True friends .

No_Range2918 · 2024-07-04T19:17:43+00:00

Turns out I’m avoidantly attached, so I already believed no one would be there for me and have pushed away most of the people who’ve been “friends”, except for a very few. But those people are with me. Two buddies I deployed with, a college roommate, a high school friend, and my immediate family.

My method is this: 1-friends get 95% fun, 5% how I feel 2-family gets 80% fun, 15% how I feel, and 5% moderate stuff 3-I talk through the rest myself, except just last night I shared some on here so I could get back to sleep

SuperConfused40 · 2024-07-02T21:42:28+00:00

It was disheartening how many "friends" said to let them know what I needed and then disappeared into the abyss. Like I knew how to handle that shitstorm.

On the flip side, I have much stronger friendships with others now.

REMINDER: Dont forget to reach out to your friends, too. It's not a one-way street (when you're in a better place)

Psychological_Art823 · 2024-07-02T03:01:02+00:00

One of the powerful outcomes of my situation (losing mostly everything material and hitting rock bottom) is the true nature of everything has revealed itself.

People have surprised me in both negative and positive ways. I dont place judgement on those who have dissapointed. It wont change the way I feel about them. You never know what they have been dealing with, their capacity to understand/deal with crisis and how your trauma impacts upon them.

I do have a special place in my heart for those that have gone above and beyond. A few friends committed themselves to walking the whole journey with me. It took me months to understand the meaning and power of that decision.

At times the negative emotion has overpowered logic and taken over me. I pushed them away. Somehow they were still able to see through of all it and stay the course. Im not through it yet but its truly incredible how loyal and loving some people can be.

I pray for those going through this without support.

Reflog1791 · 2024-07-01T22:35:54+00:00

Nobody wants to be friends with an emotional tampon. That’s the perspective I gained 5 years out. Give yourself some grace and give your friends some grace.

What worked for me is talking to a therapist (PhD psychology). I was surprised that he took a holistic view of my health first and foremost. I was equally surprised that was what I needed.

This subject is way too morbid to discuss as nauseum with guys that are happily or sadly married.

I have also found newly divorced men to ignore any good advice I can offer. Don’t be that guy who says “but you don’t understand!” when someone is trying to help you. If my friend is going through a tough time and I advise him to do 50 push-ups and run a mile everyday, get a haircut, and update wardrobe, then see him 3 weeks later looking like a sad sack slob, it’s just gonna test my patience and I’m not gonna answer is next drunk dial.

Good time to make new friends by picking up golf. They won’t care about your divorce but they will be happy to shoot the shit with you for four hours.

probebeta · 2024-07-01T20:05:58+00:00

Some people I didn't expect showed up in my life while others I knew better gradually disappeared. I dont blame them, divorce can be a bit contagious and people fear it. Maybe theyre in rocky relationships too, you never know. Now, you're also a predator, couples might feel uncomfortable about it. That's my take anyway... I think best support system is family but getting out there and finding your people is probably worth it too.

probebeta · 2024-07-01T20:05:48+00:00

Some people I didn't expect showed up in my life while others I knew better gradually disappeared. I dont blame them, divorce can be a bit contagious and people fear it. Maybe theyre in rocky relationships too, you never know. Now, you're also a predator, couples might feel uncomfortable about it. That's my take anyway... I think best support system is family but getting out there and finding your people is probably worth it too.

probebeta · 2024-07-01T20:05:48+00:00

Some people I didn't expect showed up in my life while others I knew better gradually disappeared. I dont blame them, divorce can be a bit contagious and people fear it. Maybe theyre in rocky relationships too, you never know. Now, you're also a predator, couples might feel uncomfortable about it. That's my take anyway... I think best support system is family but getting out there and finding your people is probably worth it too.

edr5619 · 2024-07-01T18:03:45+00:00

In the wake of my wife's affair, I reached out to my best friend - best man at my wedding, too - who I had somewhat drifted away from since he left the area. Turns out he was also cheating on his wife, and once he learned of my wife's activities, started texting her and trying to get her to sext him and send him nudes, etc. and saying that when he is back in the area they should hook up.

That was great.

Luckily, despite her attempts to disrupt my relationship with my family, they have stood firmly in my camp.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-07-01T17:43:37+00:00

I caution anyone who's thinking of cutting their family off bc in moments like these, we often find our friends were more friends of convenience. It's good to have family to fall back on.

I was isolated from my family and friends by my ex wife. When she left and I finally got up the nerve to call my family, they were so happy to hear from me and immediately started working to provide me some support to get thru the separation.

Gattsama · 2024-07-01T11:56:36+00:00

Until the separation / divorce, I had forgotten about how many family members I have that just simply love me. I spent hours talking to 3 of my cousins. And got check-ins from several others. My best friend I already called my brother, but he helped out. We took two trips to Asia during the separation. One just us, the other was us for 1wk then his family joined him and I broke off to continue exploring.

I've always only had between 0-3 friends in my life because most people are too flaky or silly to deal with. My brother from another mother, also helped me move twice 💪

SomeoneInQld · 2024-07-01T11:25:05+00:00

I have a large strong network of support, which had made it easier.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-07-01T11:04:48+00:00

Divorce is definitely a litmus test for relationships. Count yourself among the luck to have such a good sized support network.

Title	True friends .
Author	No-Profit-1027
Upvotes	32
Comments	18
Date	July 1, 2024 6:17 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dslzon/true_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/true-friends.1522935 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522935

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