, she told me she wanted an open marriage. I was desperate to save the marriage and reluctantly agreed, but it was too much for me, too painful. I made her agree to stop seeing anybody while we tried therapy for 3-6 months. For a couple years, we settled into a cordial, friend-type relationship, co-parenting and me managing my emotions as best I could. We had stopped having sex, she was increasingly avoidant of intimacy with me. The pain and heartbreak was enormous for me, I suffered every day, but still I did not want to break away. I did not want to lose my family unit, what I had worked so hard to build. My family and marriage were my identity, my purpose. My love. So now I am separated. I have some money for a place of my own but have feared living alone and have been staying with my mom. I have not been dating because my self esteem is so low and I'm still stuck pining for my (ex)wife. But since we have separated we once again settled into a nice familial relationship. It was never enough for me, but at least I was getting my son on weekends, and seeing them both one night a week for dinner and movies. I was unsatisfied, but I had something to hold onto. Now comes the latest blow. I found out from her a few weeks ago that she is dating someone. A relationship. I had suffered previously knowing that she was sleeping around, but she was just hooking up. This sounds different, and it's been going on for a few months. I was heart broken all over again. Naively, I thought maybe there was still. a chance to get back together. That dream is finally snuffed out. I've been dying in pain, angry and resentful, crying, numbing out. The latest news that has me livid, angry and deeply hurt, is that she took our son for a trip to another state for five days to see her family. I wasn't invited. But I found out last night, from talking on the phone with my son, that the boyfriend is along for the trip. She never told me, never asked me about it. I am pissed off, I am hurting. I can see that this kind of thing is going to become the norm, but I don't know if I can live with it. It's too painful, to feel not only rejected, but replaced. Not to mention, I support her financially 100%. I feel used and cast aside. Plus, our son now has a new male "role model" that I have no influence over. I fucking hate this situation so much. I know I have to divorce her, put distance between us, focus on myself and my son. But I am dying inside. It feels like life is over. One side note: I have been using reddit as a sex club. I post lots of nude pictures of myself, bask in the attention and exchange chats and nude pics with strangers. I've been doing this for hours every night for the last couple of months. No in person meetups, just online stuff. It temporarily feels good, but I am still lonely and feel no better in the end. I probably need to quit and delete this account.